I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, as I don't want to bore people with a gigantic story. I don't do this frequently, but this is the only place I can come to in order to get some decent help from a community i'm well involved in. And at the moment something is going on that is ripping me apart inside and I don't know what exactly to do about it (or if there even is anything to do that will alleviate what i'm feeling).
I've known a particular girl for about a year now (yeah, yeah, I know you're thinking "oh boy here's someone else's relationship problem / sob story" - no, that's not exactly what is going on here). We've grown pretty close over the last year (she's developed far more emotionally than me, but i'll get to that shortly). We are not an item. I don't have a girlfriend or a relationship, I don't want one. I told her this when we first met, I laid it out straight out to her and said take it or leave it. I work 3 jobs, and i'm in school - pre-med. I have so much on my plate that I have no room in my life for a romantic emotional relationship with anyone, even if I WANTED one (and I don't want one anyways). Hell, I have barely enough time for your average social life with friends. But i'm very happy with what I have and how things are, because i've made the conscious decision to have things this way.
So, over the last year we hung out together, fooled around together, etc. and a lot more than that. I met her family! Her mom and dad fell in love with me instantly. Hell, I would drink with her dad once in a while and we'd chat about all kinds of things. It got to the point where he'd occasionally ask her "where is he, is he coming over tonight?" because he'd want to hang out with me! How strange is that for something that's not a 'officially' a relationship with a girl? Now, you know the usual story here... I kept my feelings in check, didn't let them go beyond a certain point, but she did. Yes, she's used the L word several times. I did not. She knew where things stood with me. She would go out of her way to do things for me, and make all kinds of loving gestures that I really did not feel the same in return. Sending me tons of emails telling me she misses me, making things for me, etc. Make no mistake, I shared some of the same emotions but nowhere near to the extent she did.
Now, her mom... has Hepatitis C. A very bad case of it, with severe cirrhosis of the liver. A little over a year ago (before I was in the picture), she landed herself in the hospital but she slowly recovered from it. By the time I arrived on the scene, she was doing okay. She visibly looked unhealthy, but was making do. Myself, with my background in medical knowledge can't stand letting people suffer with things like this without giving my input on different methods to try and assist the elimination/recovery of the disorder. Unfortunately, this family is old-time Romanian and dead-set in their old ways. Of course, neither my female friend nor her mom would listen to anything I had to say or any of my suggestions. Throughout the last year her mom was going for those weirdo alternative Eastern medicine therapies (acupuncture, herbal teas, etc.) and you can obviously guess what I think of all that hokus pokus st I provided them with myriads of clinical studies and evidence to support the protocols I was suggesting to them... anyhow... Fast forward to a month and a half ago: her mom halts all treatments (even the few she was getting from mainsteam medicine). She falls into a very serious state of liver failure. The last I saw her mom was a month and a half ago, in about early July I think... her mom looked like a walking corpse. I knew when I saw her like that, she wouldn't last much longer. She was not functioning well, not eating anything, and I could visibly see that her body was retaining a good 40lbs of extra water... it was bad.
About 3-4 weeks ago, my female friend goes on a vacation trip for a few weeks to Europe with a friend of hers. During this time, her mom's condition worsens and she lands herself in the hospital. There are talks of having a liver transplant, but they cannot get a new liver for her until September (remember, this is being determined a month ago). My friend gets back from Europe about 2 weeks ago. I'm so busy with my life that i'm losing track of time, and everything to me feels like its passing by at the speed of light. I got some texts from her where she finally tells me she's tired of keeping her hopes up that something will come out of this between us. She tells me that with everything that has been going on with her mom, the only person she wanted to run to was me, but i've been busy with my life and that she can't be upset about that, so she says "maybe its time I let this go". This is fine by me, I have no problems with this. I actually feel a sense of freedom here in knowing that she is coming to terms with what's been going on between her and I, I don't have to walk on eggshells with this situation any more. She tells me that she doesn't want to be the friend that I randomly kiss and randomly miss when i'm free for a few hours. She tells me that in a few weeks we can perhaps hang out again. She tells me that she's hurting tremendously and that its not just us, and that she doesn't want to sit there wishing today i'll come and just lay there with her even for 30 minutes, and she feels as though she's bringing sadness into my life with the mess that's happening with her family when I already have so much to deal with on my end. I notice she found a new guy when I see her relationship status change on facebook, as well as a few posts she makes referring to that. Her dad has a heart minor heart attack 1 week ago. Everything is falling apart.
Her mom is now in very, very serious critical condition and they don't think she will make it to September for the liver transplant. I sent her a text this morning telling her that I hope her mom is doing ok, etc. and she told me that her mom almost hit a coma last night and almost died. She already has funeral arrangements planned out... and her mom's blood pressure is consistently dropping, and her liver is basically GONE. I told her to let me know if she needs anything, as busy as I am I want to help out any way I can. She told me that there is nothing that will help, as the doctors told her that her mom has maximum 2-3 days.
And here I am, I have 5 days until a major exam for one of my courses, I have to study my ass off along with balancing all of my other jobs... and I haven't been to the hospital yet to see her mom. This has suddenly begun tearing me apart, I feel like i've abandoned this person at the worst possible time. If her mother hadn't been on the verge of dying, this whole situation regarding her 'coming to terms' with me and letting me go would be no problem for me. This is insane... for the short period of time I met and spent time with her family, her mom treated me like a son. I feel like the worst person in the world, almost as though its my fault and i'm just throwing gasoline onto a fire. I know that sounds insane. I don't know what to do. I can't even study for my exam properly with the little time I have to do so, I feel like shit. I've been crying over this myself.
As an aside: guys, don't take your liver for granted. I'm seeing for myself what a destroyed/damaged liver does to a person, and when they neglect it. It is not a pleasant way to go...
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Originally Posted by JD250;6122***
