Very Frustrated

**trikydik** · 03-05-2014, 05:58 PM

As some of you know, I am an advocate for abused and neglected children here in Indiana.
One the kids I advocate for, AW, has been in foster care for 9 years - he went in at 10.
When he turned 18, he was put into an assisted living apartment. He was told he needed to complete high school and get a job. The state would pay for his food and living expenses until he could do it for himself.

It is a year later, and he has not completed high school, no job. Nothing. He stated tonight he is frustrated that we are harassing him about it. His year is up, he has to move out of the apartment. He has no money, no education, no skills... nothing. He is 400 lbs, has heart conditions, diabetes, etc. When asked tonight what his plans were, he said, and I quote, "Fvck it, I'll just be homeless!"

He stated later, that he would rather be homeless than work or be forced to follow someone else's orders.

We are forcing him into a group home with more stringent rules. However in 1 year, he is no longer a "Child in Need of Service" and is out on his butt.

I was so frustrated tonight, I could not work out. Went to the store, bought some beer, a lasagna and garlic bread.... Having a great meal...

Will do pushups later to help make up for not going to the gym....

**slfmade** · 03-05-2014, 06:03 PM

You can only do so much for people before you finally have to wash your hands of them.

**noon** · 03-05-2014, 06:12 PM

Sorry to hear this. That's a hell of a job when you land a case that won't help themselves . Focus on the many that I'm sure you have helped.
Best wishes

**trikydik** · 03-05-2014, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by slfmade

You can only do so much for people before you finally have to wash your hands of them.

I agree with you, but it is terrbily hard to wash your hands of a 19 year old kid...

Originally Posted by noon

Sorry to hear this. That's a hell of a job when you land a case that won't help themselves . Focus on the many that I'm sure you have helped.

It is easy to forget the ones you help and nearly impossible to forget the ones you can't...

**slfmade** · 03-05-2014, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by trikydik

I agree with you, but it is terrbily hard to wash your hands of a 19 year old kid...

Yeah, but you have to. Sometimes people have to fall flat on their face and hit rock bottom before they get a wake up call. I've recently had to do this with my sister. It's hard but it needs to be done.

**redz** · 03-05-2014, 06:49 PM

Can't save everyone.

BG · 03-05-2014, 06:54 PM

Stick with it, but try not to let it affect you so much. Probably going to take him to hit rock bottom on his own to start caring, seems everybody (including you) have been doing everything for him up until now.

BTW; How much friggin money does the gov give him for food !!! 400lbs....shit will they sponsor a 39 year old poor body builder ?

**Oki-Des** · 03-05-2014, 07:01 PM

Sorry to hear about AW. I too have seen similar situation where I have tried to help people that say things that can seem so confusing. I dont think he wants to be homeless; he just feels helpless. He said he doesn't want people to tell him what to do, but he needs someone to tell him how to do it. He may see being homeless as an option and of course that is an option for everyone. But for every day that he is actually homeless the harder it will be for him to ever step out of that poor direction. Dont give up on him. Find a way to get through to him. This is his chance and it is up to him to take it or blow it. But take this as your opportunity to direct him the best you can. We are all faced with choices everyday and let him know he has the rest of his life to be homeless if he wants to. But right now is his chance to do everything he can to be somebody. Good luck. I know it is tough, but there is a reason you do this and no it isnt easy. You have to look at it like- There is something you could say or do that might inspire him to try. You just have to figure out what that is. I commend you for the work you are doing and truly wish you the best of luck at finding a way to get through.

**austinite** · 03-05-2014, 07:15 PM

Advocate for anti abuse.

**trikydik** · 03-05-2014, 08:49 PM

sigh... I can only advocate to the court for him. I am his and other kids like him, voice in court.
I have no direct authority over him... I act as the independent adult to represent him... Basically I am an adult voice speaking for him, what is in his best interest.

Problem is, he wasted a year and now his lease is up and we cannot get him a new apartment... group home is not going to make a difference as he will have more people doing stuff for him....

I would love to grab him by has shirt and shake the shit out of him.... but can't.... no family, no other support and he doesn't care...

**Hazard** · 03-05-2014, 08:56 PM

Could be worse..... You could have 19yr old kids telling you they'll shoot you if you come looking for them. I've had that happen already....

Also had a 21yr old get away from me twice. Then when I tackled his ass and got him I found out he was paying lookouts to watch for me. He was running a drug ring in his complex.....

Worst part is..... I'm not even law enforcement or even affiliated with them and they hate me worse lol

**lovbyts** · 03-06-2014, 01:42 AM

Focus on saving the ones who want saved.

**DSM4Life** · 03-06-2014, 05:40 AM

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

**trailboss** · 03-06-2014, 07:10 AM

Sounds like a spoiled little brat...gonna absolutely *have* to hit rock bottom before he realizes what he had and how positive it was to have someone like you to look after him. Maybe you could find a couple of homeless folks and pay them a few bucks to give him an "intervention"...tell him what it actually *IS* to be homeless and have *nobody* to help or care about him? Sounds like he has it in his mind that their will always be someone their to do something so he won't be hungry and will have a roof over his head...This kid *has* to find out, on his own, that being homeless and having nothing sucks...till then: you can do nothing. He has to come to you (or someone like you). He has always had it the other way around....he has to lose that. Good luck...

**DontTaseMeBro** · 03-06-2014, 09:26 AM

stay strong so you can help the ones who respond. I know that 90% of the people I spent considerable time, money and effort to save from hitting rock bottom never learned a thing and continued to call me crying and begging every time they got themselves in a mess again through negligence and laziness. You eventually just have to turn away, as hard as it is, so you can help the 10% that need and appreciate it. Remember that insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Good luck.

**skindiesel** · 03-06-2014, 09:30 AM

Let him spend a day or two in the street starving and homeless at 400 pounds I bet he won't like the starving part then ask him if he's ready to help himself. You can't and shouldn't help anyone who isn't willing to help themselves at 19 he is not a kid anymore time to face life.

**skindiesel** · 03-06-2014, 09:36 AM

And I just reread that after I posted it to notice how bad my sentence structure is. I blame my phone.

**capetown** · 03-06-2014, 10:08 AM

Most of the time there is something more. A piece of the puzzle is being missed. Yes he is acting out one way when speaking to you and he isnt completing his part of the obligation. What if he was to sit down and shoot the shit with a complete stranger that he did not think he was being judged by. What would his goals and wants be then? I bet it would not to live in an alley. It sounds like he has been a part of the system since he was a child. People that grew up in it tend to forget it was made to help them and look at it more like just another rule maker.
I have had many kids that I thought I had made a difference with and did get them to open up a little. Its a personal let down when they are found in a crack house a week later. I guess my point is that not everything ends like a " made for tv" movie. In fact, most times it doesn't.
Good for you for what you do though brother. I wouldn't be able too.

**trikydik** · 03-06-2014, 05:19 PM

Originally Posted by capetown

Good for you for what you do though brother. I wouldn't be able too.

I was in the foster care system as a kid. Illinois did not have a child advocate system back then. It was a scary time for me. I don't want "my" kids to go through that.... It is a tough job sometimes when you have a kid like this one... but a lot of the times these kids are looking for a hand up... someone who they know is not part of the system and just there for them... Surprisingly a lot of the kids who have CASA's go to college....you get called to help with school projects, be a mentor. It is very rewarding... and very frustrating...

**Lunk1** · 03-07-2014, 12:55 AM

I have dealt with many of these kids myself. Often times I deal with them in the family settings and the situation that causes them to end up in foster programs. Quite honestly I think some are simply too "broken". You are talking about a 10 y.o. who has been through whatever for however many years. Often times, no amount of counseling is going to fix whats been broken. Not to mention the further issues many kids face in foster care. Quite frankly I don't know too many of them that I would let watch my fish. Many are in it for the easy pay check.

Thank god I only have the initial contact instead of the long term care.

**Honkey_Kong** · 03-07-2014, 03:35 AM

Originally Posted by trikydik

As some of you know, I am an advocate for abused and neglected children here in Indiana.
One the kids I advocate for, AW, has been in foster care for 9 years - he went in at 10.
When he turned 18, he was put into an assisted living apartment. He was told he needed to complete high school and get a job. The state would pay for his food and living expenses until he could do it for himself.

It is a year later, and he has not completed high school, no job. Nothing. He stated tonight he is frustrated that we are harassing him about it. His year is up, he has to move out of the apartment. He has no money, no education, no skills... nothing. He is 400 lbs, has heart conditions, diabetes, etc. When asked tonight what his plans were, he said, and I quote, "Fvck it, I'll just be homeless!"

He stated later, that he would rather be homeless than work or be forced to follow someone else's orders.

We are forcing him into a group home with more stringent rules. However in 1 year, he is no longer a "Child in Need of Service" and is out on his butt.

I was so frustrated tonight, I could not work out. Went to the store, bought some beer, a lasagna and garlic bread.... Having a great meal...

Will do pushups later to help make up for not going to the gym....

The heart condition, diabetes and 400lb bodyweight could qualify him for SSI. From the sounds of it, he seems to have a few screws loose. You might be able to get him in to state treatment through that, but it'll take at a while to get him approved. But I doubt he'd ever rehabilitate himself.

Don't get too upset over him though. You did more than most would for a kid that isn't theirs already. If he doesn't want to be saved, nothing you can do will do it.

**Bert** · 03-07-2014, 07:04 PM

Hang in there the best you can.

**Hazard** · 03-07-2014, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by trikydik

I was in the foster care system as a kid. Illinois did not have a child advocate system back then. It was a scary time for me. I don't want "my" kids to go through that.... It is a tough job sometimes when you have a kid like this one... but a lot of the times these kids are looking for a hand up... someone who they know is not part of the system and just there for them... Surprisingly a lot of the kids who have CASA's go to college....you get called to help with school projects, be a mentor. It is very rewarding... and very frustrating...

I bet it's rewarding...... I almost did a big brother program but my schedule just wouldn't permit me to doit. I've changed over the ears..... I think more about others now than ever. I'm all for helping kids and doing whatever can be done, even simple things, to make a child's day.

I see kids in broken homes almost daily. Me and one other coworkers make it a point to talk to the kids and be nice. Try to make them laugh and play games. They're scared enough - I don't need to be the bully authority and give them further reason to rebel.