Pix of her ex on her FB.

[Catch]

I don't know who else to ask about this, so I'll run it by you guys. And it's pretty off topic other than the fact that I'm waiting to start my PCT and I guess I'm being a little bitch because my hormones are all over the place. But I feel like if I don't get this out I'm going to have a friggin panic attack.

My girl and I have a very, very long back story but I'll try to keep it short. We dated for a couple years until I had to move away. We tries the long distance thing and I always felt like we were going to get back together because she was/is the one. But... The distance was just too much and she eventually found someone else. It hurt so bad because it felt like she straight up chose this other dude over me. Even though I was the one who left.

I eventualt found someone else too. She was basically a rebound and we ended up getting married and had a kid. But I was miserable. I was still in love with the other girl.

Fast forward 6 years. I'm divorced and I contact her again. It turns out that that guy she was dating got killed in a car wreck a few years prior. We reconnect and basically get back together two years ago. She moved to be with me and we've been living together for the last year.

Now, she still grieves her ex even though it's been like 5 years since his passing. She swears it's not because she still loves him or wishes she was still with him or whatever. It's just that he was taken too soon and it really tore her up.

So, here's the thing. She still has some pictures of him on her Facebook. She has exactly zero of me. One is of them hugging and all smiles and a couple of his modeling shots. AND one of the pics is of the dude with his shirt off and he is fully shredded. I mean, like 6'2-6'3"/220ish and walking around 7% BF. Jealous? Maybe, but that pic just makes me think of two two things. One- I'll probably never look like that without a TON of gear. And more importantly, it's a reminder of what used to be laying naked on top of the woman I love pounding her. Ugh!! Fvck!! It makes me physically ill.

So, should I tell her to take them down? Wait for her to want to take them down. Get over it because she's with me now and that's all that matters? Or be petty and post some pics of the models I've dated?

Before you say it, I have mentioned it to her in passing that her having those pics up bothers me. But I have'nt really let her know the severity of the annoyance.

I dunno. This shit is drivin me crazy. What would you do?

[Shol'va]

Using a photo altering program get his pic altered with him putting a lip lock on another shredded guy and post it up on an anonymous facebook account and give her the web address to it with the headline I don't know how to break this to you but....
That should do it.

[DeniZen]

Print out your post andl let her read it......

[gixxerboy1]

i had a gf that past away. I still have pics of her up and its been alot longer. She also had a tattoo on her shoulder and i went and got the same tat. I got the tat when my wife and i first started dating. She didnt care. And i dont see the issue with what your girl is doing

[Catch]

Thanks for that reply, Gixxerboy. I was hoping someone else had a similar experience. So, your current girl is totally fine with all of that? I guess it hurts a little more for me because we were together before they were. If I had met her after him, it probably wouldn't be as bad for me. I don't know why.

I've been hoping these feelings would pass, but it's been a while now and they're still lingering. If this feeling of unease continues or gets worse, I'm just going to have to talk to her straight about it. I really didn't want to because it makes me feel weak and insecure.

[Public Enemy]

Dude...I am going to be honest with you. I do not want to say some bullshit and just say it to make you feel better or something. This is just my HONEST take on it. First, I think you should have a talk with her, a honest conversation telling her that although you feel her grief, you are looking to move on in life with her and start a family... not sit around wiping her tears as she cries over some guy that she once dated. If she cannot get over the past, then how can you possibly live with her in the future? I know you feel a lot for this girl, but dude believe me you do not want to be the guy who digs himself in this type of a hole, because it will just get deeper and deeper if she still thinks about this dude when ya'll get married and have kids. I live in Bosnia, I know some women who lost husbands because they were executed in front of them during war, yet they continue living life with their new husbands and children. Of course they don't forget, but they surely do not see anything equivalent to the love they have for their new husband and children. This isn't your fault, you just went after the gal that you loved, but it is her fault if she is jumping into another relationship while she is in love with another. And to be honest, it feels like she is not over her former Bf. For now, have a honest conversation with her and tell her that you do not plan on being her girlfriend which listens to her about her love life, you plan on being her man and eventually her husband. Then ask her if she can cope with this and if she says yes, then tell her that its time for her to move on and replace the pictures of her past, with the pics of her present.

Sorry if I come off as harsh or anything, but i think its ridiculous to mourn someone 5 years and have his/her photos on Facebook while already having moved in with another man/woman. Its alright to have a pic or two of them as a dedication or memory but to have them all over your facebook while totally ignoring that no pics of your current partner are there is really retarded.

[Twist]

No offense bro but you must not be filling a void of some sort.

[gixxerboy1]

Dude...I am going to be honest with you. I do not want to say some bullshit and just say it to make you feel better or something. This is just my HONEST take on it. First, I think you should have a talk with her, a honest conversation telling her that although you feel her grief, you are looking to move on in life with her and start a family... not sit around wiping her tears as she cries over some guy that she once dated. If she cannot get over the past, then how can you possibly live with her in the future? I know you feel a lot for this girl, but dude believe me you do not want to be the guy who digs himself in this type of a hole, because it will just get deeper and deeper if she still thinks about this dude when ya'll get married and have kids. I live in Bosnia, I know some women who lost husbands because they were executed in front of them during war, yet they continue living life with their new husbands and children. Of course they don't forget, but they surely do not see anything equivalent to the love they have for their new husband and children. This isn't your fault, you just went after the gal that you loved, but it is her fault if she is jumping into another relationship while she is in love with another. And to be honest, it feels like she is not over her former Bf. For now, have a honest conversation with her and tell her that you do not plan on being her girlfriend which listens to her about her love life, you plan on being her man and eventually her husband. Then ask her if she can cope with this and if she says yes, then tell her that its time for her to move on and replace the pictures of her past, with the pics of her present.

Sorry if I come off as harsh or anything, but i think its ridiculous to mourn someone 5 years and have his/her photos on Facebook while already having moved in with another man/woman. Its alright to have a pic or two of them as a dedication or memory but to have them all over your facebook while totally ignoring that no pics of your current partner are there is really retarded.

who said she is morning or crying over him. She has pictures of a friend/bf that died. And they are online its like she has them around the house.

My wife had absolutly no problems with it or any other giril i have dated. Some asked who she was and as soon as i said what happened that was and of conversation.

Catch im sorry but it does make you look insecure. Your jealuse of pictures and a memory

[jasc]

I'd mention it to her and tell her how you feel. If she had a normal pic or 2 of them up for the memory that'd be 1 thing.. but its really not necessary to have up his modeling pics or them showing affection. Insecure or not, it's not really fair to you. She obviously must still have feelings for the guy and if she can't let him go how can she truly be focused on you? As a guy we hate having those kind of conversations, but if its really bothering you its better to say something then to let it build and explode over something else.

[Catch]

Thanks for the honesty, man. Personally, I think it's been long enough to grieve. But no one can tell another how long is long enough. And I get that, but damn, she still like makes comments about him like he's her guardian angel or something. That shit really gets under my skin.

We had some growing pains when she first moved down and a lot of the fighting was about her grief and how I felt like she couldn't give me her whole self until she let him go completely. Before she moved, she still has his fvcking deodorant in the medicine cabinet and body wash in the shower. I mean, come on. 4 years later? Enough already. But, I can't tell her how, when and how long to grieve.

We actually are trying for a baby right now. And we've talked about marriage. Honestly, this is probably all on me. I just need to get over it and trust her feelings for me.

[stpete]

The guys dead, right? Don't see the issue....

[Shol'va]

Thanks for the honesty, man. Personally, I think it's been long enough to grieve. But no one can tell another how long is long enough. And I get that, but damn, she still like makes comments about him like he's her guardian angel or something. That shit really gets under my skin.

We had some growing pains when she first moved down and a lot of the fighting was about her grief and how I felt like she couldn't give me her whole self until she let him go completely. Before she moved, she still has his fvcking deodorant in the medicine cabinet and body wash in the shower. I mean, come on. 4 years later? Enough already. But, I can't tell her how, when and how long to grieve.

We actually are trying for a baby right now. And we've talked about marriage. Honestly, this is probably all on me. I just need to get over it and trust her feelings for me.

Whoa! Either you need to get over this real quick like or quit trying for that baby and marriage cause you could be headed for major issues/trouble in this relationship if you don't find a solution.

[jasc]

Ya bro... Quit trying to ignore the problem.. Deodorant and body wash laying around for 5+ yrs? It may be insignificant stuff, but jesus man.. If my girl was doing that kind of stuff I'd toss it/take down pics myself, If that was a problem, peace I'm out. She's obviously still screwed in the head over this guy and you will marry her and bring a child in to that? I'm not doubting her feelings for you/intentions are real, but how long is she going to be stuck on this guy for? Either she shapes up or ships out... She can't live in the past forever.. After 5 yrs if she still can't cope and move on with her life there's something wrong.. Easier said than done, but you need to try to see this from the outside for a second and see the bigger picture.

[Hoggage_54]

Post some pics of her so we can determine if she is worth fighting for.

[Public Enemy]

who said she is morning or crying over him. She has pictures of a friend/bf that died. And they are online its like she has them around the house.

My wife had absolutly no problems with it or any other giril i have dated. Some asked who she was and as soon as i said what happened that was and of conversation.

Catch im sorry but it does make you look insecure. Your jealuse of pictures and a memory

Look all am saying is that the girl needs to move on and prepare for a new life. Its sad that she lost that boyfriend of hers but she has a new man around and her having pictures of his shredded body on FB while not having a pic of her current man is pretty... well... bizarre. Its alright if she has a pic or couple more of the guy with a comment like "Rip, I'll miss you" or "You were a great person" but to have his pictures all over her FB is really not necessary. Like i said, I know of people who have bigger issues and who lost lovers, but they move on.

Now that this guy has confirmed that he is planning on having a child, he should be sure that he can trust her and she is telling him the truth before he jumps into all this. All I am doing is telling him to make sure that this girl is not going to live in the past while she has a kid to take care of and a husband to support.

This isn't jealously bro, its about respect.

[Catch]

You hit the nail on the head, PE. I can totally understand a pic or two for remembering him or whatevs, but does she really need a pic of them in an embrace and for God's sake! A half naked one? I jut find it incredibly disrespectful. I took down any pics of mine that I thought might upset her. Like, I have a son from my previous marriage. I took a pic down of him in his mother's arms right when he was born because I knew that pic would upset her. And whenever "he" comes up in conversation, she always says that I have a living breathing reminder of my past relationship (my son). Starting a relationship with him was a huge hurdle for her. She still struggles with it even though she's fallen in love with my boy.

Look, I believe her feelings for me are true. I know she feels about me the way I feel about her. We have something special, but I feel like the memory of her ex is a wedge between us and I don't want it to become something out of control.

[LGM]

Pics of an ex boyfriend is normal dude. If anything, it shows that your girl makes lasting, meaningful relationships and cares deeply about those she's shared her life with.

But for you to have any issue of her having pics of her DEAD boyfriend after YOU ended it first is petty, childish, and selfish.

Considering you've only been back together for a bit, why don't you give her some time. If it were me, I'd completely ignore the issue and ask her why there aren't any pics of you up there, but frankly, facebook should not be a factor in whether you have a successful relationship.

[yungone501]

My wife and I just debated over your issue on a 30 minute trip home. She agreed with you and i agreed with your girl. Long story short: we reached what would be "our" compromise. Give her time to heal only if youre seeing progress, take down these pics of him (and put some of you guys up!) and try to be more understanding about the whole situation. Any for God sakes, your two "reasons" for being upset about this guy are just out right immature and irrational. I mean him being ripped and once banging your wife sounds like a bunch of childish BS to us. Last but not least...SHOW HER THIS THREAD. We know your on pct but you still have SOME balls...even though they might be little marbles.

[Carnivor]

You hit the nail on the head, PE. I can totally understand a pic or two for remembering him or whatevs, but does she really need a pic of them in an embrace and for God's sake! A half naked one? I jut find it incredibly disrespectful. I took down any pics of mine that I thought might upset her. Like, I have a son from my previous marriage. I took a pic down of him in his mother's arms right when he was born because I knew that pic would upset her. And whenever "he" comes up in conversation, she always says that I have a living breathing reminder of my past relationship (my son). Starting a relationship with him was a huge hurdle for her. She still struggles with it even though she's fallen in love with my boy.

Look, I believe her feelings for me are true. I know she feels about me the way I feel about her. We have something special, but I feel like the memory of her ex is a wedge between us and I don't want it to become something out of control.

I'm nipping this right in the bud and forget what everyone else said and listen to gixxer cause he sounds like the only one who knows whats going on here. You are insecure. And so are apparently several other men in this thread.

The guy is dead. They had a special bond together at some point in their life obviously. It is completely normal and natural to have possessions, pictures, cologne, even a used condom for christsake wouldn't suprise me with some girls. Women are super emotional creatures, you need to get use to that fact. But more importantly, if you keep acting like this you are going to make her think about him more and more and how he never acted the way you are right now.

It is not appealing or attractive in anyway. Let her have anything she wants and keep your mouth closed. Not trying to offend you but this is her business. Leave it alone because trust me it does not look good the way you are behaving. And 5 years doesn't mean shit you are lacking empathy for a person due to your own selfish wants and desires. Thats horrible. However, if she talks about this guy everyday (which you didn't mention) and you are hiding some details to save your own face (men do it all the time) like the fact that she sleeps with his shoe in the bed or w/e, then yes you have something to worry about. And at that point man up and just leave. But what you are doing right now is so insecure, and so likely to get her fed up, that I think this relationship is doomed either way. You are insecure, she's sad and seemed to have better ties with this other guy. And that drives you insane so you think you're going to win a womens respect by becoming more possessive. Game already over imo. People don't change habits that quickly and the fact you already broke up once before raises the bar that much more that it will happen again. Use your brain, no kids and no marriage.

[lovbyts]

I see the issue being she has NO pictures of you on her FB and only of him. At that point it's not about grieving.

I had pictures of my ex's who are both deceased on my FB. My current girl said it bothered her from the get go. I took them off. The past is the past. If someone needs 5 years to grieve then there is a problem I think. An occasional topic, some memories and such is fine but if it takes YEARS to get over a death or not then they need to find out what is wrong with them. Death is a part of life. We all die. My father passed 16 years ago. it was expected. My mother will be passing soon due to cancer, it's expected. Will I grieve? yes but for years? No. will I miss her years from now? Of course but it will not or should not affect my future or relationships.

Like I said, the issue is she has pictures of him and none of you. She has some serious unresolved issues and if she is not willing to resolve them I would be reconsidering the relationship.

[Catch]

I love this board. No sugar coating, no BS. Just honest opinions, insight and advice.

A lot of you guys are making assumptions and filling in the blanks left from my very limited information and a ton of it is way off base, but I won't get into it.

I love that yungone and his wife debated over this. It's a great help. And I will agree with them and you guys that said I'm being petty and childish. But I'm not jealous of the guy other than the fact that he shared time with her that I wish I had. It's tough, because I know it's petty and childish, but I just couldn't shake it. So, I aired it out here. She is the only woman in the world that can make me feel this way because she is the only woman in the world I ever felt thankful for her wanting to be with me. Let alone love me the way she does.

If you asked her, she would tell you that I have been incredibly and beyond patient with her grieving and very understanding even though I didn't understand the severity and longevity of it for someone she says she wasn't in love with.

Bottom line... I had an honest, open 10 minute conversation with her about it and the pics are gone. She even apologized because she forgot they were there because they went up before we got back together. And that if the roles were reversed that she would have felt the same way.

I'm not sure if you guys will understand this, but that was a huge step. For her. For us. She also admitted she hadn't thought about him in months and had no idea why I was. I would actually tell you guys why all of this came about, but it's over with now. At one point early in our rekindled relationship, I didn't know if she could open herself back up by letting him go, but I think we're on that road.

Thanks for all of the input, fellas.

[Hoggage_54]

So does this mean you will post pics of her?

[Catch]

On here or FB? Lol. I actually held off on updating my relationship status or posting pics of us on my stupid, gay FB until she took those pics down. How childish and petty is that? Lol. But, honestly, I didn't want one our mutual friends to be like, "So, you guys are in a committed relationship but she still had half naked pics of her ex? And none of you?"

That shit is embarrassing. Idgaf how childish and petty that is.

Btw- I'm not one of those insanely jealous and possessive boyfriends. I'm just... Selfish. And those of you who think it's all cool and what not if your girl has pics of her ex up for everyone to see, that's great. But don't presume that I'm unevolved because I don't necessarily want a reminder of her past. You guys are probably all chummy with your wives ex husbands too. No thanks.

Also, I really don't even ever get on fvckin FB. Like, ever. Lol.

[lovbyts]

On here or FB? Lol. I actually held off on updating my relationship status or posting pics of us on my stupid, gay FB until she took those pics down. How childish and petty is that? Lol. But, honestly, I didn't want one our mutual friends to be like, "So, you guys are in a committed relationship but she still had half naked pics of her ex? And none of you?"

That shit is embarrassing. Idgaf how childish and petty that is.

Btw- I'm not one of those insanely jealous and possessive boyfriends. I'm just... Selfish. And those of you who think it's all cool and what not if your girl has pics of her ex up for everyone to see, that's great. But don't presume that I'm unevolved because I don't necessarily want a reminder of her past. You guys are probably all chummy with your wives ex husbands too. No thanks.

Also, I really don't even ever get on fvckin FB. Like, ever. Lol.

Not everyone things you are in the wrong or just acting childish and I speak from experience. See my post above.
I'm glad to hear she looked at it with an open mind and can see what she was doing is wrong. Hopefully she will continue to get over it and back into reality, the present and not stay in the past.

[Catch]

Quote from her...

"He was in my past. You are my present and future."

I love this woman.

[jasc]

Good to hear a positive outcome.. Glad she took em down once you said something, that does show how much she values your opinion/feelings... for those who had to ridicule and state you were insecure, I'd brush it off, let them be walked all over by their wives/gf. (I know i'll get flamed for this.. needed to be said)
It's not about the random pic or relic laying around.. It's a matter of respect

[LGM]

I'm glad you manned up and told her. And I'm glad she did the right thing to make it right with you, and took them down. Sounds like things are well on their way forward. Remember that there are going to be other things and times where a simple conversation can be had to avoid all the crap you put yourself through.

[dec11]

let me get this straight, the guy is dead and because he was in better shape than you in pix she has of him, you're insecure. im sorry but id say you've got issues and will most prob make this girl's life a misery if you stay with her. you cant tell someone not to grieve

[number twelve]

post some pics of the models you have dated

[Catch]

let me get this straight, the guy is dead and because he was in better shape than you in pix she has of him, you're insecure. im sorry but id say you've got issues and will most prob make this girl's life a misery if you stay with her. you cant tell someone not to grieve

Yeah, and you're on this forum because you're secure as a 98# pencil neck or a fat ass with Cheetos stained fingers. If you're 100% secure in your body, then you're a conceited prick or just ain't got enough drive. And puh-lease don't presume to know what's best for her or that you know anything about me from this gay thread.

I guess I should have mentioned this earlier, but his body type was really just anecdotal. I still wouldn't want his pictures up on her shit if he was an ugly fat ass. Was his physique one to envy? Sure. But there's no reason I can't get there with hard work.

And seriously, if I'm insecure because I don't like being reminded of or having mental images of another dude banging my woman. Then yeah, I'm fvckin insecure. And if you're cool with picturing that kind of shit, then you don't give a damn about your woman. Maybe that's just irrational and unrealistic, but I don't want to know about or hear about or be reminded of her past lovers. Period.

[dec11]

Yeah, and you're on this forum because you're secure as a 98# pencil neck or a fat ass with Cheetos stained fingers. If you're secure in tie body, then you're a conceited prick or just ain't got enough drive. And puh-lease don't presume to know what's best for her or that you know snuggle about me from this gay thread.

I guess I should have mentioned this earlier, but his body type was really just anecdotal. I still wouldn't want his pictures up on her shit if he was an ugly fat ass. Was his physique one to envy? Sure. But there's no reason I can't get there with hard work.

And seriously, if I'm insecure because I don't like being reminded of or having mental images of another dude banging my woman. Then yeah, I'm fvckin insecure. And if you're cool with picturing that kind of shit

yeah, the mad house is awaiting your moms signature.

poor girl picking a loser like you

[PitMaster]

I can tell you this. I had pics up of my past lady..hell I still got some pics of a her kid. It wasn't about a matter of respect why I didn't take them down. I honor her to this day, it's my house and it was hers. My new girl said something one day about not seeing her pic up anywhere and seeing I had family pics up of my last family. So I took the ones down that had her in it and put them where if I wanted to look, I would see them. I didn't see it as harmful, but it was a lil, so I gave....a little.
Her having pics, she was proud of him and loved him, don't try and make her forget him, it will make her resent you. It would me. He's gone and that's that there is no threat to you.
As far as how long it takes to grieve someone, well everyone is different and some take longer. Now go get some pictures taken of you and her and frame them in an 8x10.

[PitMaster]

Yeah, and you're on this forum because you're secure as a 98# pencil neck or a fat ass with Cheetos stained fingers. If you're 100% secure in your body, then you're a conceited prick or just ain't got enough drive. And puh-lease don't presume to know what's best for her or that you know anything about me from this gay thread.

I guess I should have mentioned this earlier, but his body type was really just anecdotal. I still wouldn't want his pictures up on her shit if he was an ugly fat ass. Was his physique one to envy? Sure. But there's no reason I can't get there with hard work.

And seriously, if I'm insecure because I don't like being reminded of or having mental images of another dude banging my woman. Then yeah, I'm fvckin insecure. And if you're cool with picturing that kind of shit, then you don't give a damn about your woman. Maybe that's just irrational and unrealistic, but I don't want to know about or hear about or be reminded of her past lovers. Period.

More than likely any woman you or I or anybody has been with unless their a virgin has banged another guy. I wouldn't think about it too much. Is she cool with the thought of other women sucking your di*k? I doubt it. Has it stopped her from sucking yours...I doubt it.

[SexySweetheart]

Maybe suprise her with a prepaid appointment for you 2 at a proff photographer for a few couples photos...make sure she knows your taking somplace special so she can get all dolled up...than after pix, mention that you noticed she has pix of people with meaning in her life, on her facebook page, but none of you guys as a couple so you decided it would be a romantic idea.
Its sweet, spontainious, non confruntational and she may start to realize that you are a huge part of her life that may not be getting the attention you need...

*I think your feeling are justified, esp sence you feel that you had settled for a rebound in your last relaionship, you might have an underlining concern of being your wifes rebound. Dead or not, it still would sux to feel that the 1 person you love with all your being..doesnt feel 100% the same as you.

[SexySweetheart]

ooops lol, sorry my laptop didnt load up the last few posts before I justed posted....

so its nice to see that you both made brave steps and they resulted in a possitive way how funny (in a wierd way) that she had just forgot about his pix and yet they were causing you hurt. Anywho ~ Happy Endings are allways nice

I still think the "suprise her with a prepaid appointment for you 2 at a proff photographer for a few couples photos...make sure she knows your taking somplace special so she can get all dolled up...than after pix, mention that you noticed she has pix of people with meaning in her life, on her facebook page, but none of you guys as a couple so you decided it would be a romantic idea" is a good idea and sweet

[paulzane]

Facebook is a fcukin disease!!!!

[Shol'va]

I put my Azz on face book once.

[Carnivor]

One- I'll probably never look like that without a TON of gear.

Was his physique one to envy? Sure. But there's no reason I can't get there with hard work.

Which one is it? If you change what you say on the interwebz satan will fall from the sky and rape every man, woman, child and puppy on the face of the earth. imho.

[Carnivor]

yeah, the mad house is awaiting your moms signature.

poor girl picking a loser like you

Dayumm. Thats just rude ignoranus childsplay. You can leave that type of tounge for the trailer park young man. Are people generally afraid of you in real life or do they really just laugh and throw a $1 in your pan?

Anyway back to topic. Catch you are cool. I like you. You've a very straightforward to the point type of cat, no bs.
I also completely overlooked the no pictures of you on her facebook part. Still trying to get use to this forum thing, my bad.

But one piece of advice. You've been with this girl for 2 years before. And 1 year now. And something I tell all my closest friends is never to have a child or think about marriage for 3 consecutive years. There is very good for reason for this although it would take too long to explain the most important details. However most simply, a great deal of statistics show that divorce tends to happen within the first 3 years of marriage. And I really think you should give it another year or 2 before pushing the children or marriage idea. You sound like you have a decent clue about what you're doing so good luck!

[number twelve]

carnivor = catch? ip check anyone?