So i finally had "the talk" with the wife.....

**redz** · 04-03-2012, 03:55 PM

So last night I finally talked to my wife about the feelings I have been having. Shockingly she was feeling similar how we just aren`t the same to each other any more and everyday it feels like we are further apart. I was pretty suprised she had the same feeling I do. We talked about why things are that way and sme other under liying issues that also have affected us like the fact she is spanish and I am not. She wants me to learn spanish( I know some but have never really picked it up).
So that I can communicate more with her family and friends. So then we got in to what she would start doing for me if I learn spanish, I told her there was a few things. Blow jobs, anal etc. more sex in general lol. She also said there was another thing that bugged her, she said most times when we have sex I just roll over and fall asleep. I laughed and said your right, I guess she wants more "cuddles" after. I told her the problem there is that the most common time for us to have sex is right before sleep and if we were to start doing it throughout the day that would happen more. I`m just too tired sometimes after sex and just pass out. Also she wants to do more things together other than just sitting around the house. We spoke on some other points but mostly those things.

The good thing about the whole situation was how she looked at me and made me feel like there is atleast hope so we will give it a go and see what is ahead.

**cherrydrpepper** · 04-03-2012, 04:06 PM

Good stuff. What I have learned with girls if I fly off the handle nothing good comes of it but if I talk calmly, rationally about how things make me feel and think then I tend to make a lot more progress. Sounds like you are good at this too.

**JD250** · 04-03-2012, 04:16 PM

It's a lot of work bro but you're doing the right thing in the right way....good job!

**lovbyts** · 04-03-2012, 04:19 PM

Talking is always a good idea. Communication is key to any relationship. 9 x out of 10 the other person is feeling the same as you.

That's funny my woman and I are just the opposite of you and most couples. After we have sex I am the 1 who is wide awake and she is ready to pass out and sleeps for hours. It does not matter if I am up all day or it is the middle of the night I cannot sleep afterwards for a long time.

**Honkey_Kong** · 04-03-2012, 04:26 PM

Redz, I've got an idea for compromise with your wife. You can get that Rosetta Stone program. If she gives you a BJ, then you will cuddle with her for 5-10 minutes.

**lovbyts** · 04-03-2012, 04:33 PM

5-10 minutes? Just make it tit for tat. You will cuddle with her the same amount of time as it takes you to bust a nut when she is giving you head. LOL

**redz** · 04-03-2012, 04:36 PM

Yeah I have that rosetta stone thing I did it for a while then quit lol. I had suggested some sort of trade off with favors when I put in effort to learn. I think we will work that out.

**HitIt** · 04-03-2012, 04:42 PM

good luck bro

**JD250** · 04-03-2012, 04:47 PM

Dude, when she sees you making an honest effort to do the things that she values you will have zero problem with BJs or sex. Keep it real!

**FONZY007** · 04-03-2012, 04:59 PM

Cool bro glad everything worked out

**AlphaGenetics** · 04-03-2012, 06:15 PM

Why is it so dam painfull to talk about feelings? lol

**awms** · 04-03-2012, 06:22 PM

see man communication is key in a healthy relationship! when it break down so does everything eles! A good talk can really do wonders! once you get it all out on the table and stop acting like its all ok you can be the person she fell in love with and she can be the person you fell in love with!

congrats!

**awms** · 04-03-2012, 06:24 PM

p.s have a small cup of coffee and hour before sex haha as a man we get tired after sex but it will perk you up a bit so you want to stay up and have those long chats....I actually enjoy them now because I find my gf shares alot of her deepest secrets with me post sex lol

**Brohim** · 04-03-2012, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by redz

Yeah I have that rosetta stone thing I did it for a while then quit lol. I had suggested some sort of trade off with favors when I put in effort to learn. I think we will work that out.

Take her to a Spanish speaking country for a week for a vacation. You will learn more Spanish there than RS and you will probably get laid alot. Walk around in the market's and try to speak Spanish.

**Times Roman** · 04-03-2012, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Talking is always a good idea. Communication is key to any relationship. 9 x out of 10 the other person is feeling the same as you.

That's funny my woman and I are just the opposite of you and most couples. After we have sex I am the 1 who is wide awake and she is ready to pass out and sleeps for hours. It does not matter if I am up all day or it is the middle of the night I cannot sleep afterwards for a long time.

if you ask me, it sounds like you are "thinking" about "round 2" and she's "out for the count"?????

**lovbyts** · 04-03-2012, 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by Times Roman

if you ask me, it sounds like you are "thinking" about "round 2" and she's "out for the count"?????

That's why the internet and porn was created. Speaking of, she is taking a mid afternoon nap right now.

**Jessgirl** · 04-03-2012, 10:41 PM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

That's why the internet and porn was created. Speaking of, she is taking a mid afternoon nap right now.

Why wouldn't you wake your girl up and watch together ?

**lovbyts** · 04-04-2012, 01:18 AM

Originally Posted by Jessgirl

Why wouldn't you wake your girl up and watch together ?

I'm just nice that way, I know she is worn out after playing and can sleep for hours where me I'm the opposite and it takes me several hours before I can go to sleep. We are a little backwards compared to a lot of people.

**gearbox** · 04-04-2012, 01:35 AM

Dude I can't ever sleep after sex either. I hate having sex late at night.
Op- great news man, and glad it seems to be working out for you. However, in reading into your situation it seems that maybe some of the anal bj stopped when you started to not follow through on some things. Woman take that stuff personally, just like we take a bj personally. Something to think about. I just know that when you treat your woman right and she does the same in return, you know you got yourself a good one!

**songdog** · 04-04-2012, 03:12 AM

Wish you the best Bro and she will be watching you so dont slack

AD · 04-04-2012, 03:16 AM

so no more drinks with the boys?

**DSM4Life** · 04-04-2012, 04:55 AM

Let us know how the anal works out.

**JimmySidewalk** · 04-04-2012, 05:07 AM

Let me get this right, so your woman uses anal or giving you BJ as leverage ? wtf man ?
My girl always gives me bjs, she actually likes doing it to me very often. Anal sex is a little more difficult because i am the first one with who she tried, but she's up for it anytime. And always always up for sex, even 4-5 times a day or more when i'm on cycle. I sometimes slip it in while she's sleeping, she'll wake up moan a little finish off, and she never ever refused me. And no issues with the cuddle part, never heard anything about that. Either we cuddle or not, or both fall asleep, or just one, i mean you do whatever comes in your nature to do, right ?

I still dont get it why some people teach their spouses to use sex as leverage.

**spywizard** · 04-04-2012, 05:16 AM

Originally Posted by JimmySidewalk

Let me get this right, so your woman uses anal or giving you BJ as leverage ? wtf man ?
My girl always gives me bjs, she actually likes doing it to me very often. Anal sex is a little more difficult because i am the first one with who she tried, but she's up for it anytime. And always always up for sex, even 4-5 times a day or more when i'm on cycle. I sometimes slip it in while she's sleeping, she'll wake up moan a little finish off, and she never ever refused me. And no issues with the cuddle part, never heard anything about that. Either we cuddle or not, or both fall asleep, or just one, i mean you do whatever comes in your nature to do, right ?

I still dont get it why some people teach their spouses to use sex as leverage.

ditto

**jasc** · 04-04-2012, 06:43 AM

Got a win-win for you...

She dresses up like a school teacher n tutors u in Spanish.. then once you finish a lesson she rewards you..

Maybe even have a scoring system... A for Anal, B for Blowjob, C n below = sex.. but you can always defer to a lower grade. Say your not feelin Anal, you can go for the bj and/or sex.

Joking aside, glad you guys talked. Talking for us guys sucks, but it really does help sometimes.

**JD250** · 04-04-2012, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by Jessgirl

Why wouldn't you wake your girl up and watch together ?

SERIOUSLY!!!!! I think I love you Jess!

**NOSUPERMODEL** · 04-04-2012, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by Honkey_Kong

Redz, I've got an idea for compromise with your wife. You can get that Rosetta Stone program. If she gives you a BJ, then you will cuddle with her for 5-10 minutes.

Have her give you a BJ while you do the Rosetta Stone!!! Kill two birds with one stone.

**SEOINAGE** · 04-04-2012, 03:38 PM

Yeah sometimes we think something is crazy wrong till we talk about it, and realize it isn't that big of an issue, and can be fixed, marriage takes a lot of that. I just can't win with the BJ conversation, I try to talk to her about it and she just goes mute.

**Honkey_Kong** · 04-04-2012, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by NOSUPERMODEL

Have her give you a BJ while you do the Rosetta Stone!!! Kill two birds with one stone.

"Oh, SIIIIIIIIIII!"

**Standby** · 04-04-2012, 11:25 PM

Originally Posted by spywizard

ditto

i agree with these guys. dont really understand how bjs and shit is being traded for cuddling and speaking spanish.... wtf?

**gearbox** · 04-05-2012, 12:34 AM

Sometimes doing those things shows you care. Hey I never had problems getting sex but not.sure how long op has been with her or married to her.

**FONZY007** · 04-05-2012, 12:43 AM

Originally Posted by JimmySidewalk

Let me get this right, so your woman uses anal or giving you BJ as leverage ? wtf man ?
My girl always gives me bjs, she actually likes doing it to me very often. Anal sex is a little more difficult because i am the first one with who she tried, but she's up for it anytime. And always always up for sex, even 4-5 times a day or more when i'm on cycle. I sometimes slip it in while she's sleeping, she'll wake up moan a little finish off, and she never ever refused me. And no issues with the cuddle part, never heard anything about that. Either we cuddle or not, or both fall asleep, or just one, i mean you do whatever comes in your nature to do, right ?

I still dont get it why some people teach their spouses to use sex as leverage.

My wife is the same way lol, loves giving me bj's

**NOSUPERMODEL** · 04-05-2012, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by FONZY007

My wife is the same way lol, loves giving me bj's

My wife is the same way.

**AnabolicBoy1981** · 04-05-2012, 08:33 AM

Women have such a high entertainment need "I want to do more than just sit around the house" "im getting bored with this" SHUT UP. Ugh. If i dont need that kinda entertainment why do they? Go kiyack with someoen else ya dumb bitch. ya know?

IDK, i would demanded the anal an BJs a long time ago. Also, anal should never be a problem for guys to get. doNT LISTEN. to "oh i dont do that" you say "Yeah well i do" or "This is how we do tings" or "Shhh" Shush them dammit. iM not kidding, stand firm like its goin down no matter what and it will.

**baseline_9** · 04-05-2012, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by AnabolicBoy1981

Women have such a high entertainment need "I want to do more than just sit around the house" "im getting bored with this" SHUT UP. Ugh. If i dont need that kinda entertainment why do they? Go kiyack with someoen else ya dumb bitch. ya know?

IDK, i would demanded the anal an BJs a long time ago. Also, anal should never be a problem for guys to get. doNT LISTEN. to "oh i dont do that" you say "Yeah well i do" or "This is how we do tings" or "Shhh" Shush them dammit. iM not kidding, stand firm like its goin down no matter what and it will.

I bet the women love you dont they

**havehotasianwife** · 04-05-2012, 08:48 AM

I read an article about cuddling after sex, and they said that for the woman to have the chemical response in her body that she gets from cuddling after sex, takes about 15 seconds.

**Hazard** · 04-05-2012, 10:54 AM

I CAN NOT have sex at night and say awake...... theres just no fvckin way. I feel relaxed and drained..... then i pass out lol.

I also wear myself the fvck out..... I can't just roll over LOL! I'm like a race horse..... I gotta calm the heart down and stop sweating..... then I pass out.

Redz.... I'm happy things are working out for you but I do agree with jimmy in that sexual things shouldn't ever be a reward for doing something for her. I know where you're comming from though..... when you're married sometimes you'll just take what you can get.

~Haz~

**JAB1** · 04-05-2012, 11:11 AM

Good job talkin it out Redz. A lot of us are in the same boat man. Once married for a while its just different. Me and my wife **** maybe 3 or four times a week most of the time. WE both work about ten hours a day, gym, drive home, make dinner, pack next days meals, etc. If we are lucky we have a couple hours a night to spend together, so its just not that easy. Ive gotten a little frusterated lately as my girl likes to go to bedroom, "clean up", etc and go to bed and have sex. I miss the passionate **** on the spot type action that is rare. Not like it never happens, just not like when I was younger and sikngle. I think some of the unmarried guys dont quite get the trade off stuff either. Its not like shes holding you a sexual hostage and only putting out as a barter system, lol. We do the same shit, my girl may not be in the mood to give me a BJ, but if I offer a 5 min massage, shes down. Give and take, ya know. Sounds to me like your situation is similar to mine. You have a great girl that you are happy with, but its not the wild sex pot crazy sexual stuff that goes on with strangers or in the begining. Im having a hard time adjusting too but thats life, the crazy stripper is fun for a night but that shit wears out fast and youll miss your wife!!

**evander87** · 04-05-2012, 11:16 AM

I'm glad things are going in the right direction for you Redz but I was worried when you put "the talk" in your title that your wife didn't know where babies came from. SMH

**SEOINAGE** · 04-05-2012, 01:01 PM

The worst part about trying to get a BJ when they don't want to give one is they won't really get into it and do a good job, I think one time she has given a bj like she loved my cock. And any other time she got into it it ended up inside her **** instead of her mouth.