Did I ever tell you what I do for a living?
When I was a little Bo,(not little little, had just turned 18) my dad brought me to work with him a on commercial vessel where I met all his "sealer" buddies. I really had no idea what a sealer was back then, I thought they sealed things for a living. Like boxes or containers and stuff. Boy was I wrong.
My dad went on to explaining the rules.
"Canada only allows 3 ways of doing this" (I still wasn't even sure wtf was going on)
"You can use a rifle or shotgun, provided the caliber is above 22, (canadas laws) but absolutely NO pistols or handguns".
"Or you can use a 'hakapik', if the pik breaks, and its under 4 feet in length you can be arrested" he warns me.
I'm getting really nervous and excited at this point.
We docked the boat by this vast body of ice where men literally went running off the boat with what looked like baseball bats. There was a frenzy of men slipping all over the ice it was hilarious.
But sure enough I see them storming (had to be at least 200 men) across the ice into this mass of black baby seal pups.
Now stay with me, there is a point to all this.
My dad yells "hurry! follow me!!" and I chased after him as one of the seals he had just clubbed had somehow managed to literally slide down the ice as he got on his feet and limped into the water like he was drunk.
My dad goes running after this injured, bleeding seal and I'm trying to not cover my eyes at this point. Grabed it by its hind flippers, but the fvckn thing slipped out of his grip and went swimming out into sea.
He goes "watch this", as the seal is bouncing up and down on the surface of the water trying to swim away, my dad takes out a shotgun and blasts the head right off it, as guys in the boat reach down with a net and scoop its corpse into the boat.
I was laughing my ass off. Even a PETA member would have laughed their ass
off watching that things head explode like a watermelon.
That day we got **42,000** seals on ice between all the men. Clubbing one after another after another, what was once a huge ice landscape was literally painted red with seal pup blood.
I thought it was a bit messed up, till we dock home, some guy comes walking over to my pops and counts out **$6,000** for literally 2 hours work. And it was that day that I realized my calling in life. Over time I got just as quick as my dad (you gotta be quick otherwise they hit the water and your outta luck) and in only 3 years I had already bought my first home (was 21 at this point).
So you can sit there and defend your cats and dogs. You can threaten me by locking me in a room so your husband can have prolonged anal sex with me. (which I don't really consider a threat fyi I'd prob enjoy it too much) But I want you to know, between me and you, when those baby seals are screaming for their worthless little lives, I will always be there, with a club over their head giving them a purpose in this world. To be made into coats.
