This is a little strange perhaps, but i've been plagued about something that happened a little over thirty years ago. I really have no one to tell this to, except you mugs, and hopefully, maybe I'll feel a little better for the telling. And besides, I'm too cheap to pay a pro $60/hour to hear me whine, so....
Growing up, across the street from me was a girl my age. Overweight for sure, but not deserving of the handle the neighborhood kids had given her.... "Fat City". She was heavy, and i was skinny, and short. We became kindred spirits over the years, and I could talk to her about anything. I had a couple of bad childhood experiences and she was always there for me. We continued to grow, and as teanagers, at night, i'd go outside for a smoke, and she too would be out there, sitting on the curb. So we'd walk and talk for hours. We were friends.
She wasn't obese, but she was heavy, and more or less evenly proportioned, with a pretty face.
I went in the army shortly after turning 17. During my time away, she lost alot of weight. So much so, that when i did finally came home, I didn't recognize her from the back. Me and my buddies were in my garage, throwing a kegger beer bash, and guess what? Here comes J from across the street. I heard my buddy say..."Aw shit! Here comes Fat City". But when i looked at her, she looked pretty good, pretty face, and shapely body. She was still a tad overweight, but barely. Evidently, my "buddies" either didn't notice her change, or refused to aknowledge her change. She comes in the garage, and gives me a hug and welcome back, and big smile that lights up her face, i missed you and all that. Later, i go inthe house, and she follows me in. She kinda corners me in the kitchen, telling me she "really" missed me, that sort of thing. Guys, she was making her move on me. And she was being aggressive about it. It became clear to me that her feelings for me had blossomed while I was away. I hadn't had much time to process this new information, but I was warming up to the idea. Anyways, a buddy walks in at the wrong time, and I get flustered. I hate to admit it, but i was embarrassed having my buddy see me that way with her, so i do the immature thing, and walk back out in the garage, avoiding her the rest of the day.
I had rejected her, not because I wasn't attracted to her, or I didn't feel close to her, but because I was embarrassed to be seen with "Fat City". I knew there would be ribbing, and my manly standards would be called into question by my buddies.
I never saw J again after that. I rejected her for all the wrong reasons. She knew exacactly why I had rejected her. She wasn't a dummy. She knew I sold her out because I was embarrassed to be seen with her.
J very shortly after that moved to New York (we lived in Cali), and she took a job dancing at some topless place. (V across the street would sometimes here from her, is how I found out). A few years after that, I started asking about her mom, maybe she knew how to get in contact with J. Then I found out her mom had passed away. I had no way to track her down.
Anyways, i was a real shit head the way I treated her, and i am ashamed by it.
I don't know if this confession is going to make me feel better or not. But this has been bugging me for along time. And being in Afghanistan, gives me alot time to think.
So Let's see....
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Originally Posted by DSM4Life
(minus the bench work
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