Another girlfriend thread lol!

[bjpennnn]

I always thought that everyone who wrote about their girls on here was retarded but I guess I am one of them now lol.

Well I have been dating this girl off and on since Jan 04. We have been through a lot together and I started seeing her when she was 17 i was 18, and I am now 24 and she is 23 and so to say the least we have been through a lot.

We just became serious about a year ago again, and we broke up once this summer (becuase of my mast+prop cycle i believe, became a huge dick) got back together and everything is pretty cool. Its just she literally is not going any were with her life. She takes one class a semester does not work, and is about to get kicked out of school. She got a brand new BMW when she turned 21 blaw blaw blaw basically is spoiled as hell. She it treated like a little princess by her parents even though she does not do the rite thing ever. Shes hot as hell, we have great chemistry, amazing sex, i can spend 24/7 with her and i honestly dont get sick of her. She makes me laugh all the time. Sometime i feel like she would do just about anything for me.

But the truth is I feel like she is holding me back from growing and maturing as a person. I have definitely had my ups and downs. I have spent over a year combined in county jail, and 9 months in rehab. Through most of this she was by my side, but you can see how it could be hard.

Its just I finally have grown up, I have been drug free since september 9, 2008 and i rarely drink. I have learned my lessons (the hard way) and feel like I am on a great path. I do not hang out with one person from my past (except her), I have a great relationship with my family now that i did not even think was possible for it to be so good, I got so much going for me. But what the **** do i do about this girl. I feel like she is hanging on to my greatness or something, her chaos in her life that she creates becomes my chaos and its ****en annoying. She is still into the whole get wasted with her friends thing pretty much whenever she is not with me, and i am just so far past that. Not that I feel better then her but come on, I care about my body, and drinking is one of the last things on my mind these days. Ya sometimes i get in the mood but its very rarely.

What would you guys do in this situation? I feel like its time to just let it go, but its hard when she just comes over makes me dinner cleans my pad and blows me. Its like come on. I just feel like i deserve someone now that has things going for them and is responsible and has follow through.

I mean what type of girl would stay with/ and or be attracted to the type of guy i was. Is there something wrong with her ha. Not that I think bad of people that have been adopted but she was and i think she has major abandonment issues or something (Even though she has a great family).

I am obviously really torn because this is ****en long ha but thanks if you read it all the way through any advice is much appreciated.

[MaNiCC]

Try asking her to change or "alter" a little, yeah she may not be doing anything with her life but thats her deal, at the end of the day from what you wrote about her it sounds like you love her, do you just walk away from people you love? have you tried talking to her?

[MaNiCC]

Bo could help you alot if he posts in here, that guys like jerry springer lol

BO

(Strictly no homo)

[bjpennnn]

Ya I have tried talking to her, she says she will change and its like 2 steps forward 1 step backwards type of thing. She will be doing good then do something ****en stupid. i dont walk away from people I love but there comes a time. I think you can love someone who is bad for you. She is planning on running a marathon in march, but she always has these dumb excuses of why she is not training.

[MaNiCC]

then motivate the bitch

Yeah i guess you can love people who are bad for you, but you've spent all your ADULT years with this girl, can you just have her disappear from your life? i mean when i split with my ex who i loved like nobody else a year ago there was a massive hole in my life, and tbh its still there

dont give up on her that easy bro

[Dont wanna be old]

Sorry Friend .
I wouldn't listen to or ask anyone .
Listen to your heart and decide .
I'm not sure how your self esteem is if you don't know why a female would be attracted to you . The fact you wonder may show your better than you think and was caught in some bad situations . Good people can make a bad choice and still be a good person .

Anyways
Good luck !

[Diamond*K]

is that pic of you??? coz i dnt drink or do drugs.. im pretty calm lmao.......jk

[FranciscoG]

So basically you are staying away from drugs and alcohol and she parties.

You are trying to do something with your life and she is not.

You feel like you owe her cause she stuck around.

Do you want to be with her in 5,10,20 years?

[NVR2BIG1]

If you want to know what your getting for a wife, look at her mother

[Aizen Sosuke]

If you want to know what your getting for a wife, look at her mother

Dude she's adopted.
Anyways bjpenn this is the best advice I could give you. Have this same talk with her. If she understands and works on her stuff go for it if not then move on. Most of us here are the most in shape guy on whatever crowd we hang out. I think I speak for everyone when I say so and just like us you could always do better.

[NVR2BIG1]

On another note, I went through a few ****ed up phases where my wife had every reason to leave me, but she stuck it out. Try and help her as a teammate maybe?

[SunHangDo]

Sounds to me like you have a pretty good thing going. Uh, what exactly is the problem?

[J-Dogg]

You are fighting a loosing battle.

You can't ask a 23 year old girl to not live her life for someone else.

If you ask a girl to change her life, she'll resent you, you'll look like the controlling insecure guy.

Any member that's been there will tell you. You can't make a drug addict quit with a talk. You can't expect a 23 year old girl who has the desire to party, to quit, because you are past that phase. It will be a loosing battle every time she wants to go out with her friends.

You can only control what you do. You can let her grow and learn, trust her to be loyal and hope it does not make you two grow apart.....or you can leave.

[FranciscoG]

^^ Yeap pretty much

[bjpennnn]

Sorry Friend .
I wouldn't listen to or ask anyone .
Listen to your heart and decide .
I'm not sure how your self esteem is if you don't know why a female would be attracted to you . The fact you wonder may show your better than you think and was caught in some bad situations . Good people can make a bad choice and still be a good person .

Anyways
Good luck !

i got plenty of self esteem, its just i was a terrible guy and treated her like garbage. Any girl with self respect i feel like would of peaced out. I dunno she obviously cares.

is that pic of you??? coz i dnt drink or do drugs.. im pretty calm lmao.......jk

yes it is

So basically you are staying away from drugs and alcohol and she parties.

You are trying to do something with your life and she is not.

You feel like you owe her cause she stuck around.

Do you want to be with her in 5,10,20 years?

That is why i am having all these thoughts I am trying to figure out if she would make a good wife. I think she could and I think she still has a lot of growing up to do.

On another note, I went through a few ****ed up phases where my wife had every reason to leave me, but she stuck it out. Try and help her as a teammate maybe?

she is already your wife though lol. but ya i feel what your saying.

[bjpennnn]

You are fighting a loosing battle.

You can't ask a 23 year old girl to not live her life for someone else.

If you ask a girl to change her life, she'll resent you, you'll look like the controlling insecure guy.

Any member that's been there will tell you. You can't make a drug addict quit with a talk. You can't expect a 23 year old girl who has the desire to party, to quit, because you are past that phase. It will be a loosing battle every time she wants to go out with her friends.

You can only control what you do. You can let her grow and learn, trust her to be loyal and hope it does not make you two grow apart.....or you can leave.

I pretty much have trusted in her. i am not saying that i am worried about her sleeeping around. i just think she needs to get her priorities in check. And as a once addict i know from experience that a person has to want to change, and it still takes time even when they decide to. Thanks for listening to my vent though everyone. All of your input helps. Sometimes it just makes it easier to process by writing it out and getting input.

[ranging1]

I always thought that everyone who wrote about their girls on here was retarded but I guess I am one of them now lol.

Well I have been dating this girl off and on since Jan 04. We have been through a lot together and I started seeing her when she was 17 i was 18, and I am now 24 and she is 23 and so to say the least we have been through a lot.

We just became serious about a year ago again, and we broke up once this summer (becuase of my mast+prop cycle i believe, became a huge dick) got back together and everything is pretty cool. Its just she literally is not going any were with her life. She takes one class a semester does not work, and is about to get kicked out of school. She got a brand new BMW when she turned 21 blaw blaw blaw basically is spoiled as hell. She it treated like a little princess by her parents even though she does not do the rite thing ever. Shes hot as hell, we have great chemistry, amazing sex, i can spend 24/7 with her and i honestly dont get sick of her. She makes me laugh all the time. Sometime i feel like she would do just about anything for me.

But the truth is I feel like she is holding me back from growing and maturing as a person. I have definitely had my ups and downs. I have spent over a year combined in county jail, and 9 months in rehab. Through most of this she was by my side, but you can see how it could be hard.

Its just I finally have grown up, I have been drug free since september 9, 2008 and i rarely drink. I have learned my lessons (the hard way) and feel like I am on a great path. I do not hang out with one person from my past (except her), I have a great relationship with my family now that i did not even think was possible for it to be so good, I got so much going for me. But what the **** do i do about this girl. I feel like she is hanging on to my greatness or something, her chaos in her life that she creates becomes my chaos and its ****en annoying. She is still into the whole get wasted with her friends thing pretty much whenever she is not with me, and i am just so far past that. Not that I feel better then her but come on, I care about my body, and drinking is one of the last things on my mind these days. Ya sometimes i get in the mood but its very rarely.

What would you guys do in this situation? I feel like its time to just let it go, but its hard when she just comes over makes me dinner cleans my pad and blows me. Its like come on. I just feel like i deserve someone now that has things going for them and is responsible and has follow through.

I mean what type of girl would stay with/ and or be attracted to the type of guy i was. Is there something wrong with her ha. Not that I think bad of people that have been adopted but she was and i think she has major abandonment issues or something (Even though she has a great family).

I am obviously really torn because this is ****en long ha but thanks if you read it all the way through any advice is much appreciated.

ur so lucky i read that whole post, but thought why not since im also part fo the GAY 'thread about my gf club'

agree man when your on cycle you do become abit of a dick to ur gf, had the same experience, all i wanted was sex, after having sex for 5-6 hours (gotta love being on test) u just dont really care much for them, and everytime you talk to them all thats on your mind is sex and gym lol

also agree with the whole girl gettin wasted with her friends every weekend, i hate it when my gf does it (though rare now), its just UNATTRACTIVE and off putting, specially then fact their women and they drink more then you

however i do think you being a little up yourself, i understand that ur gf is still abit imature, but at same time yous have been through alot together

and as you said when you were being immature and irrisponsible and put her through alot she stood by your side, so i cant see why now that when youve realised and changed your ways you cant put up with a girl (who loves you and stood by you) few bad habits

i know you dont really like them, but at same time shes really not doing anything to bring you down, your a strong guy and should be able to put up with a few things

if it bothers you that much talk to her and tell her, even if it ends up in an arguement who cares, least its out in the open and shes aware everytime shes doing something stupid it bothers you

if in the rare case the worst scenario resulted from your arguement and disagrement, and yous decided not to see each other anymore, then atleast you know you did was going to happen anyways

if you dont tell her, then later down the track your going to end up breaking up ion an arguement

or if you break up with her now without reason, then the same result happpend, but you ended up looking like a dick aswell, which isnt fair to a girl youve been through so much with


ALSO i havent read this whole thread so if theirs something ive missed tell me, it was hard enough reading your whole first post lol

[boz]

I always thought that everyone who wrote about their girls on here was retarded but I guess I am one of them now lol.

Well I have been dating this girl off and on since Jan 04. We have been through a lot together and I started seeing her when she was 17 i was 18, and I am now 24 and she is 23 and so to say the least we have been through a lot.

We just became serious about a year ago again, and we broke up once this summer (becuase of my mast+prop cycle i believe, became a huge dick) got back together and everything is pretty cool. Its just she literally is not going any were with her life. She takes one class a semester does not work, and is about to get kicked out of school. She got a brand new BMW when she turned 21 blaw blaw blaw basically is spoiled as hell. She it treated like a little princess by her parents even though she does not do the rite thing ever. Shes hot as hell, we have great chemistry, amazing sex, i can spend 24/7 with her and i honestly dont get sick of her. She makes me laugh all the time. Sometime i feel like she would do just about anything for me.

But the truth is I feel like she is holding me back from growing and maturing as a person. I have definitely had my ups and downs. I have spent over a year combined in county jail, and 9 months in rehab. Through most of this she was by my side, but you can see how it could be hard.

Its just I finally have grown up, I have been drug free since september 9, 2008 and i rarely drink. I have learned my lessons (the hard way) and feel like I am on a great path. I do not hang out with one person from my past (except her), I have a great relationship with my family now that i did not even think was possible for it to be so good, I got so much going for me. But what the **** do i do about this girl. I feel like she is hanging on to my greatness or something, her chaos in her life that she creates becomes my chaos and its ****en annoying. She is still into the whole get wasted with her friends thing pretty much whenever she is not with me, and i am just so far past that. Not that I feel better then her but come on, I care about my body, and drinking is one of the last things on my mind these days. Ya sometimes i get in the mood but its very rarely.

What would you guys do in this situation? I feel like its time to just let it go, but its hard when she just comes over makes me dinner cleans my pad and blows me. Its like come on. I just feel like i deserve someone now that has things going for them and is responsible and has follow through.

I mean what type of girl would stay with/ and or be attracted to the type of guy i was. Is there something wrong with her ha. Not that I think bad of people that have been adopted but she was and i think she has major abandonment issues or something (Even though she has a great family).

I am obviously really torn because this is ****en long ha but thanks if you read it all the way through any advice is much appreciated.

From 1 addict to another its been a year for me and i feel great. Good on ya man.

Also it seems like this is playing on your mind alot, maybe go see a psychiatrist, you may be thinking yeah right no way. Honestly though you would be surprised of what they say.

I'm not saying go see one all the time, but just once see what he/she has to say and use that as a guideline.

If not you may have to sit her down and really tell her how u feel she might get angry and storm out but than you know, if she understands though you have hit the jackpot

[jbm]

Where is abominator?

[ranging1]

Where is abominator?

lmfao yes where is the prophet? only he knows the anser to this

[MaNiCC]

From 1 addict to another its been a year for me and i feel great. Good on ya man.

Also it seems like this is playing on your mind alot, maybe go see a psychiatrist, you may be thinking yeah right no way. Honestly though you would be surprised of what they say.

I'm not saying go see one all the time, but just once see what he/she has to say and use that as a guideline.

If not you may have to sit her down and really tell her how u feel she might get angry and storm out but than you know, if she understands though you have hit the jackpot

if the dude aint mentally ill he would see a psychologist not a psychiatrist

[boz]

if the dude aint mentally ill he would see a psychologist not a psychiatrist

meh same shit different spelling.

[Hoggage_54]

[Mooseman33]

I always thought that everyone who wrote about their girls on here was retarded but I guess I am one of them now lol.

Well I have been dating this girl off and on since Jan 04. We have been through a lot together and I started seeing her when she was 17 i was 18, and I am now 24 and she is 23 and so to say the least we have been through a lot.

We just became serious about a year ago again, and we broke up once this summer (becuase of my mast+prop cycle i believe, became a huge dick) got back together and everything is pretty cool. Its just she literally is not going any were with her life. She takes one class a semester does not work, and is about to get kicked out of school. She got a brand new BMW when she turned 21 blaw blaw blaw basically is spoiled as hell. She it treated like a little princess by her parents even though she does not do the rite thing ever. Shes hot as hell, we have great chemistry, amazing sex, i can spend 24/7 with her and i honestly dont get sick of her. She makes me laugh all the time. Sometime i feel like she would do just about anything for me.
But the truth is I feel like she is holding me back from growing and maturing as a person. I have definitely had my ups and downs. I have spent over a year combined in county jail, and 9 months in rehab. Through most of this she was by my side, but you can see how it could be hard.

Its just I finally have grown up, I have been drug free since september 9, 2008 and i rarely drink. I have learned my lessons (the hard way) and feel like I am on a great path. I do not hang out with one person from my past (except her), I have a great relationship with my family now that i did not even think was possible for it to be so good, I got so much going for me. But what the **** do i do about this girl. I feel like she is hanging on to my greatness or something, her chaos in her life that she creates becomes my chaos and its ****en annoying. She is still into the whole get wasted with her friends thing pretty much whenever she is not with me, and i am just so far past that. Not that I feel better then her but come on, I care about my body, and drinking is one of the last things on my mind these days. Ya sometimes i get in the mood but its very rarely.

What would you guys do in this situation? I feel like its time to just let it go, but its hard when she just comes over makes me dinner cleans my pad and blows me. Its like come on. I just feel like i deserve someone now that has things going for them and is responsible and has follow through.

I mean what type of girl would stay with/ and or be attracted to the type of guy i was. Is there something wrong with her ha. Not that I think bad of people that have been adopted but she was and i think she has major abandonment issues or something (Even though she has a great family).

I am obviously really torn because this is ****en long ha but thanks if you read it all the way through any advice is much appreciated.

man dont throw a great girl away. she sounds like a keeper man.
just because she is spoiled does not make her bad. her actions by sticking with you speak louder then the words u typed.

dont make a mistake u will regret forever man...really think this one thru...

[Mooseman33]

ur so lucky i read that whole post, but thought why not since im also part fo the GAY 'thread about my gf club'

agree man when your on cycle you do become abit of a dick to ur gf, had the same experience, all i wanted was sex, after having sex for 5-6 hours (gotta love being on test) u just dont really care much for them, and everytime you talk to them all thats on your mind is sex and gym lol

also agree with the whole girl gettin wasted with her friends every weekend, i hate it when my gf does it (though rare now), its just UNATTRACTIVE and off putting, specially then fact their women and they drink more then you

however i do think you being a little up yourself, i understand that ur gf is still abit imature, but at same time yous have been through alot together

and as you said when you were being immature and irrisponsible and put her through alot she stood by your side, so i cant see why now that when youve realised and changed your ways you cant put up with a girl (who loves you and stood by you) few bad habits

i know you dont really like them, but at same time shes really not doing anything to bring you down, your a strong guy and should be able to put up with a few things

if it bothers you that much talk to her and tell her, even if it ends up in an arguement who cares, least its out in the open and shes aware everytime shes doing something stupid it bothers you

if in the rare case the worst scenario resulted from your arguement and disagrement, and yous decided not to see each other anymore, then atleast you know you did was going to happen anyways

if you dont tell her, then later down the track your going to end up breaking up ion an arguement

or if you break up with her now without reason, then the same result happpend, but you ended up looking like a dick aswell, which isnt fair to a girl youve been through so much with


ALSO i havent read this whole thread so if theirs something ive missed tell me, it was hard enough reading your whole first post lol

i dont understand how some of u guys think this is acceptable..
if u cant handle the chems u should not cycle.

knowing ur being a dick to the one u love is wrong on so many levels.

this is a reason people think steroids are so bad, cause most of the younger generation cant handle them. people need to grow up.

[wharton]

Try asking her to change or "alter" a little, yeah she may not be doing anything with her life but thats her deal, at the end of the day from what you wrote about her it sounds like you love her, do you just walk away from people you love? have you tried talking to her?

LoL you dont try and change people they are who they are, if she wants to party let her, The only reason the OP got a prob is cause he doesnt do it, Deal with it or move on. If you want someone to train with and who is like you go find someone its not that hard theres loads out there.

[bjpennnn]

Thanks for everyone who responded.

I have no problems when i take steroids, I am not abusive or anything. I just have a one tract mind. And that is not the only part of my life i am like that with. I am always gym eat sleep, gym eat sleep when i am juicing or not but when i am, i guess i am more focused. I think i just become more assertive, and I did not put her with her little bs. No one else i know would say they could tell when i am juicing based on my personality, anyways...

i am going to talk to her about it over a nice dinner out some were so she knows i care and i just have good intentions. I dont want her to feel like it is an attack on her. Give her some time to think about it, see if she thinks it is reasonable or not if she can handle it.

[*Thiago*]

She is still into the whole get wasted with her friends thing pretty much whenever she is not with me, and i am just so far past that.

This can only equate to either unwanted STRESS or unwanted FRUSTRATION

I feel like its time to just let it go, but its hard when she just comes over makes me dinner cleans my pad and blows me. Its like come on. I just feel like i deserve someone now that has things going for them and is responsible and has follow through.

If you read what you wrote, in your gut it seems you know what the answer is ... although be it I personally know how difficult these things can be as no matter what we always rather put up with what we KNOW or have as opposed to the fear of change ... it is just how it is I guess


Who knows by distancing yourself from her you might *actually* make her think of what you been saying and make her think about what is important

Just my 2cents

[bjpennnn]

This can only equate to either unwanted STRESS or unwanted FRUSTRATION





If you read what you wrote, in your gut it seems you know what the answer is ... although be it I personally know how difficult these things can be as no matter what we always rather put up with what we KNOW or have as opposed to the fear of change ... it is just how it is I guess


Who knows by distancing yourself from her you might *actually* make her think of what you been saying and make her think about what is important

Just my 2cents

you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

[Lift-Eat-Repeat]

I also am an ex addict bro, I was a major painpill junkie, and my girl was there for me no matter my shortcomings and helped me through a rough spot in my life, maybe she is going through a rough spot too cuz trust me not going anywhere in life at one point can cause severe feelings of depression which makes it harder to get back on track. If she helped you through a rock and a hard place maybe its your turn to help her in her's. Then once you have done all you can and she wont help you help her then do whats best for you and move on.

[bjpennnn]

Thanks man had a good convo with here today, got her signed up for a marathon.

[laduem88]

This is my opinion:

1. most 24 year olds go out and drink with there friends. Its dumb i know (i dont drink either, havent been drunk since i was 17) but its not like shes in her 30's doing it

2. you found someone who you love being with and knows all your secrets like rehab and AAS use and is ok with it and accepts you. to me this is huge! its so hard to find a girl that age that accepts AAS. so be greatful

3. even though shes not mature, if her parents have money is she going to be getting any of it lol? maybe just push her to take more classes and do it gradually and soon she will stop being a princess

4. why go through all the dating games and gradually telling a girl things about you like doing AAS when you have a hott girl that you love being with, with some minor flaws some of which are normal for the age you guys are.

5. as far as holding you back, remember your the one that went to rehab so just think maybe thats what her friends or family tell her about you. not saying its true by any means but i hope you understand where im coming from. If she wants to drink with her friends on a night, thats not a reason to end it with a girl you love.

idk im just speaking my mind so i hope it makes sense

[calgarian]

i dont understand how some of u guys think this is acceptable..
if u cant handle the chems u should not cycle.

Knowing ur being a dick to the one u love is wrong on so many levels.

this is a reason people think steroids are so bad, cause most of the younger generation cant handle them. People need to grow up.

x2..........

[boz]

This is my opinion:

1. most 24 year olds go out and drink with there friends. Its dumb i know (i dont drink either, havent been drunk since i was 17) but its not like shes in her 30's doing it

2. you found someone who you love being with and knows all your secrets like rehab and AAS use and is ok with it and accepts you. to me this is huge! its so hard to find a girl that age that accepts AAS. so be greatful

3. even though shes not mature, if her parents have money is she going to be getting any of it lol? maybe just push her to take more classes and do it gradually and soon she will stop being a princess

4. why go through all the dating games and gradually telling a girl things about you like doing AAS when you have a hott girl that you love being with, with some minor flaws some of which are normal for the age you guys are.

5. as far as holding you back, remember your the one that went to rehab so just think maybe thats what her friends or family tell her about you. not saying its true by any means but i hope you understand where im coming from. If she wants to drink with her friends on a night, thats not a reason to end it with a girl you love.

idk im just speaking my mind so i hope it makes sense

Wow what an effort your my idle.

I agree with most of the input too good stuff mate.

[Big Horsepower]

Post up a pic of her, then i we can decide what you should do.

[Bojangles69]

I always thought that everyone who wrote about their girls on here was retarded but I guess I am one of them now lol.

They are, and so are you. =]
Your retarded though not for asking questions, your retarded because you think retarded people ask questions. Stupid people get that way because they don't ask questions, but lets not take this all too seriously lol

Well I have been dating this girl off and on since Jan 04. We have been through a lot together and I started seeing her when she was 17 i was 18, and I am now 24 and she is 23 and so to say the least we have been through a lot.

I understand you’ve been through “a lot” but have you been through anything else with anyONE else? Besides her? We do have to discriminate here against newbies if shes the first girl you’ve ever been serious with. It really serves as a major disadvantage in any healthy relationship, you have no frame of reference. (assuming those criteria are true) So you’re more prone to rosetinting the shit out of this chick, like “shes perfect” and all of that good stuff… which is usually never true.

We just became serious about a year ago again, and we broke up once this summer (becuase of my mast+prop cycle i believe, became a huge dick) got back together and everything is pretty cool. Its just she literally is not going any were with her life. She takes one class a semester does not work, and is about to get kicked out of school. She got a brand new BMW when she turned 21 blaw blaw blaw basically is spoiled as hell. She it treated like a little princess by her parents even though she does not do the rite thing ever. Shes hot as hell, we have great chemistry, amazing sex, i can spend 24/7 with her and i honestly dont get sick of her. She makes me laugh all the time. Sometime i feel like she would do just about anything for me.

Whether or not this is really how she is, you basically just described her like a superficial slacker who looks good and gets through life ONLY BECAUSE she looks good. Again this is not my decision, but my QUESTION is WHY did YOU start dating her in the first place? Or let things reach this point?
Most likely because there is a large degree of insecurity on your own part.

You are not what I would call a “confident” guy. You know why? Because confident men DO NOT date women like that. Out of that whole paragraph look at what you actually said is “good” about her.
Shes “hot as hell”, we have great “chemistry” aka “sex”. And “I don’t get sick of her”. Those are NOT criteria you judge a person by.
Those are criteria that make you DECIDE whether or not you ALLOW someone into your life to begin. Then you make judgements about things afterwards, which actually have meaning.

Like: shes kind, sympatheic, does volunteer work, is a hard worker, remains cool and kind when shes stressed, cooks dinner when I’m too tired, massages me when I’m stressed. You’re accepting the girl based on criteria that ALL girlfriends (not just “girlfriends” but people in general should have) Then using THAT to reinforce why you’re with her.
The ONLY thing any logical man like myself can say, is check yourself foo. Seriously, don’t stay with someone just because its safe or just because shes some hot chick you learned to tolerate. You’re creating vacancies in your life that could have been fulfilled by people much more worthy of your time. And in effect, shes not just wasting your “time”, shes ruining your life.

But the truth is I feel like she is holding me back from growing and maturing as a person. I have definitely had my ups and downs. I have spent over a year combined in county jail, and 9 months in rehab. Through most of this she was by my side, but you can see how it could be hard.

I went through 19 months in state prison, so yeh it’s def one of the hardest things I had to do. But one thing I will tell you about life is NOONE holds *you* back from doing anything.
Only YOU will ever hold yourself back from doing anything, don’t ever forget that.

Its just I finally have grown up, I have been drug free since september 9, 2008 and i rarely drink. I have learned my lessons (the hard way) and feel like I am on a great path. I do not hang out with one person from my past (except her), I have a great relationship with my family now that i did not even think was possible for it to be so good, I got so much going for me.

Congrats on being drug free first. And realize no matter how much your life improves, that NEVER should fall off of being #1 on your list of priorities, NEVER.
I also don’t hang out with any friends from the past. That wasn’t so much my decision though as a lot of my former friends parents thought I was some druglord when everything went down, so I expected it to work out like that to a degree.
And the only one who ever wrote me a letter was my highschool sweetheart (who I cheated on and left on bad terms ironically). Its always the people you least expect to be there for you.

But what the **** do i do about this girl. I feel like she is hanging on to my greatness or something, her chaos in her life that she creates becomes my chaos and its ****en annoying. She is still into the whole get wasted with her friends thing pretty much whenever she is not with me, and i am just so far past that. Not that I feel better then her but come on, I care about my body, and drinking is one of the last things on my mind these days. Ya sometimes i get in the mood but its very rarely.

Her getting wasted on the weekends isn’t what the big deal is. Who she is as a person IS. That’s what you need to focus on the most. You want to know what WE would do? Or I?

You need to make up your mind. And you NEED to believe in yourself.
There is a HUGE catch 22 to all of this.
Because I’m assuming you have security issues about yourself, it can’t be assumed that you’re secure enough right now to leave this girl. Being insecure is what nurtured this relationship to start imo.
I shouldn’t need to even tell you that YES a woman will hang onto a man for security, its not healthy but it happens all the time. You need to decide once and for all what man you want to be.
If that man is truly confident, and truly has his shit together, that man would have left this woman already. Which is why I assume you literally are just reaching that point in your life. You can’t be that man, and be with this girl.
So in the end it comes down to being who you are today, (which is totally ok don’t let me or anyone else tell you its wrong to be a bit insecure about yourself or your relationships) and staying with her OR leaving her and continuing your life journey of self actualization. (psych term that just means we all have an innate goal to accomplish as much as we can before we die, or ACTUALIZE our true potential). Also realize only 5% of people ever truly achieve this goal. Most people work towards self actualization for their entire lives (which relates to Will Smiths comment in the persuit of happiness, if you saw it you’ll know what Im saying), other people demote it to remain a fantasy forever just cause it’s the easiest to do.
Just remember the most important thing here is to realize you DO NOT need to learn more about yourself (or who you want to be) before you make this decision. If it’s a goal you are ALREADY working towards, you’ve in effect already decided the relationship is over. What you are left to do now, is make it a reality, or simply verbalize it to her in action.

What would you guys do in this situation? I feel like its time to just let it go, but its hard when she just comes over makes me dinner cleans my pad and blows me. Its like come on. I just feel like i deserve someone now that has things going for them and is responsible and has follow through.

Well lets look at reality. Fact is most guys tolerate bad relationships the same exact way you do. But they are also bad in different ways, which is why it becomes a judgement call.
Lets consider the exact opposite for instance. A workaholic (you said you girls a slacker basically). Would you be ok with that? Someone who worked from 6am to 6pm everyday and was always stressed out? Remember life is about balance more then anything. My brother is marrying a workaholic, but I’m not against it because they still just “work” somehow, and everyone sees it. Which is why it wouldn’t be right for me to tell you to leave her.
But I CAN SAY, for ME, it would absolutely be dysfunctional for my purpose in life, as a man with goals, to continue on seeing some chick who really wasn’t motivated to get out and experience life or make something of herself. I would feel just like you, and even if I felt insecure about leaving her ultimately I’d HAVE TO leave her. Because I would need to be more insecure about MY OWN LIFE just to stay with her. That’s what you gotta understand here. As right as you may not feel right now, its inevitable that you will feel less right staying with her then if you were SINGLE.
In another words, you would be better by yourself, then w/out this girl. That’s sad. Don’t compared her to what future mate you may find. Compare her to you alone w/out her. When you alone = better then you with her, that’s your answer right there buddy.

I mean what type of girl would stay with/ and or be attracted to the type of guy i was. Is there something wrong with her ha. Not that I think bad of people that have been adopted but she was and i think she has major abandonment issues or something (Even though she has a great family).

I am obviously really torn because this is ****en long ha but thanks if you read it all the way through any advice is much appreciated.

Misread deleted. Dont wanna rerewrite.

g/luck still whatever happens! - Bo

[Mooseman33]

BO - i know u try to help, and u know ur my boy, but a post this long is completely un-acceptable on so many levels.

its a fvking novel man........