Getting divorced

[D3m3nt3d]

This sucks really bad. Caught my wife talking very sexual stuff to a guy from nursing school about when they used to screw. Then I noticed after he talks about getting off to her bikini pics, and goes into graphic details about what he remembers from their sex....they start texting 6 minutes later, and in swapping around 20 texts before i let my wife know I seen it. Now, I will say this was a private IM I was reading, and based off the conversation it was years back, before her and I. But, she is a married woman, and this dude went to high school with me. He has always been well aware that we were married.

I have given this girl 200% in our marriage, she has not worked, and I did everything I had to including working 7 days a week at one point to take care of our family. I did all this so she could get thru nursing school. I took care of her son, who received no child support from his father, not to mention we have a child together, and I have a daughter as well. We had been having trouble the last 6 months, 3 months being very rough, we even went to counseling. But, I could never understand what the problem was in the first place.

I feel like the worlds falling down on me, and she acts like there was nothing to it. She said they were joking, and they did not want each other. He invited her to his place, as well as she told of her plans to leave me in a few weeks. His girlfriend went thru nursing school with them as well. I have yet to send her the conversation, but I feel she should know, and their relationship deserves to suffer as well.

[FranciscoG]

Been there got the shirt.

Pain will go away with time.

You can take the whore into a house wife.

[Matt]

Cut her throat..

[Ernst]

Cut his throat...

[Times Roman]

where there is smoke...

even if she AINT... she is not ACTING like your woman.

lot of women out there bro'. Just like fishing... if you get one that aint right... you throw it back.

[BG]

Try to get over it as fast as possible and move on. You deserve that kind of disrespect after all you have done...walk away, its not going to get better.

[MaNiCC]

Cut her throat..

Cut his throat...

Agree with both.

You should 100% tell his girl, she has a right to know. sorry to hear that you are going through this, throw her arse out and start trying to put your life back together. If you ever need an ear to bend where all here to help, all the best

-MaNiCC-

[oscarjones]

I'm so sorry bro. This sucks a lot. It's hard to find trustworthy devoted women these days. Good luck with breaking her neck and getting away with it.

[Hazard]

NC isn't too far from me..... i'll help you cover it up if you goto arlington with me and buy me the 6lb milkshake challenge......

~Haz~

[Big]

that sucks man, those times are never easy. the faster you get it behind you the better.

[gettingthere]

About a year and a half ago i broke up with my girlfriend and found that so tough to get over so i cant imagine right now how you feel!! but knock that sucker out and then go out and have some fun

[40plusnewbie]

That sucks big time bro. I'm getting divorced too, just posted about it and actually thought this was a thread I started when I saw 'getting divorced', forget exactly what I named mine.

My life is upside down. Just 1 hour ago I suggested a plan to my wife, who has told me many times in the past we should divorce and I was the one who didn't want to. She told me this week that she wishes me the best and wants to be friends. Well tonight after I suggested a plan she rejected it (it was me compromising to help her out) and told me if I go through with my original plan to move to Vegas in a few months "she will make my life suffer and hurt me, etc".

We both have our problems and both are unhappy in the marriage. I can tell you that I feel better about life and myself than I did just a few days ago. I have no idea what exactly she is planning on doing to 'make me suffer' but after the 3rd time she threatened to call the cops on me (because I wouldn't do something she wanted, not because I was threatening her or anything like that, she was slamming dishes and a dumbell on the floor and told me if I didn't leave in vague terms basically threatened to kill me or like harm me in my sleep or something- so I went to a hotel for a few days).

I decided after that the next time she threatens me about calling the cops because she can't get her way (the implication being she will lie to them and tell them I hit her or threatened her or something) that I would call the cops on her. This happened about 4 months ago, she was ranting for 1/2 hour, blasting the radio, etc and said "I'm going to call my brother and have him call the cops", well I called the cops on her and told them she was yelling and screaming, etc and I'm afraid of what she might do, I'm in fear of my safety. I had called the station like 1/2 hour before that to seek advice re: she was yelling and threatens to call the cops when I am doing nothing. Fortunately she admitted to what she said and told the cops I"m a nice guy, etc. Well that put a stop to her threatening to call the cops, thank God.

So fast forward 4 months, we are living together and I took my ring off a few weeks ago. I told her I would never have a child with her, someone who screams for 45 minutes straight (and then blames me for her behavior of screaming) I told her the only people who should be screaming for 45 minutes are 2 year olds and people being chased by axe murderers.

Our situations are very different, but divorce is never easy. Advice I received after the decision was "Every lawyer will tell you that once you decide to get divorced you should leave the house immediately" Unfortunately my monies are tied up in foreign real estate and I was on unpaid medical leave for a long time while in physical therapy/rehab so used up my available savings.

Every day or so there is some different threat or crisis or something. If I could move I would but can't pay for 2 apartments at the moment and don't want to impact my credit so am trying to ride out the lease until the end of Sept.

If I could get out I would. It sucks bad when your life is turned upside down, I was very depressed because things didn't turn out the way I had envisioned when we got married. She confiscated some of my steroids a while back and told me she has them stored somewhere and implied she would call the cops and get me arrested re: having illegal drugs in the house.

Life is really f'ed up sometime. I wish I had some advice. My doctor told me to get into counseling asap. He made an appt for me to see him 1 week from when I saw him Thursday, overbooking to put pressure/try to help me call and schedule a therapy appt.

My wife is like a dude who beats his wife because he told her to have dinner ready at 5pm and it's 5:03 and dinner isn't ready so he beats her and then blames her for the beating because it's her fault because dinner wasn't ready (minus the physical violence).

I'm very sorry to hear that children are also involved in your situation. I wish I could snap my fingers and fix your problem because I know that the process of divorce is friggin painful even though are situations are very different.

I"m afraid to open my mouth and say anything now because of the steroid/cops threat, plus whatever else she means when she says she is gonna hurt my life and make me suffer.

Do what's best for your children my friend, keep their mental and emotional well being on your mind as a top priority. That's the only advice I have. I hope your wife is not spiteful like mine is, sounds like your a great guy and are getting totally screwed over. That sucks big time. I did plenty of shit to make my wife unhappy, unintentionally, but am partly responsible for the turmoil in my life as I have f'ed up behaving negatively towards her. Your a friggin prince compared to me (even though I never did threatening shit like my wife is saying she is going to report me doing).

You deserve a princess, busting your ass to get her through school and then getting played. Hell, you deserve a stable of them. Go join the Mormons and get like five 18 year old wives. I wish I could help you out in some way because I can tell your a much better person than me, even though my wife is doing negative shit, I know I caused her a lot of unhappiness.

If you figure out how to get through this divorce shit please share some advice with me. I got a plan for my future but my present is like I"m sinking in quicksand.

I think that the future holds great things for you, I just get that feeling from the way you describe yourself and your situation. Get ready for some great things to happen in your future while you ride out the tough times in the short term. It's just gotta happen for someone who is as good a person as you.

[stevey_6t9]

smack her across the face it shud make u feel better and more of a man.

fuk this whole marriage shit

[D3m3nt3d]

She just brought my child for 45 minutes. I haven't seen her in a week, and then thats all I see her. This is like a bad nightmare I wish I could wake up from. When my daughter left, I was all ****ed up, and still am. I have been with her since day one. I came home everyday and would talk to my wifes stomach....all these memories are killing me.

[chicmagnet]

So sorry to hear, it will be hard at first, but you need to finish this so you can move on, and you will move on so the sooner the better.

[MotoLifter]

i am sorry to hear your troubles man. never like hearing things like that. but time does heal all wounds, but it will kill until then. try to stay busy to keep your mind off of it. just like the iron game, what doesnt kill ya makes ya stronger. keep your chin up bro youll get by.


Moto

[DSM4Life]

Cut his throat...

Cut her throat..

Cut your throat....




Sorry ran out of people to cut.

[40plusnewbie]

She just brought my child for 45 minutes. I haven't seen her in a week, and then thats all I see her. This is like a bad nightmare I wish I could wake up from. When my daughter left, I was all ****ed up, and still am. I have been with her since day one. I came home everyday and would talk to my wifes stomach....all these memories are killing me.

I can't even imagine how painful this must be but can relate to the 'bad nightmare I wish I could wake up from'. From my amateur understanding of the court system re: divorced parents with kids, custody, visitation, etc the guy totally gets the shaft unless the wife is totally in favor of being extremely flexible/agrees completely with what the father wants.

I have read (it might be different in different states) that father's visitation is considered a separate issue from child support. If the father is a good dad, and he can't pay support, the court considers the good dad aspect to be in the best interests of the child, child support is not connected. I"m not advocating you play financial games with her though.

What I would suggest is that you start keeping a documented journal, without telling her, with dates and times. I would also write in there a summary of how much you love your kids (like the talking to her stomach every day, etc). At court I think they try to mediate visitation if the wife is awarded custody, which they almost always are. You want to have things spelled out very clearly in what that mediator writes. If you want to be able to call and talk to your children at any time you have that spelled out, say between the hours of 9am-8pm or whatever 7 days a week unlimited phone contact (if your child is old enough to talk on the phone). If you wife objects because it ties up her access to the phone you offer to buy a second line and have it installed or something of that nature, if this is part of what you want.

As far as physical contact you want it spelled out clearly how many days a week, the days, the amount of hours on the various days, certain holidays, liberal time over the summers when they are out of school if old enough to stay home with you while your at work or your able to get a baby sitter during the day (i assume you wife would have to do the same). But you want it spelled out in specific details. Three one week periods staying with you during summer vacation to be negotiated well in advance and agreed upon by April 1st. Day visits you want specific pick up and drop off times in there, with a window to be fair to both of you, but not to big of one where you wife can play you and be 1 hour late every day, maybe a 15 minute or 30 minute window each way.

When you have a mediated agreement that both of you sign (if you both don't agree in mediation it will go in front of a judge, you still want what you want and you want the specifics in there.) The reason you want the specifics is because if your wife plays games you keep a log of each instance of visitation, phone contact, etc where she did not abide by the agreement. At first the court won't do much but just tell your wife to follow the agreement. (i.e. she makes up excuses 3 weeks in a row why the kids can't spend the weekend with you or whatever) you petition the court for a hearing and read from your documented journal the specifics of how the agreement was broken. If you have to go back to court again and again because your wife is dicking you around with the kids that journal will prove to be valuable because eventually any judge will have to get tough with your wife.

You always be polite and courteous in court to your wife and everyone. But it's just like work, if you have an employee who 'gets sick' every friday and you document that, eventually the pattern, the documentation, and the warnings which are also documented are going to lead to this person getting fired. If they try to get unemployment that documentation will prevent them from being able to do so.

I'd talk to someone at family court or whatever about visitation, explain your situation and ask for advice. Be polite, don't talk negatively about your wife, simply explain you want more contact and how much you love your kids and how much the relationship means to you, how much you love being a guiding and supportive and loving father to your kids, etc..

Good luck.

[Matt]

Having sex with her sister and mother always helps..

[Flagg]

It's easier for us to say 'cause we're not feeling what you are feeling right now, but the "get this behind you fast" is sound advice.

Just for a minute, take your soon to be ex wife out the equation and ask yourself what have you still wanted to do in life, but felt you couldn't because of your marriage obligations? Use this to go and live life a bit, breathe a little air. Do something crazy, wild and free.

[Hazard]

It's easier for us to say 'cause we're not feeling what you are feeling right now, but the "get this behind you fast" is sound advice.

Just for a minute, take your soon to be ex wife out the equation and ask yourself what have you still wanted to do in life, but felt you couldn't because of your marriage obligations? Use this to go and live life a bit, breathe a little air. Do something crazy, wild and free.

GREAT FVCKING ADVICE right here......

You will get through this..... it's really all just time. When this sorts out and you find someone else who isn't nuts and actually cares for you..... you're going to feel GREAT! Who knows.... she may be waiting for you in spain..... time to take a trip my friend!

~Haz~

[Nooomoto]

She just brought my child for 45 minutes. I haven't seen her in a week, and then thats all I see her. This is like a bad nightmare I wish I could wake up from. When my daughter left, I was all ****ed up, and still am. I have been with her since day one. I came home everyday and would talk to my wifes stomach....all these memories are killing me.

...and people wonder why women get killed.

[vanduhl]

NC isn't too far from me..... i'll help you cover it up if you goto arlington with me and buy me the 6lb milkshake challenge......

~Haz~

hahahahaha...LMAO






also....show the shitheads girlfriend the incriminating evidence then make a sex tape with his girl and mail it to your hown house...ur wifes parents house and the other guys house

[D3m3nt3d]

I showed the girlfriend, looks by facebook she dumped him. Now if the sex was "pretty amazing" 9 ****ing years ago, there is no reason they can't get together all they want.

[Shol'va]

If the woman did you wrong, maybe it's time to find yourself a man. A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is even better. Hey, this buds for you!
Sorry, DSM is rubbing off on me

[Times Roman]

If the woman did you wrong, maybe it's time to find yourself a man. A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is even better. Hey, this buds for you!
Sorry, DSM is rubbing off on me

You know, if your avatar had ponytails, it would be just a tad easier on the eyes?

[jbm]

that's ****ing shit bro... both of them must die! If you could get your kid and leave your wife ASAP. It will just get worse as time goes by... Enjoy your life you don't deserved her.

[stevey_6t9]

[Shol'va]

You know, if your avatar had ponytails, it would be just a tad easier on the eyes?

But then they would both look like Billy Ray Cyrus and no one wants to bring back that Achy Breaky Heart again.

[D3m3nt3d]

She is coming tomorrow to move shit out, and one of my best friends who ironically, also has a child with her. (Her son i speak of) is coming to help her. She figured thats the only guy she could get to help where i wouldn't flip out.

I don't know why the hell a little part of me wants her back. I guess because I was committed, I want my daughter everyday, and I poured so much into this to get her thru school. Now, she is a nurse and I am going to get no benefit from this. It doesnt help she is smoking hot and has nice implants lol. But, I have really showed her no inclination I would try again, she has been wanting out and nothing is going to change that. Nothing I could say is going to make her mind change. But, she will regret it rather she ever tells me so or not.

Not only have I given her everything to just be ****ed over. Now she gets my daughter everyday, all the furniture was hers as I sold all mine, and she is going to get child support from me.

[goodlifting]

this is simply a terrifying story. i commend you, dude. there is no way i could keep myself from getting physically violent if i was in your situation.

[lovbyts]

That is why being a nice guy DOESN'T work pay off most of the time. You cant give the everything. They say they want a man who is always good to them but what they really want is a man who is a man who is a prick part of the time and willing to put them in their place, remind them HE is the man and in charge. Any woman who says different is lying, a dyke or just has no clue.

I have learned the hard way also but I got lucky in the divorce so to speak. I have one now and yes I have given her a lot of everything, support, emotional, financial, physical and every thing else but I have also put my foot down and put her in her place even VERY recently.

If you are married or even in a commited relationship dont be afraid to be a man, be in charge and to be a prick once in a while, say BS if you want to be that way or you wont do that then get the hell out. It works. If they leave then you are better off.

[D3m3nt3d]

That is why being a nice guy DOESN'T work pay off most of the time. You cant give the everything. They say they want a man who is always good to them but what they really want is a man who is a man who is a prick part of the time and willing to put them in their place, remind them HE is the man and in charge. Any woman who says different is lying, a dyke or just has no clue.

I have learned the hard way also but I got lucky in the divorce so to speak. I have one now and yes I have given her a lot of everything, support, emotional, financial, physical and every thing else but I have also put my foot down and put her in her place even VERY recently.

If you are married or even in a commited relationship dont be afraid to be a man, be in charge and to be a prick once in a while, say BS if you want to be that way or you wont do that then get the hell out. It works. If they leave then you are better off.

Well, when we went thru our worst 3 months of problems, I did suck up I admit. She even told me if I stayed there was going to be a little ass kissing, but she said nobody likes an ass kisser. However, when serious things arose such as a month ago. I more than stood my ground. I told her she acted like a damn idiot, I have never been disrespected like that before and I'm not going to be by her. So, I told her she could either go live that life, or she could be married, but it wasn't going to be both. When there were things I was very set in my way about, I let her know. The last argument we had for example before everything happened. But yes, I'm done pampering bitches.

[40plusnewbie]

It wouldn't hurt to consult a divorce lawyer (don't hire one for this) about the chances of you getting financially reimbursed in any way for sacrificing in putting her through nursing school, for which she will now benefit from. Probably depends on how much you earn compared to her, I really have no idea, but I would ask someone who does know if you could get this into consideration as part of the divorce. Like a woman who works 2 jobs so her husband can go to medical school. He becomes a dr with a fat paycheck and then dumps her. I think, at least in some states, if not all, the woman is entitled to some cash from that dude for the sacrifices she made. Might be another area where the man gets screwed in divorce/family situations though, but there's no harm in asking.

[Shinalynn]

I really didnt want to comment in this thread, tho I have been reading it since you posted it a few days ago. I am dealing with some personal issues of my own and as the girl I feel the same way you do.
I have cheated many of times on many of men, but the guy I am with now, other guys dont really cross my mind. Things are rough and I still cant look at another guy. When someone has the ablility to look at someone else in any time of adoration, that is when the relationship is over. IMO I always thought if I kept him adoring me we would be good forever. I didnt take into account him getting comfortable with it and just become and expect thing instead of an appriciate thing. KNIM? Anyway Divorce sucks, when kids are involved it sucks even more.
I would look into getting your daughter. If she is an RN she will pay nice child support. I know lots of states that give full custody to the dad. Dont give up so soon. OH and about the furniture, let her have it. You dont want stuff yall fvcked on anyway. I think it is nasty to bring a bed from a previous relationship into the new one. So yes I always buy a new bed every time I get a new man. LOL
Sorry my post is all over the place. :s

[D3m3nt3d]

I really didnt want to comment in this thread, tho I have been reading it since you posted it a few days ago. I am dealing with some personal issues of my own and as the girl I feel the same way you do.
I have cheated many of times on many of men, but the guy I am with now, other guys dont really cross my mind. Things are rough and I still cant look at another guy. When someone has the ablility to look at someone else in any time of adoration, that is when the relationship is over. IMO I always thought if I kept him adoring me we would be good forever. I didnt take into account him getting comfortable with it and just become and expect thing instead of an appriciate thing. KNIM? Anyway Divorce sucks, when kids are involved it sucks even more.
I would look into getting your daughter. If she is an RN she will pay nice child support. I know lots of states that give full custody to the dad. Dont give up so soon. OH and about the furniture, let her have it. You dont want stuff yall fvcked on anyway. I think it is nasty to bring a bed from a previous relationship into the new one. So yes I always buy a new bed every time I get a new man. LOL
Sorry my post is all over the place. :s

I see what you're saying. It's just the fact that I gave up everything literally. I went bankrupt supporting us, and now she doesn't just walk away, she takes my daughter, and everything in the house like it was ME who did HER wrong. I hear there are photos on her facebook of her and some dude in Miami from the night after she sends me a message subject "im an idiot". She blames all this on she wanted to leave before the conversation took place. But, she took my car and spent my money down there under the agreement we were going to try and fix things when she returned. Then we got into a disagreement about her going out to the bar one night while she was there. It wasn't that i was not understanding that she was with her family, altho there is nothing to them either, it's the fact she has always had the same outlook as me, bars and clubs are not meant for serious or married couples unless you are going together. She didn't even ask me, she told me...and at first didnt even tell me it was a bar.
But, before all this happened I noticed she packed her hoochie shorts that she hasn't worn since we started dating. Matter of fact she said she felt too old to wear them now. To me, there is a difference in what you wear when you are trying to attract someones interest, and what you wear when you're married. She seemed to have always respected that, but truth be told last 2 summers she couldn't wear them because of pregnancy and babyweight. It was just like adding insult to injury. Not only are you going to hit the bars while you're away, but dress like a single attraction seeking female, with her implants exposing as much cleavage as possible.
She has yet to apologize to me for any of this.

[calgarian]

Ok I am no expert i divorce but here is my 2 cents.....Part of you dont want to let go of her....where reality is ITS OVER....The only thing I be worried about is getting my child back NO MAN can love my child like I do.....I get she is smoking hot and have implants....so what ?some women are keeper and some arent. She isnt one of them. If she doesnt appreciate what you did for her 9 years why would that make a difference now? Move on get your child back rest of the stuff will sort itself out...

I apologize if I come a little strong but when the kid is involve I kinda get emotional.

[D3m3nt3d]

Ok I am no expert i divorce but here is my 2 cents.....Part of you dont want to let go of her....where reality is ITS OVER....The only thing I be worried about is getting my child back NO MAN can love my child like I do.....I get she is smoking hot and have implants....so what ?some women are keeper and some arent. She isnt one of them. If she doesnt appreciate what you did for her 9 years why would that make a difference now? Move on get your child back rest of the stuff will sort itself out...

I apologize if I come a little strong but when the kid is involve I kinda get emotional.

Make no mistake about it. She has always thought she was hot shit, and the implants have made her worse. She got them when she was with her ex, not me. But up until our engagement was broke off, I was the only other person she had been with except him. Truth be told, her moms the same way and she is following in her footsteps. She broke off our engagement and was running around with her still legally married husband! Of course she lied to me about nothing happened. I know she did. Truth is she has been around, and Im sure more than I know.

I am going to try and get my child. I do not want her to model herself after my wife by no means. I want whats best for her, and not seeing her is putting me in a state of serious depression.
I believe my wifes life has been very affected by her mother, and though she always said she didn't want to end up like her, she is heading down that way. Hell she had to quit talking to her mom to get back with me.My wife has "daddy issues" as she has only met hers once, so she is attracted to guys with kids. I don't know how much I have to go on to get custody, but I know I can tell you this much:

Her mom - married and divorced 3 times, 3 kids, 3 different fathers. Engaged I dont know how many more times

my wife - 26 yrs old, married and divorced 2 times (soon to be), 2 kids, 2 different fathers, pregnant 2 other times, in which she had a miscarriage once, then an abortion.

I am just a lot more stable than she is, and so is my family. I do have another child by another woman, other than that I have never been married, was engaged in which that ended as well to no fault of my own. Turns out her and my wife are alot alike, I see that now. I come from a great background, my parents just celebrated their 46th anniversary. I did not pull out of my marriage, I stayed committed no matter how she shit on me, until I seen what I seen and I told her she wants her divorce, she can have it. But deep inside it kills me. I wanted out of my marriage what any person would want, wife and kids. I just can't believe this girl who I seen as my best friend and love of my life, turned like this and can show no caring or compassion whatsoever for me.
She literally just started showing a loss of interest, and wasn't happy anymore. Blamed it on I should do more to help her? Are you kidding me? So, I ran around like a slave trying to make her happy, well she sat and told me nothing was good enough. It may end up being a blessing.

[ReX357]

That is why being a nice guy DOESN'T work pay off most of the time. You cant give the everything. They say they want a man who is always good to them but what they really want is a man who is a man who is a prick part of the time and willing to put them in their place, remind them HE is the man and in charge. Any woman who says different is lying, a dyke or just has no clue.

I have learned the hard way also but I got lucky in the divorce so to speak. I have one now and yes I have given her a lot of everything, support, emotional, financial, physical and every thing else but I have also put my foot down and put her in her place even VERY recently.

If you are married or even in a commited relationship dont be afraid to be a man, be in charge and to be a prick once in a while, say BS if you want to be that way or you wont do that then get the hell out. It works. If they leave then you are better off.

True words spoken here my friend. You have to be the man, or they'll lose interest in you. Your girl has to respect you. What society is trying to put in your head is wrong. All that crap about being romantic doesn't work. All of it started to happen when women started working out of the house. Radio stations, magazines, television channels. Women now have control over a lot of the content that is broadcasted to society and are trying to implement those romantic ideals that can't work. Genetically speaking, the man is wired to be the total opposite of the woman so they complete each other. The man works hard, is aggressive and in control. That is the way nature intended it to be. When a man acts the opposite way, females are lost. Their romantic ideal is incompatible with their genetic configuration.

The bottom line is: be a dick, take control, walk away if you're not happy.

[AlphaGenetics]

Ive been thru divorce too and you need to get a lawyer and stand up for yourself now, your intitled to more than you know especially since you put her thru school. Fight for everything, your daughter being number one. Dont just give her anything, let her know you want more than you do, so she is more apt to compromise in your favor later. Make a list of all the bad things about her and then a list of all the good things about her. I have a feeling the list will be lopsided. Keep this list with you when your missing her and read it. Once you have time to get over this you will look back and wonder what you were thinking being sad over losing her. You desearve way better than what she gives you bro, she sounds like a very selfish person that wouldnt give a squirt of piss to save your life. This is a chance to get your life together, look at it as a positive and healthy thing since you cant change her, and see her for what she is now. gl bro