I wish to soon understand some day

**brazuka** · 05-26-2013, 09:59 PM

It's 6:13pm on a wednesday afternoon. My mind is viciously flowing with positive energy, positive vibes. At this very moment I am unstoppable. There is nothing you can say or do that will get me off my high-horse. My head is held up to the sky. I am confident, I am great. I have a bright burning fire inside me. I have passion. I feel alive. I will try and keep this feeling going of positive attitude for as long as I can. I am content with all things ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,X,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,X, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

It is 11:43pm on a sunday night. You have just walked out from your 5 hour shift with $137 in your pocket. You are not feeling good. You do not understand what is wrong. You look up to the dark sky and the clouds. Something tells you to go somewhere high up and far away. It is a mysterious feeling. It will give you comfort at this very moment. You are alone. You feel lonely. You feel inadequate. You are down. You do not feel alive. You want to meet people, be loved by others, be social. You want to make friends. You want to find somebody who will accept you. You are dwelling in sad thoughts, which just makes thing worst. You try and block out the sadness from you, you try thinking positive thoughts only. The sadness overrules you, and there is nothing you can do but sit here with this awful feeling. Waiting for time to make it go away........ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,X,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,X,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,

I read about people who have family surrounding them. They have a great group of friends around them. A significant other. They have luxuries. They are doing well academically. They are fit. They are beautiful. They have it great in every aspect of life. Yet some of these people still feel the very same feelings I do. We feel lost. We feel alone. We have sad thoughts. We do not feel alive. We want to break through this barrier and feel life. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,X,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,X,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,

I have one question. I feel as if one had family surrounding them. A great group of friends. A significant other. Luxuries. Doing well academically. Fit. How could one feel lonely, feel sadness, a feeling of not being alive? If every aspect of your life is great. Why can't we easily brush off these feelings? What are these feelings? How can we permanently block them out of our lives completely? I am a constant roller coaster of emotions, high peaks and rock bottom lows. Our very own minds can enslave us. Sometimes I feel we all need an escape.

That is all.

**Times Roman** · 05-26-2013, 10:09 PM

huh?

**brazuka** · 05-26-2013, 10:10 PM

I don't know I really can't understand it either. Just wanting to push through these bullshit feelings that I get here and there frequently

**austinite** · 05-26-2013, 10:12 PM

Instability can happen to anyone. That's why millionaires are also on the suicide list. Everyone get's weird thoughts and feelings. Some just handle it better than others. I assure you, however , you do not know what happens behind closed doors. So that guy across the street with the nice cars, beautiful wife and $2,200 watch has problems, too.

The key is to remember that it CAN be worse. And sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Look at the bright side... you have a job. Surround yourself with people you look up to.

**brazuka** · 05-26-2013, 10:14 PM

Thank you

**brazuka** · 05-26-2013, 10:27 PM

By the way I do have it good. I have a decent chunk of what one could ask for. I like the word unstable. It clears up the path to understanding this. It made me realize the problem may be that my feelings are unstable. Before everything was cloudy in my mind and I could not understand anything. If I can stabilize my feelings, I can stop being such a mess.

**Java Man** · 05-27-2013, 02:54 AM

Been there. Several times. Money doesn't buy happiness, either. In fact in my experience it causes more problems in some ways with personal relationships. Bigger income usually just means bigger bills. Happiness comes from within. Has nothing to do with appearances.

**Shol'va** · 05-27-2013, 12:03 PM

We all have been there at one time or another. I know I have and still do occasionally. the best thing you can do is to have a friend who you can talk to without judgement. Someone you can trust completely. Also if you have insurance, a therapist could help. Especially if meds can keep you stable with your positive thoughts and keep the negative thoughts to a minimum. Stay away from negative people cause they will drag you down. Associate yourself with friends who are upbeat and for gods sake don't watch much tv news as it is full of negativity. It tales time but you will get better. If I can go to the dark side and make it back, then anyone can. My curse was living as a gay dude and self acceptance when much of the world despised you or so I thought. And really when it comes down to it who cares what Joe Blow says. Look at his or her life who is bringing you down and believe me they aren't any better. Haters gonna hate lovers gonna love. Pick a lover..

There is a biblical saying..This Too Shall Pass. Stay focused Stay Positive. Yes there will be down days we all have them. But it is how we handle them as to what sets us all apart.