stpete's story

[stpete]

Damn my friend,
That's a real tough one. I don't want you to do what I would do, as my woman is different than yours, and we each have our own "environment" in which we must live.

But here's the thoughts that run through my head, and how they relate to me and my past.

Before I got married, I was into meth somewhat, and drank. Maybe once or twice a month, and would drink on the weekends. I told her before we got married, that she marries me for better or worse, and not to try and change me, else it will back fire on her and make it worse. So she was pretty good about that. I eventually did stop the street "partiables" but continue to drink to this day. In fact, im sippping on some wine right now.

I don't like ultimatums. When some one gives me an ultimatum, the short hairs on the back of my neck prickle, and i have a tendency to get impulsive, sometimes saying things I wish I hadn't. In the past, I've been given an ultimatum. I look at it like it's a bluff, and would deliver a counter ultimatum, which evens up the score. If a friend were to give me an ultimatum, I'd say fine, do what you must, and that would be that. With my woman, there are other psychological tactics to counter the ultimatum. And when you get right down to it, and ultimatum is really a game that people play. A dangerous game, but a game none the less. If she really loved you and were totally straight and direct, then she would leave you, and not the other way around. of course, she is trying to change you, which usually never works well in the long term.

So my question to you is this. if she is wanting to affect such a big change from you, what is she willing to do for you in return? Besides not kick you out again is what i mean.

I could see if you were regularly drunk, or a mean drunk. But if you are just at home drinking, i'm really not sure what the problem is? how else is it affecting her? lack of sex? not doing enough around the house? problem snorer and she can't sleep? pissing in the bed?

see, it sounds like your drinking is very similar to my drinking. I like to drink on the weekend, so that means about once a week for me. if i snore too loud, my woman takes her ass down to sofa down stairs and gets some sleep that way. the only thing negative when i drink is i have a tendency to go to bed early.


but since she is playing such a dangerous game, you have to ask yourself if you decide to stop drinking, will you be happy with yourself down the road for being pushed into a decision where your options were very limited?

I think, for me, this would fukc with my mind somewhat and i would have a tendency to resent her for making me make such a decision, especially if my drinking really didn't cause much problem other than she doesn't like it.

Now, forget everything I just said!

Good luck!
-R

You are always the truth of reason of my friend. And i consider myself lucky to be your friend-TR.

stpete

[songdog]

Bro all I can say is it looks like your wife has a hidden agenda.Something is up my 1st wife was like that.After almost 9yrs I said good bye.There is a reason why all your shit was gone.And there is a reason why she wants you gone for a year now! Once you figure that out the headaches really get bad.Good luck bro.

[crazy mike]

Bro all I can say is it looks like your wife has a hidden agenda.Something is up my 1st wife was like that.After almost 9yrs I said good bye.There is a reason why all your shit was gone.And there is a reason why she wants you gone for a year now! Once you figure that out the headaches really get bad.Good luck bro.

I agree what you say "songdog" great perception on your part. I keep my gear in a pad locked box, so no one can get to it. Me and CL (Cathy) after 34 yrs are good with no hidden agenda. Funny she hates aas but will pin me at anytime reguest. Agreed by us, I'm 100% clean n sober now so if she can still take her pain meds and drink beer (which I'll help buy, at times) and smoke then I can do my thing as long as she doesn't get drunk and I don't "loose it" get off the chain be cautious n go easy ! ...crazy mike

[ironbeck]

The simple harsh version in my eyes is she has had enough of you and is ready to move on to someone else.
Unless she is really saying your a AAS addict, but the actions taken say and support my first statement sorry bro, its hurts i know.

[twitz]

One year is a long ass time if there is no real drinking issue. Like other posters mentioned, maybe there is something going on with your wife. Could you negotiate counselling for the both of you? If you gave in a little (30 days rehab & counselling), would she give in a little and work with a professional? Maybe that would help her to figure out what’s going on with her, and why she wants to push you away for a full year.

Good luck to you both!

[ElectraMaddox]

One year is a long ass time if there is no real drinking issue. Like other posters mentioned, maybe there is something going on with your wife. Could you negotiate counselling for the both of you? If you gave in a little (30 days rehab & counselling), would she give in a little and work with a professional? Maybe that would help her to figure out what’s going on with her, and why she wants to push you away for a full year.

Good luck to you both!

I love you twitz! I love how you deliver strong yet diplomatic messages!

[crazy mike]

I love you twitz! I love how you deliver strong yet diplomatic messages!

I agree to the point about the counseling.If she will not agree to that, for both then I would say ooh, not a good thing. Married forever ? Both in love should be wiling to see and meet in the middle. Who would not agree that it takes two. Anyway cool what both of you have said, "Twitz and Electra" ...old man's view after 34 yrs in love and some very, very hard times. We separated for 6 years and made it back together, and it is still allot of work for us both. ... crazy old man mike

[ElectraMaddox]

I agree to the point about the counseling.If she will not agree to that, for both then I would say ooh, not a good thing. Married forever ? Both in love should be wiling to see and meet in the middle. Who would not agree that it takes two. Anyway cool what both of you have said, "Twitz and Electra" ...old man's view after 34 yrs in love and some very, very hard times. We separated for 6 years and made it back together, and it is still allot of work for us both. ... crazy old man mike

Awe, yay this gives me hope that happy endings do exists!

[likelifting]

Sorry St Pete for misunderstanding you on the drinking problem. If you don't have one then it breaks down like this for me. If my wife comes home with a cop in tow to get me out of the house, I guarafvckintee you I will leave and leave for good. How could you ever trust her again. I couldn't.

[Shol'va]

Nothing against you stpete, but man it seems like not just you but a whole lot of our forum members as of late are having a ton of personal issues. I'm just trying to figure out what is up with that? And a lot of the guys, yourself included have issues that aren't so easily figured out. I will refrain from offering any advice. One because I don't personally know you so I can't make an informed decision on something that you value so strongly. Here's to hoping whatever you decide, you can live with it. I'm starting to think we need a licensed on board psychologist, like a Dr. Phill to help our members through crises situations while both on and off cycles. The only thing I can say to you is don't make any decisions hastily, think them through and only deal with them when you are in a good frame of mind at the time. That should help you to make an informed choice you can live with. Lot's of Luck...

[ghettoboyd]

honestly imo and im shure it has already crossed your mind, I think she is working on finding a new life and needs you to not be around so she can get that going and eventually leave you (like she did her husband before you) yet still have you around as her "safety net" just in case her new venture dosent work out...

[chefjmo]

There's an old saying out there '' nothing changes if nothing changes''.

[ElectraMaddox]

There's an old saying out there '' nothing changes if nothing changes''.

I like it!

[Synergy1]

There's an old saying out there '' nothing changes if nothing changes''.

So true.

[crazy mike]

There's an old saying out there '' nothing changes if nothing changes''.

Yep I like it, me to. But we cannot expect to change anyone but ourselves. Change begins within. When we change our thinking we then can begin to change our behavior. People see our behavior but cannot see as to what we may be thinking. ...crazy mike

[crazy mike]

Se ya guys, gonna hit a meeting. I'm just droppin in to see what condition my condition is in....crazy mike

[Shol'va]

Se ya guys, gonna hit a meeting. I'm just droppin in to see what condition my condition is in....crazy mike

Ahh great now that's gonna haunt me till I find out what group sang that song....

[Shol'va]

Holy Frick The First Edition? Wow with Kenny Rodgers

[MickeyKnox]

GUYS AND ELECTRA!!!!!!!!! cAN I PLEASE CLEAR THIS UP BY SAYING I'M NOT AN DRUNK. OR EVEN ALCOHOLIC! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. yOU WANT TO TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING AT THE TIME? aND SPYWIZARD WILL BE ABLE TO TELL YOU. I WAS SITTING ON MY COUCH ON MY FAVORITE SITE IN THE WORLD DISPENSING INFO. I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I WAS ON AR-R ****ING AROUND. AND CORECCT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE ADMIN AND BRIAN WOULDN'T HAVE NO DRUNK ON THEIR TEAM. I'VE JUST BEEN DONE WRONG GUYS AND GIRLS.

NOW I'M DONE BITCHING, JUST HAD TO GET IT OUT CAUSE I SPENT SO MUCH TIME AWAY FROM THE PEOPLE I LOVE SO MUCH. END OF STORY. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR KIND SUPPORT, TR'S, YOUR'S TOO MY MAN. I JUST WANTED MY FAMILY AWAY FROM FAMILY TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AND I MISSED THEM. WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST AND I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. MY LITTLE SAD STORY ABOUT ABOUT A GIRL WHO CAN'T SEEM TO GET HER LIFE STRAIGHT IS OVER.

NOW, CAN WE TALK ABOUT ALL THE JUICE I HAVE BUT NO SYRINGES?HAHA.......THANKS FOR LISTENENING EVERYONE. ELEKTRA, NICE SEEING YOU HERE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMYeld2R-cQ

[t-dogg]

One year is a long ass time if there is no real drinking issue. Like other posters mentioned, maybe there is something going on with your wife. Could you negotiate counselling for the both of you? If you gave in a little (30 days rehab & counselling), would she give in a little and work with a professional? Maybe that would help her to figure out what’s going on with her, and why she wants to push you away for a full year.

Good luck to you both!

You would be so easy to get along with lol.

[MightyBeast]

honestly imo and im shure it has already crossed your mind, I think she is working on finding a new life and needs you to not be around so she can get that going and eventually leave you (like she did her husband before you) yet still have you around as her "safety net" just in case her new venture dosent work out...

X2 sorry to say it Pete but this is exactly what it sounds like.

[crazy mike]

Holy Frick The First Edition? Wow with Kenny Rodgers

Holy frick, haaa now I'm laughing. I wasn't even thinking about who. I just know that when I was...ya know...at the time , I thought that was so cool. See what condition my condition was in, hmmm. I think I really had to do that. I even had to check myself in to get checked out, but they made me stay longer then I wanted. Can't tell more and you don't want to know more. Hope pete gets this thing worked out and find some common ground with her. I hope there is no valid reason for him to check in or ...? We got back but we had loving kids. Well they love her. But our love held on and I wish the same for pete and everyone ...crazy mike

[stpete]

Nothing against you stpete, but man it seems like not just you but a whole lot of our forum members as of late are having a ton of personal issues. I'm just trying to figure out what is up with that? And a lot of the guys, yourself included have issues that aren't so easily figured out. I will refrain from offering any advice. One because I don't personally know you so I can't make an informed decision on something that you value so strongly. Here's to hoping whatever you decide, you can live with it. I'm starting to think we need a licensed on board psychologist, like a Dr. Phill to help our members through crises situations while both on and off cycles. The only thing I can say to you is don't make any decisions hastily, think them through and only deal with them when you are in a good frame of mind at the time. That should help you to make an informed choice you can live with. Lot's of Luck...

I've always respected you cause i feel you are a reasonable man. til i heard this "Dr.Phil" come out of your mouth. If there was ever a dr. phil here. stpete wouldn't be. I count on my friends and people that know me, or at least, by your standards and have seen me around,know me. I appreciate that more. does that make sence?

[stpete]

Awe, yay this gives me hope that happy endings do exists!

We're not talking same crazy mike are we?

[stpete]

Holy frick, haaa now I'm laughing. I wasn't even thinking about who. I just know that when I was...ya know...at the time , I thought that was so cool. See what condition my condition was in, hmmm. I think I really had to do that. I even had to check myself in to get checked out, but they made me stay longer then I wanted. Can't tell more and you don't want to know more. Hope pete gets this thing worked out and find some common ground with her. I hope there is no valid reason for him to check in or ...? We got back but we had loving kids. Well they love her. But our love held on and I wish the same for pete and everyone ...crazy mike

Things are getting worked out. I've moved on. See stpete don't play too much. And when i felt i've been played, run. So that's where i stand. I got too much other shit going on. Yes, it hurts, but so does cycle accidents. I refuse to sit there and be ran over if i can help it. Understood?

[lovbyts]

Things are getting worked out. I've moved on. See stpete don't play too much. And when i felt i've been played, run. So that's where i stand. I got too much other shit going on. Yes, it hurts, but so does cycle accidents. I refuse to sit there and be ran over if i can help it. Understood?

As they say, time heals all. It's never easy to walk away but we all have our breaking points. Once I get to that point there is no going back. It's best you take care of yourself and watch your back. It does sound like she has other motives such as if you went into rehab it would benefit her somehow in the long run such as prof in court you have a problem.

From what you say you dont have a drinking problem so it's best you dont admit to something that is not a problem to fix something else or try to appease her. Sorry this has happened though. Sucks either way. It's scary how vindictive some people (women) can be and how sneaky they are about trying to ruin someone. Been there, done that... Watch your back.

[stpete]

Thanks lov- oyu're opinion always means most to me. thanks again. And you're right. I don't have a problem. You wanna know my problem? This fvcking site and being healthy. haha......Fvck her!

[lovbyts]

Thanks lov- oyu're opinion always means most to me. thanks again. And you're right. I don't have a problem. You wanna know my problem? This fvcking site and being healthy. haha......Fvck her!

LOL, thats a habit you can live with. You probably have the same problem/habit as me, being to trusting, overlooking the bad in someone, only seeing the good until it's to late. Ive always been a glass 1/2 full type person and it's gotten me in trouble more than not because I tend to not notice the red flags in someone else because I mostly see good even if it's not really there.

Ive tried to change this but it's damn hard and keeps getting me in trouble. lol I'm sure looking back you will see more and more red flags you overlooked making excuses for her but again, I know what it's like. Once you are IN the situation or relationship you do you best to make it work and hope for the best. We just have to remember to hope for the best, plan for the worst....

[stpete]

Voice of reason you are!

[lovbyts]

Voice of reason you are!

It's easy when you are looking from the out side in or after the fact with yourself; Hindsight is 20/20 but when you are in the middle of it all you are blind as a bat.

[Buster Brown]

Hey bro, sorry you have been going through so much turmoil in your own personal life. You would think at this point in the game all this would have been sorted out before you got married and you would be dealing with the "normal" day to day stress married folks deal with.
What I am about to say I hope doesn't get taken the wrong way as sometimes on-line discussions can be somewhat un-clear. You have always taken the time to help me out so I am just trying to be here for you buddy.
1) Addressing drinking: If you actually do have a problem (and I am not saying you do) with alcohol then you do need to address it. Heavy drinking will not make a marriage a success. Someone will always suffer from it. If you don't consider yourself a heavy drinker but you have a "habit" of having a couple a day then that is still a problem. Do you control the alcohol or does the alcohol control you. If you can walk away from booze and not crave it then you have your answer.
2)Before you guys got married: Has this ever been an issue before? If so, was there any discussion about how much you drank, promises to stop?
3) Change in behavior: It seems that if she has a policeman sitting at your house to have you escorted out that something must have happened to bring on this behavior. If she truly did this out-of-the-blue then I would truly be worried. That is pretty unstable and no way to live with someone.
4)Compromise: You went to a hospital to deal with an alleged drinking problem in an effort to help your marriage and then she changes the rules on you. I think that is a pretty heavy ultimatum to put on someone. You didn't get a chance to show here any change (after completing 30 days) before she decided you needed to stay in rehab for a year. Glad she's not a judge! I don't see much compromise on her part.
5)At the end of the day: Only you really know what is going on and after you have read what I have said I hope you dismiss all of it because you need to sort all of this out and do what is best for you. Go with what is in your heart and gut and let them guide you in making your decisions. We will always be here to support you my man.
Always a pleasure, BB

[crazy mike]

Thanks lov- oyu're opinion always means most to me. thanks again. And you're right. I don't have a problem. You wanna know my problem? This fvcking site and being healthy. haha......Fvck her!

Hey good reply. what ever you do, Of course I hope it all goes good. You seem to be a cool always polite to me and I'm grateful for that. ...crazy mike

[MickeyKnox]

Things are getting worked out. I've moved on. See stpete don't play too much. And when i felt i've been played, run. So that's where i stand. I got too much other shit going on. Yes, it hurts, but so does cycle accidents. I refuse to sit there and be ran over if i can help it. Understood?

Yeah but what about your drinking problem?


lol! Kidding

Im glad youre moving on Pete. Good call.

[Shol'va]

I've always respected you cause i feel you are a reasonable man. til i heard this "Dr.Phil" come out of your mouth. If there was ever a dr. phil here. stpete wouldn't be. I count on my friends and people that know me, or at least, by your standards and have seen me around,know me. I appreciate that more. does that make sence?

Yeah the Dr. Phill reference was to help lighten your mood. haha Only cause this was such a serious subject for you and Oprah was already off the air..lol

And yes your post made sense to me.. And I know this is old but things have a way of working themselves out. And as long as you know you made your best decision then that's the best you can do. But I've a feeling no matter which way this goes you will be fine in the end. Your a survivor and you don't let things hold you down for long.