Leaving a funeral mad

**J-Dogg** · 01-29-2010, 11:24 AM

I can't tell most people this, because the common person in my area is super religious.

A dear person to me recently passed away. My child hood friends mother, She had a huge role in my life and raising me. I lived with them for a few years and spent every summer growing up with them. She always called me her third son.

She passed away last Thursday, 2 day prior to that, I met my friend, her oldest son and her for drink and tacos. The topic of religion came up, and i stated my beliefs, and I was atheist. I explained why, they both agree'd. Her son went on a little about and how religion made perfect sense 200 years ago, but today just does not make as much sense. She summed up the conversation and church was just something expected "good" familys to attend every Sunday.

At her service, the pastor basically used his time as a marketing tool for Jesus Christ. Her family spoke of her, very nice words and a very great family. The pastor recites some verses from his bible, and talked about Jesus, Marry and our father the entire time. I was waiting for him to break out the money basket to start passing around.

My mood went from sobbing, to being frustrated and upset in minutes.

**Mooseman33** · 01-29-2010, 11:26 AM

let it go brother...

real sorry about your lost...

the guy is a pastor, cant really expect to much from them.they are what they are..

just try to let it go, u dont need that stress man...

**energizer bunny** · 01-29-2010, 11:44 AM

pretty much all funerals ive been to are the same (unless the person was known to the priest)....just forget about it and move on.......

hows you're gran doing mate? i remember you saying she was ill......

**J-Dogg** · 01-29-2010, 11:49 AM

Originally Posted by energizer bunny

pretty much all funerals ive been to are the same (unless the person was known to the priest)....just forget about it and move on.......

hows you're gran doing mate? i remember you saying she was ill......

Ya, I'll let it go, but I made sure to call my sister after and ensure that if I am to die, no pastors allowed!

Thanks for asking about Grandma, good memory bro. She's still in bad shape,she was on schdule to come home but her body is retaining water really bad again because her kidney function is way down. In turn, it makes it even harder on her heart.

It's hard to see her a lot of the time because she is so weak. I don't like seeing her like that, cause she is such a strong woman.

**chuckt12345** · 01-29-2010, 02:17 PM

sorry to hear,
was this your first catholic funeral?

**elpropiotorvic** · 01-29-2010, 03:31 PM

Sorry for your loss mate , livestrong

**MONEY AND MASS** · 01-29-2010, 03:32 PM

everytime i go to church i throw up

**J-Dogg** · 01-29-2010, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by chuckt12345

sorry to hear,
was this your first catholic funeral?

2nd one, and the 2nd one I've ever been too.

Just upsetting they spend so much time talking about God, Jesus and Marry instead of the person's life, what was important to them and they impact they had on people. I just feel like pastors have to make sure to bring up god, jesus or marry in relation to anything.

**Kbaugh01** · 01-29-2010, 06:40 PM

I hear ya.My gram just died and the family feels obligated to call and tell my cousin (fatass long haired bum),who did nothing but steal from both my grandparents when they were alive.He hovered over the casket ,( at times stuffing money into her pockets),why i dont know , unless guilt was getting to him, he wouldnt move unles told to, many people where uncomfortable. His father, (THE MINISTER), during his service looks over at the sobbing @ss of a son ,(dressed in torn jeans, leather jacket, tapout shirt, keys and a knife hanging from the belt) and proceeds to tell us all how G-d lets us grieve togehter and bllah, blah. I lost a tremendous amount of respect for the father and never had any for the son, and actually began to uestion the religion and my faith. I was with her when she died, all days prior and same for my grandfather before his death, and guess what , fat @ss did the same thing at his funeral. My Grandfathers dying wish conveyed to me was to never let the @sshole around after his death, but family thought it was the "Christian "thing to do..Yeah make all the other people grieving so uncomfortable that some didnt get to pay respects properly...Sorry so long had to get it off my chest. Next time "long hair " shows up....its on his @ss he goes...

**Nicotine** · 01-30-2010, 01:06 AM

funerals arn't for the dead...

they are to make the living feel better...... in a way, it's pretty selfish.

people also don't want to think that their loved one is just GONE...they want the best for them in the end (if they truly care)

i'm also an athiest - but when my best friends mom passed away 11 yrs ago, i wasnt upset that the service was religious even though she wasn't.

in a way, you can look at it as a "tradition" - we've been doing it LONG beofre any of us existed, and people will do it LONG after also.

at least she had people around her who loved her and cared for her. that's all that matters at the end of the day.

**awesome1** · 01-30-2010, 01:54 AM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

I can't tell most people this, because the common person in my area is super religious.

A dear person to me recently passed away. My child hood friends mother, She had a huge role in my life and raising me. I lived with them for a few years and spent every summer growing up with them. She always called me her third son.

She passed away last Thursday, 2 day prior to that, I met my friend, her oldest son and her for drink and tacos. The topic of religion came up, and i stated my beliefs, and I was atheist. I explained why, they both agree'd. Her son went on a little about and how religion made perfect sense 200 years ago, but today just does not make as much sense. She summed up the conversation and church was just something expected "good" familys to attend every Sunday.

At her service, the pastor basically used his time as a marketing tool for Jesus Christ. Her family spoke of her, very nice words and a very great family. The pastor recites some verses from his bible, and talked about Jesus, Marry and our father the entire time. I was waiting for him to break out the money basket to start passing around.

My mood went from sobbing, to being frustrated and upset in minutes.

Hey man, I had a very similar experience. My very best friend died in a car wreck ( he and i were very agnostic) but his parents gave him a full blown catholic funeral....even though they knew he didnt believe in that stuff. And the pastor did like you said..the whole time he DID NOT even say my friends name...just talked completely about how we need to "accept jesus in out hearts". FVCKING BULSHIT. yeah i think i can relate to your story I am still resentful about that.

**awesome1** · 01-30-2010, 02:00 AM

Nicotine is right funerals are for the living. However, after my friends funeral i made sure that my family know what I want after I die: A completely non religious service and donate my body to science( that is if i dont splatter from a skydiving accident one of these days)

**J-Dogg** · 01-30-2010, 10:29 AM

Originally Posted by awesome1

Nicotine is right funerals are for the living. However, after my friends funeral i made sure that my family know what I want after I die: A completely non religious service and donate my body to science( that is if i dont splatter from a skydiving accident one of these days)

He is correct, and it's also the reason why religion was created.

We don't understand death, we are curtious primates and we want answers. So we create them.

What better why to justify someone dying? Instead of just accepting they are gone, we create a "heaven" were we will see them again, they are in a better place, they are with the other lost friends and family......that is......as long as they attended and donated to church. If they DID NOT, they are set on fire and will spend eternity in hell.

People want answers, and it's always been that way. The Mayans worshiped astrogolical events and stars, the sun. Is it safe to assume all Mayans are in hell cause they did not worship god, jesus or marry? To top that off, the majority of the world is Muslim, so according to Catholics, there will be a lot of space in heaven and very little in hell.

**NVR2BIG1** · 01-30-2010, 11:27 AM

I think they speak of God and the afterlife so we can be rest assured the person has moved on to something better, sort of like a reassurance, some sort of closing

**Dctibor** · 01-30-2010, 11:38 AM

I'm getting cremated, ftw

**BJJ** · 01-30-2010, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

He is correct, and it's also the reason why religion was created.

We don't understand death, we are curtious primates and we want answers. So we create them.

What better why to justify someone dying? Instead of just accepting they are gone, we create a "heaven" were we will see them again, they are in a better place, they are with the other lost friends and family......that is......as long as they attended and donated to church. If they DID NOT, they are set on fire and will spend eternity in hell.

People want answers, and it's always been that way. The Mayans worshiped astrogolical events and stars, the sun. Is it safe to assume all Mayans are in hell cause they did not worship god, jesus or marry? To top that off, the majority of the world is Muslim, so according to Catholics, there will be a lot of space in heaven and very little in hell.

Religions were created for other reasons than those you wrote.
Those, yours, were consequences only.

Regarding the bold, where have you gotten that wrong information?

**spywizard** · 01-30-2010, 12:45 PM

funerals are for the living, to grieve and to take comfort for those that are experiencing a loss..

this isn't becoming a religious thread now is it/??

**BJJ** · 01-30-2010, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by spywizard

funerals are for the living, to grieve and to take comfort for those that are experiencing a loss..

this isn't becoming a religious thread now is it/??

The title is "leaving a funeral mad" so, what else could you expect?

**beatango2008** · 01-30-2010, 01:43 PM

I really don't see what the big deal is.
This has been going on for long before you were born, its nothing new.
If she didn't want a catholic funeral I am sure she would of requested not to have one.

Just remember her for who she was and how much you cared about her, I'm sure she wouldn't like seeing you get upset over something so petty.
I am really sorry for your loss, it is always hard to lose someone who is so dear to you, just try to remember all the joy and happiness she brought into your life.

**J-Dogg** · 01-30-2010, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by beatango2008

I really don't see what the big deal is.
This has been going on for long before you were born, its nothing new.
If she didn't want a catholic funeral I am sure she would of requested not to have one.

Just remember her for who she was and how much you cared about her, I'm sure she wouldn't like seeing you get upset over something so petty.
I am really sorry for your loss, it is always hard to lose someone who is so dear to you, just try to remember all the joy and happiness she brought into your life.

Like I said, I think it's just me, and maybe I'm out of line for letting it bother me so much. I'm not looking to place blame, but the idea of a service "to me" is to honor that person's life, remember them, cherish the memories and share the impact that person had on your life. People live on through others, through children, and these services are our chances to elaborate on that.

I just feel that pastors, use funeral services, and a "plug" for their religion, almost like they take advantage of it to press upon their view points of life, after life, and gain members and $ for their church. To me, that's just down right disrespectful.

I would never dream of plugging my company, or services mixed into my opportunity to speak at someones funeral. Like I said in the initial post, it was like we were waiting for them to start passing around the money basket.

Also to BJJ, I do stand corrected, I assumed Muslim was the most popular world wide religion, but after looking it does appear to be #2 to Catholic. Numbers vary from source to source, but it looks like about 2.1billion to 1.7 billion.

I was born and raised Catholic, I attended my sunday school ever sunday, CCD twice a week after school, and I was always the kid thinking, "none of this makes any sense"

**drdeath613** · 01-30-2010, 03:25 PM

i already have everything set up for my death and tie into my will

1 my death is to be treated like a party for only close family and a few close friends
2 my body is not to be shown only a picture
3 no priests fathers only a monk
4 if my wishs arnt met 100% of my stuff goes to two pitbull rescues i know

**BJJ** · 01-30-2010, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

Like I said, I think it's just me, and maybe I'm out of line for letting it bother me so much. I'm not looking to place blame, but the idea of a service "to me" is to honor that person's life, remember them, cherish the memories and share the impact that person had on your life. People live on through others, through children, and these services are our chances to elaborate on that.

I just feel that pastors, use funeral services, and a "plug" for their religion, almost like they take advantage of it to press upon their view points of life, after life, and gain members and $ for their church. To me, that's just down right disrespectful.

I would never dream of plugging my company, or services mixed into my opportunity to speak at someones funeral. Like I said in the initial post, it was like we were waiting for them to start passing around the money basket.

Also to BJJ, I do stand corrected, I assumed Muslim was the most popular world wide religion, but after looking it does appear to be #2 to Catholic. Numbers vary from source to source, but it looks like about 2.1billion to 1.7 billion.

I was born and raised Catholic, I attended my sunday school ever sunday, CCD twice a week after school, and I was always the kid thinking, "none of this makes any sense"

The difference is much wider but I am glad we agree.
Regarding your frustation, think about me that have to live in Rome (where the Vatican is also located) and am surrounded by hundreds of churches, priests, bishops, tourists who come here for the Pope and a religious attitude much bigger than in the U.S.A.
So, when you want to complain a bit, think about those who live in a worst environment (religiously speaking) and BE HAPPY!

**BJJ** · 01-30-2010, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by drdeath613

i already have everything set up for my death and tie into my will

1 my death is to be treated like a party for only close family and a few close friends
2 my body is not to be shown only a picture
3 no priests fathers only a monk
4 if my wishs arnt met 100% of my stuff goes to two pitbull rescues i know

5 I already have my coffin.

**drdeath613** · 01-30-2010, 03:43 PM

so do i made it myself out of oak

***D7M*** · 01-30-2010, 06:38 PM

J-Dogg, sorry for your loss.

But this is just yet another reason why the Church should go back to the "Tridentine" Liturgy.

Yet, so this doesn't become a religious thread, I'll stop there.

**jccnewbie** · 02-01-2010, 01:20 PM

I totally disagree with the "texbook" funeral. A buddy of mine died when he was 17 and had a catholic funeral. I couldn't believe how little was said about my friend, being a teen I was was furious. Religion makes zero sense to me and when I die I choose to be cremated and put back into the earth. That is what is really meant to happen, preserving the dead is a crime against nature and the natural process of life.