Being sued for child support

[Nooomoto]

Ok...long story short. A few years ago I was dating this chick that I worked with. She had always told me she was incapable of getting pregnant and not to worry about anything, ok cool. A year goes by. One day she decides she's had it with Miami and takes off to go live with her family in Iowa. About a year later I get a text message saying "Just wanted to let you know you have a daughter"...wtf!?

I tried to do the right thing and provide support anyway I could. I send money, gifts, etc. I am not listed on the birth certificate and have no legal relationship with the mother. The only evidence that I am the father is that I visited and sent gifts and money, etc. (this is actually on the documents I was served with today)

Today I get served with papers saying I have 20 days to respond in writing to a petition for child support.

What do I do? What can I do? I do believe I am the father, I have no problem helping out, but I do have a problem with being legally forced to. Now I've got to a hire a lawyer because I don't understand the shit on the 9,000,000 pages in this document. Also, it appears I'm going to have to pay court costs now!

[dec11]

Ok...long story short. A few years ago I was dating this chick that I worked with. She had always told me she was incapable of getting pregnant and not to worry about anything, ok cool. A year goes by. One day she decides she's had it with Miami and takes off to go live with her family in Iowa. About a year later I get a text message saying "Just wanted to let you know you have a daughter"...wtf!?

I tried to do the right thing and provide support anyway I could. I send money, gifts, etc. I am not listed on the birth certificate and have no legal relationship with the mother. The only evidence that I am the father is that I visited and sent gifts and money, etc. (this is actually on the documents I was served with today)

Today I get served with papers saying I have 20 days to respond in writing to a petition for child support.

What do I do? What can I do? I do believe I am the father, I have no problem helping out, but I do have a problem with being legally forced to. Now I've got to a hire a lawyer because I don't understand the shit on the 9,000,000 pages in this document. Also, it appears I'm going to have to pay court costs now!

i'd be making certain of that 1st mate

[Nooomoto]

i'd be making certain of that 1st mate

Yeah, I don't want to force the issue of a test that could lock me in legally though.

[gixxerboy1]

Yeah, I don't want to force the issue of a test that could lock me in legally though.

Your going to be locked in legally unless you prove its not your child. It just is going to come down to ho much you pay.
If its your your legally responsible. The end

[Flagg]

All im goingto say mate is, for someone to say "I can't get pregnant", when she clearly can, are you 100% sure she is being honest here? Sounds like she could have been dishonest enough to have been cheating on you with another guy now. What responsible person texts the unknowing a father a year later to say "hi, by the way you're a Dad. How's life". The message is casual as to almost be insulting to her daughter. Are you sure her "leaving" isn't her realising she is pregnant and wondering if it's actually yours, and doing a runner? She should have told you the minute she found out she was pregnant, despite any differences you may have had. If she didn't want you involved, fine, but why drop this on you now? Sounds very convenient....

But you've done the right thing since, and now this. She has been totally unreasonable in all of this and I would start thinking about questioning your role as the girls biological father.

[Nooomoto]

Yeah looking further at the documents, she wants a paternity test, she wants current, retroactive and medical support. She also says I visited in September of 2010...which is false, it was 2009 but I'm not sure that makes a difference in anything. The best part is that she wrote all this on 3-28-11 while she was acting all happy go lucky and accepting my gifts and money without a word of this. The whole time telling me 'dont worry i wont come after you'...****.

[gixxerboy1]

get a lawyer bro. Because there are other issues to as far as custody and your rights as a father,

[Dukkit]

Counter sue her.

She never told you when she was pregnant. You missed out on the birth.

And YOU missed out on being able to petition for custody.
(even if you wouldnt of done so, you can say that.)

IF and thats IF she is your daughter... then you had rights too.

Which this chick did not provide from the beginning.
SHE ran out. Thats basically what she did. Ran out on you. While taking YOUR child. Thats pretty shitty and a judge will look at that.

You probably dont want to.. but counter sue for custody and support.

Just to make her feel like shit.

[JohnnyVegas]

Get the DNA test done. Assuming she is your daughter, and you already are willing to take care of her, try not to get caught up in the negativity of the lawsuit. Even though it is infuriating, you are better off with a formal agreement for child support rather than a handshake deal.

If it gets ugly, you can sue for joint custody. Only do this if you actually want to raise a daughter, of course. That is when it will get ugly. I went through that when I married a woman with kids. Her ex-husband (who turned out to actually be a decent guy) sued for joint custody when my wife asked for an increase in child support.

[Nooomoto]

You guys are missing the point. I don't want custody, or paternity rights or anything like that. I had no problem buying the kid furniture, sending cash here and there and sending gifts for Christmas and birthdays. This girl's family is very well off. I'm not. They have property and businesses all over the country. It's making me livid that while smiling and accepting my gifts she was planning to sue me. She made a decision on my behalf to change the rest of my life without my prior knowledge. I'm just wondering what legal protections I have.

I don't know at what point she hatched this scheme but I don't believe for a second that she had no idea she was pregnant when she left Miami. I'm pretty sure me sending all the gifts and what not has me ****ed legally.

The best part is that this is something that could cause me to lose my job, albeit a slight chance. My work requires a security clearance, and when being reviewed for a security clearance they call your debts into question. My renewal is coming up early next year and it won't look good that I'm being sued for retroactive and current child support including medical costs, which I'm pretty ****ing sure I can't afford to pay. There is a small chance this could result in me losing my clearance, thus losing my job.

[redz]

Time to go on Maury and get the DNA test.

[Nooomoto]

LOL further looking at the paperwork she's making it seem as if she is poor. When I met her she was 20 years old driving a Lexus and living in a ocean front condo in Miami's financial district. ****ing amazing this girl.

[Gefell]

Lawyer up, fight for everything now, custody, support,etc. The court is design to put you down and keep you down when it comes to kids, make you pay her to live good and put you in the poor house, if you dont fight for everything now, its almost impossible to change later.

[baseline_9]

Hire a hit man, will probably be cheaper

[jasc]

Hire a hit man, will probably be cheaper

my thoughts exactly

[Nooomoto]

I guess I'll be going to see a lawyer next week. ****ing twat.

[JohnnyVegas]

I only meant to go after custody if it was one of the rights you were interested in fighting for. I totally get that you just want to provide support and be done. She is probably doing what her attorney said to do (or maybe she is broke, who knows) and you now need to do the same. The retroactive support is brutal, and hopefully your attorney can do something about that.

I feel for you man, this really sucks.

[baseline_9]

This situation would seriously piss me off so I feel for you

Good luck

[gixxerboy1]

You guys are missing the point. I don't want custody, or paternity rights or anything like that. I had no problem buying the kid furniture, sending cash here and there and sending gifts for Christmas and birthdays. This girl's family is very well off. I'm not. They have property and businesses all over the country. It's making me livid that while smiling and accepting my gifts she was planning to sue me. She made a decision on my behalf to change the rest of my life without my prior knowledge. I'm just wondering what legal protections I have.

I don't know at what point she hatched this scheme but I don't believe for a second that she had no idea she was pregnant when she left Miami. I'm pretty sure me sending all the gifts and what not has me ****ed legally.

The best part is that this is something that could cause me to lose my job, albeit a slight chance. My work requires a security clearance, and when being reviewed for a security clearance they call your debts into question. My renewal is coming up early next year and it won't look good that I'm being sued for retroactive and current child support including medical costs, which I'm pretty ****ing sure I can't afford to pay. There is a small chance this could result in me losing my clearance, thus losing my job.

I'm going to sound like a dick. But you made a choice to fvck her with out a condom to. So it is what is now.
If it is your daughter man up. Sending some cash here and there and a gift at Christmas isnt taking responsibility or being a father. You have no legal protections if it is your child.

And it doesn't matter what her family has. Its not her family's child. It yours and hers.

[warchild]

have to talked with the mother? maybe there is other ways to go about this if you communicate with her and see whats going on. also you said you do not want a kid but too bad because you have one so man up and try to be in the childs life so she can grow up and not have daddy issues.

[gbrice75]

All im goingto say mate is, for someone to say "I can't get pregnant", when she clearly can, are you 100% sure she is being honest here? Sounds like she could have been dishonest enough to have been cheating on you with another guy now. What responsible person texts the unknowing a father a year later to say "hi, by the way you're a Dad. How's life". The message is casual as to almost be insulting to her daughter. Are you sure her "leaving" isn't her realising she is pregnant and wondering if it's actually yours, and doing a runner? She should have told you the minute she found out she was pregnant, despite any differences you may have had. If she didn't want you involved, fine, but why drop this on you now? Sounds very convenient....

But you've done the right thing since, and now this. She has been totally unreasonable in all of this and I would start thinking about questioning your role as the girls biological father.

Counter sue her.

She never told you when she was pregnant. You missed out on the birth.

And YOU missed out on being able to petition for custody.
(even if you wouldnt of done so, you can say that.)

IF and thats IF she is your daughter... then you had rights too.

Which this chick did not provide from the beginning.
SHE ran out. Thats basically what she did. Ran out on you. While taking YOUR child. Thats pretty shitty and a judge will look at that.

You probably dont want to.. but counter sue for custody and support.

Just to make her feel like shit.

Good stuff here from Flagg and Dukkit bro... and for the record i'm really sorry this is happening to you... I don't know the first thing about your relationship with her obviously, but I never could understand how people can become SO vindictive to the point of completely fvcking up another person's life.

I hope the cvnt gets what she has coming to her at some point in life...

[BigBadWolf]

Good stuff here from Flagg and Dukkit bro... and for the record i'm really sorry this is happening to you... I don't know the first thing about your relationship with her obviously, but I never could understand how people can become SO vindictive to the point of completely fvcking up another person's life.

I hope the cvnt gets what she has coming to her at some point in life...

Oh she will. You can't go around f'n people around like this and not get burned eventually!! I just hope it sooner than later!!

[SexySweetheart]

Wow...you’re obviously in shock confused and pissed, with every right to be.
... If you’re going to slap n tickle, be prepared to be in a pickle. You’re in the blame just as much as she for not using a condom regardless what anyone says, only they ever know the truth AND for all she knew maybe a DR once told her she couldn’t get preggers. It happens.
Major effed up that she texted you she was pregnant and thought the baby yours AND that she didn’t notify you before she gave birth. She may have seemed rich when you met her (could have been parents money though) but as we all know kids can bleed you dry and fast, or her income may have dropped or maybe daddy cut her off. Regardless if the baby is yours it is not fair to expect a mom to carry a burden that should be shared.
IMO she sounds like a piece of #$^%$ and these crazy chix give us all a bad name. She def should have handled the whole thing more civil and honestly.

We also have the clearance situation with our jobs and if it all goes sour for you, your best bet is to get a loan to pay off back owed support, cuz your rite it well prob cost you your job if you dont pay it fast. I would def get a lawyer, it wouldn’t make sense for you to be responsible for cash. if you’re not the dad, regardless of what you paid when you were under the impression of being the father.

As far as you having a "problem with being legally forced to helping out"... that’s messed up.
As a single mother hearing that crap makes me convulse in anger. Hell every single person has other shit they wanna do or buy rather than blowing their hard earned cash on the everyday bs for their kid ~what makes you so special that you get to not do your half? (feeding pay for day care clothing medical/dental bills housing etc etc...?) If the mom can’t do it ALL on her own than guess what ~ I get to pay for her fricken welfare as well as everyone else on the site and beyond, cuz you dont wanna be forced to it. YUK
Being a single mom is so fricken hard, not to mention it narrows your employment opportunity to only 1st shift and daycare or after school programs are around 300... a week! plus if you miss too many days of work due to your kid being home sick cuz daycares won’t allow sick kids. You get fired for your attendance...so my point is that no matter how you feel about the crappy mom, your decisions and dedication to the kid affect the whole house hold which in turn affects your kid’s life and options.
*you think having to pay your HALF of the expenses sux, try being forced to pay your half PLUS the other parents half.
The sense of self entitlement/self-importance is baffling.
End of rant

[Nooomoto]

Wow...you’re obviously in shock confused and pissed, with every right to be.
... If you’re going to slap n tickle, be prepared to be in a pickle. You’re in the blame just as much as she for not using a condom regardless what anyone says, only they ever know the truth AND for all she knew maybe a DR once told her she couldn’t get preggers. It happens.
Major effed up that she texted you she was pregnant and thought the baby yours AND that she didn’t notify you before she gave birth. She may have seemed rich when you met her (could have been parents money though) but as we all know kids can bleed you dry and fast, or her income may have dropped or maybe daddy cut her off. Regardless if the baby is yours it is not fair to expect a mom to carry a burden that should be shared.
IMO she sounds like a piece of #$^%$ and these crazy chix give us all a bad name. She def should have handled the whole thing more civil and honestly.

We also have the clearance situation with our jobs and if it all goes sour for you, your best bet is to get a loan to pay off back owed support, cuz your rite it well prob cost you your job if you dont pay it fast. I would def get a lawyer, it wouldn’t make sense for you to be responsible for cash. if you’re not the dad, regardless of what you paid when you were under the impression of being the father.

As far as you having a "problem with being legally forced to helping out"... that’s messed up.
As a single mother hearing that crap makes me convulse in anger. Hell every single person has other shit they wanna do or buy rather than blowing their hard earned cash on the everyday bs for their kid ~what makes you so special that you get to not do your half? (feeding pay for day care clothing medical/dental bills housing etc etc...?) If the mom can’t do it ALL on her own than guess what ~ I get to pay for her fricken welfare as well as everyone else on the site and beyond, cuz you dont wanna be forced to it. YUK
Being a single mom is so fricken hard, not to mention it narrows your employment opportunity to only 1st shift and daycare or after school programs are around 300... a week! plus if you miss too many days of work due to your kid being home sick cuz daycares won’t allow sick kids. You get fired for your attendance...so my point is that no matter how you feel about the crappy mom, your decisions and dedication to the kid affect the whole house hold which in turn affects your kid’s life and options.
*you think having to pay your HALF of the expenses sux, try being forced to pay your half PLUS the other parents half.
The sense of self entitlement/self-importance is baffling.
End of rant

So I found a Florida Child Support calculator, which apparently uses the formula the state does to determine how much child support should be. Based on the scenario she has listed as hers and my income I'd be paying $367 a month. I can deal with that. If that turns out to be the case I'll give her the ****ing $367 and hope it makes her stop crying and dries up all her tears, I just don't understand how that's worth burning the relationships she had with me and my family.

What I cannot understand is the level of deceit and back-handery. We had a perfectly good relationship when she left and have continued talking on good terms up until today. She never once mentioned anything about this. It severely angers me that she couldn't just come to me and say "Hey I need help" like a ****ing person. She's gotta go and get courts involved as if I'm some dead beat.

I understand all that about taking responsibility, but it further angers me that not a word of this pregnancy was uttered to me until months after the child was born. Add to all that the way she has portrayed herself on the legal documents to be some struggling single mother. In this country we have a habit of making excuses for women running wild and acting all kinds of fvcked up, and blaming it all on the men in their lives, regardless of the decisions said women choose to make on their own as adults.

So is being a **** worth $367/month? I guess so. Hope she enjoys it.

[randymeans]

i cant get prego means, im secretly making you get me prego so i can ruin your life and trap ya!

[terraj]

So I found a Florida Child Support calculator, which apparently uses the formula the state does to determine how much child support should be. Based on the scenario she has listed as hers and my income I'd be paying $367 a month. I can deal with that. If that turns out to be the case I'll give her the ****ing $367 and hope it makes her stop crying and dries up all her tears, I just don't understand how that's worth burning the relationships she had with me and my family.

What I cannot understand is the level of deceit and back-handery. We had a perfectly good relationship when she left and have continued talking on good terms up until today. She never once mentioned anything about this. It severely angers me that she couldn't just come to me and say "Hey I need help" like a ****ing person. She's gotta go and get courts involved as if I'm some dead beat.

I understand all that about taking responsibility, but it further angers me that not a word of this pregnancy was uttered to me until months after the child was born. Add to all that the way she has portrayed herself on the legal documents to be some struggling single mother. In this country we have a habit of making excuses for women running wild and acting all kinds of fvcked up, and blaming it all on the men in their lives, regardless of the decisions said women choose to make on their own as adults.

So is being a **** worth $367/month? I guess so. Hope she enjoys it.

I would be wondering how many other guys she is collect monthly child support from......


Sorry mate....but get the test done dopey!

[dec11]

So I found a Florida Child Support calculator, which apparently uses the formula the state does to determine how much child support should be. Based on the scenario she has listed as hers and my income I'd be paying $367 a month. I can deal with that. If that turns out to be the case I'll give her the ****ing $367 and hope it makes her stop crying and dries up all her tears, I just don't understand how that's worth burning the relationships she had with me and my family.

What I cannot understand is the level of deceit and back-handery. We had a perfectly good relationship when she left and have continued talking on good terms up until today. She never once mentioned anything about this. It severely angers me that she couldn't just come to me and say "Hey I need help" like a ****ing person. She's gotta go and get courts involved as if I'm some dead beat.

I understand all that about taking responsibility, but it further angers me that not a word of this pregnancy was uttered to me until months after the child was born. Add to all that the way she has portrayed herself on the legal documents to be some struggling single mother. In this country we have a habit of making excuses for women running wild and acting all kinds of fvcked up, and blaming it all on the men in their lives, regardless of the decisions said women choose to make on their own as adults.

So is being a **** worth $367/month? I guess so. Hope she enjoys it.

mate, why on earth would you just start handing over money without a shred of evidence that the child is actually yours?!

[Nooomoto]

mate, why on earth would you just start handing over money without a shred of evidence that the child is actually yours?!

I'm not, I'm getting a lawyer next week. Just saying when it comes out to me having to pay a few hundred a month she can have it, but she's burned her chances for anything else bbeyond that.

[stpete]

Check it out. I've been through the same exact thing as you are. If you read through the papers you will see that the court has to determine that you are the father. You will be summoned to take a dna test(cotton swab in the mouth) and so will she. When those tests come back to the courthouse,and it is determined that you are the father, then you will get papers to go to court. Then you can get a lawyer. No court is going to go on someones word in a matter like this. This is all paid for by the state.
Where did she move to? You live in florida, and florida is notorious for not allowing women from other states to chase child support. Don't know how it works really, but my ex tried for 3 years before finally telling me that florida wouldn't do a damn thing.
I'm paying 420.00 for my daughter and 440.00 for my son. It stinks cause i was always there just like you and the girls do this shit

[Grappler13]

Okay I've been away from here for a few years and this is my first day back.... lots of new folks and such. Okay Nooomoto, that I am an atty and writing you on a public forum does in no way create any sort of atty-client relationship but, again, we are not in any way in any sort of atty-client relationship. Now then, don't send any $ to anyone without consulting your to be retained atty. Do not have any contact with the purported mother without first consulting your to be retained atty. Get an atty that you trust. The idea of securing an atty who specializes in a particular area of the law is secondary to your actually finding and atty you can trust. Find that guy or gal. PM me if you want to chat off record.

[Standby]

you dont know when she started planning this? lol im pretty sure she had this planned the moment she told you she couldnt get prego dont worry about it... if you dont follow dukkits advice in someway to protect yourself well then your loss

[spywizard]

the 1st thing you need to do is to not acknowledge anything.. and get an attorney to respond to the order for child support..

once the order has be put in place by a judge, even if the child is not your's you will be paying that child support even with a dna test saying it's not yours..

until which time you have her charged with fraud, and get a different judge to stop the child support, but since family judges make decisions on what's best for the child yours or not.. the best thing is to have you keep paying child support..


If it were me, i'd get an attorney to rite a letter saying you are not the father.. period..

and then let the judge order the dna test (all from a different state)... and since the laws of the state that the child lives in is what takes president, then you will have to do it there..

then your attorney can demand a dna test....

If you do not respond even with a letter denying paternity, you will pay and believe it or not, others have paid back child support even when it's been proven that the child is not theirs..

SO make haste..

then if it is proven to be yours.... I'd then sue for sole custody... if you get it or not is irrelevant, you'll get shared custody, or not child support of a child that may not be yours..

did you know that up to 40% of all children are being raised by men that are not their biological parent..??

[spywizard]

So I found a Florida Child Support calculator, which apparently uses the formula the state does to determine how much child support should be. Based on the scenario she has listed as hers and my income I'd be paying $367 a month. I can deal with that. If that turns out to be the case I'll give her the ****ing $367 and hope it makes her stop crying and dries up all her tears, I just don't understand how that's worth burning the relationships she had with me and my family.

What I cannot understand is the level of deceit and back-handery. We had a perfectly good relationship when she left and have continued talking on good terms up until today. She never once mentioned anything about this. It severely angers me that she couldn't just come to me and say "Hey I need help" like a ****ing person. She's gotta go and get courts involved as if I'm some dead beat.

I understand all that about taking responsibility, but it further angers me that not a word of this pregnancy was uttered to me until months after the child was born. Add to all that the way she has portrayed herself on the legal documents to be some struggling single mother. In this country we have a habit of making excuses for women running wild and acting all kinds of fvcked up, and blaming it all on the men in their lives, regardless of the decisions said women choose to make on their own as adults.

So is being a **** worth $367/month? I guess so. Hope she enjoys it.

her mom... that's where she got the idea.. just a thought

[Standby]

how about all her female parts? thats where she got the idea.

or maybe it was that rotten television. or possible her new and current boyfriend?? eh? eh? new boyfriend needs money and your gunna give it to him.

man i cant believe your willing to just except being fvcked like this. i get the whole take respons..... ya ya if you had any idea of the kid and werent getting fvcked in the butt which i guess you should have been doing to her instead and you wouldnt be here

[cherrydrpepper]

Hey uh.. if you are thinking about the father thing.. you should watch this video. Not trying to put you on the spot I haven't been in that position yet. Actually to be transparent i had a gf abort one time because it wouldn't have worked out (she was a psycho bitch who slugged me a few times)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecwcq7FwHeY

[marcus300]

Tell them you have serious doubts the child is yours and you want a DNA test before you part with any money.

[terraj]

the 1st thing you need to do is to not acknowledge anything.. and get an attorney to respond to the order for child support..

once the order has be put in place by a judge, even if the child is not your's you will be paying that child support even with a dna test saying it's not yours..

until which time you have her charged with fraud, and get a different judge to stop the child support, but since family judges make decisions on what's best for the child yours or not.. the best thing is to have you keep paying child support..


If it were me, i'd get an attorney to rite a letter saying you are not the father.. period..

and then let the judge order the dna test (all from a different state)... and since the laws of the state that the child lives in is what takes president, then you will have to do it there..

then your attorney can demand a dna test....

If you do not respond even with a letter denying paternity, you will pay and believe it or not, others have paid back child support even when it's been proven that the child is not theirs..

SO make haste..

then if it is proven to be yours.... I'd then sue for sole custody... if you get it or not is irrelevant, you'll get shared custody, or not child support of a child that may not be yours..

did you know that up to 40% of all children are being raised by men that are not their biological parent..??

Lol....where did you get that number from? A trailer park?

[SexySweetheart]

...so that means 40% of fathers stepped out of their own children’s lives? That’s almost 1/2 of all men...I never would have guessed the # to be that big. It is nice to see that 40% of men are so incredibly manly that they raise a child~that’s not even theirs. That my friends, is in my opinion an even more challenging job and only a handful can do it well.

@nooomoto .. Completely agree with you that it was not handled fairly to you or your (possible) kiddo...and can you imagine this poor kid if she finds out the guy her mom told her was daddy, isn’t..? It’s just so wrong. If you are the daddy, she basically messed up her kids extended family relations with you and your family, how incredibly selfish of her! The kid well def. pick up on the vibes between you all and that again is unfair. I just hope her mom’s messed up parenting doesn’t affect her too much or turn around with her just repeating her mom’s actions as an adult.

You could also ask for the kid (if it’s yours)...to have a G.A.L (guardian at liteum). Basically the guardian is a voice in court solely for the child’s best interest after investigating the people/situation/etc, but depending on the specifics of your life/situation it could bite you in the a** cut the kids mental/ emotional health & wellbeing is their focus. ...depending on the state a GAL is about 1000 that both parties split 50/50.

[stevey_6t9]

Lol....where did you get that number from? A trailer park?

lmao

[jimmyinkedup]

step 1 - determine is the child yours- dna test.
step 2 - if so ,u do the right thing - whats the diff u say u were willing too and doing so anyway
step 3 - as poorly as she handled it if she is the mother of yuor child the child should be shielded from this and should in no way be roobed of the love of your family etc just becasur the mother is a bitch.
Remember - there is a child here - thats the primary issue. forget the moms a bitch etc-who cares-if u r the dad u have a responsibilty to the child that transcends financial. A part of that is at least a working, cordial relationship with the mother. You both need to remember that.