Happiness. Big City or Small Town? Is there a connection?

[austinite]

I grew up in a small town in Texas near the Oklahoma border. Very small town. Population was around 45,000. There's probably more cows than humans there. It was a very religious town. Sometimes I wonder if pushing religion on me so much as a child is what steered me away from it all. Anyway, there was no spontaneity. Everything worked like clock work. From going to Church to cutting the grass at a certain time. Week in week out, same thing. When I got into my teens, all I wanted to do was get the heck out of Dodge. So when my parents passed, it was the first thing I did. Hauled my ass out to Houston.

Unlike the locals and the rest of America, I actually loved Houston. Population at the time I believe was just over 2.7 million. I think it was mostly getting away from the strict and structured lifestyle that I had in the small town. I was pretty much in shock for a while. I had never been exposed to such diversity or even places that are open passed 7pm. That was unheard of for me. I adapted pretty well. Quit going to Church, made some friends and made it through High School. Right out of High School I decided I wanted to move to a "cooler" city. Houston was alright, but I had heard enough about Austin and nothing could stop me. So I packed a bag, hopped in my car and off I went.

I was on top of the world when I got here. Population at the time was 350,000. Better highways, cleaner roads and a whole lot better looking broads. Really seemed like a perfect place for me. Partied my ass off for several years and finally called it home. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. But since then, I've messed around with living in different areas. Los Angeles, Buffalo, Cincinnati (worst experince in my life!) and Tallahassee. All these were short lived. From as little as 4 months up to 2 years, which was LA.

Anyway, in the past 10 years, everyone on earth and their neighbors, too, decided to move to Austin. I can't go anywhere anymore without being stuck in traffic for what seems a lifetime. THis never bothered me in Houston, but I was also a lot younger then. The gym is busy now even at 2am. Just ridiculous. Now, I'm considering moving back to a small town. Not sure that I'd go back to my hometown, but I'm growing to dislike the bigger cities.

I look at my friends that are business owners and notice characteristic differences. My friends from Austin and Houston are very successful, but seem distant. Maybe stressed. But when I talk to the folks that stayed behind in the small town, they seem very relaxed, inviting and happy. That town has about 100,000 people now, and probably 200,000 during the day from neighboring inhabitants that come for work. I would estimate that the successfull (for such a small town and a single store) business owners are probably making about 75 to 100k per year. I can't even imagine how they make it. These folks have 2 cars and 3 to 4 kids, a house and whatever else comes with a family. Women rarely work over there, so it's single income for most.

On the other hand, you have the guys in Austin and houston who gross 350k + per year. Flashy as can be. Massive house that can hold 100 people, $75,000+ vehicles and everything on anyone's wish list. I never made $350k but I did well and was able to live a similar lifestyle to them. I was stressed, however. Never really was happy. Really sucks when I think about it, because I know that lots of folks dream about getting out of that average $50k income or whatever it is today. For the first time in my life, I question what I have always believed. Which is "Money is Everything". Up until a few months ago that was my train of thought. Nothing matters, just money. It makes me happy. I can buy things. I can go places. I can replace old things. The opportunities are endless. All along, I knew deep down inside that all my "things" are temporary happiness. But I never wanted to admit.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I've committed to the fact that I'll be single for the rest of my life. I absolutely have zero interest in any type of committed relationship. Don't want a wife and I don't want a girlfriend. I'm fine with the random encounters I have with random broads (although my choices couldn't be poorer). So what's left? I can move to a small town and start a business tomorrow. But is that really going to bring some level of contentedness? I'm not sure. Is it worth the risk? I wish I knew. But I do know one thing... I need to make a decision soon.

I have a serious issue with having to work for someone. Maybe it's previous memories of being self employed. Maybe it's experiences I've had with poor leadership. But I'm always wondering why I have this wall that prevents me from even considering working for someone. It might be a good idea until I decide what to do, but it's not easy to overcome. I assure you, this has nothing to do with being humble or an ego. It's just that I know I won't be happy. They key is to do something you love, right? I did. I've been there and I had the job that I absolutely loved with extreme passion. The industry was right up my alley but there was too much personality conflict within. The money just didn't matter anymore. I couldn't sleep, my blood pressure was high and I grew to hate going to work with people that crushed me everyday, in an industry that I loved, mind you.

So that's my dilemma. Risk it and move to a small town? Or bite the bullet and stay in Austin? I can easily get a job in Austin. Not nearly what I was making, but still live good and afford what I have today. Or I can move to a small town, open a business and hope for the best.

Time's almost up. I need to make a decision in the next 30 days or so. I'm really not posting to get opinions, although all are welcome, I just needed to vent a little and ultimately make the call myself.

Well, thanks for listening.

[ppwc1985]

As far as towns go, I'm realizing now that I'm not happy where I am. The northeast sucks, big towns suck. I'm a small town southern boy lost in the city. I'm glad you learned about the money. Money will not make you happy forever, yes it's nice to have but not for happiness. I think you haven't meet the right woman yet, I thought like you did up till last July. My whole life changed when I met my wife, she knocked me on my ass within a month and I knew my life would never be the same. I just turned 46. Don't know if you looking for advice but I'm gonna give it anyway. Make the move to a smaller town and start a business, I hate working for someone else. I plan on starting my own business again cause there is no money working for someone else. When you least expect it you gonna meet the one that knocks you for a loop. Good luck in whatever you decide.

[krugerr]

Hey Aust.

Whilst I cant comment on the cities you mentioned, Im from the UK. I can relate a little to the size of the cities, I live in a fairly well established town that has around 95,000 people living here, with a fvckton that commute here everyday for work, we have lots of head offices based here for many large companies. 95,000 people is quite small, it seems that everyone knows everyone almost. However, on my few trips to london ive gone mad. I just cannot deal with that many people, it seems so disconnected and large. Im destined to be a townie, not a city dweller.

I guess my point is, you need to think about how you're going to be in the long term. If you stay in Austin, even in a different job, is it the combined atmosphere/population that you're not happy with? If so, maybe the option is to move away to a smaller area. Maybe you'll be slightly worse off in terms of income, but trade that off against being your own boss and living happier. It sounds as if you've already accomplished a lot in your city time, maybe it is time to kick-back and relax a little!

Either way bro, best of luck!
-Krugerr

[Euroholic]

Small mining towns for sure. Plenty of money to make

[lovbyts]

You want to see some happy content people go visit most any 3rd world country. Of course I'm not talking about where they are starving or scavaging the dumps for scraps of food or water but just your average POOR neighborhood living in small stick built houses, no TV, no internet (except some people who have cell phones) no cars and you will find most people are very happy, enjoy just being together and socializing.

The bigger the town/city the less most people are connected with each other and the more people are fighting over making a buck and paying the bills.

[austinite]

As far as towns go, I'm realizing now that I'm not happy where I am. The northeast sucks, big towns suck. I'm a small town southern boy lost in the city. I'm glad you learned about the money. Money will not make you happy forever, yes it's nice to have but not for happiness. I think you haven't meet the right woman yet, I thought like you did up till last July. My whole life changed when I met my wife, she knocked me on my ass within a month and I knew my life would never be the same. I just turned 46. Don't know if you looking for advice but I'm gonna give it anyway. Make the move to a smaller town and start a business, I hate working for someone else. I plan on starting my own business again cause there is no money working for someone else. When you least expect it you gonna meet the one that knocks you for a loop. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Thanks, ppwc. I already met my wife... twice! - but like I said, you never know what the future holds. Right now, I couldn't care less.

Hey Aust.

Whilst I cant comment on the cities you mentioned, Im from the UK. I can relate a little to the size of the cities, I live in a fairly well established town that has around 95,000 people living here, with a fvckton that commute here everyday for work, we have lots of head offices based here for many large companies. 95,000 people is quite small, it seems that everyone knows everyone almost. However, on my few trips to london ive gone mad. I just cannot deal with that many people, it seems so disconnected and large. Im destined to be a townie, not a city dweller.

I guess my point is, you need to think about how you're going to be in the long term. If you stay in Austin, even in a different job, is it the combined atmosphere/population that you're not happy with? If so, maybe the option is to move away to a smaller area. Maybe you'll be slightly worse off in terms of income, but trade that off against being your own boss and living happier. It sounds as if you've already accomplished a lot in your city time, maybe it is time to kick-back and relax a little!

Either way bro, best of luck!
-Krugerr

That's what's tough. I don't know exactly what it is that's not making me happy here. Maybe I'm over thinking too much and the answer is within reach. Thanks for the kind words.

You want to see some happy content people go visit most any 3rd world country. Of course I'm not talking about where they are starving or scavaging the dumps for scraps of food or water but just your average POOR neighborhood living in small stick built houses, no TV, no internet (except some people who have cell phones) no cars and you will find most people are very happy, enjoy just being together and socializing.

The bigger the town/city the less most people are connected with each other and the more people are fighting over making a buck and paying the bills.

lol, sounds like my life growing up. Exactly like my life growing up. Poor area, crappy home, no AC or TV and the heater was propane space heater. Fun! Never want to go back to that but I certainly have a sense of appreciation for it. Great point though and very true. It's almost as if people are forced to become closer. I never experienced that "closeness" but I can't really judge my childhood. Times were different then and whoever was close back then only reprimanded, no pats on the back, ever. Maybe that's why I have no interest in kids, lol. But anyway, even though my experience varied for several reasons, it's still a very valid point that you make.

[Euroholic]

Have you thought about a holiday? A few months traveling can do a man wonders!!!!!!!!!

[DSM4Life]

Big dumb farm boys can be hot.

[Euroholic]

Big dumb farm boys can be hot.

Simple jack???

[DSM4Life]

Simple jack???

p.s

Sorry did mean to jack.



I grew up in a city so I don't think I ever could live the "country life". I like be surrounded by people who aren't like me.

[lovbyts]

p.s

Sorry did mean to jack.



I grew up in a city so I don't think I ever could live the "country life". I like be surrounded by people who aren't like me.

That's funny, ironic and very true. The more people you grow up around such as in a city the easier it is to not have to associate with others and just blend in.

lol, sounds like my life growing up. Exactly like my life growing up. Poor area, crappy home, no AC or TV and the heater was propane space heater. Fun! Never want to go back to that but I certainly have a sense of appreciation for it. Great point though and very true. It's almost as if people are forced to become closer. I never experienced that "closeness" but I can't really judge my childhood. Times were different then and whoever was close back then only reprimanded, no pats on the back, ever. Maybe that's why I have no interest in kids, lol. But anyway, even though my experience varied for several reasons, it's still a very valid point that you make.

Yeah I defiantly didnt mean you have to be poor, just dont be so busy with life you forget to live.
I really need to listen to my own advice. I have been far to busy working lately instead of living.

[gixxerboy1]

That's why i always live like 20 mins outside the city. I avoid most of the traffic, yet close enough to go when ever i want. And get all the luxuries of being in the city.
Id hang myself before living in a small town.

[RaginCajun]

seems we are quite similar

I grew up in a small town, population right at about 12,000, and it is located right outside of New Orleans, in the swamp! The people there are like no other!

I lived in Baton Rouge for 12 years, which was ok, but I was looking to get out. I could have moved back home and been content with myself, but I guess I have always strived for more. I now live in Houston, which is huge, and I am liking it so far. So much to do and I am finding people/places to go hunting and fishing. I am making the best of it and finding things to do that make me happy. If I wanted to dwell on all the negatives here, I prob wouldn't like it here and want to move, but I focus on all the positives and make the best of every opportunity! Austinite is right when he talks about people over here being flashy and what not, just not my style and I could care less.

Austinite, seems you have some difficult decisions to make. I suggest making a list of everything that you like about your current situation and of course, a list of things you absolutely hate/despise. I am similar to you and could care less how much money I make, even though it would make things easier in life. I was never given anything in life and appreciate all the opportunities I was given along the way. It is what you make of the opportunity that makes the person we are. I am the type of person who could go back in time and just live off the land and be happy for being alive everyday. You are the only one who will and can make this decision, wish you all the luck! If you need anything, just get in touch with me!

and like they say, Home is the way you make it!!!

[GettingReal]

I must live in a really small town. less than 3k people. And honestly without anything nearby it really sucks sometimes. It's an all day ordeal to basic things. Anyways, I sometimes think it gets in the way of my family's happiness, but at the same time we try to get out and do things together on weekends to make up for it, but we don't see extended family nor do we really have friends to get together with here, we've tried, most people have just ended up crazy, or someone wanting to sleep with everyones husband etc.

I understand the issue about working for someone else, although I haven't accomplished as much as you, I really want to one day be making it on my own, currently making above average, with the understanding I will be making a decent income soon and even better later on, but nothing like what you are talking at other places. I always think more money would be better, but then I think, I just want more so I can do more things with the people I care about. The hardest part about working for someone else for me is not feeling like I'm building something, and not making enough money to think it will only be a short term, and also thinking it is kind of like doing the same thing over and over again just to get by. I hope to one day be above that, and I think working for myself will be the best way to feel truly free.

I won't try to give you advice, I just hope you can find something that makes you happy and gives you a sense of accomplishment, and that you are able to have important people in your life to make it meaningful to you.

[SexySweetheart]

i say nope.
lol
not a big city and no wayin h3ll the town folk with scarey bango music.
small city all the way! get the best of both worlds and the worst of both worlds is an hour way so you can still drive to it if needed ... i LOVE MY SMALL CITY! i hop on my bike and peddle across the street into the woods or across the other street to down town lifeON MAIN STREET. i will hate it when we move to plain illinios farm land- i dread it, but where the hubby goes is where i will be happiest so i guess as long as you have someone , it makes where ever you are the BEST PLACE EVA. <3

[SexySweetheart]

As far as towns go, I'm realizing now that I'm not happy where I am. The northeast sucks, big towns suck. I'm a small town southern boy lost in the city. I'm glad you learned about the money. Money will not make you happy forever, yes it's nice to have but not for happiness. I think you haven't meet the right woman yet, I thought like you did up till last July. My whole life changed when I met my wife, she knocked me on my ass within a month and I knew my life would never be the same. I just turned 46. Don't know if you looking for advice but I'm gonna give it anyway. Make the move to a smaller town and start a business, I hate working for someone else. I plan on starting my own business again cause there is no money working for someone else. When you least expect it you gonna meet the one that knocks you for a loop. Good luck in whatever you decide.

HIYA ARE YOU REFERRING TO NEW ENGLAND (NORTH EAST) CUZ IF YOU ARE OR IF ANYONE IS THINKING OF MOVING UP HERE THERE ARE TRIX ALOT OF GEMS ARE HIDDEN....wow sorry about the caps , damn driod dictation. if i yell over the music playng it types what i say in caps lol. anyway in new england the trix is to join activity groups. even locals dont know half the cool stuff in their own town/city. i have met people that didnt even know our small city had indoor skydiving or free meusums or woods with paths that connect every corner of the city that you can kayak in or fish or bike ride on... it blows my mind! all there is to do and play with, yet people just drive to work get home an turn on the tv till bedtime. anyway if your in mass or new hampshire hitt me up and i can help you find more cool stuff to do than you can imagine

[SexySweetheart]

I grew up in a small town in Texas near the Oklahoma border. Very small town. Population was around 45,000. There's probably more cows than humans there. It was a very religious town. Sometimes I wonder if pushing religion on me so much as a child is what steered me away from it all. Anyway, there was no spontaneity. Everything worked like clock work. From going to Church to cutting the grass at a certain time. Week in week out, same thing. When I got into my teens, all I wanted to do was get the heck out of Dodge. So when my parents passed, it was the first thing I did. Hauled my ass out to Houston.

Unlike the locals and the rest of America, I actually loved Houston. Population at the time I believe was just over 2.7 million. I think it was mostly getting away from the strict and structured lifestyle that I had in the small town. I was pretty much in shock for a while. I had never been exposed to such diversity or even places that are open passed 7pm. That was unheard of for me. I adapted pretty well. Quit going to Church, made some friends and made it through High School. Right out of High School I decided I wanted to move to a "cooler" city. Houston was alright, but I had heard enough about Austin and nothing could stop me. So I packed a bag, hopped in my car and off I went.

I was on top of the world when I got here. Population at the time was 350,000. Better highways, cleaner roads and a whole lot better looking broads. Really seemed like a perfect place for me. Partied my ass off for several years and finally called it home. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. But since then, I've messed around with living in different areas. Los Angeles, Buffalo, Cincinnati (worst experince in my life!) and Tallahassee. All these were short lived. From as little as 4 months up to 2 years, which was LA.

Anyway, in the past 10 years, everyone on earth and their neighbors, too, decided to move to Austin. I can't go anywhere anymore without being stuck in traffic for what seems a lifetime. THis never bothered me in Houston, but I was also a lot younger then. The gym is busy now even at 2am. Just ridiculous. Now, I'm considering moving back to a small town. Not sure that I'd go back to my hometown, but I'm growing to dislike the bigger cities.

I look at my friends that are business owners and notice characteristic differences. My friends from Austin and Houston are very successful, but seem distant. Maybe stressed. But when I talk to the folks that stayed behind in the small town, they seem very relaxed, inviting and happy. That town has about 100,000 people now, and probably 200,000 during the day from neighboring inhabitants that come for work. I would estimate that the successfull (for such a small town and a single store) business owners are probably making about 75 to 100k per year. I can't even imagine how they make it. These folks have 2 cars and 3 to 4 kids, a house and whatever else comes with a family. Women rarely work over there, so it's single income for most.

On the other hand, you have the guys in Austin and houston who gross 350k + per year. Flashy as can be. Massive house that can hold 100 people, $75,000+ vehicles and everything on anyone's wish list. I never made $350k but I did well and was able to live a similar lifestyle to them. I was stressed, however. Never really was happy. Really sucks when I think about it, because I know that lots of folks dream about getting out of that average $50k income or whatever it is today. For the first time in my life, I question what I have always believed. Which is "Money is Everything". Up until a few months ago that was my train of thought. Nothing matters, just money. It makes me happy. I can buy things. I can go places. I can replace old things. The opportunities are endless. All along, I knew deep down inside that all my "things" are temporary happiness. But I never wanted to admit.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I've committed to the fact that I'll be single for the rest of my life. I absolutely have zero interest in any type of committed relationship. Don't want a wife and I don't want a girlfriend. I'm fine with the random encounters I have with random broads (although my choices couldn't be poorer). So what's left? I can move to a small town and start a business tomorrow. But is that really going to bring some level of contentedness? I'm not sure. Is it worth the risk? I wish I knew. But I do know one thing... I need to make a decision soon.

I have a serious issue with having to work for someone. Maybe it's previous memories of being self employed. Maybe it's experiences I've had with poor leadership. But I'm always wondering why I have this wall that prevents me from even considering working for someone. It might be a good idea until I decide what to do, but it's not easy to overcome. I assure you, this has nothing to do with being humble or an ego. It's just that I know I won't be happy. They key is to do something you love, right? I did. I've been there and I had the job that I absolutely loved with extreme passion. The industry was right up my alley but there was too much personality conflict within. The money just didn't matter anymore. I couldn't sleep, my blood pressure was high and I grew to hate going to work with people that crushed me everyday, in an industry that I loved, mind you.

So that's my dilemma. Risk it and move to a small town? Or bite the bullet and stay in Austin? I can easily get a job in Austin. Not nearly what I was making, but still live good and afford what I have today. Or I can move to a small town, open a business and hope for the best.

Time's almost up. I need to make a decision in the next 30 days or so. I'm really not posting to get opinions, although all are welcome, I just needed to vent a little and ultimately make the call myself.

Well, thanks for listening.

i wish i could bold what you said ;/ .. any way i hear ya about growing up religious and possibly effecting your decidion ( i went to catholic school/ uniformand all, sunday school, church brownies and girl scouts till i was in high school- had softball cheerleading tap ballette jazz and celtic dance paper route needless to say had little time for free play and pretend i was cheetra from thunder cats lol) but i also grew up in a town nit as small as yours...and lost my mother than dropped outta high school and left dodge for boston area. so i can kinda relate to you. sorta lol.
but i wounder why you have commited yourself to a life of being single aus?

sure we have all been at that point - no one is worthy, noone will be worth a commitment, no ones good enuff, i dont wanna sacrifce anything... but thats also saying noone can have you and no one can add to you. maybe its the romantic in me (yea its a small sliver lol) but i had a point after my divorce that i felt as you do.
and yes i was very happy alone and having dates and feeling like i was the shiznit lol.
than i met this guy *rollz her eyes* and he asked to meet me and wanted to plan a second date and i said "well what if you sux? i dont wanna plan a second date before we met cuz than it will beakward for you when i tell you i have zero interrest in seeing you again". he says i will be the bald guy waiting for you and i say what a coincidce cuz i will be wearing a gold chains driving up in my T bird and gold secuence shirt and i'm bald to, so we will spot each other easy lol he laughed (cuz hes seen my pix) lol *true story. and than it was all over, i met my match and he drives me nutty and frustrates me and makes me a better person. romance was literaly foriegn to me before him. blah blah i guess im just saying that i would hate to see anyone deprive themselves of finding that rear wierd bird that makes them happy more so than not- that they cant wait to see - that challenges them- that they can challenge. everyone desirves this <3 yea yea fvcking around is fun lol but maybe leave the door open for devoted love and support and that one person that you can bitch about cuz you know that regardless of their faults you literaly cant get enough of them and what they give you is so rite that any wrong they do is meaningless in comparion





what ever you decide, decide that a longterm love isnt something you are worthy of or worthy of giving aus. its truly not that bad lol

[Shol'va]

Big dumb farm boys can be hot.

I'll second that! I grew up in a small southern missouri town and farm boys in their teens especially are wild and daring critters on the weekends especially. Get a bunch of us together add alcohol a little truth or dare, the hay loft, lube and look out!

[Cuz]

John Mellencamp - Small Town - YouTube

small town vote, only because im poor and live in one. Good Luck.

[ac guy]

Spent most of my life in the city would much rather live in the country. Crime, smog, tweekers everywhere, traffic bumper to bumper from 2pm till 6. I just don't get it.

[evander87]

IMHO the size of the town has little to do with happiness.

[ppwc1985]

HIYA ARE YOU REFERRING TO NEW ENGLAND (NORTH EAST) CUZ IF YOU ARE OR IF ANYONE IS THINKING OF MOVING UP HERE THERE ARE TRIX ALOT OF GEMS ARE HIDDEN....wow sorry about the caps , damn driod dictation. if i yell over the music playng it types what i say in caps lol. anyway in new england the trix is to join activity groups. even locals dont know half the cool stuff in their own town/city. i have met people that didnt even know our small city had indoor skydiving or free meusums or woods with paths that connect every corner of the city that you can kayak in or fish or bike ride on... it blows my mind! all there is to do and play with, yet people just drive to work get home an turn on the tv till bedtime. anyway if your in mass or new hampshire hitt me up and i can help you find more cool stuff to do than you can imagine

I was meaning more Ny,CT,NJ. I know it's nice up your way. I live in CT, it's not that there ain't some nice little towns its more the ppl themselves.

[Hazard]

That's why i always live like 20 mins outside the city. I avoid most of the traffic, yet close enough to go when ever i want. And get all the luxuries of being in the city.
Id hang myself before living in a small town.

^^^^ this

[Rwy]

For me it depended on my age.


From 22-35 I have lived in Manhattan or Queens. It just made the most sense because of my age. Single life, tons of chicks, more gyms, more places to play sports, more to do!


Now I would like to be able to wash my car in my own driveway. Not hear my neighbor playing the piano on the left or the guitar on the right

[austinite]

Chicks in Queens? dafuq!

[Lunk1]

I think it doesn't matter. You are always going to find things you enjoy and despise about both. Being human, you will likely grow tired of one and desire the other. I have lived in a town of under 600 ppl and spent time in bigger cities. I can find things I like and hate about both. Often times it comes down to where you are in your life and that changes priorities.

[Flagg]

If you live in the countryside and you dont have a car you are fvcked, because public transport is usually non existent. And everything is miles away.

In the city, everything is close, easily reached even without a car.

That said, life in the country is easier, laid back can be boring but you aren't like to get accosted by thugs like you would in the city. Life is just a bit more interesting in cities though.

[Hazard]

If you live in the countryside and you dont have a car you are fvcked, because public transport is usually non existent. And everything is miles away.

In the city, everything is close, easily reached even without a car.

That said, life in the country is easier, laid back can be boring but you aren't like to get accosted by thugs like you would in the city. Life is just a bit more interesting in cities though.

Or like gix said..... Suburbs. I'm 40-50 minutes from NYC, 60 min from the shore, 30 min from farms...... I'm kinda smack in the middle. I've got all the stores I need close by..... Anything else is a short drive.