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Thread: Chuck Norris Facts

  1. 03-04-2013, 11:12 AM #161
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    Chuck Norris has had Bruce Lee pull his chest hair off one time but this was only possible because he cut it and glued it back on.
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  2. 03-04-2013, 11:50 AM #162
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    Chuck Norris was originally considered for the part of Jesus in the Passion of the Christ. However, the director realized that Chuck Norris cannot show the emotion of pain. He can only inflict it.
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  3. 03-04-2013, 12:17 PM #163
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    Quote Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper
    Chuck Norris has had Bruce Lee pull his chest hair off one time but this was only possible because he cut it and glued it back on.
    Hahaha
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  4. 03-04-2013, 12:21 PM #164
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    50 Cent can only have sex never making love a trick he learned under the tutelage of Chuck Norris
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  5. 03-04-2013, 12:22 PM #165
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    Whats the difference between Usher and Chuck Norris?

    Chuck Norris actually CAN make love in this club where Usher can only sing about it
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  6. 03-04-2013, 12:27 PM #166
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    Global warming is not being caused by the results of burning fossil fuels but in fact is the heat being generated by Chuck Norris working out on the Total Gym
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  7. 03-04-2013, 12:38 PM #167
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    Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
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  8. 03-04-2013, 12:46 PM #168
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    When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.
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  9. 03-04-2013, 12:47 PM #169
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    The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
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  10. 03-04-2013, 12:47 PM #170
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    Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
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  11. 03-04-2013, 12:48 PM #171
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    Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
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  12. 03-04-2013, 12:48 PM #172
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    Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

    (LMAO and im a christian)
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  13. 03-04-2013, 12:49 PM #173
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    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
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  14. 03-04-2013, 12:50 PM #174
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    Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"
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  15. 03-04-2013, 12:50 PM #175
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    Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
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  16. 03-04-2013, 12:51 PM #176
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    Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he does world-pushes.
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  17. 03-04-2013, 12:53 PM #177
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    Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
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  18. 03-04-2013, 12:54 PM #178
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    A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
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  19. 03-04-2013, 12:54 PM #179
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    Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
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  20. 03-04-2013, 12:56 PM #180
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    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

    If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

    If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour and a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
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  21. 03-04-2013, 01:02 PM #181
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    Chuck Norris once sold popcorn for boy scouts. The resulting empire is now called Pop Secret and Orville Redenbacher.
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  22. 03-04-2013, 01:06 PM #182
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    Chuck Norris is the only animal handler that can actually breed a Liger.
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  23. 03-04-2013, 01:11 PM #183
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    Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
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  24. 03-04-2013, 02:09 PM #184
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    Chuck Norris is the ultimate wingman and can get ferocious bubble laid
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  25. 03-04-2013, 03:05 PM #185
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    Quote Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper View Post
    Chuck Norris is the ultimate wingman and can get
    Click image for larger version.  Name: 479px-CopperCab_Michael_Copper_Gingers_Do_Have_Souls_Video.jpg  Views: 917  Size: 19.9 KB  ID: 134447
    laid
    fixed
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  26. 03-04-2013, 03:59 PM #186
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    If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down
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  27. 03-05-2013, 03:49 AM #187
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    Chuck norris made a brand of toilet paper but i didnt take shit from anyone
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  28. 03-05-2013, 05:40 AM #188
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    Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
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  29. 03-07-2013, 03:51 PM #189
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    Chuck Norris is such a genetic freak, he would place 2nd in the upcoming Most Improved contest, only to be embarrassed by KPs win
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  30. 03-08-2013, 09:05 AM #190
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    Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the Sun and won
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  31. 03-21-2013, 07:35 AM #191
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  32. 08-04-2013, 06:22 PM #192
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    Lmao!!!
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  33. 08-04-2013, 06:42 PM #193
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    Chuck Norris once flushed a used condom......and then the Ninja Turtles were born.
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  34. 08-05-2013, 01:45 AM #194
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    If you have a sister there's a 50% chance that Chuck Norris is fvcking her right now.
    NO SOURCES GIVEN
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  35. 08-05-2013, 04:25 AM #195
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    He shits in the urinal.
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  36. 08-05-2013, 06:33 AM #196
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    Chuck Norris once die, but between the people who carry the coffin there was Chuck Norris
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  37. 08-05-2013, 09:00 AM #197
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  38. 08-05-2013, 04:19 PM #198
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    hes a beast......
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  39. 12-21-2013, 07:41 PM #199
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    bump for chuck
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  40. 12-21-2013, 08:15 PM #200
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    Without reading through the whole thread and seeing if it was already mentioned.

    Underneath his beard he doesn't even have a chin,there's just another fist under there.
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