Fml

[Shinalynn]

I just really need to vent, before I go crazy. When you read this post please dont think it is an pity party post..I just need to get a few things off my chest. Thanks.
First, my daughter spend all June with her dad. Everything seemed fine. When I picked her up, she had a black eye. Apparently he dad hit her in the face because he thought she lied to her. THEN he told her not to tell me because I would take her away from him. She doesnt want to be taken away from her dad (my daughter is 9 btw) so I am at a loss as what to do. I told him to go to anger management, and until he completes that and parenting classes, he can only have supervised visits. Now I cant stand the sound of his voice...and for the first time in years, I hate him again.

Then the boyfriend and I are not exactly seeing eye to eye..since most of all know him I wont go into much detail, BUT most days it doesnt look good, and it breaks my heart.

Then there is last night. My best friends little cousin, which is also my little sisters best friend, died last night in a car accident. She was only 23 and has two kids. She was like a little sister to me. Once again I am at a loss for words for the pain..

On top of all this drama, and heart ache, I am in school full time and I work full time. This is stressful in its self. So for those of you who are religious..say a quick one for me. Im in serious need of it.
Thanks guys for letting me vent.

[Big]

my condolences for your loss. as for the ex, I would call the police and make a report. seriously.

[Nicotine]

sorry for your loss...but big is right - get that incident with your daughter documented ASAP.

small physical abuse is usually the start of something worse/escalation.... (im not saying a black eye to a 9yr old is small, but it's usually a sign of worse things to come)

protect yourself and your daughter - at the end of the day, no one else matters but her/your safety.

i wish you all the best.....

[vanduhl]

sorry for your loss...but big is right - get that incident with your daughter documented ASAP.

small physical abuse is usually the start of something worse/escalation.... (im not saying a black eye to a 9yr old is small, but it's usually a sign of worse things to come)

protect yourself and your daughter - at the end of the day, no one else matters but her/your safety.

i wish you all the best.....

x2....first and foremost....the daughter.

[Times Roman]

anger management is a political ploy that seldom, if ever works. Sorry for your loss. I've done the f/t school/work thing, it really takes it out of you. Stress is a killer. Sometimes, just having a drink is the best medicine. Not sure what else I, or anyone else can offer. Let us know how it goes..

[Shinalynn]

Thanks, I thought about calling the police, but it would not do my daughter any good. If anything she would just want to run to him more. So I did more of get him help approach.

[Vitruvian-Man]

I just really need to vent, before I go crazy. When you read this post please dont think it is an pity party post..I just need to get a few things off my chest. Thanks.
First, my daughter spend all June with her dad. Everything seemed fine. When I picked her up, she had a black eye. Apparently he dad hit her in the face because he thought she lied to her. THEN he told her not to tell me because I would take her away from him. She doesnt want to be taken away from her dad (my daughter is 9 btw) so I am at a loss as what to do. I told him to go to anger management, and until he completes that and parenting classes, he can only have supervised visits. Now I cant stand the sound of his voice...and for the first time in years, I hate him again.

Then the boyfriend and I are not exactly seeing eye to eye..since most of all know him I wont go into much detail, BUT most days it doesnt look good, and it breaks my heart.

Then there is last night. My best friends little cousin, which is also my little sisters best friend, died last night in a car accident. She was only 23 and has two kids. She was like a little sister to me. Once again I am at a loss for words for the pain..

On top of all this drama, and heart ache, I am in school full time and I work full time. This is stressful in its self. So for those of you who are religious..say a quick one for me. Im in serious need of it.
Thanks guys for letting me vent.

You've always given me very honest advice in the past, so I would like to return the favor.

First off, I'm sorry for the hard-times and your loses, I too just experienced the loss of my mother only a couple of months ago to lung cancer. It was unbelievably hard to bear, but just remember, life will always go on. Just keep your head up

That said, you need to wake up, and get out of this trance. Your daughter is just entering adolescent's, and there is no way you can morally sit back and allow ANYONE to do physical harm to her.

You need to document those injuries immediately, with pictures. And then take her down to the police station and fill a report.

It doesn't matter what any 9 year old does or says, there is NO way it's EVER right to hit them. It's a serious crime, and it should be. Child abuse is a horrific act.

Have you even considered the implications of not going to the police? How many times do you think he'll abuse her in the future?

Just like a doctor takes an oath to always do what's best for the patient; you must have taken an oath as a mother to always protect your children.

In addition, I would seriously consider getting your daughter to talk to a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. Things of this nature can have a very significant impact on a child's development, and open stays with them for quite some time.

Smarten up, and please do what's right.

If you need any help, PM me.

-VM

[Shinalynn]

You've always given me very honest advice in the past, so I would like to return the favor.

First off, I'm sorry for the hard-times and your loses, I too just experienced the loss of my mother only a couple of months ago to lung cancer. It was unbelievably hard to bear, but just remember, life will always go on. Just keep your head up

That said, you need to wake up, and get out of this trance. Your daughter is just entering adolescent's, and there is no way you can morally sit back and allow ANYONE to do physical harm to her.

You need to document those injuries immediately, with pictures. And then take her down to the police station and fill a report.

It doesn't matter what any 9 year old does or says, there is NO way it's EVER right to hit them. It's a serious crime, and it should be. Child abuse is a horrific act.

Have you even considered the implications of not going to the police? How many times do you think he'll abuse her in the future?

Just like a doctor takes an oath to always do what's best for the patient; you must have taken an oath as a mother to always protect your children.

In addition, I would seriously consider getting your daughter to talk to a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. Things of this nature can have a very significant impact on a child's development, and open stays with them for quite some time.

Smarten up, and please do what's right.

If you need any help, PM me.

-VM

Thanks for the advice, I did take pics, and her first councling appointment is Monday at 8 am. I did everything but call the police or the child abuse hotline. I told my mom to call them that way I would not look like the bad guy in my daughers (tiny) eyes. I am FURIOUS at him. We are baiscally like brother and sister, so not only does this break my heart that my daughter was abused, it pisses me off that after all these years, and progress he would do something that dumb. I did let some of my "friends" know what happened and with in the month he will get a lil payback. HOWEVER Tiny wants to see her dad, she wants to call him, she loves her daddy. I cant stop that. I came from a broken home and I hated my mom for keeping me away from my dad. Yes my dad sucked, but I still hated her for keeping me from him.
Now dont get me wrong, I am worried for her saftey, but at the same time I am going to make sure that if he does touch her in ANY way he will know its his life. I will not be the one behind it either. Tiny is well loved and cared for by many.

[MaNiCC]

I agree that you should get your doctor a psychological appointment. He should never have raised a hand to your daughter and needs to be taught a lesson, see how he likes being hit and feeling defenceless.

If you need an ear to bend let me know

-MaNiCC-

[jbm]

sorry for your loss...but big is right - get that incident with your daughter documented ASAP.

small physical abuse is usually the start of something worse/escalation.... (im not saying a black eye to a 9yr old is small, but it's usually a sign of worse things to come)

protect yourself and your daughter - at the end of the day, no one else matters but her/your safety.

i wish you all the best.....

x2... and just always have faith to GOD....

[NattyR1]

here.

Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.
O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

saving private ryan, the sniper jackson quotes.

[cherrydrpepper]

here.

Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.
O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

saving private ryan, the sniper jackson quotes.

Thats really cool of you to post that up especially with being relatively new. Props.

I've always liked the serenity prayer

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.

[cherrydrpepper]

Also:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Disclaimer: I am not religious per se but I believe in a higher power that loves all of us if that makes any sense.

[AlphaGenetics]

You need to report this NOW!! If child protective services catches wind of this and you diddnt report it they can say that you failed to protect your daughter and she can be taken from you. Just my two cents.

[Vettester]

What kind of person would hit their daughter?? Especially to the point to get a black eye. Well, it sounds like you've got the ammo to go after him ... Take him out!

Sounds like it's one of those "when it rains it pours" periods in your life. Keep your chin up, it will get better!

[cobra305]

First off sorry for your loss life is tough sometimes.
You need to file a report regardless of how guilty you will feel. Not doing so is telling your daughter that it is okay for men to hit women and this could end up causing her to be in abusive relatuinships in the future. You cannot just look the other way because you do not want your daughter's feelings to get hurt, next time he could put her in the hospital...

[sigman roid]

Sorry for you loss shi i know what its like to lose someone close to you,As for the situation with your daughters dad i wouldnt let him anywhere near her,being a father of 4 daughters myself i know the out come of anyone putting a hand on anyone of them.

[Matt]

So sorry to hear of your loss...

Your ex needs a good fvcking slap, if he's capable of blacking her eye then what else could he do. I would take great pleasure in beating such a person to an inch of his life...

Keep strong and you'll come through this and im sure that what ever you do will be for the best...

[AlphaGenetics]

You need to report this NOW!! If child protective services catches wind of this and you diddnt report it they can say that you failed to protect your daughter and she can be taken from you. Just my two cents.

My wife had a drinking problem when we were married and she would start fights with me often. I would leave and go hang out at my friends till she calmed down (sobered up)so the kids diddnt have to hear it. Sometimes I would take the kids with me sometimes I would leave them because they were in bed already. She got the attention of cps during one of her drunk episodes and they took our kids and charged me with failure to protect from her drinking. My x diddnt want me to get the children (cause shes a jealous dumb, selfish bitch) so she talked all kinds of shit about me which delayed me getting the kids. They sat in a foster home until i got my own place, divorced her and finished anger management and parenting classes. Cps is fkn out of control and they are very powerfull So Im speaking from experience. Im not trying to come down on you, but losing your kids is a very horrible experience for both parents and children. You also want to make a statement to your daughter that this shit isnt acceptable. I would suggest reporting him and he will be forced to do a year of anger management which will in the long run help keep him from ever touching your daughter again. I just punched a truck in anger and that was used against me. It had nothing to do with the kids but I still got the shaft. (That was the last time I ran a high dose of tren btw haha.) I hope for your daughters sake you protect her from him until he is punished for his actions and learns not to hurt children, its fkn dispicable and turns my stomach because I have an 8 year old girl and if someone touched her it would be more than anger management that he would be dealing with.

[DSM4Life]

I just really need to vent, before I go crazy. When you read this post please dont think it is an pity party post..I just need to get a few things off my chest. Thanks.
First, my daughter spend all June with her dad. Everything seemed fine. When I picked her up, she had a black eye. Apparently he dad hit her in the face because he thought she lied to her. THEN he told her not to tell me because I would take her away from him. She doesnt want to be taken away from her dad (my daughter is 9 btw) so I am at a loss as what to do. I told him to go to anger management, and until he completes that and parenting classes, he can only have supervised visits. Now I cant stand the sound of his voice...and for the first time in years, I hate him again.

Then the boyfriend and I are not exactly seeing eye to eye..since most of all know him I wont go into much detail, BUT most days it doesnt look good, and it breaks my heart.

Then there is last night. My best friends little cousin, which is also my little sisters best friend, died last night in a car accident. She was only 23 and has two kids. She was like a little sister to me. Once again I am at a loss for words for the pain..

On top of all this drama, and heart ache, I am in school full time and I work full time. This is stressful in its self. So for those of you who are religious..say a quick one for me. Im in serious need of it.
Thanks guys for letting me vent.

If your daughters father hit her, giving her a black eye and you didnt go to the police your crazy. Your not protecting your daughter , your protecting her coward father.

[HitIt]

He blackened the eye of your 9 year old girl and you threatened him with supervised visitation? what does he get if he maims her?

[Shinalynn]

I would like to restate, that I have "friends" and it was taken care of the old fashion way. I agree with each and every post, well except the I am crazy one LOL DHS was called, just not by me. See I am doing what dhs would do, they would make him go to classes and get supervised visits. IF they even convict him of anything. In the great state where I live parents get away with alot.
My daughter LOVES her dad..if I hurt him in anyway, I hurt her. So I will let others hurt him for me. Thanks guys for your thoughts and advise.

On another note, I just came back from the girl that died family. She was like a little sister to me and we stayed up all night looking through photos. So sad, I can not express my feelings of sorrow. She was hit coming back from the rodeo, a drunk driver crossed the line and hit her car head on. Apparently it rolled three times and crused every bone in her body. I seen her mom for the first time today, and as soon as she seen the photos we got together, she broke down.

I have only had 8 hours sleep in the past two days..so I am off for a one hour nap then homework for me. Thanks again for yalls words and thoughts.

[sigman roid]

I would like to restate, that I have "friends" and it was taken care of the old fashion way. I agree with each and every post, well except the I am crazy one LOL DHS was called, just not by me. See I am doing what dhs would do, they would make him go to classes and get supervised visits. IF they even convict him of anything. In the great state where I live parents get away with alot.
My daughter LOVES her dad..if I hurt him in anyway, I hurt her. So I will let others hurt him for me. Thanks guys for your thoughts and advise.

On another note, I just came back from the girl that died family. She was like a little sister to me and we stayed up all night looking through photos. So sad, I can not express my feelings of sorrow. She was hit coming back from the rodeo, a drunk driver crossed the line and hit her car head on. Apparently it rolled three times and crused every bone in her body. I seen her mom for the first time today, and as soon as she seen the photos we got together, she broke down.

I have only had 8 hours sleep in the past two days..so I am off for a one hour nap then homework for me. Thanks again for yalls words and thoughts.

Your welcome, anything else we can do just let us know.

[taiboxa]

i seriously cant believe "Tai" wasnt mentioned once in this thread.. I mean.. fo'real?

anyways yeah as far as advice that was given for the child abuse, i have already mentioned all that was previously stated.. and the thing is, as much as i would love to snap him like a slim jim.. he is literally 2/5's my weight and about 4inches taller than me.. which means if i did get physical with him.. ... you know how fast i'd end up behind bars?! >:[

so w/o calling the police ... it is truly difficult to handle the child situation in a "LowKey" manner..

and seriously.. how was i not mentioned in this thread!?

[Vitruvian-Man]

i seriously cant believe "Tai" wasnt mentioned once in this thread.. I mean.. fo'real?

anyways yeah as far as advice that was given for the child abuse, i have already mentioned all that was previously stated.. and the thing is, as much as i would love to snap him like a slim jim.. he is literally 2/5's my weight and about 4inches taller than me.. which means if i did get physical with him.. ... you know how fast i'd end up behind bars?! >:[

so w/o calling the police ... it is truly difficult to handle the child situation in a "LowKey" manner..

and seriously.. how was i not mentioned in this thread!?

Why does it have to be low key is what I don't understand?

Hitting a child is plain wrong. You don't even have to call the police.

Call child protective services, you can file the report through then, and never even be in contact with the police (that said, you will probably have to talk to a social-worker for some time.)

You guys got to put the best interest of the child first.

-VM

[Shinalynn]

Why does it have to be low key is what I don't understand?

Hitting a child is plain wrong. You don't even have to call the police.

Call child protective services, you can file the report through then, and never even be in contact with the police (that said, you will probably have to talk to a social-worker for some time.)

You guys got to put the best interest of the child first.

-VM

I dont think you understand. We are not keeping the legal part of this low key, we are keeping the illegal part of it low key. I wanted to come out looking like a champ. Today was my daughters first councling session, and the councler and I called CPS. THIS way later down the road if the jack a$$ would try to say I took her away (to gain favor of my daughter) I could say NO the councler did. The councler based her opions on what my daughter told her not me. BESIDES I am making him do EVERYthing that CPS would have him do. He CAN NOT see my daughter with out supervised visitation UNTIL he completes a 10wk Anger Management Course, AND a Parenting Class. Please do not think I am letting him get away with this just because I have waited to call. Sadly enough, these domestic situations are like a game of chess. Where it may look an ill-managed piece is easy prey... that target soon becomes not only the most well protected piece but the primary focal point in a check mate move.

[Igifuno]

You've been through a lot.. I think you've got some good advice on this thread, but I understand how it can be more complicated when its happening to you..

Above all else do what's best for your daughter, but don't fool yourself as to what that is.. .be honest with yourself.. If her father is abusive, although she loves him, its best that he not be giving any opportunity to ever do that again. You love your daughter, which is why this is adding to the difficulty of this. Either way, your daughter will be hurt, and your defense mechanism for the love of your daughter is making you justify allowing the relationship to continue becuase you know that ending it will hurt her and, as a parent, I know that can eat you alive. I'm not in your situation and no one can tell you what to do, but at the end of the day, its you that knows what is right. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

[AlphaGenetics]

I dont think you understand. We are not keeping the legal part of this low key, we are keeping the illegal part of it low key. I wanted to come out looking like a champ. Today was my daughters first councling session, and the councler and I called CPS. THIS way later down the road if the jack a$$ would try to say I took her away (to gain favor of my daughter) I could say NO the councler did. The councler based her opions on what my daughter told her not me. BESIDES I am making him do EVERYthing that CPS would have him do. He CAN NOT see my daughter with out supervised visitation UNTIL he completes a 10wk Anger Management Course, AND a Parenting Class. Please do not think I am letting him get away with this just because I have waited to call. Sadly enough, these domestic situations are like a game of chess. Where it may look an ill-managed piece is easy prey... that target soon becomes not only the most well protected piece but the primary focal point in a check mate move.

Im glad to hear you called cps but he needs more than 10 weeks of anger management. You need to force him to 56 weeks. He wont learn shit in 10 weeks. Ive been thru the program thats why Im saying this.