Brothers,
The following is a completely factual, if unbelievable, account of what transpired a few days before.
I was sitting in my 'Iron Room', a room I have converted into a sort of bodybuilding shrine. Free weights litter the floor (as sometimes I workout at home), empty protein buckets lie around, used needles, amps etc, lie scattered, and the walls are covered with framed bodybuilding photographs and posters. I sat in a chair in the middle of the room, eating protein bar after protein bar, glaring at a large framed poster of the Barbarian brothers training- one of them doing pushdowns, screaming, while the other literally stands on the stack to give added weight. I was visualizing the day when I would appear on the Mr Olympia stage, and send the other contestants running off in shame. As I flipped through the worn pages of this month's issue of 'Flex', I happened to see an advert for Joe Weider's 'Mega Mass 4000'. One serving (approximately 1 pound of powder) yields and awesome 88grams of protein . This is what would push me over the 320 pound mark! Not since Paul's blinding vision of Christ on the road to Damascus had any man seen the light so clearly- I stood up, and began screaming "NOBBY...FOR GOD'S SAKE, WE HAVE TO GET TO THE FUCKING SUPPLEMENT STORE NOW!!!"
I stormed out of the room and up the hall, and lo and behold my grandmother was inching up the hallway with the help of her walker. "Get the fuck OUT of my way, woman!" I screamed, and dealt her a bodycheck into the wall that would put any NHL player to shame. I ran out the front doors, found Nobby waiting in the Rolls, enjoying a mickey of scotch, and we thundered off to the nearest supplement store.
We parked on the sidewalk outside the front door, and barged in, throwing the glass door open with such force that it shattered!
Nobby seized the little man behind the counter, and snarled "Mega Mass 4000- where the fook is it?". Trembling, he directed us to an empty shelf. "We...just sold the last one...to that fellow there..." he whimpered, pointing to a scrawny lad heading on foot out the parking lot, Mega Mass tub in hand. Just then I turned to see our good down-syndrome afflicted friend, Marvin, stocking some shelves. "Marvin...an impostor- a poseur- a pencil neck- has stolen my Mega Mass!" I roared. Nobby grabbed Marvin by one shoulder and whispered "Mahvin, my son, 'URT the BAHSTAHD!". Marvin began screaming, and charged out the doorway, and as we watched he caught up with and tackled the boy carrying OUR Mega Mass 4000. He seized the tub of Mega Mass and began beating the fellow with it, and the tub exploded and covered both of them with powder. Just then, a Weider delivery truck thundered into the parking lot and ran over Marvin!
I was on the scene in an instant, and found Marvin's glasses, with lenses 2 inches thick, lying undamaged. "You can run him over with your trucks, but you can't take away his DIGNITY" I screamed so loud that it was heard across the universe.
The counter boy called an ambulance, and in no time paramedics were loading the boy Marvin had severely beaten into an ambulance and trying to free Marvin's twisted body from the wheel and axle assembly of the delivery truck.
Nobby pulled up the Rolls to the rear of the delivery truck, and as the paramedics, truck driver and store clerk dealt with Marvin I casually opened the back doors of the truck and Nobby and I quietly filled up the trunk of the Rolls with tubs of Mega Mass 4000, then leapt in the car and roared off, laughing.
Anyone else have trouble getting their hands on this amazing mass gainer?
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Originally Posted by Sir Victorian guy, V.C.
