my life is falling apart.

[drake25]

i know i posted on here alot, but i dont know where else to go.
told you guys about a week ago about my brother being killed and all that. this year has been kind of shitty, i had this really bad break up last year, and havent felt right since. now my brother.

but now my health is really starting to go, having infections, vision is all messed up, face is swollen and red from the stress. havent slept. cant think straight. loosing weight rapidly. doctors dont really know what to do for me, as its just stress..

i looked some pictures of myself from about a year ago, and compared to then i look like im a drug addict or something now, met up with some old friends i havent seen in awhile and they just gave me that sympathetic "you look like shit" stare. i didnt show it but it devastated me. really ruined my day (i know it sounds selfish thinking about myself when my brother passed, but im really self-conscious and care about how i look to other people) i only speak about this encounter because its just like an analogy about my life right now, everyone around me (my friends) seem to be doing great, everything is just going so smoothly for them. it really makes me jealous and angry when i look at my own. i was such a happy person last year, everything was going as planned if you know what i mean.

i went out on some errands today and i didnt even feel like i was in reality, i felt like i was in a dream.


its like my soul and will is telling me to fight on, to not give up. but my mind/body wont let me.

ive put myself in a self-fulfilling prophecy of stress and illnesss and it seems like i cant get out.

my parents want me to go to a therapist but i dont see how words can cure this, i guess the reason im on here now is for venting purposes. but maybe im wrong

[GetItHot]

If you're here venting, whats the difference between that and talking to a therapist?

[cherrydrpepper]

Drake honestly I am one of the people who will understand what you are going through to a degree. I won't say "one of the few people" because I have no idea how many people have been through some bad shit on here. You are always free to pm me or anybody on here. I will say more im about to run out for a beer i'll be back and reply.

[BreakingFace]

Whenever I get in that kind of funk... I find I have two choices. One: continue wallowing for as long as it takes to really f-ck myself up enough to have a serious wake up call that snaps me out of it. Or Two: Force myself to fake a smile, work out , sleep right, eat right, and get out with positive friends and family.

Nothing wrong with a good therapist... just make sure they are actually actively listening to you. Ive had one that opened his mail while i talked and another who text messaged.

Also... it sounds corny but check out joel osteen on tv or youtube... He's so calming and positive that it's infectious.

[JD250]

Tough stuff bro, I can tell you a couple things that will help, TALKING about it like you just did, and thats what your parents are trying to tell you about the therapist......of course you don't see how it will help, if you did you wouldn't be struggling.....go see someone and and talk about it, sounds gay I know but it can help a bunch. Also, realize that this too shall pass, think back to a time that was tuff and you will see that things do pass and with time wounds can heal, you will always remember your brother but it can be more positive with time......it's OK to mourn the loss of a loved one. Instead of being sad that his life is over try being thankful for the time you had with him......is the glass half full or half empty? Everything in this life can either be ignored and shut out or it can be embraced and learned from, if you choose to see the positive in this and learn something from it......you'll be a man who is wealthy with good memories and friends who will love to be around you because of your view on life. You'll make it bro, go and talk with someone.

[Razor]

Dude im not going to pat your back and tell your its gonna be ok

Slap yourself a few time in the face and get back to reality. You dont need to go talk to someone to get better, you can get better yourself
I have looked back at all the bad shit i have been through all day but its not going to get any better till you get yourself straight.

You can do it

[GetItHot]

Tough stuff bro, I can tell you a couple things that will help, TALKING about it like you just did, and thats what your parents are trying to tell you about the therapist......of course you don't see how it will help, if you did you wouldn't be struggling.....go see someone and and talk about it, sounds gay I know but it can help a bunch. Also, realize that this too shall pass, think back to a time that was tuff and you will see that things do pass and with time wounds can heal, you will always remember your brother but it can be more positive with time......it's OK to mourn the loss of a loved one. Instead of being sad that his life is over try being thankful for the time you had with him......is the glass half full or half empty? Everything in this life can either be ignored and shut out or it can be embraced and learned from, if you choose to see the positive in this and learn something from it......you'll be a man who is wealthy with good memories and friends who will love to be around you because of your view on life. You'll make it bro, go and talk with someone.

Good advice. The sun will rise again tomorrow...

[Angel of death]

The best advice I can give you is life is a marathon, not a sprint. Theres gonna be times you feel great and on top of the world and then the bad times are going to come, and they'll feel like they will be there forever. But they won't, you'll get past it and when you start feeling like yourself again it will be the best feeling in the world. When your in a funk its very easy to keep slipping further into it especially if you let yourself.

This may sound stupid but the best example I can give (being a giants fan) is the giants-jets situation in new york. the jets had a successful 2 years while the giants didn't make the playoffs, coughlins job was on the line, and rex ryan was talking all his shit and it seemed like there was a new best team in new york. the giants are one game from missing the playoffs this year, but they clinch and win the Super Bowl. suddenly the 2 years before that don't seem as important and nobody even remembers them (or the jets). if you understand what I'm getting at...at times it will seem like you're so far behind and your friends are all doing great, but just like it took a couple bad events to throw you into a hole, shit will eventually turn around.

[jasc]

Back when I didn't have a gf and life used to get me down I'd hit the club on the weekend, find the hottest girl in there and wake up next to her in the morning.. always made me feel better
give it a shot..

Or like some others have mentioned, spend some quality time with family and good friends.. that always helped too

[Gaspari1255]

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties, but I am going to take a different approach to this and say fvck the therapist. What's the point of going to one, all they tell you is what YOU want to hear. For example, a person with an eating disorder goes to a therapist, and the therapist will say "it's not your fault, you have a disease." A drug addict will go to a therapist and they will say "It's not your fault, you just have a sickness." No, it is entirely their faults. They're going to tell you how things are going to get better and to keep your head up. How are things going to magically get better? I think they are all a bunch of bullshit artists and that the only person who can better your life and situation is YOU. As for the break up, it's tough brother, one of the worst things someone has to deal with. I went through mine at the end of November, and it's still killing me every day. The only thing you can do is totally block her out of your life and not spend an ounce of your time thinking about her. An ex is an ex for a reason, because they need to be EXCLUDED from your life. As far as your brother, there is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel any better. Hold on to the memories and know that you will be reunited with him some day. Keep your head up my friend. Start doing different activities and look into other things to get your mind off of all the negativity around you.

"Life is determined by choice, not chance."

[awms]

I sympathize with you man I have felt like my life was falling apart and I was lost! What you need to focus on 1# is not were you are now but were you are going to be in the future, set some goals for your self and start to work on becoming a better person, You said you were stressed? well theres a goal! educate your self on stress and reducing the stress in your life, you say your health is failing? well make it a goal to improve your diet, cut out all sugars and eat health so your body can heal its self, take a new hobby....it doesn't matter what your goals are just have some! and make sure they are goals that will make you a better person in the future. Negative thought only create more negative thoughts and although I know you miss you brother and its very very hard to hear! dwelling on his death will not bring him back or make your life better....every day when you wake up you have two options 1# You can have a great day and work towards something positive or 2# you can decide that your life sucks and do nothing....which one sounds better to you?

What I have found with most people is that if your depressed you're living in the past! find things that make you happy and be around people who are positive! another thing I have found that helps is a natural approach....I take vitamin D, fish oil, and taurine....might seem simple but google the effect of these supplements on depression and stress! they work wonders!

[Brenna]

You describe the classic signs of depression and deservedly so. Out of the five highest stress events in a humans life, those being: marriage/divorce (failed relationships), birth of a child, death in the family, work change, and relocation, you've been hit with two almost simultaneously. Acknowledging you're not right with yourself speaks volumes. A lot of people won't even admit it. Therapy can be beneficial, don't rule it out. Finding one that fits you is sometimes the challenge. If you live in a large city, anonymous support groups are everywhere, look online or in the paper. It's important to not feel alone at this time in your life. It's so difficult for us to ask for help, but empathy is one of the most basic of human needs. Therapy or a support group, if nothing else, will bring some structure to the periods of time that are empty. In other words, a scheduled place to be and an appropriate venue in which to express and off load your feelings. Ideally this would involve your family but you don't mention them. If you don't take care of your self physically you will feel bad, you will look in the mirror and feel bad about the way you look, life will start to snowball and will seem overwhelming. So even if you have to go through the motions of getting up, eating, showering, getting dressed, going to work, etc. do them. You'll feel better about your health, your self esteem will improve. You will gain the emotional muscle you need to hang on. Healing will take time and you have to give yourself that time. Give to yourself right now, and get some third party help. I'm sincerely sorry for your loss, Brenna

[lovbyts]

Dont feel bad about posting up on here, we are here for you. Most of us have had a lot of sh*t happen in our life also and although no one feels the same as you a lot of us can relate.

My 1st wife died during our divorce. Being separate or getting divorce did not make it any easier. It wasnt because we hated each other I just could not live with her habit.

My 2nd wife died shortly after our divorce and we had become good friends and even still sort of dating.

A few years ago my brother in-law who I hated and was bi-polar decided since he was getting divorced he would kill himself after shooting my 10yr old nephew in the head killing him.

My mom just died a few months ago due to pancreatic cancer. I watched her go from looking almost 20 years younger than her age, independent and mowing her own lawn at 86 to a frail sickly shadow of herself in a few months time all a week after my detached retina surgery and recuperation.

It's natural to feel like crap and not want to do anything for a while and from time to time after but you have to keep going and time does help as long as you dont just dwell on the past and get on with your life making the most out of it day by day because we never know what tomorrow will bring.

Talking to a therapist is not going to cure you. There is not cure. It may help you though as well as talking with friends and family. You wont wake up tomorrow and feel normal again but when you look back to how you felt a month ago you will see you feel a little better at time now compared to then and next month you will feel a more better. Dont you think your brother would have wanted you to go on and want the best for you? Make him proud and become a good person, make something of your life and live it to the fullest.

[DSM4Life]

Dude im going to pat your backside and tell your its gonna be ok

Im hurting...


Whenever you think you have it bad there is always someone out there that has it 10x worse.

[SexySweetheart]

So true, don’t feel bad about posting, were all only human ~ sometimes it’s just easier to say/release how you feel to a group of virtual strangers

Find what works for you when you’re ready, whether it is religion / therapy / medication/ hobby / vacation/ we all have our own ways of working through loss grief depression and finding normalcy and eventual happiness
<3

[drake25]

i really appreciate all the responses, means a lot. you all make good points

i guess my hardest ordeal right now is trying to let go of the past, but im working on that. i know its a process.

thanks again guys your words really made a difference.

[warchild]

sorry to hear. everybody goes thru trying times. i hope the best for you drake

[lovbyts]

i really appreciate all the responses, means a lot. you all make good points

i guess my hardest ordeal right now is trying to let go of the past, but im working on that. i know its a process.

thanks again guys your words really made a difference.

Dont try to let go of the past. You want to keep his memories alive. Just focus on the good times. You want to move forward, not try to pretend it didnt happen. I know it may not have been what you meant to say I just want to make sure you arent trying to do the impossible. Our past makes us who we are and helps build us into who we will become.

You are doing the right things by wanting to talk about it and share with others.

[tcw]

Life is tough...anyone who tells you otherwise is FULL-OF-CHIT !

I served active duty in the Middle-east in the mid-80's...and i can't tell you for sure that what i did was the right thing to do. At the time it seemed like it...but i saw so much heartache and tragedy, that i can only justify it by saying "the lessor of 2 evils was done."

For me...when tragedy hits...it helps to have a spiritual outlook. I don't believe in organized religion, but i do believe that we go on from this world into another life.

I don't have all the answers...but some scientist i heard said that we are all composed of energy...and that energy is what gives us life. When our bodies decay and shut down...our energy or life form goes on----Energy Never Dies, it just changes form!

Dr. Brian Weiss.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Weiss

Remember that you were blessed to have a brother who loved you...and not everyone can say that. Also remember, there are other people you will meet that will become like brothers...if you accept them as such.

---your brother may have passed from this world---but he is not dead.

[frank13]

Ive had to deal with death in my family a lot theirs not much you can say that will make u feel better about that but the fact is every one dies you will die i will die every one on here will die different times different ages different places and theirs nothing that you can do to change that i like to think when someone gos its just there time even though it may be a horrible thing to deal with and i don't mean to disagree with anyone but a therapist maybe a good idea a good therapist can help you change the way you think about things and the way you solve problems and help you manage stress better and if you can do that even for a little while you will be much better off there not trying to cure you there trying to teach you to think differently

[gonebluffn]

My thoughts are with you but the worst thing you can do is nothing .go see a therapist or get another dr but do something or it will drive you insane. good luck let us know how its going.