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  1. #1
    KunipshunFit's Avatar
    KunipshunFit is offline Lounge Lizard
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    Joke of the day *Thursday* [Cutler has gyno :)]

    ok ok, that really isnt the joke of the day...
    that's the miracle that has been performed that he just now starts to show his gyno after being a walking lab experiement for so many years.


    now for the joke

    This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

    Dear Diary...

    For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the sweet dear) purchased me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape (from playing on my high school softball team) I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Bruce, who described himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor, and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my sudden enthusiasm to get started.
    Well, the club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress, so here it goes:

    Monday:
    Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
    Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
    This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

    Tuesday:
    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then he put weights on it!
    My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

    Wednesday:
    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
    My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
    Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

    Thursday:
    Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine
    -which I sank.

    Friday:
    I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader.
    If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the &*@*#$ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
    (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.)
    The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

    Saturday:
    Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the *[email protected]#&^ Weather Channel.

    Sunday:
    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband (the IDIOT) will choose a gift for me that is fun-like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

  2. #2
    daem's Avatar
    daem is offline Anabolic Member
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    sounds like girls that i have tried to train...all excited at first but no motivation to keep going when it gets difficult.

    however i have yet to think that my friends who are guys are any better as they will go to the gym for 2 weeks, think they are hardcore, and then stop going for a month. pussies and quitters make for terrible trainees.

    i did laugh at the progression of the diary however funny shit.

  3. #3
    KunipshunFit's Avatar
    KunipshunFit is offline Lounge Lizard
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    Daem...that's why I posted it man...So we people who do go and train people and are in the gym all the time could have a laugh.

    The longer and harder I train the more I find things not hard, but routine. You adapt and progress. I thought this a good joke because people are "skerd" of a lil' pain! and it's not even pain, it's your body adapting!
    Lata's

    K'fit

  4. #4
    BIG TEXAN's Avatar
    BIG TEXAN is offline Respected Member
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    Sounds like my wife when I had her on a program. After 2 weeks she wouldn't even talk to me. Maybe I should do it again so I can at least have one day of peace.

  5. #5
    RageControl's Avatar
    RageControl is offline Senior Member
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    Sounds like evryone who joined my gym over the last 3 months. Slowly they all disappear without a trace...

  6. #6
    Terinox's Avatar
    Terinox is offline The One & Only
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    Originally posted by KunipshunFit
    Daem...that's why I posted it man...So we people who do go and train people and are in the gym all the time could have a laugh.

    The longer and harder I train the more I find things not hard, but routine. You adapt and progress. I thought this a good joke because people are "skerd" of a lil' pain! and it's not even pain, it's your body adapting!
    Lata's

    K'fit
    That is very true. When you become hardcore, you become hardcore. Lifting weights and going to the gym becomes as important as going to your Univ. classes, or going to a wedding or funeral, it just has to be done

    And when you reach "our" level, like most of the people on AR, you actually get pissed when you can't workout. Like when I found out Friday my gym was going to be closed for Good Friday. Only thing you could hear in the change room when my friend told me was "FAAAACK!!"


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