funny
Joke #1
A new shop assistant is under training at the local megastore watching the manager who is operating the till. A man then approaches the checkout with a packet of grass seeds. "Would you like a lawnmower with that?" asked the manager. "Why?" asked the customer. "Well when your grass grows you'll need a lawnmower to cut it." "You know I hadn't thought of that, I'll take one" says the customer who leaves with his grass and lawnmower. "Okay you take over for a while I'm popping out" the manager says to his trainee. Just then a man approaches the till with a packet of tampons. "Would you like a lawnmower with that?" asked the trainee. "Why?" asked the man "Well your weekend's fucked so you may as well cut the grass!".
Joke #2
A man is at a bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When the get to his house, they help him out of the car and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell, and one says, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says ,"Thanks - Where the hell is his wheelchair?"
Joke #3
Dear Management,
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I work head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* My workplace is dark and has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Sincerely,
Dick
------------------------------
Dear Dick,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, management rejects your request for the following reasons:
* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe Health & Safety measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't wait till pension age before retiring
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
* And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!!!
Sincerely,
Management
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