Every weekend, my fiancee gets drunk and we argue...

[jazzHands]

So I met my fiancee in Virginia, she's in college, I'm in the Marine Corps. I was stationed in VA, now in California. So we have a long distance relationship.

Almost every Friday and Saturday, her and her roommates drink. I personally despise drinking, especially when you drink to get drunk, which they do. Everytime my fiancee drinks, she calls me. And everytime, I am unpleased. She's all slurring and sounds trashed. Well I hate drinking and hate dealing with drunks even more.

So, it always, and I mean, ALWAYS turns into an arguement. And I'm ****ing sick of it. Well tonight we had a huge arguement. I told her the ****ing truth, that her drinking every weekend like that is hurting and ****ing up our relationship.

After that, tears ensued, I feel like shit, but I feel like a freight train has been lifted off me. And now she doesn't want to talk to me...

The thing is, these arguements happen every time she drinks. I don't know what to do about it. I told her my stance on drinking and I don't want to talk to her when she's drunk, but she still calls.

She's not even 21, she's 19. I know she drinks cuz her roommate is literally an alcoholic. Hell tonight she even told me her room mate gave it to her and gave another.

[DSM4Life]

My last girlfriend , yes GIRLfriend was the same way. She would drink way beyond what she was able to handle. It got to the point where i would have to be beside her all the time because she was so far gone that any guy could have easily taken advantage of her. Even after we broke up i still see photos on her facebook of her at parties playing drinking games. While there are time where yes i drink to get drunk they are few and far between.

[Nooomoto]

What is it with soldiers and trying to get married before they get a gray hair? I've seen it 1000 times, and it never works out. On top of that, she's 19...what are you expecting? If you hate drinking and hate dealing with drunks, you probably shouldn't have proposed to a lush.

Get rid of her and move on, find someone more to your taste.

[bdzemske]

ya i mean she is only 19 now, what will happen when she can drink legally? ya know?

[HitIt]

you know what to do. and we're telling you what you know so there you go...meet yourself a non drunktard

and if all else fails you've got jazzhands

[jazzHands]

U guys serious? I've been engaged for 7 months now. I'm not going to break up with her over stupid shit like this. I love her unconditionally regardless. Age has nothing to do with it. We're not talking about AAS here, we're talking about a women who loves me more than anything, and I love her more than anything...

Btw unless ur a ****ing 1st sgt, don't act like "you've seen it all" in regards to my situation. And I'm not a soldier. Don't mix the two up.

Irregardless, its always her roommate that starts off the drinking for that day, and my fiancee follows suit. I love her roomates to death, they're like my sisters, but they always tip it off.

[BG]

I think she starts fights with you so she can can give herself a reason to cheat on you.

[MrGreen]

How old are you?

I promise you she drinks because she wants to not because someone is putting a gun to her head and forcing her. If she loved you so much then why would she constantly do things that hurt you? Just sayin....

At 19 you are fighting an uphill battle as many have which is why they tell you their opinion. Not to mention typically people speak the truth when they are drunk. It will just lead into more issues and next thing you know she will have slept with someone else and the reason will be because she was drunk.

[JDawg1536]

Irregardless

[jojomcgo]

My last girlfriend , yes GIRLfriend was the same way. She would drink way beyond what she was able to handle. It got to the point where i would have to be beside her all the time because she was so far gone that any guy could have easily taken advantage of her. Even after we broke up i still see photos on her facebook of her at parties playing drinking games. While there are time where yes i drink to get drunk they are few and far between.

you had a girl friend lol

[Nooomoto]

U guys serious? I've been engaged for 7 months now. I'm not going to break up with her over stupid shit like this. I love her unconditionally regardless. Age has nothing to do with it. We're not talking about AAS here, we're talking about a women who loves me more than anything, and I love her more than anything...

Btw unless ur a ****ing 1st sgt, don't act like "you've seen it all" in regards to my situation. And I'm not a soldier. Don't mix the two up.

Irregardless, its always her roommate that starts off the drinking for that day, and my fiancee follows suit. I love her roomates to death, they're like my sisters, but they always tip it off.

Yeah...we are serious. You're not going to break up with her over "stupid shit like this?", well homeboy...if it was that trivial you wouldn't of bothered posting it, and it wouldn't cause arguments and fights EVERY weekend. Let's break this down...

A) She's 19
B) She drinks to the point of incoherence weekly, sometimes twice a week.
C) You constantly get in arguments because of her drinking and unwillingness to stop
D) You've been ENGAGED for 7 months to a 19 YEAR OLD who you DON'T LIVE WITH

In what world does that sound like a recipe for success? From your description, not knowing her and only with information coming from YOU, she sounds like the typical self-centered, immature brat that hangs around military bases looking to marry the next Joe in line so she can get a free ride.

If someone you supposedly love and care deeply for comes to you and says "Hey, this thing you are doing is hurting me..." and they make NO effort at all to change that situation, then you are driving down the wrong road and need to turn the **** around. She's obviously made partying and getting shitfaced with her roommates more of a priority than you and your concerns. Take the hint.

[DSM4Life]

you had a girl friend lol

Yes I am down with the roast beef curtains to.

To OP if you told her it bothers you and she continues to do it then she is tellin you drinking is more important than your relationship. End it now.

[D7M]

End it now.

^Yep.

In the long run, you'll be happy you did.

[Tigershark]

Simple answer is she's cheating on you and drinking out of guilt. She calls you so she can hear you say you love her and it will subside some of her guilt. Hate to say oit man but you need to get rid of her before you get in way too deep.

[Cycnasty]

end it

[stevey_6t9]

ur honestly crazy bro, a fukn 19 yr old is your fiancee?

im nearly 20 and all the girls my age are dopey as shit who love to get pissed and make fools outa themselves.

dump her now if u have any common sense

[UberSteroids]

U guys serious? I've been engaged for 7 months now. I'm not going to break up with her over stupid shit like this. I love her unconditionally regardless. Age has nothing to do with it. We're not talking about AAS here, we're talking about a women who loves me more than anything, and I love her more than anything...

Btw unless ur a ****ing 1st sgt, don't act like "you've seen it all" in regards to my situation. And I'm not a soldier. Don't mix the two up.

Irregardless, its always her roommate that starts off the drinking for that day, and my fiancee follows suit. I love her roomates to death, they're like my sisters, but they always tip it off.

Just because you've been engaged for seven months doesn't mean anything.

If you consider this just some "stupid shit" not worth breaking up over, then it shouldn't be a problem. Apparently it ruins your relationship... so much for it being just "some stupid shit".

You are ***** wipped.

If she loved you more than anything then she would stop being drunk instead of repeating it over and over again knowing that it is hurting you.

Man... make up your mind and grow a pair of ballz. Either she changes her apporach or you break up with her. If not... then deal with the drunk.

Keep in mind that some people need time to mature up. Especially that she is only 19. Some people can't change just like that without truly understanding their actions and how it affects others.

I vote: End it now...stop wasting your time. You'll get over it and find soemone much better.

Your life ....your choice.

Good luck.

[Dominant Gene]

i agree with everyone who says get rid of her she sounds like a drunken slag, you dont need that in your life mate

[Jfew44]

No disrespect intended, but how do you expect a 19 year old college girl to act?

[Bojangles69]

U guys serious? I've been engaged for 7 months now. I'm not going to break up with her over stupid shit like this. I love her unconditionally regardless. Age has nothing to do with it. We're not talking about AAS here, we're talking about a women who loves me more than anything, and I love her more than anything...

Btw unless ur a ****ing 1st sgt, don't act like "you've seen it all" in regards to my situation. And I'm not a soldier. Don't mix the two up.

Irregardless, its always her roommate that starts off the drinking for that day, and my fiancee follows suit. I love her roomates to death, they're like my sisters, but they always tip it off.

That’s total utter bullshit what are you living in a Romeo and Juliet movie?
People DON'T love their partners "unconditionally", if you came home to your fiancé
getting a train ran on her by 8 guys lets see how quick the conditions change then.

The first problem here is your level of maturity and all around self-esteem.
The second problem is you don't appear to know shit about relationships.

"Age has nothing to do with it", go read some scientifically validated research on relationships. I do this shit for a living and age has A LOT to do with it. It’s a pretty well known fact the younger you are the less committed, the less dependent (independence is power in relationships) the more unrealistic expectations/ideals, and the higher the chance of a break up all around. Older people are better at commitment (which means a lot), so please don't give me that bullshit. She's a typical inexperienced 19 year old girl like anyone else.

Also, please stop with the "I love her more than anything/she loves me more than anything" nonsense. We are glad that that’s your PERCEPTION of reality, but it means very little as to the actual outcome of the situation.

Problem one, you jumped the gun and are obviously trying to form a relationship as quickly as possible with a girl who JUST BECAME a legal adult. And that’s *legal, a lot of people still consider her very emotionally underdeveloped at that age (which you're catching the brunt of through her behavior, while shes out getting sauced like a lush, and you're here telling us 'age doesn't matter').
How old are you? You saying "age doesn't matter" comes off more of a justification that you are old than age actually not mattering. 26? 29? You're not too old because you write like you're 17 with all this emotional over idealized bs.

People don't evaluate their relationships based on whether they are actually good, they evaluate them on something called a "CL" or comparison level. Which is past relationships, parents/media/etc. That’s why it doesn't matter if this relationship is good, all that matters to you is that its better than your last.
What also is likely keeping you so dependent on this girl is your "CLalt" or the potential of you finding a better mate by leaving her. If you perceive that as low, (usually due to low self-esteem) you'll say things like "shes the only one in the world for me". That’s not based on reality however, its based on the likelihood that YOU can't find someone better by leaving the relationship now.
And investments also play a huge role in this.

You've invested time into a situation with extremely high costs. The girl is young and immature, very unlikely to commit long term ALTHOUGH due to her lack of better judgment and experience she still might marry you. Although I give you a 95% guarantee it would end in divorce.

Yet right now all you are doing in your mind is devaluing why what I'm writing here is wrong, and I'm smart enough to know you MUST think that way in order to preserve your relationship. God forbid you actually considered that you were making a terrible choice. Because that belief doesn't align with the ideal of her "loving me more than anyone in this world". You HAVE to believe that is the point, regardless of what I say. And its even more likely for you to keep believing that due to your obvious low self concept.

You want my advice?
Don't get married, not now or not for the next 10 years until you gain some remote ability to learn what the word "compatible' means. Compatible means similarity in age, hobbies, activities, morals, beliefs. You 2 don't appear to share ANY of that, and anything you DO share will be more or less a coincidence.
Also, please don't blame her roommate that’s so sad. Its like you're getting ready in your mind to figure out how you're gonna hack it when she cheats on you… by blaming the guy obviously and not her for being an immature baby.

So there you go. A thread full of people telling you - you have no idea what you're doing.
And than there's you who will be forced to maintain his self concept by continuing the relationship and maintaining a blindeye to all the dumb shit she does.
There was a study done in 1999 that changed a large portion of how social scientists view relationships. It was done by MacDonald and Ross and titled "Who is the best judge of your relationship?".
I'm recommending it because once you leave this forum and tell yourself "they're all fvckn crazy/stupid", you're likely to analyze the situation yourself and come to an answer that aligns with what you already think (that shes your "soulmate"). If you have the time to read the study, or at minimum the results, you'll know that the LAST person you should ask is yourself.
As people are generally the worst at predicting what will happen to their own relationship. Same exact way you're telling us your engaged to this girl w/out apparently having a clue to where this relationship is actually headed.

Also how long did you wait to propose? The girl is 19 and you've been engaged 7 months, so you must have been dating her prior to that for like what? A whole 3 months or something? Lol. Tell me "no way man!!! You're crazy!!! It was 6 months". Tell me it was 2 years, because nothing you tell me will still justify how inexperienced you are.
You seem so desperate to find someone to marry you, that I'm SURE the only way you're ever gonna learn is after your 3rd or 4th divorce. If you actually possessed the ability to learn from other peoples mistakes… you wouldn't have proposed to her in the first place. So I definitely don't have high hopes. But when your 45 years old wondering why every girl you've met has been an insecure, neurotic lush, the answer is all in this post.

[lovbyts]

ur honestly crazy bro, a fukn 19 yr old is your fiancee?

im nearly 20 and all the girls my age are dopey as shit who love to get pissed and make fools outa themselves.

dump her now if u have any common sense

That's the biggest problem I see. WHY are you engaged at all? She is 19, WAY to long unless you live in the sticks literally, you have known each other since you where 3 and you are limited to her and your 2nd cousin. lol

DONT get married until you are......... 50? lol at least 30.

[bigslick7878]

So I met my fiancee in Virginia, she's in college, I'm in the Marine Corps. I was stationed in VA, now in California. So we have a long distance relationship.

Almost every Friday and Saturday, her and her roommates drink. I personally despise drinking, especially when you drink to get drunk, which they do. Everytime my fiancee drinks, she calls me. And everytime, I am unpleased. She's all slurring and sounds trashed. Well I hate drinking and hate dealing with drunks even more.

It will never work. 2 crackheads can coexist forever, a crackhead and a no partying type person will clash constantly.

[SlimmerMe]

Ask yourself this: are you in love with her or are you obsessed with her?

Believe me, there is nothing in the world better than chemistry. Nothing. But there is nothing worse than abruptly waking up to an unwanted reality when the veil comes off and the illusion has vanished and you look at a drunken girl who has to be taken care of and fed and cleaned up and constantly watched for safety. Plus the grueling gnawing anticipation of impending embarrassment when you are, let's say, invited to sit at an officer's table at a high brow function and your wife is throwing up or cussing out the wife of your superior or passed out in the ladies room where you have to go get her up off the floor....

And now it seems that you spend more time than not, excusing your wife everywhere you go as you become worn down and lose interest in loving her. Chip by chip. It chips away. Your wife has now become YOUR full time job. And all you wanted to do was to be a good Marine and serve and get promoted and see the world with someone you could trust and count on while you might be on duty some place somewhere on the opposite side of the world. Your boyhood dream was to partner up with someone who could watch your back if need be. But sooner than later your gut tells you that you cannot leave your wife alone with your kids for too long because who is going to take care of who?

[Sicko]

MMmmmm 19 year old who likes drinking games and calls me when she is drunk......Damn i miss those days..I will take her if she is hot..Is she? you should post a pic so we can take a poll and see if she is worth keeping...

[Bojangles69]

Oh shes worth keeping lol, I'm sure right now shes being pretty well kept. We are talking about a 19 year old still getting drunk for fun.
These are not generally the types of girls you want to be dating if your LOOKING TO GET MARRIED of all things.

I mean it just boggles my mind why you would propose to a girl like that in the first place. At minimum you can break the freakn proposal.

[lil_herc81]

Wow, reading over your reply to Nooomoto I can see why you argue. It is apparent that you have anger issues yourself and are quick to jump maybe and probably without thinking. If you love her so much... stay, if you cant stomach her the way she is then that's for you to figure out. Dont come asking for advise and opinions if you are not ready to hear what people say bro.

[bruary17]

She's 19.

[D3m3nt3d]

My man Ron White said it best. "How far do you think this airplane is going to take us on one engine?"

"My guess is all the way to the scene of the crash".

Think about it bro.

[DSM4Life]

That’s total utter bullshit what are you living in a Romeo and Juliet movie?
People DON'T love their partners "unconditionally", if you came home to your fiancé
getting a train ran on her by 8 guys lets see how quick the conditions change then.

.

Depends, does she invite you in the train ? Woot wooooooooot

[Times Roman]

she's too young / immature

[Brewster]

This relationship will end one way or another.

[Times Roman]

post her pics on exgirlfriend.com

[DSM4Life]

[HitIt]

i've been thinking...maybe it's your jazz hands that's causing her to drink to stupidity

[BG]

Haha fuc'n great thread. Bet the op didn't expect this.

[Nooomoto]

Haha fuc'n great thread. Bet the op didn't expect this.

I'm pretty sure he thinks we're all assholes (which may be true), and will ignore everything we've said and continue to ride that train off the cliff. That's usually how these things go. It's a rare gem when you see a friend caught up in some toxic relationship and he decides "you know what, you guys are right"

He'll come home from a deployment one day, after doing whatever it is a "****ing 1st sgt" does (it's not soldiering, apparently), and find his stuff in a pile in the living room of an empty house that's been sold out from under him with a note that says "be out by tuesday"

[calgarian]

no she cant do this to her man......"She is mature for her age" ask dukkit how many times he heard that

[D3m3nt3d]

Love is blind, hindsight is 20/20 etc - take it from people who have been there. This is a recipe for disaster bro.

[Dukkit]

Oh this thread just made my day

[bruary17]

she's 19. PEER-EEE-ID.