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Thread: Just joking
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07-14-2011, 01:21 AM #1
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Just joking
Seeing as humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress, why are we not laughing??
So I encourage you to post your jokes here and make your OP's laugh.
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07-14-2011, 01:22 AM #2
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Il start
Chuck Norris had sex with a truck and nine months later the truck gave birth to Optimus Prime.
(might only be funny if you've seen transformers, best I could do)
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07-14-2011, 12:08 PM #3
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Aint that a Peach?!
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07-14-2011, 02:20 PM #4
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Pepper dude u suck at jokes.......
Here is one for you
I fvcked a girl yesterday and she wasnt over 200lbs....
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07-14-2011, 02:38 PM #5
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Originally Posted by calgarian
Come on whats the fun in that?lol. I like to slap the thigh and ride the wave in
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07-14-2011, 02:38 PM #6
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Was she over 300lbs? Originally Posted by calgarian
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07-14-2011, 02:40 PM #7
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if she wasnt over 200 lbs how the hell can she be over 300lbs? 300 comes after 200 ...did all those black women stole ur brain as well? Originally Posted by paulzane
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07-14-2011, 02:50 PM #8
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it did say ....."just joking" ... and I won't mention your grammar! Originally Posted by calgarian
if she wasnt over 200 lbs how the hell can she be over 300lbs? 300 comes after 200 ...did all those black women stole ur brain as well?
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07-14-2011, 02:51 PM #9
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man u ruin the joke...ass Originally Posted by paulzane
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07-14-2011, 02:57 PM #10
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what joke? Nothing has been funny here yet!
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07-14-2011, 03:08 PM #11
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The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife. They asked "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked I answered, "Yes, that's her."
They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident."
I said "I know, but she has a lovely personality..."
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07-14-2011, 03:10 PM #12
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A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
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07-14-2011, 03:12 PM #13
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A man goes down on a woman and says, jesus, that stinks!!
The woman says '' It's my arthritis''
The man replies '' What, in your fanny?''
She says '' No, in my shoulder, i can't wipe my ass''
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07-14-2011, 03:13 PM #14
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A blonde phones the Fire brigade and says her house in on fire.
The fireman says '' How do we get there?''
Blonde replies ''HELLOOOO, in your Big Red Truck, stupid!!''
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07-14-2011, 03:14 PM #15
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A tramp walks into a jewellers shop and starts pushing his finger up his ass.
The jeweller screams ''Get Out''
The tramp points to a sign in the window which says ''Come in and pick your ring in comfort''
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07-14-2011, 03:14 PM #16
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A lesbian goes to the doctors and the doctor says ''That's the cleanest vagina i've ever seen''
''Thank you'', says the lesbian, ''i have a woman in twice a week''
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07-14-2011, 03:15 PM #17
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Q. Why do women have orgasms?
A. So that they can moan even when they are enjoying themselves
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07-14-2011, 03:18 PM #18
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I went to the opticians last week,
he said - "you're gonna have to stop wanking"
why ? i asked , am I going to go blind ?
No ,but you're scaring all the other paitents in the waiting room
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07-14-2011, 03:20 PM #19
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What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12!
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07-14-2011, 03:28 PM #20
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Wow paulzane u killed it bro good job. Liked the lesbian joke, lol
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07-14-2011, 03:32 PM #21
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Lol yeah I know, I tried though. I don't have many... I did tell that joke to this Asian chick I was seeing for a bit. She didn't understand and replied " he had sex in a truck with a prostitute and she got pregnant?, I'm not a ****ing whore **** you". Then she slapped me and walked off, true story, lol... Originally Posted by calgarian
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07-14-2011, 03:33 PM #22
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A priest booked into a motel and said, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."
The girl behind the counter said, "No, it's just normal porn, you sick prick".
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07-14-2011, 03:34 PM #23
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My teenage son just told me he shagged the neighbours daughter for the first time last night night.
"Well done son", I said, "I hope you used something for personal protection".
"Yeah dad, a balaclava".
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07-14-2011, 03:35 PM #24
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I've just been banned from a Muslim clothes shop.
I only asked for a bomber jacket.
Touchy bastards.
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07-14-2011, 03:42 PM #25
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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07-14-2011, 11:19 PM #26
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What do an elephant and a grape have in common?
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07-14-2011, 11:19 PM #27
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A:
they are both purple, well... except for the elephant
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07-14-2011, 11:24 PM #28
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Mr Carrot had been in the bar all night. Last call and it was time to go. He stumbles into his car, get's behind the wheel and pulls out of the parking lot.
Minutes later, there is this awful car crash, and Mr. Carrot is seriously injured.
Lights slowly turn on and Mr. Carrot sees a doctor come into focus, looking at him.
Where am I says Mr. Carrot
The doctor says you are in the hospital, you've been here awhile, and I need to tell you something.
What is it asks Mr. Carrot
Well, the doctor continues, i have some good news and some bad news....
What's the good news?
The operation was a complete success....
and the bad news?
Mr. Carrot, I hate to tell you this, but you are going to be a vegetable the rest of your life!
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07-14-2011, 11:44 PM #29
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Lol, can't believe it but that made me laugh Originally Posted by Times Roman
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07-15-2011, 01:47 AM #30
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Really? That just confirmed my ideas on the Yank's sense of humour!!! Originally Posted by Dr Pepper
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07-15-2011, 01:57 AM #31
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Police arrested two kids yesterday;
One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
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07-15-2011, 02:03 AM #32
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SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS: It has been announced that next year's shirt sponsor for TIGER WOODS will be Tampax.
A spokesman for Tampax said:
"To sponsor a cvnt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about."
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07-15-2011, 02:22 AM #33
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'Fu*k off, you won't bring it back.'
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07-15-2011, 09:33 AM #34
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A girl goes to the confessional and says to the priest " Father I'm pregnant, and I think it's the second coming"
"How do you know?" replies the priest
"Because I swallowed the first load"
Boom tish!
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07-15-2011, 09:54 AM #35
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what do a priest and a silver medallist have in common?
they both came in a little behind
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07-16-2011, 05:29 PM #36
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What does Michael Jackson like best about twenty eight year olds??
There are twenty of them
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07-16-2011, 05:30 PM #37
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What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
Can you move, your in my son
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07-16-2011, 05:32 PM #38
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This one is a bad one, so just a heads up warning..
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody d!#k on her teddy bear.
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07-16-2011, 05:35 PM #39
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2 cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal says to the other, "does this tasty funny to you"
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07-16-2011, 05:37 PM #40
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There are 2 friends in the woods, and they had a little to drink.. Between them is a river. So the 1st guy says to his buddy. "How did you get on the other side, I want to get on the other side". So his buddy thinks about that question for a minute, then replys "But your already on the other side"
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