Wife and maybe i was wrong?

[stpete]

The more i sit around at night i think a lot of the reason we're not together is because of me. I've had time to reflect and i feel bad about some of the things i said and done. We all know it takes 2 to tango but maybe i was a little crazier than i thought. And i hate that.

Anyway, i know you guys don't really care to hear about this but i feel kinda bad and felt like it's best to get this off my chest, and what better place than here?

[TbolzNdbols]

Happen to me too. It always looks much better from past perspectives. But yeah girls have a weird way of expression. And once they are gone you realize they were absolutely right 99% of the time.

I went into depression mode hard after I split with the ex. And I looked at it as all my fault. But you can't look at it like that you need to go about your business and just know that there are so many other girls out there that will give you a chance. There are girls who would love to talk to you. So now you live and you learn, and know better next time.

Was hard for me to let go of the ex, but being she about blocked me from her entire life it made it much easier to go out and find new women. You will come around trust me. Just takes a little time. Gym def helps too.

Good luck bro

[gearbox]

The more i sit around at night i think a lot of the reason we're not together is because of me. I've had time to reflect and i feel bad about some of the things i said and done. We all know it takes 2 to tango but maybe i was a little crazier than i thought. And i hate that.

Anyway, i know you guys don't really care to hear about this but i feel kinda bad and felt like it's best to get this off my chest, and what better place than here?

Always good to self reflect.
I would do more reflecting and try ti fix what you can about yourself so you can have a more successful relationship in the future. Or a better one if this one gets another chance. Time has a way of healing things and changing perspectives

[Capebuffalo]

The more i sit around at night i think a lot of the reason we're not together is because of me. I've had time to reflect and i feel bad about some of the things i said and done. We all know it takes 2 to tango but maybe i was a little crazier than i thought. And i hate that.

Anyway, i know you guys don't really care to hear about this but i feel kinda bad and felt like it's best to get this off my chest, and what better place than here?

What's a better place? To tell her what you just told us. IMO.

[evander87]

I've been there too stpete. If you're open to hearing some unrequested advice. I'd suggest not focusing on what you did wrong. Time tends to alter reality. Instead focus on what you did right and then focus on what you know you could have done better. Then apply then in your next relationship.

Don't waste the energy on history. There's no point in beating oneself up over the past, nothing can ever be done to change it.

[scorpion62]

What's a better place? To tell her what you just told us. IMO.

^^^^ this stpete is the way to go

[Granovich]

stpete if you discovered that you are wrong now Why not try to fix it with her ?
you can always go and say what you feel, if she is still around cuz i dont know if she is single or not now
but if she was ur wife im sure she will always love you
you are a good dude!

[stpete]

Thanks for all the replies, thoughts and suggestions. I'm working on it but kinda hard to do 1200 miles away. Internet and phone only go so far w/me.

Cape, i have already. And when in a 12 step program it's a must that i do this here cause i look at you guys and girls as family. So i had to say it and also because i really wanted to. It made me feel a little better and now you guys know that i'm a screw up like many others. We're all human and make mistakes.

But shit, this is getting old. haha...

[GirlyGymRat]

I just read this and as a woman I would want to know this. Not bc u have to due to a program. We ALL make mistakes. Keep your chin up!

[Lunk1]

Pete buddy...I'm going to say it like it is and you may decide you no longer love me after words but so be it.

From your explanations and info you have provided, you have an alcohol problem and it's effecting your ability to have a good relationship with your wife. I'm glad you were able to self reflect as Gearbox said. Now you need to FIX the problem and then work on the relationship. Trying to both at the same time may be more than most ppl can handle.

You are so right about us all being screw up and failing. We are human. It's the way we handle our failures and short comings that define us as men. Handle your failures and short comings....become a better man, become a better husband and father. This is what we should all strive for. Remember...a relationship most often gives back only as much as you put in to it.

Feel free to PM anytime you need to talk!!!!!!!

[Capebuffalo]

Thanks for all the replies, thoughts and suggestions. I'm working on it but kinda hard to do 1200 miles away. Internet and phone only go so far w/me.

Cape, i have already. And when in a 12 step program it's a must that i do this here cause i look at you guys and girls as family. So i had to say it and also because i really wanted to. It made me feel a little better and now you guys know that i'm a screw up like many others. We're all human and make mistakes.

But shit, this is getting old. haha...

You're not a screw up. You just haven't always made the best decisions. None of us always do. If you've told her you're a step ahead. Thank you for sharing with us. We are here for you big guy. One step and one day at a time friend.

[Times Roman]

We all have things we regret in our past...

....especially me.

If you can't fix this, then move on. It is not healthy to excessively dwell on our short comings.

Good luck Pete!
-R

[crazy mike]

Hey pete, remember me I was talking to you about the program a few months ago when this stirred up. I think your in a good place. Where you are right now will make you a better person. First it seems you are being humbled by your true feelings of doing wrong and admitting it to your self. Now you are being humbled by telling someone else. SO I hope you have or will admit it to God. Who is next? you know all to well. But remember your amends in this case should be for you first. You need to live with you past and not keep regretting it. Then because you might love her it is for her to be able]e to move on. Whether with you or not. The same for you. This should make you stronger for yourself and any, whom you plan to be with. And on down the road. You at your steps 5, 9 , 10 just a few in particular.
So I feel good for you that you seem to have come this far. Some time ago I did hear a some what different pete.
Please if I have assumed more than I should have or I have stepped out of line here and am totally off base, I truthfully apologize and will but out. ...crazy mike

[tigerspawn]

Pete I wish you and your wife the best of luck while you figure things out. You’re not a screw up. We all make mistakes. We all have things that we wish we never did or things we wish never happened. Stop beating yourself up. You’re a good guy and have helped a lot of individuals.

[Zodiac82]

if ur truly realizing that you were in the wrong I think she has the right to kno what ur feeling IF u havent said it to her already....
like lunk said get yourself on the straight and narrow first and if u feel u should try to mend things....go for it....it's ur life....do what YOU feel is the best thing for you to do
time heals a lot of things and if you guys can work it out....wish you all the best

-Release the Kracken!!!-

[Knockout_Power]

ANyone who has never made a mistake, please put your hand up...

[Knockout_Power]

Cape, put your damn hand back down

[Alright john]

I am at The same point too but mine sorely boils down to no money no honey.
I wanted to run a company and went out on my own and gradually built up the clients , unlucky for me due to cut backs and cash flow problems Things became a struggle which in turn created friction due to money concerns and then I realised I was a mug and had created a spoilt brat in my wife who didnt want to wait for my actions to repay me.
The irony is it was the best move and I have more money than before . But I deal with relationships breakups like training a dog. There are no grey areas.
Like a light switch it's on or off, black & white . I don't want to buffer her emotional upset by talking to her just so she feels better about the decision she made. This has worked well for me and since October I have not had a blank night I have gone out. Set targets for myself in the gym, buisness in every aspect of my new life. At present i am Living the dream.
Better to talk to anyone than suffer in silence
Regards

[Rusty11]

Been there, done this. The relationship can heal and move forward. Mine did...that was 18 yrs ago and all is good.

[MickeyKnox]

You're ok in my books buddy.

However, if you feel you have areas that need to be addressed in order to maintain a healthy relationship with your wife or others, then that should be a priority in your life. I think Lunk summed it up nicely.

All the best Pete.

[Capebuffalo]

Cape, put your damn hand back down

I was young I didn't know any better.

[OnTheSauce]

Just take more halo, it solves everything.

[stpete]

I just read this and as a woman I would want to know this. Not bc u have to due to a program. We ALL make mistakes. Keep your chin up!

Chin's up GGR! Thanks!

Pete buddy...I'm going to say it like it is and you may decide you no longer love me after words but so be it.

From your explanations and info you have provided, you have an alcohol problem and it's effecting your ability to have a good relationship with your wife. I'm glad you were able to self reflect as Gearbox said. Now you need to FIX the problem and then work on the relationship. Trying to both at the same time may be more than most ppl can handle.

You are so right about us all being screw up and failing. We are human. It's the way we handle our failures and short comings that define us as men. Handle your failures and short comings....become a better man, become a better husband and father. This is what we should all strive for. Remember...a relationship most often gives back only as much as you put in to it.

Feel free to PM anytime you need to talk!!!!!!!

Lunk, alcohol has always been an issue. But i do good. I might go on weekend benders but really, i stay sober. I love working out and trying to be as healthy as i can. Shit, i'm 44 now. haha.. But don't talk to me about being a better Father or Husband. I do my best and moved 1200 miles away to make money, go to AA and be a good person. It's a tough thing to do. But i did it for my family. And there's other factors but i won't get into that right now. I'm doing pretty good all things considered buddy. And yeah, PM coming

You're not a screw up. You just haven't always made the best decisions. None of us always do. If you've told her you're a step ahead. Thank you for sharing with us. We are here for you big guy. One step and one day at a time friend.

Thanks, Buddy!!

We all have things we regret in our past...

....especially me.

If you can't fix this, then move on. It is not healthy to excessively dwell on our short comings.

Good luck Pete!
-R

I hear you loud and clear!!

Hey pete, remember me I was talking to you about the program a few months ago when this stirred up. I think your in a good place. Where you are right now will make you a better person. First it seems you are being humbled by your true feelings of doing wrong and admitting it to your self. Now you are being humbled by telling someone else. SO I hope you have or will admit it to God. Who is next? you know all to well. But remember your amends in this case should be for you first. You need to live with you past and not keep regretting it. Then because you might love her it is for her to be able]e to move on. Whether with you or not. The same for you. This should make you stronger for yourself and any, whom you plan to be with. And on down the road. You at your steps 5, 9 , 10 just a few in particular.
So I feel good for you that you seem to have come this far. Some time ago I did hear a some what different pete.
Please if I have assumed more than I should have or I have stepped out of line here and am totally off base, I truthfully apologize and will but out. ...crazy mike

Thanks CM!

Pete I wish you and your wife the best of luck while you figure things out. You’re not a screw up. We all make mistakes. We all have things that we wish we never did or things we wish never happened. Stop beating yourself up. You’re a good guy and have helped a lot of individuals.

Thanks, and i hope to try to help people for a long time!

if ur truly realizing that you were in the wrong I think she has the right to kno what ur feeling IF u havent said it to her already....
like lunk said get yourself on the straight and narrow first and if u feel u should try to mend things....go for it....it's ur life....do what YOU feel is the best thing for you to do
time heals a lot of things and if you guys can work it out....wish you all the best

-Release the Kracken!!!-

What does "release the kracken mean?"

You're ok in my books buddy.

However, if you feel you have areas that need to be addressed in order to maintain a healthy relationship with your wife or others, then that should be a priority in your life. I think Lunk summed it up nicely.

All the best Pete.

Thanks buddy!

Just take more halo, it solves everything.

haha...Going to do it next week!

[Zodiac82]

lol....the mythology creature....octopus or squid-like

-Release the Kracken!!!-

[songdog]

Just do wat you think you got to do bro.But remember this nothing will make a man want to get drunk more.Than a woman you are arguing with.This is why they say dont start a new relationship while in AA.So just be careful bro this is experence talking.Been there done that.I got rid of her and I am fine

[Hookonphonx4me]

Stpete,
being a user my self, i wish u the best .Ihave went down that same path and after a long time building back that trust with the wife it has been great and she supports me in all that i do even going to a war zone and being gone for a year at a time and this to support my family ..Iguess what im tring to say that if u do work it out be patient with her because you both will need to build up the trust..that both of u can move on and get back to what u both feel in love with in the beginning..it is good to know that she not only ur wife but ur Best friend..Good luck Bro
"Sorry for the bad spelling"