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01-15-2012, 02:20 PM #1
Wife found my stash
hey guys Havent been active for a while. My wife found my gear a several months ago and been dealing with a bunch of other BS. Anyway, I convinced her to let me finish my cycle and now I am just finishing up my PCT/time off. She has pretty much giving me an ultimatum to stop or we are done, even after I have spent hours explaining to her about Test or other gear and the proper use of it....she still thinks I am retarded for doing gear. Problem is I don't want too be done. I am in the best shape of my life and loving it and this lifestyle. Been married for 13 years and have 2 sons--12 and 10. My marriage was not the best to begin with for a while and I have have thought about leaving many times, but I feel this may just push me over the edge. not sure what to do. Any ideas on how to convince her to let me continue to do gear. OR any advice on how to handle spliting up? I am sure many of you have been through this b4....just looking for some advice. It sux.......
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01-15-2012, 02:44 PM #2
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Allow me some liberties while I play arm chair psychologist. I would venture to say that steroids have very little to do with your marriage troubles. You've been married 13 years and have two sons. Steroids are just a red herring. Most couples would rather fight about relatively small items like how to discipline the kids, how much time you spend watching football, or your interest your own physical appearance. Those topics do not pose a direct threat to the actual relationship.
The underlying topics that pose the greatest threat need to be addressed. Ill provide an example. You stated that you are in the best shape of your life, and that your wife has had two kids. She may see your interest in self improvement as a direct threat to her position in the marriage. She may feel unwanted and under appreciated. Instead of expressing her vulnerability, its easier for her to just attack another issue.
I would suggest getting the kids out of the house and having an honest one on one with your wife. Try to remember why you go into it in the first place.
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01-15-2012, 02:59 PM #3
Thanks Xelnaga. She is for sure threaten and jealous of the "progress" I have made. She is pissed about all the time I spend at the gym, planning my meals and basically anything that has to do about it. She is pissed when other people make comments about how good I look now etc (not trying to toot my horn, just trying to explain the situation). I am just basically tired of fighting with her about stuff and now this. I want to continue to do this and I am not sure she will be able to understand it enough to be comfortable with me doing it. I just think it may be the straw that broke the camels back, but I for sure don't her to say I left 2 boys and a 13 year marriage over gear.....which certainly isn't the main issue as you said.
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01-15-2012, 03:08 PM #4
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You should consider counseling. Im not against divorce in the right circumstances. But only when you can say you absolutely broke your back to make it work.
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01-15-2012, 03:14 PM #5
I respect xelnaga more and more with his posts, even though he is raping gnc lol. I feel for you bigdog! It's gotta be tough with children involved.
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01-15-2012, 03:26 PM #6
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Last edited by SexySweetheart; 02-11-2012 at 01:21 AM.
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01-15-2012, 03:27 PM #7
i dont know what your other problems are. But i would never let steroids being a deciding factor of my marriage. Its a hobby, its illegal i would never pick that over my wife.
If people can't tell your on steroids then your doing them wrong
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01-15-2012, 03:58 PM #8
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01-15-2012, 04:00 PM #9
I realize that it's too late now but, I would never keep AAS use from my wife. A girlfriend, hell yes, wife NO. I talk to a lot of guys at the gym that try to hide the fact they're using gear from their wives. This includes competitive bodybuilders. They miss injections trying to time them when the wife is gone, worry about the wife finding their shit and have issues taking deliveries. They nearly always get found out or just tell lies to cover their tracks. No way to behave in a healthy marriage IMO. This is serious shit, what if you have a medical issue? I didn't start until I talked things over with my wife. But I was competing at that point too. Just my opinion.
I also know guys that have gotten divorced when the spouse is aware of the AAS use. With kids that could hurt you big time! There are two guys at my gym now that are off gear because of court ordered testing. The wife said he uses steriods and beats me and the kids. If you get divorced and your wife is vindictive you have a problem.
IMO you have children. Wait a few more years before kicking her to the curb. Then your kids will be adults and deal with the divorce much easier. Hard to do no doubt. But I did it.
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I agree 100%. You should be getting more out of your marriage than your steriod usage. If your not then i think you have some tough decisions to make ahead of you.
Realist: A person who sees things as they truly are. A practical person. The pessimist complains about the wind; The optimist expects it to change; The realist adjusts the sails. — William Arthur Ward
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01-15-2012, 04:36 PM #11
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01-15-2012, 04:47 PM #12
Disagree staying together for the kids.
If you don´t love her anymore, then leave.
All kids deserve a loving home, see adults exchange loving gestures, seeing them kiss, sit close together in the couch, speak with loving words, laugh and be happy.
This creates a loving environment for the kids. A house with positive energy/chemistry.
If you don´t have this, then leave, so your wife can find someone else to create this with. And the same for you.
Then your kids will have 2 loving homes.
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01-15-2012, 05:12 PM #13
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Ive never been married (by choice.. could have been a few times). My take is you have two kids so be careful and think it through. If it was me personally. I would hide it. I would keep doing it and hide it well. An older guitar case in the closet, maybe unscrew an air vent, whatever you have to do.
This last girl I dated a year is like your woman. Every time you have a disagreement.. everytime you are short because of a long days work.. everytime you dont start a sentence with please and end it with thank you.. you are going to catch the shit bro. She is going to shit all over you and say its the gear. Who knows maybe sometimes it is. But in my experience.. its better to take talking about it off the table. If you cant do option A which is put your foot down say im doing it and dont want to talk to you about it again, then you need option B which is do it but not tell her. You're talking about option C leaving marriage. I know nothing about this topic. That to me is between you, her and God or whatever you believe in. To me.. you entered into marriage. You knew the rules. Maybe you had an oops or accident baby whatever you want to call it I personally would call it a miracle baby if it happened to me lol so you had to get married. I don't know I can't give you advice. I can tell you my dad finally left my mom after years of verbal and physical abuse by her hands. Me and my brother support his move 100%. You have to figure out if she is being reasonable or not. Maybe ask a close friend.
Ok I read your second post. What I would do is get her exercising. I know it sounds impossible but I got this last girlfriend to exercise. I had to threaten to dump her cause im an asshole but you will not want to do that since you are married. Exercise is one of the greatest things ont he planet. To name a few reasons - If you have an addiction, it gives you something you have to do so you can't just lay around doing stuff. If you have sleep problems, it will put you out like a light. If you have stress problems, it will diminish them. If people at work are messing with you, they will realize you look better than them and/or can whip their ass and likely stop. Exercise makes you feel good and love yourself. I know some people can be a fatass and love themselves. I am not one of those people. More power to them. As long as I exercise and take care of my morals and spirtual side and mind, I absolutely love myself. I would let her start out slow with the dumb shit that does nothing for peoples physiques - walking and bike riding etc. Then get her swimming if she likes that. Finally get her to join a gym. Show her how to use machines. Theres nothing sexier than a woman working her ass and legs. Jeez I wish I owned a gym I would make whoever i was dating use those machines naked after hours. Anyway good luck.
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01-15-2012, 05:27 PM #14
I appreciate everyones thoughts and advice. My gear use is by far not our only problem and is not the reason why I would choose to leave.....my fear is that I think she would say that it was and use it against me somewhere down the road (as Bossman said).
The kids are the main reason I am staying. They want me here, but as Flier said I think they deserve to see people being loving and caring. My wife and I now are basically like roomates and it sux.
We have been going to consuling for about a month and so far it hasn't helped much.
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01-15-2012, 05:54 PM #15
Absolutely!!! Maybe spending time with you while hiking, riding bikes or anything physical culd make her feel better...An the more she does it, the more she's going to love herself and how she looks which will in turn leave her in a better mood toward you.
Xelnaga, I think you may be right on the money. Like CherryDrPepper said, getting to workout may make her feel sexy. Also, do you think she might be feeling ovrwhelmed with work and the kids and think that you spend your time on bettering yourself instead of helping her? Do you help around the house? That most certainly helps put a woman in a better mood. (She can't complain as much lol)
^^ Yup. Comes back to the same issues...
BigDog, all the best to you and your marriage..I hope you guys are able to do what's best for both of you and the kids...Good luck!
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01-15-2012, 06:05 PM #16
Originally Posted by Flier
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01-15-2012, 06:42 PM #17
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I .. have been drinking so .. take that into account..
#1 Kids deserve a loving home with two parents whenever possible
#2 Kids deserve parents who hug, hold hands, and kiss as Flier said. My parents were together.. I don't even know, 30 years? For the last 10 years.. I never.. I mean never.. saw them kiss.. embrace.. tell each other they love each other. It makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time thinking about it. What a sad existence. I don't want to influence you to a snap decision though. Kids are dumb. They might not notice it at 12. But I promise you at 20, or when they become men and women, they will know something is wrong. And they will want to know why. And "because" won't cut it.
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01-15-2012, 06:59 PM #18
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Well put.
Also its important to realize the behavior effects your entire family. You do not soley take or assume the risk. I think you both need to be on the same page when it comes to this topic. If not its pretty important not to allow something like steroids upset a marriage - or worse become so important that you look to normal marital issues - blow them way out of proportion to justify you using them or worse yet end your marriage just so you can. Thats a sign of a real problem imo.
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01-15-2012, 07:27 PM #19
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i used to let my Miss's call the shots because it wasn't worth fighting over..
20yrs latter I'm a single dad with sole custody of my kids and shes off whoring around.. Fukkk her .. get ya testicles out of her hand bag and use em bro.. tell her is she dont like it then she knows were the front door is,....
if she is going to walk out on you for something like that then its better off now then 10yrs latter because she obviously doesn't luv or want you as much as u think she dose/should
When you Old Fat and ugly and then she will walk leveing you with no chance of geting any one beter ...
a lot of chicks freek out if you sexy because they think u might get to many offers from someone better looking.
Rip ya shirt off and say if you want to leave this baby go for it.... ill have some hot bitch in your bed by the end of the week... LOL ... $100 bucks says she wont leve...
if she dose and u think u have made a mistake then go crawling back as she will luv that,,, then you can ask permission ever time you want do a shit ...
IMO Gym_Last edited by Gym_; 01-15-2012 at 07:30 PM.
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01-15-2012, 07:33 PM #20
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I wish to hell i would have stood up to mine years ago instead of letting walk all over me and have her tell me what i could do when i could do it and for how long ...
Trubble with chicks is they play fukin mind games and we all know it .. we just dont have the enagy to play too.
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01-15-2012, 08:03 PM #21
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01-15-2012, 09:12 PM #22
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01-15-2012, 09:56 PM #23
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01-15-2012, 11:13 PM #24
ok, not joking... here is the deal... my wife knows... loves it
cuz - when i take steroids i look freaking great (sorry not arrogant well just a little) bro if you do a cycle you have to get some abs, rip up, get your bf down to 10 % or less - then she will freaking love steroids. tell her steroids give you energy and start doing more around the house...
tell her she is sexy when she thinks she isnt... then say "hun on steroids i look at you and desire you soooo much!!" use the word desire
make sex fun not like your a cave man, not like just romance either - dominate her !! dont hurt her, when done (after you finish) say sorry was i too aggressive? "man on steroids all i can do is think how sexy you are... " l"lets cuddle"
ask her if she would ever do botox? or boob implants? then say sterids are like that for men... make her read articles about doc oz... he has some good stuff about hrt/trt.
... there you go thank me any time you want
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01-15-2012, 11:19 PM #25
Bossman and Flier both made great points. I hope everything works out for you. Be careful as there are many mean women out there that would use your aas use during your divorce hearings. Just something to consider.
I'll add a little something else here. I can't imagine what I'm about to say going well, but here goes anyway....
When did men stop being men??? When did women start throwing there hands up and start giving ultimatum's saying do this or else? HELL NO!!!!!
I love my fiance more than anything else in the world. I'll cook for her sometimes, I'll do chores around the house, I'll give a back massage when she's hurting. I do believe in compromise, but at the end of the day what I say goes. I'm the man of the house, I'm the head of the household, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna kiss her ass if she's making irrational stupid decisions.
Too many men these days jump when their woman says to jump acting like little pvssies in their own home. I don't use gear, but I will one day and I know she'll be okay with it. However, even if she wasn't okay with it...I would present a logical argument. If she still wasn't okay with it, I would tell her she's just gonna have to deal with it b/c I've made up my mind. I can do this because I established this is the very beginning of the relationship and I've never wavered. This might sound like an asshole thing to say, but she knows that I'm the boss and she respects that.
Don't believe me??? Ask her...she post above (BrownGirl)
IMHO...I think this is a reason a lot of relationships don't workout. Women want their "white knight". They want a man that will treat them like a queen, sweep them off their feet, and protect them. Great...give them that. What they don't want is a little pvssy that worships their every move and kisses their ass whenever they want. They want a MAN....sometimes that means standing up to them and respectfully telling them "I'm the man of this house and you'll respect my decisions".
I know this doesn't help the OP. You can't just up and decide to do this in the middle of a relationship. But....for you guys reading this that aren't in a relationship right now. I would advise you to set expectation in the beginning of the relationship and not waver.
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01-15-2012, 11:24 PM #26
^^^^ i like the point your making ...
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01-15-2012, 11:31 PM #27
Thank you, I was 1/2 through a similar post when I decided to back off thinking it would not be taken well. I agree with you.
Ive said the same/similar a few time. Women like it or at least respect it when you stand up and say NO, being a man, being in charge. Not being an ass or dictator by any means but not being a yes man either. When you do that they use you and throw you away. It's sometimes hard to remember to stand up and be a man when they keep telling us to be nice, sensitive, understanding and so many men are raised by single mothers having no clue how to be a man.
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01-15-2012, 11:47 PM #28
I used to be super romantic, always giving, doing whatever the girl wanted type of guy when I was 16-21. Then I realized that women didn't want that. They liked it for a while and then got bored. At this point I decided a "Bad Boy" was what they wanted so I started being a total ass. This worked well for some girls, but I realized I was missing out on the "quality" women. I finally decided to take the middle of the road stance.
I was loving, caring, and genuine; but I would put my foot down and put her in her place when needed. I didn't tolerate bullshit, I made it known that I had the final say in all decisions, but I also showed respect and above all LISTENED to her opinion. Sometimes she would bring up good points and when she did I wasn't afraid to tell her I was wrong.
I show love by giving occasional gifts, but she also knows she's not entitled to any of it.
I think it was Sexy4mysweetheart that said in another thread. That if you shower a girl with gift in the beginning she's going to expect that forever and when you don't give it anymore or as much...she's gonna get pissed wondering what was different and why you didn't do it as much. This is also true when it comes to standing up to her. If you don't do it in the beginning and then one day you decide to be a man and take a stance.....it's gonna get ugly really quick.
When it all boils down to it....We as men need to set the expectation.Last edited by slfmade; 01-15-2012 at 11:50 PM.
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01-15-2012, 11:50 PM #29
I didnt read any of the above posts, but run this one by her...
test is a natural substance found in the male body. As we age, our natural levels go down substantially. This can cause emotional and physical issues with our bodies. Adding this test back in can make us feel young again and regain any lost confidence. Then ask her if she is on birth control. A highly elevated level of estrogen to balance off and normalise a womans hormones for MANY different reasons. Tell her maybe she she stop taking them cause you think they are wrong.
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01-15-2012, 11:58 PM #30
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I let mine boss me around all the time and now that she not on the Seen and out there shagging who ever the hell she wants she still waltz into my house with out knocking.. shits in my loo with out asking ..uses my scales that are in my bedroom with out permission, treats the place like its her own... and then tells me what i can and cant do in my own house ...
Now Ive found my balls that she had laying in one of her old purses and I'm like fully irate ate this shit... and have tell her she cant do this crap and she chucking a spaz telling me i cant tell her what to do and all the reast...
Here is a Q for you.. how would you misses be if you said .. oww i want you to get a boob job... or i want you to were this today .. she would put up with that ?
Do ya self a favor make a stand if she leaves you then she didn't care as much about you as you thought hey ?
BOTTOM LINE = No chick is going to leave a guy for that shit unless shes looking for a excuse to walk out anyway
Next it will be if ya goto ya mates bucks night ill leave you, then if you don't put the seat down ill walk out..
IMO Gym_
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.Last edited by Gym_; 01-16-2012 at 12:03 AM.
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01-16-2012, 12:01 AM #31
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Last edited by SexySweetheart; 02-11-2012 at 01:50 AM.
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01-16-2012, 12:09 AM #32
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Yer well i woulnt say that.... i would say its my body ill do what the hell i want with it thou
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01-16-2012, 12:19 AM #33
Because it goes both ways and if you dont stand up and make it clear that she has to respect your decision TOO then things are not going to go well. It's not just one way but when you dont stand up most of the time you will get walked on and thrown to the curb later for being everything she said she wanted. Dont take it as HE is the only one who gets to have a word, respect, decisoin but if you wont respect his how can you expect him to respect yours?
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01-16-2012, 12:48 AM #34
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Heres one for you ... would you like her to leave you when ( as you said ) your in the best shape of your whole life and looking the most buff....
OR
would you like her to wait until your stats drop and you look like shit ... because thats what happened to me.. now I'm fighting my way back .. this time at the age of 40 and not 29
I should have just taken door Number 1 because whats behind door number 2 fukin sucksLast edited by Gym_; 01-16-2012 at 12:49 AM. Reason: All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
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01-16-2012, 12:51 AM #35
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Last edited by SexySweetheart; 02-11-2012 at 01:21 AM.
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01-16-2012, 12:58 AM #36
As I said it the first thread. The OP can't do this now. It's too late. He's shouldn't have kept in from her in the first place.
All I'm saying is there's a reason he didn't tell her. It was because he was AFRAID she would say no. THAT'S NOT COOL. To be so afraid of your woman that you feel the need to hide it in the first place. He knew better than to even discuss it with her because he knew that in the end he would have to be the one to "Bow out". Had he have set the expectation to begin with. He could've just told her that this what what he was going to do and why he was going to do it.
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01-16-2012, 01:00 AM #37
It happens a lot. Guys are afraid to speak up to their woman because they know it's going to lead to a fight. It's not worth it to most men because they know at the end of the day...the woman's gonna get her way. IT SHOULD NOT BE LIKE THIS!!!!!!
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01-16-2012, 01:24 AM #38
Sexy4mySweetheart you are correct in the respect of doing something illegal that can put the family at risk, this should be a joint agreement/understanding one way or the other since it could effect everyone in a negative way. I was speaking more in general since it's still legitimate overall issue. I would bet as he says, trouble started long before the AAS issue. This may not be the appropriate time to take a stand or the right thing to stand up to but he needs to start somewhere. I suggest getting the air clear of this and then go from there.
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01-16-2012, 01:32 AM #39
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Last edited by SexySweetheart; 02-11-2012 at 01:21 AM.
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01-16-2012, 01:36 AM #40
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