What an awful week

**J-Dogg** · 01-22-2010, 01:49 PM

I'm not a winter person, and live in western michigan, have my entire life. Winter normally is awlays pretty borning for me.

But my grandmother has been in the hospital suffering from a weak heart, her red blood cell count is way down and her kidney fuction is really down. It causes her to retain a lot of water, making it even harder on her heart, she's 92, and I have a bad feeling this was the last christmas we got to spend with her. I go see her every day, and play a game of scrabble when she's able.

I've been lucky in the aspect of my life that I'm 29, and I've never lost anyone close. I was "vacated" from my home when I was 15 (for the 2nd time) and my grandmother took me in until I was able to get on my own feet in about 18 months.

To top this off, I got a text from an ex today. My best friend as a child, who I pretty much grew up with from age 7-14, mother had died in a car accident at 52.

I did not have the best house hold growing up, and she knew that. I lived with them for 2 years, and I heard her tell me she loved me more than I ever did my own mother. I know my mom loves me, but she had her own problems and was just not ready to be a mom at that time.

She had 4 kids of her own, and took me in. Every day in the summer, she took us to the outlet (swimming spot) and had a cooler packed with food and drinks.

While my mom and her boyfriend were on vacations on Christmas, she invited me over, got me presents so I was not sitting home alone with nothing to open.

She was not rich either, she worked at UPS and at tavern in the evenings to do all this. As a man, I go to her tavern every Monday for the Taco special with her oldest son, and every weekend. I'm not allowed to leave with out a hug and exchanging I love you's.

It's going to be hard going up there anymore, with out here there, and with out breaking down. She was so important in how I've turned out, and so proud of what I've come from and been able to accomplish.

**jccnewbie** · 01-22-2010, 02:01 PM

Chin up bro. Sorry to hear about your hard times. I am your same age and also have never lost anyone close (direct family). At least you can spend this time with her now and really apreciate it. Some people never get that chance.

**FranciscoG** · 01-22-2010, 02:07 PM

I have delt with much emotional turmoil and I can relate.

No word will make anything better.

I lost the love of my life before and I feel there is nothing there but a feeling of depravation. Talking helps but only helps. I refuse to go down the road many others have of drinking or dealing with the emotional issue by throughing alcohol at it. I hope at 29 you can understand that time will heal.

My ex (two exes ago) I felt an emotional bond with that I have never felt again in my life. She became a drug user and I bailed after. Some times your mind sees the none emotional issues and you can lie to everyone else but inside you know if you are right or wrong in your courses of action.

I hope/pray all works out for you. I feel that there is no words a strainger can speak to lighten the load.

**energizer bunny** · 01-22-2010, 02:09 PM

man thats a tough time!....i hope you're grany gets better soon and im very sorry for you're loss. Try and keep you're head up mate....

**J-Dogg** · 01-22-2010, 02:13 PM

Appreciate it guys.

I love my grandma dearly, but she's 92, and is still fighting, has 10 kids, lots of grand kids, and great grand kids.

Loosing, what feels like my mother, at 52, is what is really cutting deep. I'm definatly not going to drink my way through it. I'm going to to see her family tonight, and I know no one has the answers, but I know she would kick all of our asses if we were sitting around crying all day. While it can't be helped, I know I have to be strong for my extended family, they will be needing support and comfort.

**FranciscoG** · 01-22-2010, 02:18 PM

I feel like that is the best course.

I been there, and I can say not drinking your way out is second to none. I didn´t have my first drink until I was 26, and I regret even trying it.

Although my emotional losses have more or less just alone (no one else involved); if there are others there that are in a more weakened state that yourself I would imagine they would need you.

You know in the end all things work themselves out.

**energizer bunny** · 01-22-2010, 02:19 PM

92 is a good age, my grannmas are 69 and 73, i love them with all my heart and losing them will be very very tough!...so i can relate to how you're feeling......but 52 is still young in my eyes and that would destroy me also.....its good you arent going to drink through this! stay strong!

**Mooseman33** · 01-22-2010, 02:28 PM

wish u nothing but the best brother..

I am real sorry to hear about ur loss and ur grandma

**DangerDave** · 01-22-2010, 04:57 PM

all the best J-Dogg, sorry to hear it man. I grew up never knowing any of my grandparents or any of my extended family, due to age old family quarrels. But being with my ex and seeing how amazing it is for a family to function properly really changed my prespective. Anyway not sure what to say but hope you find peace man