What do I do about my ex and one of my good friends?

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 04:19 PM

Personal question/advise about my ex.
TLDR; at bottom.

Points in Story, She is studying nursing, in which she is required to do 3-4 placements for 2 weeks at at time, at a random hospital, located anywhere in the state.

So she was given this placement in a small town(30-40k People) about 5 hours from where we were living, I have really good mates up there and had arranged for her to stay with one of them for the two weeks instead of paying the 1.5-2k for accommodation. That was all fine, Ended up breaking up with her about 3-4 days before she went up there for her placement, i was fine with her staying with my mate etc.

All fine, Have been broken up with her for about two? months now. And as we had pretty much spent the last 3 years living together(renting) I have just yesterday gotten all of the last of my stuff from her place(Last thing was guns/safe). She has asked me to quickly update her phones software whilst i was there as she was having difficulty with it, (keep in mind, wasn't a messy breakup, wasn't working, she was being dodgy, catching up with other guys, deleting texts, and i just ended it and said that's it and walked out.) So all fine, i update her phone and notice that she keeps receiving texts from this guy (my mate) that she stayed with whilst she was on her placement, so i cant help my self, snoop a little, and find that shes skyping/calling this guy daily, her sending texts "i like your new haircut, makes you look so much more sexy", him saying things like "i cant wait to take you here or there" blah blah.

So that just pi$$ed me off, i left, didn't say a word, didn't say goodbye, she isn't aware i read texts etc. Went to the gym.

Now the question i'm asking, because there is no chance that i will ever get back with her. Do i have a right to be pi$$ed off to the extent that I feel that I wouldn't have a second thought about putting this guy in a hospital and not care if he ended up a paraplegic if i ever saw him, due to the fact that A. Hes talking to my ex this way, B. He hasn't said a single word to me about it?

I've known him for for 7-8 years, I had considered him a good mate..

Should I say something to him?
Should I say something to my ex or just not involve her at all?
Should I just say nothing at all, and just see where it goes, and if nothing happens, well I have retained a friend, but anything happens between them, count them both as a loss and just move on?

Sorry not really my thing when it comes to making good decisions.

TLDR; Fvck u then, I don't want your opinion.

**Lunk1** · 11-14-2012, 04:27 PM

I'm confused...did you want an opinion or not want an opinion???

**austinite** · 11-14-2012, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by Lunk1

I'm confused...did you want an opinion or not want an opinion???

TLDR = Too Long, Didnt Read. He is saying he didnt want your opinion anyway if you're thinking its too long to read.

**RaginCajun** · 11-14-2012, 04:30 PM

Sucks man, but F him and F her!

Many fish out in the sea!

I would say something to him just so he knew how i felt about it! but that's me!

**red_hulk** · 11-14-2012, 04:41 PM

Kick his ass then ask him about it

**Lunk1** · 11-14-2012, 04:49 PM

Well..I read it lol. First it's tuff because you guys were broke up before she went up there..this essentially set the rebound stage. Still there ar the bro rules 1 of them being "never date a friends ex".

I think if you display any sort of negetive emotion about their relationship then it's sends a message that you care and are jelious. Best to leave it alone entirely, move on and wipe the slate clean....unless you do still have feelings????

**JohnnyVegas** · 11-14-2012, 04:52 PM

You broke up with her. Who cares who she sees. Having said that, I am not a fan of the "bro rule" about never dating someone that a friend has dated.

If you talk to your friend regularly you can ask if they are dating. If he says "yes" then just say "hey, I wish you would have told me" and then leave it alone. If he was smart, he would have contacted you first to find out things like: is she insane, is she trustworthy...and maybe to find out if you were OK with it.

If you don't talk to him regularly, do not contact him JUST to give him crap about seeing someone you broke up with.

Try not to let the decisions of these other people effect your life. Find a new girl and don't give the old one a second thought. She shouldn't be allowed to mess with your mind any more.

**milky01623** · 11-14-2012, 04:56 PM

Dude this is easy

Does she have a hot friend or 2 maybe 3 if so hook up with one of them :-)
Ding problem solved
Man I should b an agony uncle bahahaha

**kelkel** · 11-14-2012, 05:10 PM

Move on. Forget about them and eventually you'll see what happens. Living well is the best revenge!

**gearbox** · 11-14-2012, 05:23 PM

Did you not notice the key word ex girlfriend.

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 05:25 PM

yeah yeah I know, Move on and forget about it is what will be done.

Thanks guys [=

**austinite** · 11-14-2012, 05:25 PM

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by austinite

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

Stealing this one. Thanks Austin [=

**austinite** · 11-14-2012, 05:56 PM

^ you can thank Soren Kierkegaard

**jasc** · 11-14-2012, 06:20 PM

He is no good mate, he's a bitch.. Any "good mate" that will try to bang your ex without approval is no friend at all.

As for her, silent treatment n bang her friends.

**Capebuffalo** · 11-14-2012, 06:34 PM

I got to say a shitty friend.

**Lunk1** · 11-14-2012, 07:19 PM

Originally Posted by jasc

He is no good mate, he's a bitch.. Any "good mate" that will try to bang your ex without approval is no friend at all.

As for her, silent treatment n bang her friends.

Wait a minute...everyone is someones ex! Asking anyones permission before banging a single chick is ridiculios, doesnt matter if he is friend or foe!

She walks out of the bathroom naked and he is supposed to pick up the phone and ask permission before tapping that ass...NOPE!

Sorry part is that it most likely would have happened even if they hadn't broken up a few days before that...never know!

**S&S_ShovelHead** · 11-14-2012, 07:22 PM

I would have a "talk" with your buddy if I was you, but thats just me. Probably wouldnt solve anything and just make things worse.

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by S&S_ShovelHead

I would have a "talk" with your buddy if I was you, but thats just me. Probably wouldnt solve anything and just make things worse.

I've just decided that i'm going to forget about them both, and have nothing to do with them.

Thanks for advise gents -_-

**JohnnyVegas** · 11-14-2012, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by jasc

He is no good mate, he's a bitch.. Any "good mate" that will try to bang your ex without approval is no friend at all.

As for her, silent treatment n bang her friends.

Nobody owns women, especially their ex-boyfriends. We don't need to ask anyone's permission to date a woman.

I do agree that a good friend might should say something, but I wouldn't unless I thought it was going to turn into a long term thing...and even then it would be to warn him, not ask permission. A good friend wouldn't stop being a friend because I am compatible with a woman that he wasn't.

**jasc** · 11-14-2012, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by Lunk1

Wait a minute...everyone is someones ex! Asking anyones permission before banging a single chick is ridiculios, doesnt matter if he is friend or foe!

She walks out of the bathroom naked and he is supposed to pick up the phone and ask permission before tapping that ass...NOPE!

Sorry part is that it most likely would have happened even if they hadn't broken up a few days before that...never know!

Originally Posted by JohnnyVegas

Nobody owns women, especially their ex-boyfriends. We don't need to ask anyone's permission to date a woman.

I do agree that a good friend might should say something, but I wouldn't unless I thought it was going to turn into a long term thing...and even then it would be to warn him, not ask permission. A good friend wouldn't stop being a friend because I am compatible with a woman that he wasn't.

Based on your responses, you wouldn't mind if you and your wife split and your good friend of 8 years tried to bang her? Afterall, you don't own her and being that you split you obviously weren't compatible. I have a very hard time believing that.

It's not about owning the girl, it's about respecting your close friend.

**Capebuffalo** · 11-14-2012, 08:08 PM

Originally Posted by jasc

Based on your responses, you wouldn't mind if you and your wife split and your good friend of 8 years tried to bang her? Afterall, you don't own her and being that you split you obviously weren't compatible. I have a very hard time believing that.

It's not about owning the girl, it's about respecting your close friend.

It's simply a matter of respect. A friend would respect you imo

**Lunk1** · 11-14-2012, 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by jasc

Based on your responses, you wouldn't mind if you and your wife split and your good friend of 8 years tried to bang her? Afterall, you don't own her and being that you split you obviously weren't compatible. I have a very hard time believing that.

It's not about owning the girl, it's about respecting your close friend.

In a perfect world I would hope that if this ever happened, I would be able to wish her happiness and if that means being happy with someone I considered a friend...then so be it. I realize that it takes a major jump in maturity to think this way and I am not saying it would be easy. I am saying that at the point where we are no longer with one another who am I to approve of who she is with and decide if I am ok with it or not. If it's that big of an issue maybe you should not have let her go (speaking hypotheticaly)

**JohnnyVegas** · 11-14-2012, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by jasc

Based on your responses, you wouldn't mind if you and your wife split and your good friend of 8 years tried to bang her? Afterall, you don't own her and being that you split you obviously weren't compatible. I have a very hard time believing that.

It's not about owning the girl, it's about respecting your close friend.

Nope, I wouldn't mind if a friend started sleeping with my ex-wife. Hopefully they will do better than she and I did. Yes, we split because we were incompatible. I should add that my way of looking at things is what allowed my ex-wife and I to stay friends after the divorce. Staying friends meant we both had to get over some jealousy when we started dating other people. But we are adults and we both ended up remarried to people that made us happier.

As far as relationships go, a friend dating your ex is nothing. Marrying a women with three kids and then being involved in a bitter, hateful custody battle with her ex-husband is a bad relationship position.

Being engaged to a woman who's mother looses a long battle with cancer, leaving the family broke, and needing to decide whether to follow her across the country or break up and stay where you are is a bad relationship position.

Being jealous because someone I know is banging an ex-girlfriend that I broke up with because she is crazy is NOT a serious problem. If I heard about it, I would call him and say, "be careful man, she is crazy."

You are right that a good friend should say something. But not saying something doesn't make them a bad friend. They are probably too afraid to say something.

**S&S_ShovelHead** · 11-14-2012, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by JohnnyVegas

Nope, I wouldn't mind if a friend started sleeping with my ex-wife. Hopefully they will do better than she and I did. Yes, we split because we were incompatible. I should add that my way of looking at things is what allowed my ex-wife and I to stay friends after the divorce. Staying friends meant we both had to get over some jealousy when we started dating other people. But we are adults and we both ended up remarried to people that made us happier.

As far as relationships go, a friend dating your ex is nothing. Marrying a women with three kids and then being involved in a bitter, hateful custody battle with her ex-husband is a bad relationship position.

Being engaged to a woman who's mother looses a long battle with cancer, leaving the family broke, and needing to decide whether to follow her across the country or break up and stay where you are is a bad relationship position.

Being jealous because someone I know is banging an ex-girlfriend that I broke up with because she is crazy is NOT a serious problem. If I heard about it, I would call him and say, "be careful man, she is crazy."

You are right that a good friend should say something. But not saying something doesn't make them a bad friend. They are probably too afraid to say something.

In some ways I envy you being able to think like that. The idea of one of my buddys doing my ex right after we ended things would drive me nuts and want to inflict some seroius pain on him. I do believe it is a big sign of maturity to be happy for someone you loved to find happiness with another, Im not quite there yet.

**JohnnyVegas** · 11-14-2012, 08:34 PM

This is a different thought, so I will do a separate post:

I once introduced a girl I liked (but she didn't know it) to a friend of mine that was renting the downstairs of my house. He was a dirtbag, so their long distance relationship didn't last very long, but she and I eventually became good friends over the phone and when she moved back to Vegas she rented the space that her previous boyfriend rented from me. It was supposed to be temporary, but we became close and found ourselves instantly living together (because she was just downstairs). We have been together ten years, nine of them married.

I didn't ask his permission, although by that time I would no longer consider him a "good" friend, just a friend. In the end he screwed me out of rent money and $200 in long distance bills and disappeared. Could you imagine if I didn't start dating this insanely great woman because he wasn't cool with it?

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 08:36 PM

Alright,
So the way that I feel, is that had he asked or if he asks, I would have nothing wrong with it, but if he were to not ask me and ends up in a relationship, that would be considered a dog move, It may seem childish but and I cant accept that, I couldn't speak to either of them.

In the end, ill just move along, it was only 4 years, Ill just be wiser the next time around.

**cherrydrpepper** · 11-14-2012, 08:38 PM

OP heres my take sorry if its wierd

You broke up with her. She is not a 10. If she is a 10 in body/face, she is not a 10 mentally. You know this. Otherwise you wouldn't have broken up with her. When you broke up with her, you knew you would fuk as hot or hotter bitches. You knew you would fuk bitches with a better head on their shoulders going places in life. You knew this. The emotions you are feeling are natural. But at the end of the day the story is playing out as you wanted it to. You are not with her.

As far as your friend I don't know what to tell you. I have a friend that has fukd multiple peoples wives, girlfriends and ex-gfs. He has trouble getting laid without some sort of angle. I see him as a non-threat because he doesn't lift but believe he has fukd one of my exes who was a stripper and a whore. I chalk it up to that and am not afraid to introduce him to the girls I date lately who are good girls.

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by S&S_ShovelHead

In some ways I envy you being able to think like that. The idea of one of my buddys doing my ex right after we ended things would drive me nuts and want to inflict some seroius pain on him. I do believe it is a big sign of maturity to be happy for someone you loved to find happiness with another, Im not quite there yet.

I'm with you, unfortunately murder, or atleast hospitalization was my first thought, But then i realized that I don't really want to be the 'Psycho Ex Boyfriend' so I decided to consult some level headed folk.

**JohnnyVegas** · 11-14-2012, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by S&S_ShovelHead

In some ways I envy you being able to think like that. The idea of one of my buddys doing my ex right after we ended things would drive me nuts and want to inflict some seroius pain on him. I do believe it is a big sign of maturity to be happy for someone you loved to find happiness with another, Im not quite there yet.

It was tough for me because she started dating before I did. And then she admitted that she went a little crazy when I started seeing someone. It didn't help that my ex was older than me and I started dating someone that was literally half her age.

This stuff hurts regardless of the details, which is why I am saying the details are not as important as we are making them out to be. It is going to suck no matter what. We just need to continue to make ourselves happy.

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper

OP heres my take sorry if its wierd

You broke up with her. She is not a 10. If she is a 10 in body/face, she is not a 10 mentally. You know this. Otherwise you wouldn't have broken up with her. When you broke up with her, you knew you would fuk as hot or hotter bitches. You knew you would fuk bitches with a better head on their shoulders going places in life. You knew this. The emotions you are feeling are natural. But at the end of the day the story is playing out as you wanted it to. You are not with her.

As far as your friend I don't know what to tell you. I have a friend that has fukd multiple peoples wives, girlfriends and ex-gfs. He has trouble getting laid without some sort of angle. I see him as a non-threat because he doesn't lift but believe he has fukd one of my exes who was a stripper and a whore. I chalk it up to that and am not afraid to introduce him to the girls I date lately who are good girls.

I see where you're coming from, Makes perfect sense.
As stated earlier, no murder, no assault, just forgetting about them and moving on.

**cherrydrpepper** · 11-14-2012, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by JohnnyVegas

I once introduced a girl I liked (but she didn't know it) to a friend of mine that was renting the downstairs of my house. He was a dirtbag, so their long distance relationship didn't last very long, but she and I eventually became good friends over the phone and when she moved back to Vegas she rented the space that her previous boyfriend rented from me.

This is an important life lesson.

I have a male friend who could model if he wanted to. Although he is my boy, I have gone out of my way NOT to introduce him to women. One case in particular the girl was a solid 9 one of the most beautiful I've ever taken out (sadly didn't hit it). I remember an instance I was going to invite him out but called it off to be alone with her. If I had invited him out, she would have dismised me immediately its just human nature to go for the best.

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper

This is an important life lesson.

I have a male friend who could model if he wanted to. Although he is my boy, I have gone out of my way NOT to introduce him to women. One case in particular the girl was a solid 9 one of the most beautiful I've ever taken out (sadly didn't hit it). I remember an instance I was going to invite him out but called it off to be alone with her. If I had invited him out, she would have dismised me immediately its just human nature to go for the best.

Couldnt Close? =[

**JohnnyVegas** · 11-14-2012, 08:51 PM

Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper

This is an important life lesson.

I have a male friend who could model if he wanted to. Although he is my boy, I have gone out of my way NOT to introduce him to women. One case in particular the girl was a solid 9 one of the most beautiful I've ever taken out (sadly didn't hit it). I remember an instance I was going to invite him out but called it off to be alone with her. If I had invited him out, she would have dismised me immediately its just human nature to go for the best.

Exactly! The girl didn't know I liked her for some obvious reasons. I was friends and former business partners with her mother. She had interned for me for a little bit. I was ten years older and was married when we first met. That is how she thought of me when we would get together when she visited. The guy I introduced her to was her age and better looking than me (jerk).

OK, this relates to the "your friend should ask permission" discussion we are having: I had been friends with her mother for a long time and I was supposed to watch over her when she moved back to Vegas. Instead, I slept with her. I did NOT discuss it with her mother...my long time friend. Frankly, I was scared to death. We didn't tell her mother until we thought it was going to be a long term relationship. It could have ruined Christmas, but her mother seemed to be uneasy, but OK with it. After all these years it is great, but in the beginning it was uncomfortable, like if your friend started bringing your ex-girlfriend to parties.

**Hoggage_54** · 11-14-2012, 08:54 PM

Have a threesome.

**cherrydrpepper** · 11-14-2012, 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by wh1spa

Couldnt Close? =[

Bro I tried so hard you don't know. I smoked herb with her (her idea). Leaned in for a kiss, got rejected. Couldn't believe it. Should have waited few more min til she was tripping. Saw her at a bar a few months later with her same gaggle of busted friends. F it I'm going to keep lifting til I get hotter. I have hit on 9.5 / 10's before couldn't pull a number but just going to keep trying. Its all about balls imo.

**JohnnyVegas** · 11-14-2012, 09:08 PM

Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper

Should have waited few more min til she was tripping.

Just remember, that is rape.

**Renesis** · 11-14-2012, 09:11 PM

Who gives a fvck? Bottom line is YOU ended it with HER because she was "Dodgy" meaning she was probably a terrible choice to begin with. Second YOU BROKE UP WITH HER 2 MONTHS AGO. You are really gonna get pissed because your "mate" wants to bone a chick? She will probably cheat on him if you felt she was suspicious with you she will be with him. So who cares?

**cherrydrpepper** · 11-14-2012, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by JohnnyVegas

Just remember, that is rape.

If its rape why can I last an hour without exploding

**wh1spa** · 11-14-2012, 09:24 PM

Originally Posted by JohnnyVegas

OK, this relates to the "your friend should ask permission" discussion we are having: I had been friends with her mother for a long time and I was supposed to watch over her when she moved back to Vegas. Instead, I slept with her. I did NOT discuss it with her mother...my long time friend. Frankly, I was scared to death. We didn't tell her mother until we thought it was going to be a long term relationship. It could have ruined Christmas, but her mother seemed to be uneasy, but OK with it. After all these years it is great, but in the beginning it was uncomfortable, like if your friend started bringing your ex-girlfriend to parties.

Lol, if my mate never contacts me to at least ask if i have anything wrong with it, which would be yes anyway, and ends up getting serious enough with her to bring her to a party, there is no way that he would be walking back through the door to his car, let alone crawling back to his car if he showed up with her on his arm.