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  1. #1
    Ranger Guest

    Strange people and weird shit you see in the gym

    Everyone has them, and yes, no gym would be the same without them either. We stand back between sets watching the crazy shit they come up with, the poor form, and the shit woofing of how they were HUGE back in the day....of course this is all before you had weights, they just lifted rocks and dinosaurs and shit....well on to the topic at hand.

    There is this one fuck who comes in when the crowd is rocking, and I found out he is a doctor....(scary as Hell). Soon as he walks in the door,he just stands there watching for 20 minutes or so, never moves. Then he drops his gym bag, takes off his pants, and out comes the Spandex. Now, before everyone goes nuts, I love spandex on chicks that have a great body, for those who don't, wear a damn shower curtain or something.

    This idiot then takes off his shirt, down to that Chia-pet looking chest. Needless to say, because of the hair, we call him " The Troll ".....Shoes and socks are next, barefoot, and legs that look like hockey sticks with hair. Everything is now scattered just inside the door....pants, shirt, smelly socks and shoes....now we all get to see a 80 pound overweight Pro at work....

    Same routine, day after day, never changes, never alters at all....

    Dumbbell curls with 5lb. weights, 100 plus reps as fast as you can, now start grunting and screaming at rep 50....I'm sure you can get a visual now....and mind you, don't try and grab those 5lb. weights, they will be with him the entire workout....

    Dumbbell presses, yup, you guessed it....same as curls, but now we have an added feature boys and girls....Yes, my children, it gets better. You see, starting with the second excercise of 12, the SWEAT begins....not that small sheen on the brow shit...I'm talking yellow stained, sticky, funky smelling sweat from one strange, and ugly fuck-nut. And after each set, he just stands there grinning like a mule eat'n briars like he's done something.......Now, a few members cut the workout short, they seem to know when a professional is at work, he needs more room.....and he gets plenty.

    Well, to cut a long story short....Ole Ranger hasn't been known for patience on certain things, gym manners being top of the list....In my travels, I have strived to take young Iron Brothers and Sisters under my wing and enlighten them on my personal thoughts....and hence my latest woes begin tonight....

    A couple of the younger Iron Brothers who think I am some kind of God, and I can't for the life of me figure out why, heh heh heh, decided to help me in my plan to foil " The Troll "!!

    His pattern was simple, and he never strayed from it...not once. We watched, we waited...the anticipation building. This was our night, we would purge the Iron Humanity of this spreading sickness....<or so I told the Young Brothers>

    There was the cue..." The Troll " began to put his clothes on over top of his nasty, sweaty ass....TIME TO MOVE!!!!

    Our recon was perfect, the ambush was set....we waited. Here he came out the building to his Lexus, the cold bushes itching our noses, but we endured....he was singing " Hello Dolly " as to mock us.....I gave the signal and the action began....

    Iron Brother number 1 runs up, ski mask hiding his face, a 5 gallon bucket full of cold water and industrial strength cleaner hits " The Troll " full body. Perfect timing, the sickness is dazed, confused......

    As he begins to utter profanity, Iron Brother number 2 and 3 move into action....we were all dressed in black, full-faced ski masks.....Another 5 gallon bucket, but this time, ice cold water....sort of a rinse cycle I would guess....Iron Brother number three dashes by and hits his fading hairline, and pudgy, pock-marked face with liquid wax.....Why wax you ask.....couldn't hurt now could it!!!

    And last but not least, yours truly comes from the blind side....I must admit, I am a true planner. " The Troll " then recieves the final touches....A full 5 gallon bucket full of LIME.....Why lime?? To ensure the stench never returns.....keeps dead bodies from stinking, outa work on his nasty ass as well......

    We dash across the grass, hit a used car lot....gone.

    Entire operation is a success, no casulties, no injuries, no " Troll " .....Well, that was my night, how was yours.....

    Anyone else have these retards in their gym???

    Retards....Hmmmmmmmmmm....Now there's another story, but we'll save that one for another time my Brutha's and Sista's....

    Peace

    Ranger

  2. #2
    GenuinePL's Avatar
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    OMFG that was hysterical, can you guys come to my town we have those there, they are about 180lbs with 30%BF. LOL

  3. #3
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    A FEW!!!

    DUDES WHO WEAR SUNGLASSES WHEN THEY WORK OUT...DOING HALF LIFTS CURL, BENCH ETC....YOUNG KIDS WARMING UP WITH 315.....GRUNTS ALL THE TIME WITH EVERY FREAKING REP INCLUDING WARM UPS.......DUDES WORKING BACK WHEN THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CURLING<--LOL.....TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE....MORONS DRIVING AROUND THE PARKING LOT FOR 10-12 MIN LOOKING FOR THE CLOSEST SPOT TO PARK INSTEAD OF WALKING ALITTLE....AND POSS THE BEST FAT CHICKS SPENDING 1/2 HR ON THE TREADMILL 4-5X A WEEK FOR 3-6+ MONTHS AND NOT LOOSING ANYWEIGHT<---LMAO........

  4. #4
    Iconn's Avatar
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    MOTHER F%@#ER

    You rotten bastard!!! Now I know who did it!!!







  5. #5
    ptbyjason Guest
    Nothing to contribute right now, but I am LMAO at that story Ranger. I am still waiting for you to say you were just joking.

  6. #6
    dane26's Avatar
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    Ranger, you're a sick bastard. i would have LOVED to be apart of that mission though...

  7. #7
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    I gotta say you are an excellent story teller as well as a a good plan

    There used to be one guy at my gym, he knew how to work out and was in good shape... but the only problem was that he smelt really bad, like u can smell him from 15 feet away no joke.... alot of ppl complained, and i think his membership was terminated because he didn't "freshen up" his act. BTW he looked like that wrestler Shawn Micheals looked like back in the 80's!

  8. #8
    azadeam is offline New Member
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    "I love spandex on chicks that have a great body, for those who don't, wear a damn shower curtain or something." Bwahahahaha! Now that's comedy!

    Let that be a lesson to those of you who are tempted to skip a shower or two... you best not park near the bushes!

    Sounds kinda harsh, I would have just hid the 5lbs DBs.

  9. #9
    pureanger is offline Senior Member
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    Ranger what gym you train at I gotta see this guy

  10. #10
    Billy Boy's Avatar
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    LMAO as always funny as hell!!

  11. #11
    Pete235's Avatar
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    Ranger....that was one hilarious tale!!

    I have nothing so detailed to contribute, but one time a young kid came into the gym, he was as pale as the feshly fallen snow on a Sunday morning in February. I'm guessing he was 17-18yrs old, 5'9" and maybe 135-140lbs. He was wearing white tube socks pulled up to his knees, a pair of black Converse Chuck Taylors, skin tight Nike running shorts (silky style) and a wife beater. To accentuate the ensamble he wore a pair of Erik Estrada "Poncherello" sun glasses and Ulimate Warrior arm bands on his upper arms (where biceps and triceps should have resided). Struggling with each 45lb plate as if he were trying to carry a severely overwieght bride through the door on their wedding day, he loads 5 plates per side on the leg press. Gets in position, releases the safety catch and lowers the slide...I'm not joking, about 3-5 inches and pushes it back to the lock out position. Every single rep is accompanied by a blood curdling screech. As he finished he stood up, looked in the mirror and flexed his spindly appendage which was reminiscent of the gams on the creatures at the end of "Close Encounters of a Third Kind". Anyway...I only saw him the one time.

  12. #12
    CYCLEON Guest
    Originally posted by ptbyjason
    Nothing to contribute right now, but I am LMAO at that story Ranger. I am still waiting for you to say you were just joking.
    uhhhhh.......... I doubt it

  13. #13
    GenuinePL's Avatar
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    That was pretty good Pete, man what a world. LOL

  14. #14
    jersey juice is offline Member
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    We got this one jerk off at my gym that we call super mario, rumplestilskin, or the chicken hawk (foghorn leghorn cartoon character) He's about 5'2" wears the OLD Umbro shorts that show the bottom of his ass cheeks and a nipple tank top. Total Napolean complex & swears he's a bad ass all five feet of him. I just wish this guy would get hit by a bus and or tractor trailer. He only uses machines & can't even rack them, but then he''l walk into the weight room, take a drink from the water fountain and walk out..WTF??

  15. #15
    Shredz is offline Respected Member
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    hahahahaaha

    Love those stories guys..man it took me 20 mins to pick myself off the floor don't even get me started about the freaks at my gym..

    man i love that line 47John.

    "thats the one"

  16. #16
    pureanger is offline Senior Member
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    Pete you gotta be kidding great story

  17. #17
    Pete235's Avatar
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    PA....every single word is the truth...right down to his outrageous wardrobe. I especially remember the shades and the arm bands.

  18. #18
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    Great stories guys!!.....Has anyone ever had an strange and annoying encounter with dogs at their gym??....I didnt think so, but I have (needless to say I no longer train at that dump).....I was training legs one day a while back and this woman comes banging on the back door of the gym, I've seen her in there before so I open the door and she's pushing a baby caridge.....ya okay thats fine, a few people bring their kids down there and most of them are not a prob, but then she asks if I can hold the door, cause he has more stuff outside, so I do, she brings in the biggest play pen that was ever constructed on the planet and sets it up right in the middle of the gym....not in the childrens play area....right in the middle of the gym, by this time the kids just screaming along with my quads, but I still have hack squats to go, then I shit u not a dog comes running in the gym and runs up to this chick, she goes and ties the dog up to one of the benches. Its not a whole lot of weight to write about, but I got 3 plates a side on the hack squat, I unrack it, then start giving it hell right, then the baby starts just f#$&ing screaming and the dogs starts howling like its a bloody full moon out...just what I need in order to concentrate right!!!.....needless to say that was the last time I ever trained at that dump (the owner didnt think that was a very big deal having a screaming child and a howling fuckin dog in the middle of the gym)....peace, I'm outta here....

  19. #19
    GenuinePL's Avatar
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    Wow, where did you find that gym fullback. Wholy shit. I gtg, but will give you a story from my gym when I comeback.

  20. #20
    MBaraso's Avatar
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    Good Story Ranger Lmao
    There's this kid at my gym that for some reason hangs upside down from the cable rack. I could see if he was doing vertical sit ups, but he doesn't, he just hangs there for 5 or 10mins like a bat. Maybe its some kind of streching exercise or sumthin lol

    M

  21. #21
    PaPaPumP's Avatar
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    Originally posted by MBaraso
    Good Story Ranger Lmao
    There's this kid at my gym that for some reason hangs upside down from the cable rack. I could see if he was doing vertical sit ups, but he doesn't, he just hangs there for 5 or 10mins like a bat. Maybe its some kind of streching exercise or sumthin lol

    M



    Bro that is the funniest thing ever. HAHAA he hangs there 'like a bat'.

    Pete, arm bands.....BWAAHAHAHAHAHA

    Ranger, good attack tactics.

  22. #22
    dane26's Avatar
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    i think that every gym has one of those skinny kids who loads up the bar and moves it two inches. those are some funny stories though

  23. #23
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    Ok, I'm back here we go.

    I have few of those in the gym (completely strange people, don't even want to think about them), but there is this one guy that has something wrong with him (or at least everyone in the gym things that).
    The guy is in a pretty good shape, around 30 years old. pretty ripped but weird. My gym is very quiet, the only thing you hear is music and some guys training really hard. But here we go. This guy comes in about twice a week and starts doing his workout. HE starts doing dead lifts of the floor with 2 plates on each side. He picks it up and then just drops it. It makes such a fucken loud noise that the whole gym just stops, and everyone looks at him. He does that about 6, 7 times (by then everyone is pissed off as hell, because the noise is so loud that you can't even work out. After that he just leaves. Twice a week in the morning. That's his whole worout. Man, I just don't get those people

  24. #24
    Ranger Guest
    The other gym I used to work out at(before I got kicked out) had this kid, around 23 or so....Well he was....uh....Mentally challenged....yeah, that's it....

    This was an old dungeon type gym, not alot of fancy equipment....for standing calf raises we would put the loaded bar on our back, step up on a 6X6 block of wood, and rep out.

    Now this takes a bit of balance, and some coordination....This kid decided to work calves one day.....packs on 135lbs. and struggles to get it on his shoulders, steps up on the block, lowers his heels, and then on the way up, it appeared he had just enough toes on the block, and that fucker rolled out from under him. Down he came face first....BLAM!!!

    Really fucked him up.....of course I was younger then....all I did was laugh, now that I am older, I would have just snickered a little.....

    And yes, the other story is true, just got in from the gym....Guess what??? Yup....No " Troll " tonight....

    Ranger

  25. #25
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    Ranger you are to much that shit is funny

    we have or had a couple 19-21 your old hip hop kids in our gym.All 5'10 and a buck forty-five. They wear more wieght in gold the nthe ycan lift walking around with there bagy wife beaters and hat all crocked.Damn i hate that. All they do is try stand around and try to talk to every girl in there. My g/f goes there and most of my friends do to and they were getting annoyed. So after a discussion with them in the locker room the yhavent been back.

  26. #26
    Aguro's Avatar
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    "discussion" huhuh

  27. #27
    GenuinePL's Avatar
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    Originally posted by gixxerboy
    So after a discussion with them in the locker room the yhavent been back.
    Can you explain the discussion in more detailed way. LOL

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