Parents gave money to the church but not for kids college ( what do you think? )

[tryingtogain]

So growing up my parents always gave 50 dollars each week for over 25 years to their Church. This adds up to give or take a few to 32,000 USD. They could of put it in a savings and had it grow even more but even just not in savings it would of helped a lot. My parents growing up never really helped me and my brother. We had to work in high school each night that took away from our study time to buy a car ourselfs, pay for gas and insurance etc. Then came college and wanted to go to college but they would never help with that either. We were good kids growing up that did not get into trouble.

Now me and my brother are struggling right now in life because of lack of college other things.

Basically my question is this and its very simple.

Do you think my parents should of helped me and my brother for our first car even just a little? Where I live having a car is essential as public transportation is lacking here. Also do you think my parents should of helped me and my brother even if its just a little with college expenses? Even if they wanted to give to the church maybe they could of given a little less and set some aside for me and my brother instead of saving up NOTHING. I would like everyone's serious thoughts on this. I just don't see how someone could give tons of money to a church ( other people strangers ) but screw over their own family and not help them start off in life when they were financially ABLE to do it. It would be one thing if my parents were poor but they were not.

PS: I am open minded in things and probably going to leave their church for good( I never go anyways anymore I always work on Sundays ) because I am so bitter toward their church because of this issue. Its why im asking everyone what they think on this.

Thanks for reading

[gixxerboy1]

as for the car no. I dont they you should expect it. Yes some parents help with it some dont. I dont think buying you an expensive gift just because you are the age you can have one is required.
College, if they can help i think they should.
But same thing you should be able to take care of yourself. There are plenty of ways. I had a job at 15 and bought my own cars. You can go to a community college. There is financial aid. And even if you went part time and took 4 years for a 2 year degree its better then not going. You can also make payments for community college.

As for giving money to the church. I dont believe in church or god. So ill refrain from insulting your parents. But yes i think its fvcked up

[stocky121]

Imo
Religion is the root of all evil.

[spywizard]

No, they should help those that were so unfortunate as to not eat every day ..

you can get a part time job and pay your own way through college...

you know, like what your parents did..

[spywizard]

let me give you a little more information.. I'm probably old enough to be your father... both my daughters went to college, both paid for it them self..
I started working when i was 13 in the farm fields of North Carolina, mcdonalds for 2 yrs in highschool then delivery for 2 yrs.. we lived in middle class suburbia..

then the military and 2 college degrees.. and I paid for it all.. no such thing as the GI bill Jimmy Carter took care of that for me..

So you think your parents "owe" you something, the money they earned is not theirs to spend?? Bet you think you deserve free medical and dental, maybe a free education and the Gov to provide you with a house..

How would you like it if someone else tells you what and how to spend your money that you earned?? that car you bought?? you don't deserve that there is a single mother that needs that to take her fatherless child to the free clinic...

HOpe you get the point, if you allow the thinking that others owe you something that you deserve to make decisions for others, then you should expect others to make decisions for you, and most of them you will not like...

[tryingtogain]

Never said I deserve anything. Its just that they helped other people giving to the church instead of helping me and my brother out. Most of the money in the church does not go for food to poor people it goes to missionaries to spread their stupid religion to other people.

PS: I have been working since 6th grade daily started out as a paper boy. Got my first real job at 16. I'm not lazy

I guess when my parents are old they should not expect me to take care of them. Maybe I should say I have no money I gave all my money to the church or mosque.

[tryingtogain]

I guess if I was a parent I would help my own first.

[gixxerboy1]

Never said I deserve anything. Its just that they helped other people giving to the church instead of helping me and my brother out. Most of the money in the church does not go for food to poor people it goes to missionaries to spread their stupid religion to other people.

PS: I have been working since 6th grade daily started out as a paper boy. Got my first real job at 16. I'm not lazy

I guess when my parents are old they should not expect me to take care of them. Maybe I should say I have no money I gave all my money to the church or mosque.

Sorry i didnt mean to make it sound like you are lazy. But i wouldnt use your parents as a reason not to have gone to college. Hell you still can, if you want it you can do it. like i said even if you only take a couple classes a semester.

[spywizard]

Never said I deserve anything. Its just that they helped other people giving to the church instead of helping me and my brother out. Most of the money in the church does not go for food to poor people it goes to missionaries to spread their stupid religion to other people.

PS: I have been working since 6th grade daily started out as a paper boy. Got my first real job at 16. I'm not lazy

I guess when my parents are old they should not expect me to take care of them. Maybe I should say I have no money I gave all my money to the church or mosque.

I didn't say you were lazy.. what i said is you feel that your parents don't have the right to spend the money they earned to do with as they see is important... and gave an example of how it might apply in your life/situation..

and if you feel you owe them nothing for your life, then don't take care of them Obama said they can eat cat food.. that's on you and your decisions..

[dep30]

I paid for my own car, insurance, gas, etc. and had a job to fund it. Same with my wife, and through scholarship and hard work she got her college degree debt free and without receiving a dime from her parents. Doing stuff on your own makes you more responsible as an adult. Her older step siblings mooched their dad to death and took 6 years to get a 4 year degree and years after college with good jobs still ask their dad for money on a regular basis. moral of the story grow up and do stuff on your own... we live in the land of opportunity after all.

[tryingtogain]

I'm trying to go back. Im 26 ( 27 in a few months ) I just want to start my life out :-( by the time I graduate I will be 30. I want to go back to school but right now im working 12 hours a day and with commute I am goine 14 and 15 hours a day so right now I don't have time to go back to school and study. Plus im paying off debt right now such as medical bills so I cant afford to take on more debt right now.

[gixxerboy1]

THey even have online classes you can do when you get home.

[spywizard]

I'm trying to go back. Im 26 ( 27 in a few months ) I just want to start my life out :-( by the time I graduate I will be 30. I want to go back to school but right now im working 12 hours a day and with commute I am goine 14 and 15 hours a day so right now I don't have time to go back to school and study. Plus im paying off debt right now such as medical bills so I cant afford to take on more debt right now.

got my 2nd degree when i was 34... an education that leads to better opportunity is never a waste.. do it now, it only gets more expensive..

[SEOINAGE]

So you need to fix your entitlement attitude, and stop thinking you need to rely on others to succeed. Soon as you do and start making it on your own your little grudge on your shoulders will go away. It's their money not yours. So take the teet out of the mouth and do something for yourself. They probably believe strongly that the money they are giving is giving back to God, I just don't see how you can judge them in their beliefs. They probably also believe it is for your own good to have to learn to work for what you have. You don't even have to go to college to have a great life. I dunno what else to say to you, but you better make sure they have retirement funds so that you get paid to take care of them when they are older. I guess if you don't want to change your attitude you can vote for Obama and live off someone else's tax dollar.

[capetown]

You shouldnt judge your parents because of the decisions they made and were they decided at the time were the money should go. You are looking at it as if they gave the church 32 grand. They looked at it as something non selfish that they did once a week to help others. Im sure if they had that money all in their hand at once then they might have made different choices. Although i am not religious i do respect that fact that people find comfort and support in something. I grew up knowing people that had to go to the food bank every Thursday with their parents because they had a mom and dad that like to smoke and drink every pay cheque away. That 50 bucks might have seen ur parents through a lot more than you think it had.
You seem to be a smart guy that was raised with morals and some respect. Otherwise you wouldnt be looking for advice. Think about all that they did do for you and the fact that they did think they were making the right choices.
Sorry for picking up for your parents bro but I lost my mom in November and had the chance to have one last conversation with her and a lot of things were put into perspective during that talk that I will never forget.
Btw- get ur ass out the door and get a job pumping gas if you wanted the car that bad. Lol

[spywizard]

by the way.. got married at 20, 1st child at 21, bought my 1st house at age 20...

soooooo what's different between then and now??

Nothing.. oh taxes are lower and gas is higher..

[gixxerboy1]

by the way.. got married at 20, 1st child at 21, bought my 1st house at age 20...

soooooo what's different between then and now??

Nothing.. oh taxes are lower and gas is higher..

house have indoor plumbing now

That is honestly one thing i really feel out of reach. Buying a nice house

[Times Roman]

So growing up my parents always gave 50 dollars each week for over 25 years to their Church. This adds up to give or take a few to 32,000 USD. They could of put it in a savings and had it grow even more but even just not in savings it would of helped a lot. My parents growing up never really helped me and my brother. We had to work in high school each night that took away from our study time to buy a car ourselfs, pay for gas and insurance etc. Then came college and wanted to go to college but they would never help with that either. We were good kids growing up that did not get into trouble.

Now me and my brother are struggling right now in life because of lack of college other things.

Basically my question is this and its very simple.

Do you think my parents should of helped me and my brother for our first car even just a little? Where I live having a car is essential as public transportation is lacking here. Also do you think my parents should of helped me and my brother even if its just a little with college expenses? Even if they wanted to give to the church maybe they could of given a little less and set some aside for me and my brother instead of saving up NOTHING. I would like everyone's serious thoughts on this. I just don't see how someone could give tons of money to a church ( other people strangers ) but screw over their own family and not help them start off in life when they were financially ABLE to do it. It would be one thing if my parents were poor but they were not.

PS: I am open minded in things and probably going to leave their church for good( I never go anyways anymore I always work on Sundays ) because I am so bitter toward their church because of this issue. Its why im asking everyone what they think on this.

Thanks for reading

Your parents tithing is part of their belief ssytem/culture.

Your parents are under no obligation to help you out with any of the expenses you describe.

My parents never bouught me a car. If I wanted money, I had to earn it. No free rides. I was humping furniture in highschool when the long haul truck drivers came in (moving company). I worked at a gas station at 15. Army by 17. Paid 100% of all my college.

You've been here at the bboard ten years, so you must be at least 28 but your complaint seeems to be that of a much younger person.

I think your parents have met thier obligation to you by raising you in a healthy, loving household, putting clothes on your back, food in your stomach, and made sure you graduated from high school.

I laugh when i hear complaints such as this claiming "hardship". You are so freaking lucky your parents were able to provide as they did. Many kids in this world grow up malnurished, having to work 10+ hours a day, 6 days a week, and no education. I have lived in countries like this, and know first hand how lucky we are in this incredibly rich country of ours.

So your parents didn't buy you a car. BFD! I think it is time to man up there partner and focus on your future instead of bitching about the past. It aint healthy!!!

Good luck

[tryingtogain]

Thanks everyone for the responses. By the way I did buy my own cars and everything im not lazy. I had my first car at 16 all paid for by me. Like I said I work 12 and sometimes 14 hours a day. At the moment I dont have time to go to school I get home and only have 10 hours off and by the time I get home its only 9 hours and then another hour wasted back driving to work. I also work 7 days a week so at the moment I literally have no time to go to school even if it was online. I also cannot afford more loans as I am in debt but im am working hard to pay it off and to try to go back. Dont know why some people on here thought I was lazy quite the opposite. I guess if I was a parent I would help my own family first is what im saying. School has never been more expensive in the entire history of the world at the moment. Also wages have fallen dramatically since the I think it was 70s not sure exact date if you count inflation etc read a good article on this.

[< <Samson> >]

Imo
Religion is the root of all evil.

+100,000,001


A set of fables to pull a cloak over the eyes of the sheeple.

[gixxerboy1]

id ask the church for a refund

[JD250]

Dont worry about the past and what you wish would've happened or what you think should've happene, don't make excuses as to why you CANT do something like go back to school, if that's what you want stop whining and make the sacrifices that need to be made.....that's what this is really about.....you don't want to be inconvenienced with those hard sacrifices and you could've avoided them if only your parents would've handed over the cash.......it's history! Now go do the hard things so you can accomplish your goals.

[spywizard]

Thanks everyone for the responses. By the way I did buy my own cars and everything im not lazy. I had my first car at 16 all paid for by me. Like I said I work 12 and sometimes 14 hours a day. At the moment I dont have time to go to school I get home and only have 10 hours off and by the time I get home its only 9 hours and then another hour wasted back driving to work. I also work 7 days a week so at the moment I literally have no time to go to school even if it was online. I also cannot afford more loans as I am in debt but im am working hard to pay it off and to try to go back. Dont know why some people on here thought I was lazy quite the opposite. I guess if I was a parent I would help my own family first is what im saying. School has never been more expensive in the entire history of the world at the moment. Also wages have fallen dramatically since the I think it was 70s not sure exact date if you count inflation etc read a good article on this.

see, you are a hard worker, your parents taught you a good life lesson...

education expensive?? so we are paying the teachers too much money?? they don't deserve to be paid that much?? how would you like it if someone said the same about what you do for a living??


I'm just trying to make you see what the words you are saying mean, no one has said you are lazy in this thread that i can see, many just can't believe you think your parents owe you something and you are spiteful of them and you need to be angry with them... doesn't make a lot of sense to me..

by the way, i haven't worked for a job (exchange my time for cash) in 14 yrs, don't work for the man, find your own way provide a service, provide something that someone wants and they will pay you, it's that simple..

[Renesis]

Education isn't expensive because we pay the teachers too much money spy it is expensive because they want that new flashy scoreboard for their football team. Teachers are underpaid if anything.

[Honkey_Kong]

OP, they already said it here that your parents don't owe you shit. It's true. Look at it like this, they always put clothes on your back, a roof over your head and food on the table, right? That alone is more than what most kids in this world get growing up.

Now if you want to get yourself an education go apply for federal assistance. Pell grants don't have to be paid back and you can also get Stafford loans as well. If you need to keep working full-time you can always take some online classes. If you got enough time on your hands to go post on an internet steroids forum, you got enough time to invest in yourself.

[DSM4Life]

As much as I hate religion I have to disagree with you. Your parents money is just that, their money. They are allowed to do whatever they want with it. My parent did save money for me as a child and I was really grateful for that. I was able to buy my first car with that money but when it came to college they didn't/couldn't help me financially. I went out on my own and got student loans just like you could do.

[Shol'va]

Absolutely they should have helped. What are parents for? They are our personal bankers to be their like an atm shelling out money for everything we want and need. Anything less is revolting! Ok seriously now I have your attention. Look try to not dwell on shoulda, woulda, coulda. Like is said above these are your parents and they did what they thought was best for you both. And tithing was part of what they grew up with. The ten percent thing of your weekly pay. I too had to work to pay for my own car plus I studied hard to get scholarships for college. So you also had a responsibility to yourself with avenues available. Be happy you had both parents and just let it go. You will be happier that way. Also you are not the only one struggling right now to make ends meet. There are many well educated people as well in the same boat. Hang in there. Peace Out
Shol'va

[spywizard]

Education isn't expensive because we pay the teachers too much money spy it is expensive because they want that new flashy scoreboard for their football team. Teachers are underpaid if anything.

the teachers here at the University of Minnesota do well enough.. $60-121,000 and that's in salary, all professors know the real money is in grant money...

http://www.academic.umn.edu/img/asse...%20Faculty.pdf

[< <Samson> >]

Being a proud parent myself, now I see things a bit differently. I changed my priorities quite a bit. My son is not even a year and already has a college fund. But, church nonsense goes deep. People believe that they must pay, it's not even a choice. One excellent example is my friend's parents. They make damn near 100k per year and still live in a trailer and drive half ass cars. Yet, they seriously dedicate one third of their income to their church. Their son, which is my friend says he just can't see it any more. I found all this out when I asked how are your parents living here when your dad alone brings in over 70k. What a sham. . .

[SEOINAGE]

Being a proud parent myself, now I see things a bit differently. I changed my priorities quite a bit. My son is not even a year and already has a college fund. But, church nonsense goes deep. People believe that they must pay, it's not even a choice. One excellent example is my friend's parents. They make damn near 100k per year and still live in a trailer and drive half ass cars. Yet, they seriously dedicate one third of their income to their church. Their son, which is my friend says he just can't see it any more. I found all this out when I asked how are your parents living here when your dad alone brings in over 70k. What a sham. . .

Some people choose to never go in debt and live below their means. 100k isn't a lot of money from two incomes. Its still hard to get by on in this point in time.

[spywizard]

yea, helping orphans and widows is the gov's job private people have no business helping out..

[Honkey_Kong]

yea, helping orphans and widows is the gov's job private people have no business helping out..

^^^ A lot of people think that giving money to the church is just financing God. Sure it pays the minister, rent and keeps the lights on, but church does belong to the people who go there and they usually give back to the community in charities. Or simply having a youth group for kids to go to (instead of getting in trouble). OP, what your parents did there giving money to the church is a noble thing.

[< <Samson> >]

Some people choose to never go in debt and live below their means. 100k isn't a lot of money from two incomes. Its still hard to get by on in this point in time.

Not so much in AZ, on 100k you would live quite well here. They have squat. . . .

[gixxerboy1]

^^^ A lot of people think that giving money to the church is just financing God. Sure it pays the minister, rent and keeps the lights on, but church does belong to the people who go there and they usually give back to the community in charities. Or simply having a youth group for kids to go to (instead of getting in trouble). OP, what your parents did there giving money to the church is a noble thing.

i dont believe that is the majority any more. When i grew up i lived in the north east. Most churches were an old typical looking church. There were a couple in most towns for different denominations.
When i moved to the south. There are sometimes multiple churches in 1 street. and a dozen in a town. Most look like some kind of event center. Some are bs names. i saw an add for one the other day for Ocean view church. i've heard radio commercials. I dont think religion needs to advertise. And if they are they are doing it because they are getting a return on investment. Its def a business in the south.

[Times Roman]

^^^ A lot of people think that giving money to the church is just financing God. Sure it pays the minister, rent and keeps the lights on, but church does belong to the people who go there and they usually give back to the community in charities. Or simply having a youth group for kids to go to (instead of getting in trouble). OP, what your parents did there giving money to the church is a noble thing.

Well, when it comes to catholic churches, the vatican has their big fat greedy hand out wanting tthier big slice of the pie.

[SexySweetheart]

So growing up my parents always gave 50 dollars each week for over 25 years to their Church. This adds up to give or take a few to 32,000 USD. They could of put it in a savings and had it grow even more but even just not in savings it would of helped a lot. My parents growing up never really helped me and my brother. We had to work in high school each night that took away from our study time to buy a car ourselfs, pay for gas and insurance etc. Then came college and wanted to go to college but they would never help with that either. We were good kids growing up that did not get into trouble.

Now me and my brother are struggling right now in life because of lack of college other things.

Basically my question is this and its very simple.

Do you think my parents should of helped me and my brother for our first car even just a little? Where I live having a car is essential as public transportation is lacking here. Also do you think my parents should of helped me and my brother even if its just a little with college expenses? Even if they wanted to give to the church maybe they could of given a little less and set some aside for me and my brother instead of saving up NOTHING. I would like everyone's serious thoughts on this. I just don't see how someone could give tons of money to a church ( other people strangers ) but screw over their own family and not help them start off in life when they were financially ABLE to do it. It would be one thing if my parents were poor but they were not.


PS: I am open minded in things and probably going to leave their church for good( I never go anyways anymore I always work on Sundays ) because I am so bitter toward their church because of this issue. Its why im asking everyone what they think on this.

Thanks for reading

My kids are told regularly that I expect the same from them; I teach them how to save a budget, about how scary the realities of bills are once you’re out of high school and that regardless how things pan out, their life a future is theirs to make, not mine. I already see that 1 of my kids will prob end up homeless for a few cuz of the way he acts and the decisions he makes regardless the effort I put into putting him on a better path. Sad but true.

So, no... I don’t think your parents should have done anything.
A parent’s job is to feed cloth house and prep kids for independence anything more that that is a BONUS. Our society is twisted and kids of all ages feel they are entitled to whatever they want or their friends have, as adults they feel their parent’s job never ends and they should support them regardless of what they do in their own life. Sometimes even moving whole families into their folk’s home.

Your folks made good enough choices and worked hard enough to have extra money, it’s their money to whatever they want with (donate or throw in the trash doesn’t matter its theirs to whatever makes them happy).

NOW instead of focusing how things are or should be, focus on what you want them to be and how YOU can make that happen
No transportation ~ relocates to a city/ transfer colleges/ job
No $$ for school ~ don’t go. Save money till you have enough or take out loans like the rest of the planet does lol
No job or home in the city~ move to a city, no job or place their when you go, stay at a shelter and eat for free till you’re on your feet

This is the reality, no one is obligated to make your life any easier than anyone else’s, to get stuff you have to make sacrifices work hard and suffer through years of BS. Sure it blows to see some people live an easier life but there is always some one that thinks that very thought about you and how easy you have it compared to them...

be thankful that you have parents (not everyone does) be thankful your healthy enough to work (not everyone can) be thankful your smart enough to have ongoing educational s an option (not everyone is) and be thankful for the honest and objective input from this thread (not everyone has internet/computer/ opportunity to see the world from so many others perspectives)

make hard choices, work extra hard, be frugal with your money, stay focused on your goals and 5 years from now your life can be whatever you make it...regardless where you start from *good luck

[JohnnyVegas]

Never said I deserve anything. Its just that they helped other people giving to the church instead of helping me and my brother out. Most of the money in the church does not go for food to poor people it goes to missionaries to spread their stupid religion to other people.

PS: I have been working since 6th grade daily started out as a paper boy. Got my first real job at 16. I'm not lazy

I guess when my parents are old they should not expect me to take care of them. Maybe I should say I have no money I gave all my money to the church or mosque.

They helped other people, but not you and your brother?

You mean besides feeding and clothing you? School supplies? Toys? Books to read? Television? Bikes? Video games? Knowledge? You should rethink your argument.

I am no fan of organized religion, but I don't begrudge people sending some money to something they believe in. I have Mormon friends that give 10% - happily. We all have a system of deciding what is important.

Hopefully your kids don't complain you didn't give them a car or college education because you were selfish dicks that picked cable television and Starbucks over saving all your money for them.

[< <Samson> >]

Student loans are the scariest thing ever. I just signed mine right now. I read about 50 pages of small print just to understand what other do not. I am only taking out one subsidized 3,500 loan. Read up on them and understand what you are doing.

One of my friends is going to be getting his associates next semester and he is in the hole 30k. He just said fvck it and didn't work or do anything the whole time he went to school. Great idea

I broke it down for him, the difference between the type of loans. He was just shocked to know that his loans are accumulating interest while he is in school.

[JD250]

see, you are a hard worker, your parents taught you a good life lesson...

education expensive?? so we are paying the teachers too much money?? they don't deserve to be paid that much?? how would you like it if someone said the same about what you do for a living??


I'm just trying to make you see what the words you are saying mean, no one has said you are lazy in this thread that i can see, many just can't believe you think your parents owe you something and you are spiteful of them and you need to be angry with them... doesn't make a lot of sense to me..

by the way, i haven't worked for a job (exchange my time for cash) in 14 yrs, don't work for the man, find your own way provide a service, provide something that someone wants and they will pay you, it's that simple..

True words right there, haven't had a job for over 20 years and even when I did I was running businesses on the side.....on the other hand I know people who just don't seem to have it in them to do that and have earned a good living by providing GREAT skills for a good company......nothing wrong with that either......but you can't feel entitled and still accomplish great things.......the two have never mixed well.

[DSM4Life]

When I die I'm going to buy my way into heaven. I always carry a blank check for when the moment comes.