Joke of the day................

[Times Roman]

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counsellor suggested they vary their position. "For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs from behind and off you go." The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home. "Well, okay," the hesitant wife agreed, "but on two conditions. First, if it hurts you have to stop right away,

and second..." she continued, "you have to promise we won't go past my parents' house."

[panntastic]

I'm not saying I need a pube trimmer, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban

[bigZthedestroyer]

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counsellor suggested they vary their position. "For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs from behind and off you go." The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home. "Well, okay," the hesitant wife agreed, "but on two conditions. First, if it hurts you have to stop right away,

and second..." she continued, "you have to promise we won't go past my parents' house."

LMAO thanks for the laugh

[-Ender-]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

[bcaasdirty]

What do you call a woman who can't make a sandwich?














Single!






BCD OUT ><

[bikeral]

Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?

I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover.

So...is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?

[Back In Black]

What's E.T. Short for?












Because he's got little legs.

[panntastic]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her ****ing appendix out!"

[bdos]

Whats red and sits in the corner

A naughty tomato

[>Good Luck<]

How do You gain 65lbs in 90 days?


Ask Canyoudigit

[bdos]

^ perfect timing lol

[MickeyKnox]

How do You gain 65lbs in 90 days?


Ask Canyoudigit

For the win! lol

[bikeral]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[bikeral]

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

[Times Roman]

wanna hear a joke?

what's dumb as fuk and can't hear for shit...?

....I said, WHAT'S DUMB AS FUK AND CANT' HEAR FOR SHIT?

Ok, i just made that one up...
....blame the wine!

[bikeral]

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained as usual " I have a headache"

"Perfect" says the husband " I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's upto you!"

[phaedo]

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counsellor suggested they vary their position. "For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs from behind and off you go." The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home. "Well, okay," the hesitant wife agreed, "but on two conditions. First, if it hurts you have to stop right away,

and second..." she continued, "you have to promise we won't go past my parents' house."

lol, this gave me a good laugh

[bikeral]

A Biker walks into a bar, he takes a seat at the bar and growls:
"Bartender! Get me a drink!" The bartender obliges, and the biker scarfs down the drink. Slamming the glass down on the bar, he growls:

"Bartender! Get me another!" The bartender pours him another drink. After a few more rounds, the bartender attempts some conversation:

"Sir, he says, it seems that you're visibly upset. What's the problem?" The biker looks at him and snorts:

"I just went home and caught my ol' lady screwing my best friend!"

"Oh man," says the bartender, that's rough... "What did you do?" The biker says:

"Well, I grabbed her by the hair, threw her out nekkid, threw her clothes out after her, and told her never EVER to come back."

"Wow," says the bartender in awe: "That's tough man, what did you do to your friend?"

"Well," says the biker, "I marched right back upstairs, I grabbed HIM by the scruff of the neck, and I said: BAD DOG."

[bikeral]

A biker and his ole lady are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The biker picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the ole lady. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', she demands, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along, she picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. What do you think you're doing?' asks the bike. 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she replies. The Biker retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price.'

[bikeral]

A tough looking group of Bikers were out riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man gets off his bike and says "what are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide" she said

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked..."well before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does....And it was a long deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, " Wow! Tha was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl"

[panntastic]

Paddy pulls up at a red light beside a gorgeous young woman, smiles at her and lowers his window.

The woman smiles back and also lowers her window.

"Ah," says Paddy, "so you farted too?"

[noon]

Great...