Originally Posted by
40plusnewbie;****597
Very sorry to hear that, but in a certain way I envy you. My dad and I got into a fight about a month ago, he was like the only person I got moral support from and got to the point of talking to him every day as I have a lot of hard things going on in my life.
Well one day I was in crisis and called him for support but he started yelling at me and stuff, after letting him know 3 times he was yelling and talking angry to me and asking him to stop and he didn't I told him "this conversation is over" and hung up the phone.
The next week I got a call from my mother and found out my father was in the hospital because of back problems and he couldn't walk. I was still very angry at him but my wife convinced me to go see him in the hospital so I did. After he shook my hand he started bringing up the conversation we had and was accusing me of being totally in the wrong and him being totally in the right. I suggested we have that conversation another time but he persisted in laying into me, defending the way he talked to me, etc and denied any part of wrong doing in the conversation.
I shook his hand and said "have a nice life" and left. My mother followed me to the elevator and I told her "that is the last time I will see him alive or dead."
A few days after fathers day I sent him a card with a picture of a little boy holding onto his fathers leg on the front and a quote "Don't ever think you are not loved" on the inside.
My upbringing was very bad but I had long since forgiven him for his bad parenting because I knew he grew up with no father and did the best he could.
I wrote something like "I will always remember fondly all the time we spent together when you supported me when my back was injured (1 yr rehab, he was very supportive and this is when we became close, just a year or so ago) and the times afterward (we continued to talk daily and spend time together as father and son, me being in my 40's, him in his 60's for the first time in my life.
He's due for more back surgery, he has other medical problems (heart, etc) and became disabled at the age of 50 due to medical issues.
I apologized to my mother for what I said to her at the elevator, she apologized for my father's behavior. After I knew that he had received the card I called my mom and left a couple of messages, she has not called me back. My father has not called me either.
I am jealous of the relationship you have with your father in his time of need despite being treated horribly by my father for the first couple of decades of my life. He is extremely stubborn and I don't know if we will ever speak again. The only solace I have is that I sent the card letting him know how I feel towards him.
Cherish the time you have with your father. I don't know if my father will be able to walk again and I sense he is too stubborn to acknowledge that he was very mean and angry toward me during a period in my life when I needed him most.
I have no relationship with my father. In some ways you are blessed compared to me and my relationship with my father despite the gravity of your dad's medical problems.
Spend time remembering all of the positive times you had with your dad growing up and thank him for being such a positive force in your life. I wish you and your dad the best. Re-live those moments you are grateful to have shared with him growing up and let him know how much you appreciate and love him while conversing with him. Let him know how blessed you are to have a father like him (compared to someone like me who was physically, verbally, and emotionally abused on a daily basis growing up, traumatized in my own house as a little boy by my own parent).
Boost his spirits in this way, it will be powerful medicine for your dad, it will be very therapeutic for him (and you) regardless of how things turn out in the short and long term with his health.
And thank you for posting this, it's nice to hear from someone who has a strong bond with their father and has the opportunity to spend time with him.
I had a terrible relationship with my father and it f'ed me up growing up. All I have now are a few memories of my dad driving me to medical appointments and giving me advice over the phone for a year or so out of 40 some odd years.
Make your dad feel your love as much as you can. Let him know how special he is and how he made you into the caring and loving son that you obviously are. Share the pride you have for having such a wonderful father with him as often as you can.
I don't mean to make light of your dad's situation, but compared to me you are blessed in many ways that you might not even be able to imagine re: your relationship with your dad.
Cherish the time you have with him. It makes me feel better knowing that you have the opportunity to do this. So thanks again for posting this, its nice to know you have such a great dad.
My Dad, My Best Friend
Reply With Quote
