I really dont want a divorce, but this is getting old...

**NVR2BIG1** · 04-23-2010, 12:29 PM

Maybe someone can help me here. I've been with my wife now for 7 yrs, married 4 of them. She wont work a steady job, this has been the biggest issue since we have been together. When I first met her I couldn't read through it b/ her and her mother co-owned a business. Later, I found out her grandmother had taken a second mortgage on the house to free up $$ to give to her mother to start the business. They didn't do shit but run it into the ground and let the employees figure out how to keep it afloat. So that plan didnt work, she filed for a bankruptcy b/ of all her past marriage bullshit and credit issues. She has had 2 or 3 little 20 hr/wk p/t gigs for probably a total of a year and a half combined throughout the course of 7 yrs, other than that nothing. I work 2 jobs, I kill myself to pay for it all. On top of that I'm the one who goes grocery shopping at 11:00 at night, I come home and I have to fix my own food too. She could put it on a plate and microwave it for me, but I guess its too hard. I've always tried to help her or encourage her, I've waited around for her to try and do something for a long time now. She has no college education, all she knows how to do is secretary stuff. But the thing is, even if she was a waitress or something I'd still have respect for her b/ she was trying. So throughout the past few yrs, my credit has been destroyed, I ended up buying a house in a bad neighborhood b/ its all I could afford and I was paying too much for rent. I have a child with her now, my son is my world. I dont want to divorce her because my kid means everything, it would kill me not to be able to see him. So long story short I feel like I'm ****ing stuck, and it sucks. I know I'm better than this, I'm better than this piece of crap neighborhood and this house. I'm trying so hard to get us out of here and at least fix my credit. I'm looking long term at things like my sons college fund, retirement, money for vacations and investments. I cant do any of that pulling this weight!! I'm working towards going to a better job, but I need to finish these classes first. Even if I walked away from this marriage, alimony and child support would kill me. I guess I'm not living good either way. Guys, stay the **** single

**Abominator** · 04-23-2010, 12:43 PM

I can't personally relate, but I sympathize. You get involved with a loser and they will suck you dry. My cousin is in the exact same situation--his wife absolutely WILL NOT get a ****ing job. He pays for everything, even some of his wife's family's bills. It's pathetic.

Sorry to call your wife a loser, bro, but that's what she seems to be. Sorry to hear about your situation, also. Sounds like you're ****ed--either you pay for her on your own, or the law forces you to pay her after the divorce.

I've heard way too many horror stories to get into a situation like this. I don't care how offended a bitch gets, if she wants to get married she is signing a prenup.

Good luck.

**zimmy** · 04-23-2010, 12:45 PM

Sucks man...In a dream world where men were equal with women you could divorce her and take custody of the child. But we all know that doesn't happen unless the mom is a complete junkie or something. I hate saying it, but I think you have to stick it out because she will not be able to manage your child support / alimony enough to take care of your kid. Just treat her like a child. Allowances , no access to cc's...etc...etc.

**lovbyts** · 04-23-2010, 12:51 PM

expect her to try to take everything you have and more. Start liquidating assets now and hiding cash and everything, even if you dont think you have anything you do.

Yes get out, someone like that will leach off you forever. I have a friend at work who complains daily about his wife who has never worked a day in her life but expect to have full control over every penny he makes. 20 years into it and he works 3 jobs, 2 under the table to have any spending money. He sleeps in his car after work instead of going home and he makes the same as I do, 100,000.00+ a year. what sort of life is that?

Get out and find someone with the same goals as you.

**Abominator** · 04-23-2010, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

expect her to try to take everything you have and more. Start liquidating assets now and hiding cash and everything, even if you dont think you have anything you do.

Yes get out, someone like that will leach off you forever. I have a friend at work who complains daily about his wife who has never worked a day in her life but expect to have full control over every penny he makes. 20 years into it and he works 3 jobs, 2 under the table to have any spending money. He sleeps in his car after work instead of going home and he makes the same as I do, 100,000.00+ a year. what sort of life is that?

Get out and find someone with the same goals as you.

Yep, that is probably the first thing a divorce lawyer tells a woman. Somehow convinces her she is the victim and should get everything.

You might want to talk to a lawyer yourself. Don't let another woman use the system to screw a hard-working man out of his money.

**Hazard** · 04-23-2010, 01:01 PM

HOLY SHIT BROTHER...... If it wasn't impossible - i'd swear we were the same person.......

we prolly have a lot to talk about LOL!

~Haz~

**gixxerboy1** · 04-23-2010, 01:11 PM

scott peterson her

My wife works but i pay all the household bills. so she keeps her $ for her and after i pay everything i dont have alot for myself. Wil lshe gets to go shopping and spoil herself. It pisses me the **** off and thats why we have been fighting too

**stack_it** · 04-23-2010, 01:14 PM

The chances of her changing are slim to none. From the look of it this lack of financial knowledge and control has been passed down from her mother and grandmother. I would follow lovbyts advice and liquidate and hide assets.

There was a study on hbo not too long ago where these guys gave a random homeless man 100,000 in cash as a social project. The man started put good by getting an apt, a car, and looking for a job. Soon after he met a girl and started partying and buying a few more cars and stopped looking for a job. Soon after he was out of money selling his cars and eventually was evicted and homeless again. So it just goes to show you how failures are failures for a reason.

**suprman09** · 04-23-2010, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by stack_it

The chances of her changing are slim to none. From the look of it this lack of financial knowledge and control has been passed down from her mother and grandmother. I would follow lovbyts advice and liquidate and hide assets.

There was a study on hbo not too long ago where these guys gave a random homeless man 100,000 in cash as a social project. The man started put good by getting an apt, a car, and looking for a job. Soon after he met a girl and started partying and buying a few more cars and stopped looking for a job. Soon after he was out of money selling his cars and eventually was evicted and homeless again. So it just goes to show you how failures are failures for a reason.

saw that on HBO...very interesting

**redz** · 04-23-2010, 01:34 PM

Bitches be crazy! I love my wife, fortunately her family is wealthy which I didnt know when I met her in fact I didn't even know it when I proposed. Later I found out her dad owns a few farms, houses, apartments and a cottage in colombia and now a huge house here in Canada too. My wife isn`t perfect but she does always try and make me happy which is the key to why I love her so much.

**warchild** · 04-23-2010, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

scott peterson her

My wife works but i pay all the household bills. so she keeps her $ for her and after i pay everything i dont have alot for myself. Wil lshe gets to go shopping and spoil herself. It pisses me the **** off and thats why we have been fighting too

i remember a few short years ago, you were talking about your wife and how great she is...funny how we think we have a good girl and then this.

**scorpion62** · 04-23-2010, 02:04 PM

sorry

**scorpion62** · 04-23-2010, 02:04 PM

sorry comput went nuts

**scorpion62** · 04-23-2010, 02:04 PM

NVR2BIG1 open another bank account and start your funds for the future. Get out mate I have been there when you make that move a great load just lifts of your shoulders.You get your life back and theres only one chance you get at this life make the most of it,live for you and your son

**warchild** · 04-23-2010, 02:08 PM

you must be pretty serious, you told him 3 times

**gixxerboy1** · 04-23-2010, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by warchild

i remember a few short years ago, you were talking about your wife and how great she is...funny how we think we have a good girl and then this.

she is a good girl. But before we were married i expected to pay for dates and what ever. She paid her rent and bills. Now we are married she gets to live for free and im still paying everything. I thought we would be more of a team

**warchild** · 04-23-2010, 02:17 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

she is a good girl. But before we were married i expected to pay for dates and what ever. She paid her rent and bills. Now we are married she gets to live for free and im still paying everything. I thought we would be more of a team

i hear alot of that from friends...actually everyone i know hates being married after the first year goes by

**zimmy** · 04-23-2010, 02:31 PM

guess i'm lucky warchild...my wife and I teamed up to kill our debt off...we'll be free of it in less than 6 months

**calgarian** · 04-23-2010, 02:55 PM

grab your child and disappear........... Justice system is fvcked up you deserve to be with ur kid. Leave the house behind so thats the last thing she can blow in smokes and just disappear.......

**calgarian** · 04-23-2010, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by warchild

i remember a few short years ago, you were talking about your wife and how great she is...funny how we think we have a good girl and then this.

x2.........

**Hoggage_54** · 04-23-2010, 03:46 PM

Post some pics of her... can't help you if I don't know what she looks like

**Bossman** · 04-23-2010, 04:07 PM

Sucks to hear. I've been married for 27 years through the good and bad.

It's my understanding that when you divorce, what she gets is based on your earnings and assets that you currently have. Divorce NOW. After the dust clears start planning for your future without her. If you think it's tough now, it will just get tougher the longer you're together.

My wife has been an alcoholic now for several years. She hid it well for quite a while. I've been stressing, catching her hiding alcohol and trying to get her to stop for the last couple years. Threatened to leave, but that wouldn't even stop her from drinking. She's an addict. Now Im just dealing with it. If someone had told me I would someday be married to an aging fat drunk I would have said, no way.

She does cook me dinner every night though.

**stack_it** · 04-23-2010, 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by Hoggage_54

Post some pics of her... can't help you if I don't know what she looks like

Sorry I had to. Now no more whoring in this thread people.

There's a lot of good advice here. Make sure you do what is going to make you happy.

**terraj** · 04-23-2010, 04:33 PM

I am going to put foward a different view here, hope I don't offend you.

Do you still love her? If so.....

Why don't you do more investing within yourself, get a better job, more cash...

It's a good feeling been able to support your family.

BTW...if that love is dead, get the fvck out.

**Bossman** · 04-23-2010, 05:30 PM

Originally Posted by stack_it

Sorry I had to. Now no more whoring in this thread people.

There's a lot of good advice here. Make sure you do what is going to make you happy.

EEWwww, just when you think you'd seen it all! and I just ate.

**Kibble** · 04-23-2010, 06:46 PM

Originally Posted by cgb6810

EEWwww, just when you think you'd seen it all! and I just ate.

I was just trying to eat a dry microwaved sweet potato. Not anymore. My ****ing stomach hurts now. That shit is gross

**NVR2BIG1** · 04-23-2010, 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by terraj

I am going to put foward a different view here, hope I don't offend you.

Do you still love her? If so.....

Why don't you do more investing within yourself, get a better job, more cash...

It's a good feeling been able to support your family.

BTW...if that love is dead, get the fvck out.

Yes, I still love her. That why its a tough situation, we get along great most of the time, its just this thing right here that makes it tough. But I'm in the process of trying to work towards a job making twice the $$$. I guess on the other hand, a child with a stay at home mom might do better. There are def perks to her staying at home, and she usually cleans and does dishes, laundry etc etc. I'm going to take your advice and work on some things. For the record, I dont make bad $$ either, but in this day a family of 4 needs about 100k to live comfortable

**DSM4Life** · 04-23-2010, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by NVR2BIG1

Maybe someone can help me here. I've been with my wife now for 7 yrs, married 4 of them. She wont work a steady job, this has been the biggest issue since we have been together. When I first met her I couldn't read through it b/ her and her mother co-owned a business. Later, I found out her grandmother had taken a second mortgage on the house to free up $$ to give to her mother to start the business. They didn't do shit but run it into the ground and let the employees figure out how to keep it afloat. So that plan didnt work, she filed for a bankruptcy b/ of all her past marriage bullshit and credit issues. She has had 2 or 3 little 20 hr/wk p/t gigs for probably a total of a year and a half combined throughout the course of 7 yrs, other than that nothing. I work 2 jobs, I kill myself to pay for it all. On top of that I'm the one who goes grocery shopping at 11:00 at night, I come home and I have to fix my own food too. She could put it on a plate and microwave it for me, but I guess its too hard. I've always tried to help her or encourage her, I've waited around for her to try and do something for a long time now. She has no college education, all she knows how to do is secretary stuff. But the thing is, even if she was a waitress or something I'd still have respect for her b/ she was trying. So throughout the past few yrs, my credit has been destroyed, I ended up buying a house in a bad neighborhood b/ its all I could afford and I was paying too much for rent. I have a child with her now, my son is my world. I dont want to divorce her because my kid means everything, it would kill me not to be able to see him. So long story short I feel like I'm ****ing stuck, and it sucks. I know I'm better than this, I'm better than this piece of crap neighborhood and this house. I'm trying so hard to get us out of here and at least fix my credit. I'm looking long term at things like my sons college fund, retirement, money for vacations and investments. I cant do any of that pulling this weight!! I'm working towards going to a better job, but I need to finish these classes first. Even if I walked away from this marriage, alimony and child support would kill me. I guess I'm not living good either way. Guys, stay the **** single

Get marriage counselling.

Sucks man, i hope it works out for you.

**stack_it** · 04-23-2010, 07:44 PM

Originally Posted by NVR2BIG1

Yes, I still love her. That why its a tough situation, we get along great most of the time, its just this thing right here that makes it tough. But I'm in the process of trying to work towards a job making twice the $$$. I guess on the other hand, a child with a stay at home mom might do better. There are def perks to her staying at home, and she usually cleans and does dishes, laundry etc etc. I'm going to take your advice and work on some things. For the record, I dont make bad $$ either, but in this day a family of 4 needs about 100k to live comfortable

Check your pm

**terraj** · 04-23-2010, 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by NVR2BIG1

Yes, I still love her. That why its a tough situation, we get along great most of the time, its just this thing right here that makes it tough. But I'm in the process of trying to work towards a job making twice the $$$. I guess on the other hand, a child with a stay at home mom might do better. There are def perks to her staying at home, and she usually cleans and does dishes, laundry etc etc. I'm going to take your advice and work on some things. For the record, I dont make bad $$ either, but in this day a family of 4 needs about 100k to live comfortable

Best to you!

**abstrack** · 04-23-2010, 09:04 PM

Does Wayne Brady need to smack a bitch?

**taiboxa** · 04-23-2010, 11:23 PM

Originally Posted by NVR2BIG1

Yes, I still love her. That why its a tough situation, we get along great most of the time, its just this thing right here that makes it tough. But I'm in the process of trying to work towards a job making twice the $$$. I guess on the other hand, a child with a stay at home mom might do better. There are def perks to her staying at home, and she usually cleans and does dishes, laundry etc etc. I'm going to take your advice and work on some things. For the record, I dont make bad $$ either, but in this day a family of 4 needs about 100k to live comfortable

dood.. i would kill for a stay at home mother, my chica n' i work insane hours, i usually get up at 3:30am so i can get to the gym before work n' i dont get home till after 7pm.. while she can work anywhere from a 4am-8pm day or just a normal banking hour job. Now we have good $$$, n' my house is all payed off and we have no real bills other than the utilities/cable/entertainment...... but FVCK ME IF we just dont have the time/oppertunities to take our daughter to recreational activities.

My parents will watch her after school till one of us can pick her up .. but its usually her bed time by time we get home, n' it kinda makes me sad because i remember being her age n' having all sorts of activities going on.. where as she seems like she has to live by our work schedules which is kinda eating at her social life/emotional well being...

i guess im just trying to say.. a stay at home mom might be the most ideal route if you can readjust your financing and accommodate for the loss of what $$ your woman used to bring in. If you really sit down and do some number crunching/sacrificing you'd be surprised how much $$ you can save just by screwing your head on a little tighter.

**Matt** · 04-24-2010, 01:23 AM

Im good at relationships, hit me up with a pm and trust me you'll never come on the net again....

**stevey_6t9** · 04-24-2010, 05:55 AM

this is good learning experience for a young lad like me.

**BgMc31** · 04-24-2010, 07:49 PM

I'm a very tradtional type of guy so I don't mind my wife not working. She didn't for years, until the kids got out of elementary school. Now they are all either graduated and in college or in high school. So she works. I still continue to work 2 jobs, plus my NFL pension, so we live quite well. The money she makes from her job is extra and we treat is as such. Her money goes to the toys and trips we like to take so it works out well. But of course we knew all this going into the relationship. That is why couples, from jump, need to communicate openly about roles in the relationship. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY!!!

Of course, we argue at times because she is a typical high maintenance NFL wife, and she likes to shop. But when she gets outrages, I step in real quick and bring her ass back to earth. Or I go out and buy a new flat screen tv or some other toy and she gets the hint real quick!!! LOL!!!

Just want everyone to know, that a good woman is hard to find. And definitely not easy to find either, but when you find that ONE...HOLD ON TO THAT BITCH BECAUSE THEY WILL DO IT ALL FOR YOU!! I'm a lucky bastard for sure!!!

**ModelInProgress** · 04-24-2010, 10:06 PM

Originally Posted by NVR2BIG1

Maybe someone can help me here. I've been with my wife now for 7 yrs, married 4 of them. She wont work a steady job, this has been the biggest issue since we have been together. When I first met her I couldn't read through it b/ her and her mother co-owned a business. Later, I found out her grandmother had taken a second mortgage on the house to free up $$ to give to her mother to start the business. They didn't do shit but run it into the ground and let the employees figure out how to keep it afloat. So that plan didnt work, she filed for a bankruptcy b/ of all her past marriage bullshit and credit issues. She has had 2 or 3 little 20 hr/wk p/t gigs for probably a total of a year and a half combined throughout the course of 7 yrs, other than that nothing. I work 2 jobs, I kill myself to pay for it all. On top of that I'm the one who goes grocery shopping at 11:00 at night, I come home and I have to fix my own food too. She could put it on a plate and microwave it for me, but I guess its too hard. I've always tried to help her or encourage her, I've waited around for her to try and do something for a long time now. She has no college education, all she knows how to do is secretary stuff. But the thing is, even if she was a waitress or something I'd still have respect for her b/ she was trying. So throughout the past few yrs, my credit has been destroyed, I ended up buying a house in a bad neighborhood b/ its all I could afford and I was paying too much for rent. I have a child with her now, my son is my world. I dont want to divorce her because my kid means everything, it would kill me not to be able to see him. So long story short I feel like I'm ****ing stuck, and it sucks. I know I'm better than this, I'm better than this piece of crap neighborhood and this house. I'm trying so hard to get us out of here and at least fix my credit. I'm looking long term at things like my sons college fund, retirement, money for vacations and investments. I cant do any of that pulling this weight!! I'm working towards going to a better job, but I need to finish these classes first. Even if I walked away from this marriage, alimony and child support would kill me. I guess I'm not living good either way. Guys, stay the **** single

So you are paying for everything and she does absolutely nothing to contribute and can't even make your life easier around the house...cut her off from all access to money and tell her that if she wants things other than the bare necessities to survive, she needs to start looking for a job and in the meantime, while she is jobhunting, she needs to get off her ass and do stuff around the house. That being said, don't think that all women are horrible and marriage is crap...your wife is just a bad example.

**DSM4Life** · 04-25-2010, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by ModelInProgress

So you are paying for everything and she does absolutely nothing to contribute and can't even make your life easier around the house...cut her off from all access to money and tell her that if she wants things other than the bare necessities to survive, she needs to start looking for a job and in the meantime, while she is jobhunting, she needs to get off her ass and do stuff around the house. That being said, don't think that all women are horrible and marriage is crap...your wife is just a bad example.

Women are evil !!

**Hazard** · 04-25-2010, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by ModelInProgress

So you are paying for everything and she does absolutely nothing to contribute and can't even make your life easier around the house...cut her off from all access to money and tell her that if she wants things other than the bare necessities to survive, she needs to start looking for a job and in the meantime, while she is jobhunting, she needs to get off her ass and do stuff around the house. That being said, don't think that all women are horrible and marriage is crap...your wife is just a bad example.

Pretty much what I did to mine...... I took away her credit/debit cards and told her when she needs gas money - i'll run to the ATM and get $20 and it better last her a couple days. She has no access to money anymore unless I know about it...... This was all due to her addiction and hiding money.....

~Haz~

**ModelInProgress** · 04-25-2010, 08:58 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

Women are evil !!

Fine...then you don't get my absolutely adorable toddler...so there!! (sticking tongue out and pouting) LOL

**lovbyts** · 04-25-2010, 11:50 PM

Originally Posted by Hazard

Pretty much what I did to mine...... I took away her credit/debit cards and told her when she needs gas money - i'll run to the ATM and get $20 and it better last her a couple days. She has no access to money anymore unless I know about it...... This was all due to her addiction and hiding money.....

~Haz~

Sounds all to familiar, 1st wife... Watch it, they are good at changing for a few months then once you loose the leash they are back to the old tricks.

I remember one day when I came home from work her and her mother where sitting watching TV smoking cigs. They said OMG we did so much today, 4 loads of laundry. There it was all sitting on the couch in a heaping PILE...

I said really, what fvcking stream did you walk to and wash them? You mean the fvcking laundry machine washed them, the dryer dried them and all you did was put them in the machine then to the couch? Get off your ass and fold them NOW... Ill be back in an hour and it had better be done. Yes it was done and I made her get a real job a week later. It was still sh*t and ended badly.

Not only does someone have to have the same goals as me but they have to prove it through their past, not only BS words about the future.