Good jokes

[HGH4Lymes]

Anyone got any clever/plot twist jokes?

Marie and the Pharmacist:
Marie, a nice, calm and respectable Cajun lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist whose name is Boudreaux, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like ta buy some cyanide."
Then Boudreaux asked, "Mees, Why in de world do ya need cyanide?"
Marie replied, "Ah need it to poison my husband."
Boudreaux eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! A..h can't give you cyanide to kill you husband, dat's against de law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw boat of us in jail! All kinds of bad tings will happen. You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
Marie reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband Thibodeaux in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
Boudreaux looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't told me you had a prescription."


Dinner Date:
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.
They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress, thinking this was a bit risqué behavior that might offend other diners, went over to the table and tactfully began by saying to the woman,... "Pardon me, ma'am , but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."

[RaginCajun]

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes, haha!

When reading that, y'all need to think of me saying it!

[j3374]

Q: How do you make a hormone?


A: Stick yer finger in her!

[Hoggage_54]

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes, haha!

When reading that, y'all need to think of me saying it!

[Hoggage_54]

This is no joke, but I thought I would share anyways:

[Hoggage_54]

My kind of Radical Muslim:

[austinite]

This is no joke, but I thought I would share anyways:

What's in the box?

[RaginCajun]

What's in the box?

Which box?

[austinite]

Exactly. there's TWO!

[Hoggage_54]

Exactly. there's TWO!

[Hoggage_54]

[HGH4Lymes]

I was explaining reincarnation to my wife last night and that when you die you must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening".

[Hoggage_54]

[< <Samson> >]

Oh that's delicious

[HGH4Lymes]

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the
past 20 years, you could have now bought a new Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

[diesel101]

Life is like a penis

Simple, relaxed and hanging freely
It's the women that make it hard.

[GirlyGymRat]

Girly approves this thread!

[derekkpapa1]

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

The harder you slam them the looser they get.

(No offense girly if your a blonde)

[lovbyts]

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the
past 20 years, you could have now bought a new Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

Hahaha I love this. Ill bet she has one he'll of purse or shoe collection though.

[HGH4Lymes]

Girly approves this thread!

well here's one for ya girly

A very old couple were sitting together on their patio.
The old lady was working on a big glass of wine, and she says:
“I love you so much…I don’t know how I could ever live without you”.
Her husband asks: “Is that you…or the wine talking?”
The wife replies, “It’s me….talking to the wine”

[davidtheman100]

women's rights

[jolter604]

so arnold,a rabi,and a priest walk into a bar...i forgot the rest.....

my kid said yo mama is so fat she uses the whole state of texas as a tanning bed.....

[jolter604]

so as 19 year old signed on to steroids .com and asked for cycle advice.....stats 5'9" 165 pounds......asking about some tren really

[Hoggage_54]

[GirlyGymRat]

well here's one for ya girly A very old couple were sitting together on their patio. The old lady was working on a big glass of wine, and she says: "I love you so much...I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks: "Is that you...or the wine talking?" The wife replies, "It's me....talking to the wine"

Hahahahaha!!! Nice!!!

[HGH4Lymes]

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "What's that?"
Lady 2: "A condom. It protects my cigarette from getting wet in the rain."
Lady 1: "Where do you get them?"
Lady 2: "You can buy them in any drugstore."
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a box of condoms.
He looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
She says "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

[kapper]

Whats the difference between a woman and a battery??

Battery has a positive side


Whats a tornado and marriage got in common??

Starts off with alot of blowing and sucking. In the end you lose your house

[Hoggage_54]

[Hoggage_54]

[Hoggage_54]

[Hoggage_54]

[HGH4Lymes]

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man says "Well, wash your freaking hands, I want a chicken sandwich."

[GirlyGymRat]

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man says "Well, wash your freaking hands, I want a chicken sandwich."

Hahahahaha. Not what I expected!!!

[lovbyts]

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.
When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.
"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room.
In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.
"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law."

[Hoggage_54]

"Watching the game with my son-in-law."

lololol

[RaginCajun]

Bahahahaha good one LB

[Hoggage_54]

[HGH4Lymes]

Two men are hunting in the woods. One of them peers through his scope and says, "Hey, I can see your house!" The second guy says "Cool, what do you see?" The first guy replies "I see your wife cheating on you with another man." Then the second says "I'm sick of her shit, shoot her in head, and as for the man... shoot him in the nuts." The first guy replies, "I can make that in one shot."

[lovbyts]

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab… He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teachings he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the passenger’s door. The Arab Muslim asked him: “What are you doing?” The cabbie answered: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel.

[EquilibriumZ]

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab... He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teachings he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the passenger's door. The Arab Muslim asked him: "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered: "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel.

Lmao that's so racist