Divorce .... What I wanted to write to the ex

**paulzane** · 07-13-2012, 06:43 AM

Hi All .... just a vent. I need somewhere but I am quite a private person and don't wash my linen in public ..... hence the rant here!!

Below is an email that I drafted to the wife as she has just held up the divorce proceedings saying that she is too busy to go to the solicitor's office.

For a financial settlement we have agreed that she will have the house that she lives in, all it's contents and a lump sum payment. I will have the other smaller house and all the sh1t that is in it. We will have joint custody of our daughter.

All in all probably cost me $500,000 US in assets. Would have been a lot more but for the credit crunch!!

Anyway the email is below:

I knew it was a mistake to let you persuade me that you should file against me ..... another way to fcuk me about. All you need to do is to sign that you have received my acknowledgement, complete a statement and apply for the Decree Nisi. I have wanted a divorce for probably 15 years but you always threatened that you would dump R*****(my daughter) on me so I would have to leave my job and go back to England to look after her.

You also said that she couldn't take the fact of us getting divorced and if we did it would be too much for her to handle. When I finally asked her about that she said that she "...couldn't give a flying fcuk" what we did about divorce and never did. Hence us going for divorce now!

I just want to get the Albatross of that marriage from around my neck. So go and sign the fcukin paperwork!

So should I send it or will it just sting her in the ass and I will lose the other $500,000 and my pension???

**gearbox** · 07-13-2012, 07:03 AM

I have been their before and my advice would be to not retaliate or vent. Unless you are positive you can't get more screwed by her. Ex and I.settled out of court cause she knew I didn't want to go to court so she slowly took advantage of that. But after said and done I am glad I was able to control my words and actions. She may be a selfish beep but it could have been worse.
Ex- yours could seek full custody of your daughter out of spite and to get more money

**marcus300** · 07-13-2012, 07:10 AM

Been there and recovered but I've still got the emotional scars . Keep strong and moving forward my friend.

Pm me anytime to vent

**JAB1** · 07-13-2012, 07:11 AM

I have sent a couple emails in my day that were written when I was pissed, never works out well. One was a resignation letter to my VP. He called me and said, let me give you some advice ive learned over the years, never respond when your emotional, let things simmer and respond with a clear head, always. I still work for him..... He is right, you dont want to piss her off and make things harder on yourself. Once everything is legally settled you can get that shit off your chest. Chess not checkers!!!

**paulzane** · 07-13-2012, 07:20 AM

Thanks Marcus, gearbox and JAB1 ...... Yes I am levelheaded and was half way through writing out the email and I thought ...... this will get me nowhere ..... that was when I thought of posting it here.

I know lots of people have been through the same!

**bikeral** · 07-13-2012, 08:07 AM

^^ Agree with all. Good luck bro. Divorced and so happy. Life is so different when you live with a sane person.

BTW:
You know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

**< <Samson> >** · 07-13-2012, 10:33 AM

Wow, half a mill. . . . . . Makes me feel lucky.

Me and the aXe wife were in a complete financial hell. We sank close to 350k into jack shit. All and all at the end both of us walked away with nothing.

I wouldn't send her shit, get on with your life. . . I swear from my last marriage/divorce ordeal I lost at least a decade of my life. . . .Still trying my best not to think about that shit, even-though life is a whole lot better now.

**gearbox** · 07-13-2012, 11:41 AM

We gotta always watch out for 1 another. Because I said above the emotional scars will always be there. I can't imagine being divorced more than once. However I learned so much with my first wife on what I want in a woman. And now I have the most amazing woman.

**DSM4Life** · 07-13-2012, 12:44 PM

Your from England...... Mate.

**Kawigirl** · 07-13-2012, 12:51 PM

I never did understand the theory behind a womans thought that all and more should go to her. I left 50/50 (but socially and economically we were even)...still. And I felt a sense of self pride that I left keeping him intact with dignity and my self respect knowing I never took anything more than what I earned! I wake up feeling like a much better woman.

I think its undeserving men have to fork over life savings and their retirement fund.....

Good luck Paul....

**Hunter** · 07-13-2012, 01:02 PM

I hope everything works out for you, I will keep you in my thoughts.

**blainer** · 07-13-2012, 01:16 PM

Man you make me feel good for only losing 30k. I am guessing that you have lawyered up but you surely should if you haven't. I hate that women think they are entitled to half or most of your stuff just because the relationship didn't work out. I never knew any other job where you quit and they have to keep paying you after you quit except for marraige. Man reading this touches a nerve, I can completely understand your anger in this situation but def don't say anything to her at all. The only contact you should have with her at all is through a lawyer.

**paulzane** · 07-13-2012, 02:32 PM

The reason why I can't send the email is that her solicitor says that she is entitled to loads more that what she is accepting .... including deferred pension payments, a greater lump sum, etc etc ..... If I fcuk her off then the world is her oyster and my sh1thole

**Times Roman** · 07-13-2012, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by Kawigirl

I never did understand the theory behind a womans thought that all and more should go to her. I left 50/50 (but socially and economically we were even)...still. And I felt a sense of self pride that I left keeping him intact with dignity and my self respect knowing I never took anything more than what I earned! I wake up feeling like a much better woman.

I think its undeserving men have to fork over life savings and their retirement fund.....

Good luck Paul....

I'm not so sure about this Kawi. Women quite often stay home and raise babies instead of earning/working. so the financial bias needle quite rightfully leans towards the men. I have no problems with a 50/50 split on departure. and no problem with an equitable supplemental income for the lesser earning ex spouse.

What I would have an issue with is the idea of providing spousal support forever which happens quite often. I would say give it a ten year cap, which should be sufficient time for retraining and a new career.

I strongly disagree with divorce when there are small children involved. If you are making babies, you better make double dam sure you are in a good relationship, else keep the friggin rubber on!!!

Anyways, divorce with small babies is a complex issue, and don't want to give the impression my binary position is cast in stone.

**Rwy** · 07-13-2012, 02:47 PM

Wow a lot of guys in this thread divorced. Curious as to your ages. Did you get married young or should have never gottne married

**JohnnyVegas** · 07-13-2012, 03:27 PM

I know you already said you weren't sending it, but I still want to say that you should keep it as civil as possible. Escalation leads to more fighting which just makes it take longer. You can be firm, but not mean.

Originally Posted by Rwy2778

Wow a lot of guys in this thread divorced. Curious as to your ages. Did you get married young or should have never gottne married

First time around I married someone that I was incompatible with. Love does not conquer all, and it is possible to be incompatible with someone you love. She was a great woman and we never did anything to purposefully hurt each other, but after 10 years we couldn't be together any more. We stayed friends for years after and are now both happily remarried. We have both learned lessons and are doing much better with our second marriages.

**SexySweetheart** · 07-13-2012, 05:18 PM

OP...dont send !!!
lol seriously, it will prob come back to hunt you..

you needed a rant and ta purge all the yuk feelings outta ya... I TOTALY GET THAT lol
but you def have better impulse control than I, and posted it here asking for objective input...and objectivly i can tell that if I was in a mesy divorce that I felt I was getting slated in and my X had the nerve to send me this = i would run with it.

so please, clean it up as if your requesting a buisness partner to do what you ask, and you should be ok

best of luck!

**Rwy** · 07-13-2012, 11:27 PM

Originally Posted by JohnnyVegas

I know you already said you weren't sending it, but I still want to say that you should keep it as civil as possible. Escalation leads to more fighting which just makes it take longer. You can be firm, but not mean.

First time around I married someone that I was incompatible with. Love does not conquer all, and it is possible to be incompatible with someone you love. She was a great woman and we never did anything to purposefully hurt each other, but after 10 years we couldn't be together any more. We stayed friends for years after and are now both happily remarried. We have both learned lessons and are doing much better with our second marriages.

Thats good. I am 34 probably taking the plunge soon. I think i gave it enough time lol Although part of me will always miss being a bachelor

**calgarian** · 07-14-2012, 01:03 AM

Originally Posted by paulzane

Hi All .... just a vent. I need somewhere but I am quite a private person and don't wash my linen in public ..... hence the rant here!!

Below is an email that I drafted to the wife as she has just held up the divorce proceedings saying that she is too busy to go to the solicitor's office.

For a financial settlement we have agreed that she will have the house that she lives in, all it's contents and a lump sum payment. I will have the other smaller house and all the sh1t that is in it. We will have joint custody of our daughter.

All in all probably cost me $500,000 US in assets. Would have been a lot more but for the credit crunch!!

Anyway the email is below:

I knew it was a mistake to let you persuade me that you should file against me ..... another way to fcuk me about. All you need to do is to sign that you have received my acknowledgement, complete a statement and apply for the Decree Nisi. I have wanted a divorce for probably 15 years but you always threatened that you would dump R*****(my daughter) on me so I would have to leave my job and go back to England to look after her.

You also said that she couldn't take the fact of us getting divorced and if we did it would be too much for her to handle. When I finally asked her about that she said that she "...couldn't give a flying fcuk" what we did about divorce and never did. Hence us going for divorce now!

I just want to get the Albatross of that marriage from around my neck. So go and sign the fcukin paperwork!

So should I send it or will it just sting her in the ass and I will lose the other $500,000 and my pension???

y give her the satisfaction of knowing that she got into your head and in your bank account???? Just let her get into your bank account........well you have no other choice...but dont write anything she is playing mind game with you dont give her the satisfaction of knowing that she got into your head.just my 2 cents.

**gearbox** · 07-14-2012, 01:24 AM

Agree with above. Ex and I split everything more 60/40 in.favor of myself cause it was only a year and she went to school full time (no kids)... as said before you still have emotional scars and marriage ended much like another member on here where the dude just didn't want to be married anymore. (My wife didnt)

**paulzane** · 07-14-2012, 03:17 AM

I am experienced in the marriage / divorce front! My first marriage lasted 5 years. Met my 2nd wife the first weekend back in the country after my divorce came through. Got married 18 months later. We lasted 7 years although we put in for divorce twice and changed our minds before we finally went through with it. I have now been married to my third wife for over 20 years although we have been apart for quite a while now.

I know she has done this to fcuk me off ... and I know that I can't show that it got to me ..... that is why I have been venting here.

People who know us and have gone out for a drink with us say that we get on better together than most husbands and wives that they know .... and we are ones who are supposed to be getting divorced.

**calgarian** · 07-14-2012, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by paulzane

I am experienced in the marriage / divorce front! My first marriage lasted 5 years. Met my 2nd wife the first weekend back in the country after my divorce came through. Got married 18 months later. We lasted 7 years although we put in for divorce twice and changed our minds before we finally went through with it. I have now been married to my third wife for over 20 years although we have been apart for quite a while now.

I know she has done this to fcuk me off ... and I know that I can't show that it got to me ..... that is why I have been venting here.

People who know us and have gone out for a drink with us say that we get on better together than most husbands and wives that they know .... and we are ones who are supposed to be getting divorced.

Things happen for a reason

**jpowell** · 07-14-2012, 11:33 AM

man nothing beats an emotional scar. I'm not married nor have i been, but i have 3 kids, all girls.
I've thought about bn married to their mom, but it seems after 2 kids, we have found out we don't/can't/wont get along.
nothing weighs heavier on my mind than debating/internal conflict of weather i wana stay or go.
mainly wana stay for my girls, but don't wana b miserable.
i do more than my share of support so thas not an issue, but i don't like to see kids, especially girls get raised in broken households, as this is where the girls who are often freaky/slutty come from...(even though i drool over them in porn!)

ino it can be challenging to overcome. i was on a good track with progress on dieting and working out, then when crap got iffy between, everything took a turn for the worse, 6 months later I'm still tryna get back on to the right track.

goodluck bro.

**lovbyts** · 07-15-2012, 12:33 AM

I agree with everyone else, Dont send it. It's not worth it. Wait until it's all said and done and see if you can vent to her or just forget it. I know, makes you wonder if it was not all in her/their minds the whole time and they are only waiting for the best financial opportunity for themselves to walk out the door?

You do know the best way to get back at her? Go find another girl younger and prettier and be happy. Your words will only mmake her feel superior at this point. Also dont do any of it until everything is said and done, settled.

Are you sure you cant get away with less? I always say if you THINK you are headed towards divorce hold it off as long as possible and start liquidating everything you can. Develop a gambling habit so to speak to explain where the $1000s went.

I have been lucky, Wife #1 tried to take everything including the daughter but only after figuring out she would get more with the daughter than without. Up until then she was willing to let me have full custody. She died due to accidental suicide before the divorce was over.
Wife #2 the divorce was for the most part amicable but she died due to Suicide a while after the divorce.
Wife #3 I am making sure to carry a lot more life insurance on.

**< <Samson> >** · 07-15-2012, 01:04 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Wife #1 tried to take everything including the daughter but only after figuring out she would get more with the daughter than without. Up until then she was willing to let me have full custody. She died due to accidental suicide before the divorce was over.
Wife #2 the divorce was for the most part amicable but she died due to Suicide a while after the divorce.
Wife #3 I am making sure to carry a lot more life insurance on.

Umm, you are kidding right?

**lovbyts** · 07-15-2012, 01:06 AM

Originally Posted by samson_420

Umm, you are kidding right?

About what part?
Wife #1 No
Wife #2 No
Wife #3, no so far I think I have more life insurance on her than #2. #1 had very little. I have like 5x more on me though. Who knows, this one may out live me???

**jpowell** · 07-15-2012, 01:25 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

About what part?
Wife #1 No
Wife #2 No
Wife #3, no so far I think I have more life insurance on her than #2. #1 had very little. I have like 5x more on me though. Who knows, this one may out live me???

dude, idk weather to laugh or offer my condolences...?

**lovbyts** · 07-15-2012, 01:41 AM

Originally Posted by jpowell

dude, idk weather to laugh or offer my condolences...?

Me either sometimes. It's sort of like WTF, can it get any worse but then I really dont want to tempt fate. I figure you have to LOL at yourself and situation otherwise you go around feeling sorry for yourself and getting depressed. It's fvcked at the time but at some point you just have to get back to life and living.

**paulzane** · 07-15-2012, 02:01 AM

Well my current girlfriend ,whom my daughter has met and got along with, is 25. My daughter is 15. G/f is 2 years younger than my stepdaughter. The wife certainly knows about her as she is divorcing me for adultery with her

**lovbyts** · 07-15-2012, 02:09 AM

Originally Posted by paulzane

Well my current girlfriend ,whom my daughter has met and got along with, is 25. My daughter is 15. G/f is 2 years younger than my stepdaughter. The wife certainly knows about her as she is divorcing me for adultery with her

LOL, good for you. I'm sure it had something to do with the wife not putting out anymore and she just doesn't get it... If she isnt going to put out (and enjoy it) then she shouldn't complain when you get it elsewhere.

Ive made that clear to each of mine. If you aren't giving it up does not mean I am doing without. Luckily that has never been an issue.

**< <Samson> >** · 07-15-2012, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

About what part?
Wife #1 No
Wife #2 No
Wife #3, no so far I think I have more life insurance on her than #2. #1 had very little. I have like 5x more on me though. Who knows, this one may out live me???

Word

That I have not heard yet.

**warchild** · 07-15-2012, 12:13 PM

I have been lucky, Wife #1 tried to take everything including the daughter but only after figuring out she would get more with the daughter than without. Up until then she was willing to let me have full custody. She died due to accidental suicide before the divorce was over.
Wife #2 the divorce was for the most part amicable but she died due to Suicide a while after the divorce.
Wife #3 I am making sure to carry a lot more life insurance on.

[/QUOTE]

dude wow just wow. im speechless....

BG · 07-15-2012, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by bikeral

BTW:
You know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

lmfao !!!

BG · 07-15-2012, 01:16 PM

Why the fuc do you guys keep making the the same fuc'n mistake? I dont understand.

**silentlucidity** · 07-15-2012, 01:35 PM

My only advice since you know not to send it....

Email Drafts: NEVER put the email address in until you are ready to send. I have had drafts that were sent and I didn't mean too. NO TAKING THEM BACK ONCE THEY ARE SENT LOL!!

**dren** · 07-16-2012, 05:20 PM

Been there done that, GO bankrupt and start over in 4-7 years, don't know if that applies to the states, next time incorp your self so no one can touch you

**lovbyts** · 07-17-2012, 12:32 AM

Originally Posted by BG

Why the fuc do you guys keep making the the same fuc'n mistake? I dont understand.

It's hard to explain to someone who has not been there, done that. It's not something that happens all at once or we would avoid it like fire. You are sure this one is different and she is, or at least at first and slowly she turns into yet another one and before you know it you are back with the same or just as bad of a person.

1st wife was young, a little wild/fun but had the same goals as me and was smart; or so I though. Ended up being a crack addict money grubbing ...... 2nd one was older, more mature, early 30s, well educated paralegal never smoked, drank very little (only wine) and had good goals. Very insecure and bipolar. 3rd turns out to be more insecure than #2 but that is clearing up with time and no bipolar or other issues raising it's ugly head so far. lol

Many women are good at hiding these things until it's to late or it shows up little by little until you are in deep so to speak. Of course it goes both ways, there are guys who are just as bad and do the same thing (no clue why) but I have NO experience or reason to care about that.

**gearbox** · 07-17-2012, 12:54 AM

So very true about how woman hide things. I do not know if they hide or just act different/fake. But once that ring is on, some totally change for the worse. However, the smart ones get better with a ring. More bj more sex or cooked dinners etc...
I have only been married once and wife was not crazy. Selfish but not crazy. We didn't agree in having children so we parted ways.

Can't instill enough at how well some woman can play fake as said above

**Honkey_Kong** · 07-17-2012, 04:59 AM

Originally Posted by bikeral

^^ Agree with all. Good luck bro. Divorced and so happy. Life is so different when you live with a sane person.

BTW:
You know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

^^^ You need to cite your source on that. You stole that from Tom Leykis. Hahaha I'm just busting your chops here, but I'm a fan of his and that's one of his coined sayings.

**lovbyts** · 07-17-2012, 05:08 AM

Originally Posted by Honkey_Kong

^^^ You need to cite your source on that. You stole that from Tom Leykis. Hahaha I'm just busting your chops here, but I'm a fan of his and that's one of his coined sayings.

I LOVE Leykis 101. It should be a required class for anyone 15+ and again for anyone thinking about getting married as a refresher.