Funny sex stories!

**Left Hook** · 11-25-2009, 10:42 PM

hooker one has me wondering plus i wanna see what ridiculous stories some of you can make up....

here's mine....we were in college and a buddy of mine was trying to nail this deaf chick......so he writes "wanna ****" on the inside of a budlight case and shows it to her.......she says yes and they walk into the room. Funny thing is, she also has one arm only none of us know it. She was leaning up against the wall w/ her arms crossed. Well, the lights are all off and she can't hear us anyway so we creep in and we're listening to him nail her....she's saying stuff like "muh...muh...blu...blu" in some weird sort of deaf moan......which is cool, imo....anyway, he's talking to us while it's going on and says something keeps hitting him in the arm which of course, he finds out is her half arm.......he doesn't stop even though he kinda paused for a sec and keeps going.....all the while we're still in the room. So preems gets this idea that he should grab that thing while he's going at it and pretend it's a stick shift and make the vroom noises......so he starts, we flip on the lights and i was so drunk and laughing so hard, i threw up.......she kicks him off and balls.....

however, the mental picture i still have of her legs up in the air w/ him gear shifting w/ her half arm still to this day makes me alugh and is the funniest thing to date.

**jbm** · 11-25-2009, 10:44 PM

**Left Hook** · 11-25-2009, 10:46 PM

Hey gook....I have an idea ..Post another ugly gook baby pic or another left hook pic..You decide edited

**jbm** · 11-25-2009, 10:49 PM

**MaNiCC** · 11-26-2009, 02:51 AM

Already have one of these threads somewhere

**ghettoboyd** · 11-26-2009, 06:40 AM

Originally Posted by Left Hook

Hey gook....I have an idea ..Post another ugly gook baby pic or another left hook pic..You decide bitch!

chill out bro with the racial crap...jbm is a respected member here and posting pics is his thing so laugh and move on man.....

**Kibble** · 11-26-2009, 07:45 AM

Ok Ok Ok.....

Check this one out. So I am in Kansas. I am 20 years old. A buddy of mine and I just bumped about 4 lines of columbian. Grabbed a few beers, and went to a friends house. At the end of the night it was my buddy and me, and two girls. Both married, but we didn't know at the time. It was a damn party. Well somehow I am butt ass naked in the front yard under an oak tree. So I come inside, and this girl is dragging me to the bedroom. She is licking me all over, and my buddy has his girl next to me in the same bed. Anyway, I bend this girls legs ovr her head and go to town. After about 30 minutes, I notice something strange. It feels like I am kinda havin sex with sandpaper. So I keep going, because it was odd. So, I wake up in the morning, and there is shit all over the bed. I freaked out because this girl looked like Courtney Love, and she smelt like cheetos. I got the fvck out of there. Grabbed a bottle of Chivas Regal and drank the regret away. My cock smelt like shit for 3 straight days.

I thought it was all better. Three weeks later I am in the clinic dripping and shit. She finds me, and wants to get married.

My damn penis was red and rubbed raw for about 5 days. Had to get silk boxers.

Moral of the story....
"Cocaine is a hell of a drug"
"Wear a fvcking condom"
"No sex is better than buttseckhs"

**energizer bunny** · 11-26-2009, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by Left Hook

Hey gook....I have an idea ..Post another ugly gook baby pic or another left hook pic..You decide bitch!

No need for that shit!.......you come across as a right ass hole..

**Kibble** · 11-26-2009, 07:55 AM

Lol... just got the whole "Left Hook" pictures. Fvcking classic lol

**Dont wanna be old** · 11-26-2009, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by Left Hook

Hey gook....I have an idea ..Post another ugly gook baby pic or another left hook pic..You decide bitch!

Outstanding !!

Not only able to show racist comments , but ability to insult a innocent baby .

You did your klan leader proud !

**Kibble** · 11-26-2009, 08:06 AM

BTW, that is a cute baby anyway

**sigman roid** · 11-26-2009, 08:58 AM

Originally Posted by Left Hook

Hey gook....I have an idea ..Post another ugly gook baby pic or another left hook pic..You decide edited

Fukking dickhead

**-Ender-** · 11-26-2009, 09:02 AM

^^x2

**Polska** · 11-26-2009, 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by Left Hook

Hey gook....I have an idea ..Post another ugly gook baby pic or another left hook pic..You decide

Dude what the fack? Seriously?

**MaNiCC** · 11-26-2009, 09:15 AM

Racists arnt welcome here, take your shit and fvk off!

**JC.1987** · 11-26-2009, 09:37 AM

Numero Uno... if the left hook pictures piss u off, then u should have just asked him nicely not to do it

Numero Two... the left hook pictures make me laugh inside

**Left Hook** · 11-26-2009, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by jbm

**-Ender-** · 11-26-2009, 09:56 AM

**Left Hook** · 11-26-2009, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by -Ender-

**Left Hook** · 11-26-2009, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by jbm

**fig** · 11-26-2009, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by BigKuntry1984

Lol... just got the whole "Left Hook" pictures. Fvcking classic lol

Yea me too. Hysterical!!

**lovbyts** · 11-26-2009, 11:52 PM

Bye Bye south paw...Good ridden.

**Nooomoto** · 11-27-2009, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by Left Hook

hooker one has me wondering plus i wanna see what ridiculous stories some of you can make up....

here's mine....we were in college and a buddy of mine was trying to nail this deaf chick......so he writes "wanna ****" on the inside of a budlight case and shows it to her.......she says yes and they walk into the room. Funny thing is, she also has one arm only none of us know it. She was leaning up against the wall w/ her arms crossed. Well, the lights are all off and she can't hear us anyway so we creep in and we're listening to him nail her....she's saying stuff like "muh...muh...blu...blu" in some weird sort of deaf moan......which is cool, imo....anyway, he's talking to us while it's going on and says something keeps hitting him in the arm which of course, he finds out is her half arm.......he doesn't stop even though he kinda paused for a sec and keeps going.....all the while we're still in the room. So preems gets this idea that he should grab that thing while he's going at it and pretend it's a stick shift and make the vroom noises......so he starts, we flip on the lights and i was so drunk and laughing so hard, i threw up.......she kicks him off and balls.....

however, the mental picture i still have of her legs up in the air w/ him gear shifting w/ her half arm still to this day makes me alugh and is the funniest thing to date.

Wow...picking on the deaf and handicapped. You guys are so cool! I hope that story isn't true, and if it is, you and your buddies are scumbags.

**TOP** · 11-27-2009, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by energizer bunny

No need for that shit!.......you come across as a right ass hole..

I knew it!! Thsi guy has been tryin to pick a fight with me in the diet section several times and i was curious if it was..............

Junglecat again!! Glad hes banned now!!

**Eddie_m63** · 11-27-2009, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by Nooomoto

Wow...picking on the deaf and handicapped. You guys are so cool! I hope that story isn't true, and if it is, you and your buddies are scumbags.

Come on, they all have needs as well, handicap, fat, ugly, its all pink on the inside.

**Nooomoto** · 11-27-2009, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by Eddie_m63

Come on, they all have needs as well, handicap, fat, ugly, its all pink on the inside.

There's a huge difference between fat chicks and handicapped chicks. Making fun of a girl's prosthetic arm? Not cool.

**energizer bunny** · 11-27-2009, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by Eddie_m63

Come on, they all have needs as well, handicap, fat, ugly, its all pink on the inside.

maybe so......but pulling them so you can take the p i ss is LOW!

**JC.1987** · 11-28-2009, 02:42 PM

One time i was having sex with some girl.. and i was drunk and lost my boner and the condom came off. inside her.

**benny_jerry** · 11-28-2009, 03:53 PM

Originally Posted by JC.1987

One time i was having sex with some girl.. and i was drunk and lost my boner and the condom came off. inside her.

lmao made me spit my drink all over haha. classic shit man

**lovbyts** · 11-29-2009, 07:11 AM

One time I was having sex with a GF and yes we had both been drinking a bit, she had been on the rag but was pretty much done but still had a tampon in just in case. she forgot, I didnt check and ended pushing the little guy WAY up in there. LOL Yeah she felt it right away like OMG TO deep.... LOL She had a fun time getting it back out.