The Homosexual Agenda

**Shol'va** · 07-17-2010, 10:19 PM

Ever wonder what these T.V. Evangelists are talking about when they need more money in their coffers and scare their congregation into giving more by telling them of the "Impending Homosexual Agenda"?

The Homosexual Agenda

8:00am Wake up. Wonder where you are.

8:01am Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least 300 count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.

8:02am Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell him you are late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.

8:05am Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you,"It was fun. I'll give you a call," as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.

8:06am Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.

8:07am Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you've heard about Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.

8:30am Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and the only shirt that is clean.

8:45am Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.

9:35am Stroll into office.

9:36am Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add "It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him."

10:15am Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a client." Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).

10:30am Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda anti-humectant pomade.

11:30am Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone . Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.

12:00pm Tan. schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.

12:30pm Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, taking 10 minutes to knot your tie while you check out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a t-back and having dollars stuufed in their crotch.

1:00pm Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest, and penis size from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a hot, new restaurant. Because the maitre d' recognizes you from a gay bar, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 12:30.

2:30pm "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.

3:33pm Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments ( in addition to other nations' governments); destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle; secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent children; give AIDS to as many people as you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and turn people away from Jesus, causing them to burn forever in Hell.

4:10pm Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western Civilization and look like you are having way too much fun doing it.

4:30pm Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest and being so terribly witty.

6:00pm Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.

6:47pm Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.

7:00pm Go to Abercrombie & Fitch and announce in a loud voice, "Over!"

7:40pm Stop looking at photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch and go to a cool store to begin shopping.

8:30pm Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be "over" by the time it gets it's first review in the local paper.

10:30pm Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can't navigate a crowd with a lit cigarette in one hand and a stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make audible remark about how "trashy" people who still think smoking is acceptable, are.

12:00am "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.

And as Paul Harvey says, now you know the rest of the story...Good Day!

**alexISthrowed** · 07-17-2010, 10:33 PM

what?

**stack_it** · 07-17-2010, 10:48 PM

Gay....

**AlphaGenetics** · 07-17-2010, 11:02 PM

disturbingly stupid.

**stevey_6t9** · 07-17-2010, 11:07 PM

**vanduhl** · 07-17-2010, 11:21 PM

**Shol'va** · 07-17-2010, 11:30 PM

Ahh come on guys, where's your sense of humor. Besides the radical religious right has always blamed the gays for something. As a matter of fact they even go as far as saying that the gays are so mentally and psychically powerful that the even cause tsunamis, hurricanes and earhtquakes. Don't believe then check this out.
http://gayrights.change.org/blog/vie...ng_earthquakes

**vanduhl** · 07-17-2010, 11:35 PM

Thats probably more amusing to a gay man than a straight one.

Its like when my mom gets a kick out of short sheeting my bed....i dont think its funny but she does.

**Older lifter** · 07-17-2010, 11:42 PM

The threads are a changing..........

**Nicotine** · 07-17-2010, 11:51 PM

meh.......

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 12:11 AM

Originally Posted by vanduhl

Thats probably more amusing to a gay man than a straight one.

Its like when my mom gets a kick out of short sheeting my bed....i dont think its funny but she does.

But then again it could have something to do with living in a van down by the river!

**Hoggage_54** · 07-18-2010, 08:03 AM

Fabulous!

**Times Roman** · 07-18-2010, 09:33 AM

I don't get it..... so when do we hear about the hot chic?

**DSM4Life** · 07-18-2010, 10:14 AM

**Knockout_Power** · 07-18-2010, 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by Shol'va

the radical religious right has always blamed the gays for something.

isnt it scientifically proven everything is the gays fault? In fact, Im pretty sure its the gay community that invented steroids to kill all insecure heterosexual men, cause as we all know, steroids are the devil and are garaunteed to cause serious sides effects like mental instability, anger, aggression, paranoia, poverty, world hunger, STD's and republicans...

**Knockout_Power** · 07-18-2010, 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by Shol'va

But then again it could have something to do with living in a van down by the river!

am I to understand that there is something wrong with my way of living?

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 08:14 PM

Originally Posted by Knockout_Power

isnt it scientifically proven everything is the gays fault? In fact, Im pretty sure its the gay community that invented steroids to kill all insecure heterosexual men, cause as we all know, steroids are the devil and are garaunteed to cause serious sides effects like mental instability, anger, aggression, paranoia, poverty, world hunger, STD's and republicans...

As the preacher on this mornings show said...Hallelujah and pass the donation plate! Of course that was right after telling us about the gays causing the oil spill in the gulf.

**Knockout_Power** · 07-18-2010, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by Shol'va

As the preacher on this mornings show said...Hallelujah and pass the donation plate! Of course that was right after telling us about the gays causing the oil spill in the gulf.

so the pipe didnt break while some gay guy was trying to hoop it and snapped the end off? Our Preacher lied to us? I wonder what else he lied about, maybe the prostate exam results which he asked me not to tell anyone about

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by Knockout_Power

so the pipe didnt break while some gay guy was trying to hoop it and snapped the end off? Our Preacher lied to us? I wonder what else he lied about, maybe the prostate exam results which he asked me not to tell anyone about

I believe he said it was quote "Blown OFF" by some gays, but kept it a little vague with the young ones being in the audience.

**Knockout_Power** · 07-18-2010, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by Shol'va

I believe he said it was quote "Blown OFF" by some gays, but kept it a little vague with the young ones being in the audience.

lucky pipe

**Skyler** · 07-18-2010, 08:23 PM

Just to let you know, I do not intend on giving the boxer briefs back... They are mine now...

There...

Happy?

**Knockout_Power** · 07-18-2010, 08:25 PM

Probably for the best, I doubt you would have washed them

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by Skyler

Just to let you know, I do not intend on giving the boxer briefs back... They are mine now...

There...

Happy?

Yeah but you might want to wash them.

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 08:27 PM

Whoa deja voodoo

**Skyler** · 07-18-2010, 08:28 PM

The problem with boxer briefs is that they fit nice and snug when you first put them on, but a couple hours in, they start riding up your thigh and fit like regular briefs. So then you adjust them, they ride back up, you readjust, etc.
Next thing you know you, you are wearing some worn out undies.
I solve this problem by going commando religously.

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by Skyler

Just to let you know, I do not intend on giving the boxer briefs back... They are mine now...

There...

Happy?

Finally I get to see a pic of the dog.....and your puppy too!

**Knockout_Power** · 07-18-2010, 08:31 PM

dammit, looks like the gays are responsible for my early curfew now... later guys.

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by Skyler

The problem with boxer briefs is that they fit nice and snug when you first put them on, but a couple hours in, they start riding up your thigh and fit like regular briefs. So then you adjust them, they ride back up, you readjust, etc.
Next thing you know you, you are wearing some worn out undies.
I solve this problem by going commando religously.

For us dumb civilians does commando mean naked as a jay bird?

**Skyler** · 07-18-2010, 08:33 PM

Yeah, thats my SAM GIRL! I LOVE my pretty girl Sam...
She just turned one....

...My pretty pretty Sam girl...

I have a real soft spot for dogs. I honestly like them more than people.

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 08:33 PM

Originally Posted by Knockout_Power

dammit, looks like the gays are responsible for my early curfew now... later guys.

Dammit your curfew tonight the world tomorrow.

**Skyler** · 07-18-2010, 08:33 PM

Cammando does in fact mean that my balls swing free in the wind.

**Shol'va** · 07-18-2010, 08:36 PM

Originally Posted by Skyler

Yeah, thats my SAM GIRL! I LOVE my pretty girl Sam...
She just turned one....

...My pretty pretty Sam girl...

I have a real soft spot for dogs. I honestly like them more than people.

Thats cause they are mans best friend and wont cheat on you steal from you leave you for someone else, are always there for you in good times and bad. No matter how mean you are to them they never runaway. My next relationship is going to be a puppy. And no bestiality involved!