How do you talk to your Wife about her weight?

**zempey** · 11-08-2014, 09:21 AM

I am having some problems with the wife, she has completely given up on trying to get herself in some kind of decent shape. This has been an ongoing thing for years, and it's at the point now I just can't deal with it so I have become very disconnected from our relationship. I know it may seem shallow, but to some degree there has to be some effort to remain physically attractive. It is hard enough after 25 years to still be into each other, but when you have just let yourself go to shit, how can one expect their spouse to still have the desire to be intimate? We have not really been talking the past couple weeks until this morning, I initiated the dreaded convo about the current state of our relationship. The subject of her weight is a very delicate one and I don't really ever bring it up, but it is just eating away at me so it had to be brought up today since it is a big part of why I am feeling the way I am right now.

I tried to be gentle in how I worded things and what my issues were. I can deal with the weight somewhat as long as there is an effort being put in, which there is absolutely none right now. She is going for gastric bypass against my strong opposition. She has a bad ankle and can't train as hard as she would like to for optimal fat loss, so they approved her for the surgery. I asked her for 12 months of dedication, exercise and diet, of which I got about two months. I can't stand the excuses, I know it's hard, it is the hardest thing for a women to do next to giving birth, but man the fvck up and get some self control. To me it feels as though she has said "fvck it, I'm having the surgery so I will be a gluten since the weight will come off anyway". My concern with the surgery is the health risks associated with it, I don't feel the risk is worth it. I think she needs to fix her head and deal with whatever it is that keeps her from sticking with the plan.

Anyways, I just needed to vent and get some opinions on how to continue on with the backlash of exposing the elephant in the room. It could go either way I guess, i just want to want her in a way I don't right now. Thanks for the outlet to get this off my chest.

**--->>405<<---** · 11-08-2014, 09:28 AM

tuff one man.

yall been together for 25 yrs with kids im guessing? how old are u? forties?

if shes been approved for gastric bypass, she must be fairly heavy? im with you on that surgery. most of the people ive seen who have it done look like crap afterwards. kind of a skinny/fat thing..

BG · 11-08-2014, 09:33 AM

Wow, tough situation. You make some decisions on your own and so does she, maybe you just need to back her on this one. I would focus on making sure she knows once she gets surgery her life style MUST CHANGE, thats the only way you will back her. But thats just me, you have to figure it out for the way you feel. Do you think she TRULY can do it with out the surgery? Is it worth possibly ruining your marriage trying to get her to do it naturally ? I wish you luck, all in all just be positive.

**zempey** · 11-08-2014, 09:56 AM

405, I am 42 with two girls 19, 15. She is probably about what I weigh 250ish, I am worried the surgery for one will cause other health problems, and two will take her natually beautiful facial features away. All the women I have seen look aged and haggered, any natural beauty is exchanged for a sickly look.

BG, I talked to her after one of the meetings we went to where they discussed diet do's and don't etc.. and asked her, if these people would just follow all the strict guidelines they have to follow after surgery and the diet limitations, without having the surgery itself, they would lose the weight. They need to fix the head, the body will follow. I do believe with some dedication and self control she could do it naturally, but it is a huge soul searching endeavor. I am not sure this path she takes wont ruin the marriage, nor am I sure not doing it will ruin the marriage, I just have to roll with it I guess.

**jesse4466** · 11-08-2014, 10:46 AM

Try to be indirect and influence her by talking positively about your own health, diet, exercise.. Usually this will rub off. Maybe start doing some things together as well like bike riding, roller blading, outdoor stuff , etc to bond with her.. This will bring you together and also get in shape. Also limit the crap food in kitchen, and just talk about health for a long life together and taking care of each other..

**Times Roman** · 11-08-2014, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by zempey

I am having some problems with the wife, she has completely given up on trying to get herself in some kind of decent shape. This has been an ongoing thing for years, and it's at the point now I just can't deal with it so I have become very disconnected from our relationship. I know it may seem shallow, but to some degree there has to be some effort to remain physically attractive. It is hard enough after 25 years to still be into each other, but when you have just let yourself go to shit, how can one expect their spouse to still have the desire to be intimate? We have not really been talking the past couple weeks until this morning, I initiated the dreaded convo about the current state of our relationship. The subject of her weight is a very delicate one and I don't really ever bring it up, but it is just eating away at me so it had to be brought up today since it is a big part of why I am feeling the way I am right now.

I tried to be gentle in how I worded things and what my issues were. I can deal with the weight somewhat as long as there is an effort being put in, which there is absolutely none right now. She is going for gastric bypass against my strong opposition. She has a bad ankle and can't train as hard as she would like to for optimal fat loss, so they approved her for the surgery. I asked her for 12 months of dedication, exercise and diet, of which I got about two months. I can't stand the excuses, I know it's hard, it is the hardest thing for a women to do next to giving birth, but man the fvck up and get some self control. To me it feels as though she has said "fvck it, I'm having the surgery so I will be a gluten since the weight will come off anyway". My concern with the surgery is the health risks associated with it, I don't feel the risk is worth it. I think she needs to fix her head and deal with whatever it is that keeps her from sticking with the plan.

Anyways, I just needed to vent and get some opinions on how to continue on with the backlash of exposing the elephant in the room. It could go either way I guess, i just want to want her in a way I don't right now. Thanks for the outlet to get this off my chest.

your situation is very similar to mine.

the triggering event for her was buying this house in 2003. until then, fairly slim and attractive. she wanted to move, I didnt'. (we had moved 15 times by the time we had our 15th anniversary, I was bone tired of moving) this stressed her out and as the stress accumulated, so did her weight.

there is no answer mate.

one of the things that drove me overseas was her. I needed time to think and reevaluate. And she reevaluated too. she now knows I don't need her to live my life, as I'd been away for long periods of time. one benefit is she rarely says NO now. she now understands that men's emotional state is complex, and one variable is happiness in the bedroom. That not satiated, and the mood spills over into all other aspects of the relationship, contaminating it.

I've flat out told her not interested in being with a big woman. I love her, but not her weight. I can be brutal. Have to. I've tried EVERY approach imaginable:

Complimenting her when she does lose weight
Rewarding her for eating nutritiously
Passive aggressive silence lasted one year at one point
Denying her sex
Repeated multiple conversations
Leadership by example
Suggesting we walk together at night
Suggesting she only eats what I eat
Encouraging her, motivating her

and sometimes when the carrot don't work, there is always the stick. And she ends up crying because she thinks it's cruel because I was over weight for about five years many years ago - "she still loved me when I was overweight".

So she had her blood panels taken.
Her thyroid is underperforming
she is pre diabetic

so she is on T3, and has been losing some weight
she is trying to maintain an Atkins diet, and is losing some weight.

she has lost maybe 15 pounds since she started the T3/Atkins, but she doesn't do any physical activity. Both her parents are in very poor health, and that is a stressor, so I'm trying to cut her some slack for that.

My woman is actually very pretty, when she is slim.

It's just something you have to chip away at. Or you could walk away. But some women will never get it.

Sorry, wish I had better advice

---Roman

**thisAngelBites** · 11-08-2014, 11:16 AM

This is a different idea than the others, but perhaps your wife is using food in an emotional way. Maybe she is struggling emotionally or is depressed, or angry, or has some other feelings that she doesn't know how to manage. Possibly a counselor or therapist that has experience with people with eating disorders (not saying she has one, but rather suggesting finding help with someone who is accustomed to how people use food in non-nutritive ways) could be of assistance?

BG · 11-08-2014, 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by zempey

BG, I talked to her after one of the meetings we went to where they discussed diet do's and don't etc.. and asked her, if these people would just follow all the strict guidelines they have to follow after surgery and the diet limitations, without having the surgery itself, they would lose the weight. They need to fix the head, the body will follow. I do believe with some dedication and self control she could do it naturally, but it is a huge soul searching endeavor. I am not sure this path she takes wont ruin the marriage, nor am I sure not doing it will ruin the marriage, I just have to roll with it I guess.

Just keep in mind losing weight, especially after 40 for women is hard, Im not condoning surgery, but it isnt an easy task and you seem to know that. Think of what we do to stay where we are and how many men dont have it in them to even stay close to in shape. As far as her looks, makes sure she eats well, that she doesnt stop eating and have the surgery. I think women get the surgery, stop eating and its to much for the body to handle and thats why they look so bad, they need to eat enough and healthy. Again, good luck, it will all work out.

BG · 11-08-2014, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by thisAngelBites

This is a different idea than the others, but perhaps your wife is using food in an emotional way. Maybe she is struggling emotionally or is depressed, or angry, or has some other feelings that she doesn't know how to manage. Possibly a counselor or therapist that has experience with people with eating disorders (not saying she has one, but rather suggesting finding help with someone who is accustomed to how people use food in non-nutritive ways) could be of assistance?

Great reply.

**GirlyGymRat** · 11-08-2014, 12:50 PM

Surgery is a last option IMO but seems she has dialed in on this. She will probably need a second surgery to remove the excess skin. Your choice is to be supportive.

I know of ppl who have had success but there is big price to pay. Eating is soooo different then everyone else and social gatherings and dining out with friends maybe more uncomfortable for her.

I know some ppl who had very little success. After the initial loss they started eating shitty and the weight loss stopped and then some weight came back. Eating nutritiously is still required. Hopefully she went thru the psychological evaluations and is found to be a good candidate.

After 20 years and children you can expect some changes but she is carrying a lot of extra weight. You can stress the health aspect of balanced lifestyle. I would asked her to consider your proposal for one year with a dietician and trainer bc of the daily consequences of the gastric bypass is not insignificant.

Good luck.

**zempey** · 11-08-2014, 01:24 PM

I have done so many of these pieces of advice over the years, she is a stubborn red blooded Italian, she would rather get defensive than admit fault or blame. I guess all I can do is ride it out, don't know how it is going to go, I can see she is very angry right now and not sure if she will get past this. If not, I will have to move on, not much more I can do at this point. If I can't express my feelings without major backlash, it really isn't a relationship worth pursuing any further anyways. We have been through a lot over the years, but sometimes you just grow in directions that at some point no longer merge. No point in us both being unhappy, we are still young enough to start new lives if that is the route we end up taking. Thanks for the reply's and advice, it is nice to see other's perspectives on this.

**TheChosen1** · 11-08-2014, 07:38 PM

First and foremost, bro...About the gastric bypass surgery.....TELL HER TO JUST SAY HELL NO to it. A large majority of patients who has had it has gained back most or all of their weight. And most patience end up with constant medical issues with their intestines.

Seven years ago, my doctor at the time suggested it to me and the surgeon sound too flaky. Only 4 days after receiving a medical exam from my doctor, this surgeon claimed that I was 12 pounds heavier and my blood pressure was extremely high. My doctor suggested that he only wrote that so that the insurance would approve it.

A few days later, I saw a commercial for the Oband Center. I filled out the survey online and within minutes, I was on the phone making an appointment with the surgeon. Long story short, I got the lap band in May, 2007. At my worst, I weighed 375 pounds. YES, I was a fatass powerlifter in denial. Don't misunderstand me, I wasn't flexing fat at the gym. But I assumed that my strength came from my muscles (which was covered by fatty tissues) from within. By August, 2008, I was 70 pounds lighter. I had to take a physical exam for my job and the company doctor, who had examined me a few months prior and declared me "a hear attack in the works", no longer recognized me. Today, I'm down to 215. Am I happy? HELL NO! I competed in the 2012 Ca. State Powerlifting Championship at 260 pounds and held two records for Men's Master and the State championship. Now I have to gain more weight..........LOL

As for how to tell your wife, bro. It's simple, if she sees you in shape, she'll want to do the same. She'll probably assume, as most wives would, that if you look physically great then other women (maybe even younger ones) will flirt with you. As it stands, I am currently just a few pounds heavier than my wife. And she is talking more and more about getting in shape. In my case, there have been younger women flirting with me in the past that she know of, especially on Facebook.

Good luck, bro.

**< <Samson> >** · 11-08-2014, 07:53 PM

Tough one

No easy answers here man

This is exactly what ended my first marriage(along with a few other factors). I confronted her & pretty much said how I felt. She said straight up "if I loved her, I'd love her for who she is". She left me -

Best thing that ever happened - After a few in the middle, I got with my current woman. She's almost a decade younger & looks about 100x better.

Ones inner self is very hard to describe. Just like I don't know exactly why I have the intense drive to be above the guy next to me, or how I keep this up. < People ask all the time, what gives me this inner motivation

But, it goes the other way too - How do people just let themselves go? I did when I was young, just because I never noticed it. I lost all of my weight while my ex just got bigger & bigger. She got to a about 225 & I just hated it so much. But, I kept my mouth shut about it. I didn't know what to say or do. She just didn't care.

After splitting up, she lost pretty much all of her weight and looks even worse. I say from stress & lack of fitness. She just dropped weight by not eating & taking whatever < this didn't work well

No right or wrong her man, just access the situation. Like I said, no easy answers:/

**Honkey_Kong** · 11-09-2014, 05:54 AM

Just leave magazines on the table opened up to Weight Watchers ads. she'll get the hint.

**joebailey1271** · 11-09-2014, 05:58 AM

If u keep trying dumb gimucks and bullying her, u wont get anywhere. Tell her you want her to grow old with you and that if she doesnt start getting in shape, your worried she wont be around

**Hoggage_54** · 11-09-2014, 09:30 AM

**zempey** · 11-09-2014, 11:46 AM

She had the lap band done years ago and it didn't do anything, she just had it removed so she could do this other surgery. I am very concerned about the health risks down the road from this type of surgery. I am not good with sick people, I fix things, not people, I was never good taking care of the kids when they were sick either, that was her job. Still not sure where her head is at right now, we haven't really talked much since yesterday.

**< <Samson> >** · 11-09-2014, 11:57 AM

Damn

As I have grown older, I became more selfish and much more aware of facts like, you can't change people or their outlook on life or other things

You know best bro, that's for sure

But, with what I have read so far - I'd straight leave. I can't drag someone along. Specially when I know I can do better

It's nothing like if she has a illness, this is choice - And no one can make it for someone else

All caused by some sort of inner depression

Seriously GL man

**zempey** · 11-09-2014, 12:18 PM

Thanks, I know I can't make decisions for her, she needs to figure it out in her own head. This past year has been hard, her best friend is dying of cancer so I think part of her current issues are due to that. It is hard staying faithful when women basically throw themselves at you, but I'm not going to take any of those offers while we are still together. I don't know what it is with chicks these days, get in decent shape and they are all over you, wasn't like that when I was younger.

BG · 11-09-2014, 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by zempey

I am not good with sick people, I fix things, not people, I was never good taking care of the kids when they were sick either, that was her job.

Time to step up, others need you. Very few men are good at taking care of others, its not in our nature, but sometimes we need to buckle down and get it done. Its what makes us stronger and bonds us with those who we help. Dont take this the wrong way but it sounds like to me your being a bit selfish. Think of what she has done over the years for you and your children. Now your getting into shape you frown down on her, you are almost willing to give up on your marriage.

**GirlyGymRat** · 11-09-2014, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by BG

Time to step up, others need you. Very few men are good at taking care of others, its not in our nature, but sometimes we need to buckle down and get it done. Its what makes us stronger and bonds us with those who we help. Dont take this the wrong way but it sounds like to me your being a bit selfish. Think of what she has done over the years for you and your children. Now your getting into shape you frown down on her, you are almost willing to give up on your marriage.

Like

**< <Samson> >** · 11-09-2014, 01:03 PM

It's very hard not being selfish in today's world, that's for sure.

My woman and I were in a similar spot. I got all juiced up, she barely started going to the gym. Pvssy just became so readily available. I buckled and just did both, put up a excellent front at home and got laid like a single guy. It all finally caved in, when she found out. She's the best woman I could ask for. We're not married and she was being realistic. We have a son together, so she just came through solid & asked me what I wanted.

It took a little time, but I really seen shit in a new light after this. I wanted to be with her & have a family together. Not, this 2nd lifestyle that I had.

Now, I am 100% happy with how things are. This is what sparked my new found sobriety.

But, marriage IMO is damn near worthless if you or the other person don't believe that both of you are meant and want to be with each other.

After my first marriage went to complete shit I thought my world was just ending. But, instead - 6 years later, it's better than I could have ever imagined. Shit just fell together like a puzzle. I have no clue how I got so lucky, but I have.

It just took so much to get here. I was just lost, living in the moment & within the last year I just seen shit that was in front of me the whole time, yet I didn't know existed.

It's tough to even put in words. Everything around me has just been falling into place. I never thought I would have this kind of outlook. It took a lot of special people & events to get here that's for sure.

**zempey** · 11-09-2014, 01:33 PM

I agree it may be a bit selfish, but she is doing this surgery because she chooses to instead of putting in the effort to do it without. It is a bit selfish on her part as well, it is going to impact us as a family due to all the restrictions and guidelines she has to follow. I have been in good shape most of our marriage, a couple years here and there I let it go, but decent for the most part. My main issue is the lack of trying, if she at least is putting forth some kind of effort my mind deals with it better, but just giving up and packing on pound after pound is more than I can deal with. If I was willing to throw it all away, I would not have started this thread for insight and opinions, I would have packed it in and moved on by now. I realize she will never be a 20 year old fitness model, but when you are considered a big man, your women shouldn't be within a few pounds of you. I am in it for the long haul, committed to making it work, but there are some things that need to change for it to work.

**Honkey_Kong** · 11-09-2014, 11:12 PM

Originally Posted by zempey

She had the lap band done years ago and it didn't do anything, she just had it removed so she could do this other surgery. I am very concerned about the health risks down the road from this type of surgery. I am not good with sick people, I fix things, not people, I was never good taking care of the kids when they were sick either, that was her job. Still not sure where her head is at right now, we haven't really talked much since yesterday.

It's possible to stretch the stomach and gain back all the weight lost from a gastric bypass surgery too.

**GirlyGymRat** · 11-10-2014, 10:00 AM

Been thinking about your situation. Has your wife genetically disposed to gain weight since she had similar past procedure?

I would be a very large girly if I didn't enjoy working out and if I hadn't learned to eat a more balanced diet.

The good part if this situation is she isn't happy with her appearance and wants to do something. She has just chosen an approach that you don't necessarily appreciate. Is it more important that she loose weight or more important how she loses weight?

**jimmyinkedup** · 11-10-2014, 10:21 AM

Sooo its not ok for her to use surgery to lose weight faster but its ok for you to take steroids to gain muscle faster. Got it.
Extreme example and not trying to come off like a dick but thats the thought process she very well may have man. Especially if you use "health" as your general reasoning. We may know there is a safer way to live this lifestyle but the fact is there ARE increased health risks we need to be aware of and address when doing it. The general perception about steroids is exactly how you feel re the GP surgery however. Steroids are bad for your health.
Your in a tough spot man. One thing that changed things for me is years ago I was really overweight. Someone told me anything you eat over and above what you need to survive is fulfilling another need, not hunger. So you are right in that regard but maybe you need to help find out what she is trying to fill and help be a part of the solution. Honestly, if she really wants this I say you express your concerns, discuss it, but if she is dead set and you truly love her and want to be with her, then support her and her decision. Help with the necessary lifestyle changes that are required etc.
Its a tough spot and I wish you all the best man.

**zempey** · 11-10-2014, 11:51 AM

I want her to lose the weight, but that is not the main issue, it is choosing something so drastic and dangerous. I have used AAS 3-4 times over a 30 year period since I first touched a weight, I agree they have health risks, and now since joining this forum I am better equipped to use them in a safer manner. But I still have to make proper choices while using them, still have to work hard in the gym, I actually work harder and make better choices when on cycle, like not drinking due to elevated risks involved. One of my main problems is the lack of effort in any other sense, just because you are having the surgery is not a free pass to pile shit into your mouth with total disregard for your health. Now if there was the thought that using the surgery as an aid, but still exercising and eating healthy to get the absolute most out of it, I would be more on board with the decision. There is a very poor track record with trying to take the easy way out and it just causing more problems and not working. I am generally concerned for her health, mentally and physically, and will do all I can to support her through this if that is what she wants. I do thank you all for your input and points of view, it is helping me come to terms with some of my feelings on this. She must have done some soul searching once the anger subsided because she just sent me a text saying she renewed he gym membership. Sometimes hearing what you don't want to hear shakes you up enough to admit it's time for a change. I was very careful how I brought this subject up to her and was very conscious of her feelings and how I worded things as to hurt her the least amount while getting my point across.

**Honkey_Kong** · 11-10-2014, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by zempey

I want her to lose the weight, but that is not the main issue, it is choosing something so drastic and dangerous. I have used AAS 3-4 times over a 30 year period since I first touched a weight, I agree they have health risks, and now since joining this forum I am better equipped to use them in a safer manner. But I still have to make proper choices while using them, still have to work hard in the gym, I actually work harder and make better choices when on cycle, like not drinking due to elevated risks involved. One of my main problems is the lack of effort in any other sense, just because you are having the surgery is not a free pass to pile shit into your mouth with total disregard for your health. Now if there was the thought that using the surgery as an aid, but still exercising and eating healthy to get the absolute most out of it, I would be more on board with the decision. There is a very poor track record with trying to take the easy way out and it just causing more problems and not working. I am generally concerned for her health, mentally and physically, and will do all I can to support her through this if that is what she wants. I do thank you all for your input and points of view, it is helping me come to terms with some of my feelings on this. She must have done some soul searching once the anger subsided because she just sent me a text saying she renewed he gym membership. Sometimes hearing what you don't want to hear shakes you up enough to admit it's time for a change. I was very careful how I brought this subject up to her and was very conscious of her feelings and how I worded things as to hurt her the least amount while getting my point across.

Well, I hope your wife makes changes to her lifestyle. I've actually seen a family member defeat the gastric bypass surgery and in a matter of a couple years gained back everything the surgery initially caused her to lose. She would eat until it hurt every time and she would as many times a day as a bodybuilder would, except there was no physical exercise at all in her day. Eventually her stomach stretch and now it's like she never had it done in the first place.

In her case, she has a mental addiction to the food and she's too lazy to do anything physical. And I understand how you feel about that it sucks to watch somebody you care about, self-destruct like that. My family member, doesn't want help and I'm not in any position to force her to find help.

But in your case, you can and should suggest it and press it. Now I don't mean sending her to nutritionists, surgeons and gyms. Her weight problem is a response to a/an issue(s) different than the food. Eating is just the coping mechanism. And if other people would like to chime in here with their opinion, but I think she should get some sort of therapy for the real causes of her problems in addition to help to treat the physical position she's in.

**GirlyGymRat** · 11-10-2014, 07:22 PM

Originally Posted by Honkey_Kong

Well, I hope your wife makes changes to her lifestyle. I've actually seen a family member defeat the gastric bypass surgery and in a matter of a couple years gained back everything the surgery initially caused her to lose. She would eat until it hurt every time and she would as many times a day as a bodybuilder would, except there was no physical exercise at all in her day. Eventually her stomach stretch and now it's like she never had it done in the first place. In her case, she has a mental addiction to the food and she's too lazy to do anything physical. And I understand how you feel about that it sucks to watch somebody you care about, self-destruct like that. My family member, doesn't want help and I'm not in any position to force her to find help. But in your case, you can and should suggest it and press it. Now I don't mean sending her to nutritionists, surgeons and gyms. Her weight problem is a response to a/an issue(s) different than the food. Eating is just the coping mechanism. And if other people would like to chime in here with their opinion, but I think she should get some sort of therapy for the real causes of her problems in addition to help to treat the physical position she's in.

I don't know that there is always an underlying reason. I only say this bc I stopped by a store on way home tonight. I was simply shocked at the number of cashiers, mid twenties, terribly overweight. I didn't see one skinny cashier out of 8. Very out of shape. Do they all have underlying issues? Or do they just prefer the taste of carbs and fat?

Gastric bypass is not a sure thing. I too have seen ppl just gain it all back. The surgery can also be very dangerous. Esp when physically making the stomach smaller. Very dangerous.

Why doesn't she see a weight loss doctor? I am seeing a new doctor and there's a lot of alternatives. Strong appetite suppressants, medicines that remove carb cravings along with diet and exercise programs... Lots of alternatives especially in larger cities. At least she is being receptive on the gym membership. It's a very delicate conversation and just keep letting her know how much you love her

**zempey** · 11-10-2014, 07:36 PM

I think the underlying condition is more how she was brought up, all the women in her family are gigantic gluten's, everything revolves around food, mostly carb based. She has been in and out of the gym for years, never sticking with it for very long, then the excuses start of why she can't go. I do a lot of the cooking, so I try and cook healthy, but the snacking I have no control over. Her metabolism is at a stand still, thyroid is not working as well as it should, etc... At least we have a start with her getting back into the gym, that's all I ask, just try.

**zempey** · 11-11-2014, 07:01 AM

Wife got up and went to the gym this morning, but she is still very distant. Not sure how long to wait before I initiate a conversation about where we are at, been waiting on her to bring it up when she is ready.

**TheChosen1** · 11-11-2014, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by zempey

She had the lap band done years ago and it didn't do anything, she just had it removed so she could do this other surgery. I am very concerned about the health risks down the road from this type of surgery. I am not good with sick people, I fix things, not people, I was never good taking care of the kids when they were sick either, that was her job. Still not sure where her head is at right now, we haven't really talked much since yesterday.

The other surgery is probably the sleeve. So far as I know, it's safe. On a personal note, I suffered for a couple of months with gas and diarreah. Other than that, my only complaint is that I'm losing too much weight and too fast. What alot of patients never realize is that with ANY weight loss surgery, you still have to exercise in order to lose the weight. I lost 120 pounds with the lap band. My surgeon suggested the sleeve only because he felt that I hadn't lost enough weight. Unfortunately, he expects me to get down past 200 but that ain't gonna happen if I can help it.

**< <Samson> >** · 11-11-2014, 08:26 AM

It's hard to see things from other people's perspective.

U wondered about this a bit - do they just plain out not care, or - are they suppressing a deeper underlying issue.

From what I can tell in most cases it's a bit of both.

When I'm around every out of shape like person starts saying random shit, like; I'll get in shape, I wish I was in shape - or the like. I never start this convo, because I know how it ends every time. This isn't just me - ever since my woman got more into fitness - same, shit. When I get in shape - it's like they want, but just don't care enough to give a shit.

Ehhh

But, in the defense of the out of shape & natural. Without sauce I would have 100% never gotten here. It's pretty discouraging not seeing results for a year at a time. Along with just looking average.

But, again - you don't have to be sauced or look extreme. Just keep yourself semi healthy - just full on letting yourself go is just not cool. Why take yourself to a point of grossness and in healthiness at the same time?

**zempey** · 11-11-2014, 08:32 AM

She is getting gastric bypass next month, I just hope it all goes well. Getting in the gym now and getting a jump start on the health part should help her recovery. I am pretty knowledgeable with nutrition so I should be able to help get her through the tough part safely.

**< <Samson> >** · 11-11-2014, 09:12 AM

I do wish you luck bro

The way I am now(all fitnessed out & juiced up), I couldn't handle it.

Shit - it's tough enough to keep myself in check now

**GirlyGymRat** · 11-11-2014, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by zempey

Wife got up and went to the gym this morning, but she is still very distant. Not sure how long to wait before I initiate a conversation about where we are at, been waiting on her to bring it up when she is ready.

I suggest she focus on cardio for fat burning however if she doesn't eat correctly, it's a waste of time.

She went to the gym. That's a victory. It's got to take a lot of courage since she's not feeling her most attractive. Yayyyy for the wife!!!