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Thread: Is my girlfriend telling the truth or just manipulating me?

  1. #1
    aesthetics_sexy is offline Junior Member
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    Is my girlfriend telling the truth or just manipulating me?

    Hello everyone. I have a major issue going on in my life. When i asked my girlfriend about her sexual past, at first she tried to lie by saying that she has never had sex before. After a few days later I forced her to tell the truth. She said she has had sex before and that was against her will. She told me she has only had sex once with her ex. She said she wasn't ready for it ( she was 18 at that time and her ex boyfriend was 22) and her ex forcefully took her virginity. She kept crying and telling him to stop but she couldn't do anything to stop him. Then I told her that you were raped what did you do after the incident? Didn't you report this matter to police. She said said she just went to the washroom and just cried and was extremely scared and hurt. Her ex was very sorry after that incident so she just let it go. I asked her did you break up with him after that? She said no she was still in a relationship with him after that but didn't go to his place alone again and only if she had her friends along with her. I asked what was your reason to break up with him then. She said he was cheating on him since the begining of their relationship as he already had a girlfriend for the past 6 years. Then she told me she went into depression after the breakup and it took her over an year to get over him and that incident. She even said that after the break up she tried to commit suicide by putting 10 napthalene balls in her drink but nothing happened because the balls didn't get dissolve properly. My girlfriend loves me a hell lot. She calls and messages me all day long. She does each and every damn thing for me and put all the efforts in our relationship. We have lots of sex and I can see she is deeply in love with me.

    Is there a possibility that she is just lying to me that she had sex forcefully so that she can mask her having consenting sex in her past?Because she told me that she lied in the first place because she wanted to save her virginity for his husband and this incident made her impure. And she thought that if she tell me that she is no longer a virgin i might leave her. So what do you guys think? Is she just trying to emotionally manipulate me or telling me the truth. Please help me out I just can't handle this fact. What she just told me is killing me from inside. I keep thinking about this all the time. I am hurt and even cry because of what happened to her... Help me please. And even if she is telling the truth should I be with her as she has so much emotional baggage and this thing is effecting my mind a lot in a very negative way ( although its been 2 years since her break up and she got over this incident and we have a healthy sex life now) or I'll get over it with time ????????? please help..
    Last edited by aesthetics_sexy; 01-18-2016 at 01:49 AM.

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    joebailey1271 is offline Associate Member
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    past is the past, who cares, grow up and be a man, I have a feeling u have a low self esteem, next question I bet u ask her is if your better in bed. Just forget all that stuff in the past, its nothing to worry about, plus it will not change a thing other than drive her crazy and make her dump you. So drop it, don't ask another question about it unless she brings it up, makes you look weak and worried.

  3. #3
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    You are not going to get much good answers with this, as most western world have much different ways of thinking.

    Reading your words seems like something from 100 years ago.

    Why do you "forced" her to tell you? How did you forced her?

    Seems like you dont have a lot of respect for women. Reading news from india seems to be alot of that lack of respect for women, hope is not that bad, cause it is really disgusting.

    Females have the right to have sex whenever they want, with whoever they feel like it. Who cares if not virgin, actually virgins are the worse in bed lol

    Hopefully all the stories we hear about rapes in India are exagerated....

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    Quote Originally Posted by aesthetics_sexy View Post
    Hello everyone. I have a major issue going on in my life. When i asked my girlfriend about her sexual past, at first she tried to lie by saying that she has never had sex before. After a few days later I forced her to tell the truth. She said she has had sex before and that was against her will. She told me she has only had sex once with her ex. She said she wasn't ready for it ( she was 18 at that time and her ex boyfriend was 22) and her ex forcefully took her virginity. She kept crying and telling him to stop but she couldn't do anything to stop him. Then I told her that you were raped what did you do after the incident? Didn't you report this matter to police. She said said she just went to the washroom and just cried and was extremely scared and hurt. Her ex was very sorry after that incident so she just let it go. I asked her did you break up with him after that? She said no she was still in a relationship with him after that but didn't go to his place alone again and only if she had her friends along with her. I asked what was your reason to break up with him then. She said he was cheating on him since the begining of their relationship as he already had a girlfriend for the past 6 years. Then she told me she went into depression after the breakup and it took her over an year to get over him and that incident. She even said that after the break up she tried to commit suicide by putting 10 napthalene balls in her drink but nothing happened because the balls didn't get dissolve properly. My girlfriend loves me a hell lot. She calls and messages me all day long. She does each and every damn thing for me and put all the efforts in our relationship. We have lots of sex and I can see she is deeply in love with me.

    Is there a possibility that she is just lying to me that she had sex forcefully so that she can mask her having consenting sex in her past?Because she told me that she lied in the first place because she wanted to save her virginity for his husband and this incident made her impure. And she thought that if she tell me that she is no longer a virgin i might leave her. So what do you guys think? Is she just trying to emotionally manipulate me or telling me the truth. Please help me out I just can't handle this fact. What she just told me is killing me from inside. I keep thinking about this all the time. I am hurt and even cry because of what happened to her... Help me please. And even if she is telling the truth should I be with her as she has so much emotional baggage and this thing is effecting my mind a lot in a very negative way ( although its been 2 years since her break up and she got over this incident and we have a healthy sex life now) or I'll get over it with time ????????? please help..
    If you love her, then leave the past where it belongs, in the past.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.BB View Post
    You are not going to get much good answers with this, as most western world have much different ways of thinking.

    Reading your words seems like something from 100 years ago.

    Why do you "forced" her to tell you? How did you forced her?

    Seems like you dont have a lot of respect for women. Reading news from india seems to be alot of that lack of respect for women, hope is not that bad, cause it is really disgusting.

    Females have the right to have sex whenever they want, with whoever they feel like it. Who cares if not virgin, actually virgins are the worse in bed lol

    Hopefully all the stories we hear about rapes in India are exagerated....
    Sadly not exaggerated at all, though they are overhyped by the media. Per capita numbers-wise the incidence falls well within the worldwide average, but with the sheer density of the population, the total count is pretty high. I worry about my four year old daughter going in her van to playschool, FFS.

    Re OP's question - yes, the mindset does sound like something from 100 years ago. I'd love to say it's not representative, because India consists of multiple worlds, but it is widely prevalent.

  6. #6
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    I agree with all of the above. I could not imagine Forcing someone to tell me about their past. If I wanted to know and they didnt want to tell me fine. If it really bothered me (I cant imagine how it would) then I would just move on.

    Why ruin a good relationship with such a petty selfish thinking? You should be grateful she told you and be supportive instead of questioning. It sounds like you have a lot more trust issues than she does. I'm not trying to be harsh or critical only honest. You asked for answers and what we thought so there it is.

    Ive dated girls who were virgins and never forced anyone and I have been much further than most and when a girl said stop I stopped. I have also been the 1st and with girls who have been forced, date rape or whatever you want to call it. IMO it's not always rape but not always 100% consensual. Ive also been with girls with many past partners. None of the past matters if someone wants it behind them, only the present and future.
    Last edited by lovbyts; 01-18-2016 at 06:32 AM.
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by lovbyts
    I agree with all of the above. I could not imagine Forcing someone to tell me about their past. If I wanted to know and they didnt want to tell me fine. If it really bothered me (I cant imagine how it would) then I would just move on. Why ruin a good relationship with such a petty selfish thinking? You should be grateful she told you and be supportive instead of questioning. It sounds like you have a lot more trust issues than she does. I'm not trying to be harsh or critical only honest. You asked for answers and what we thought so there it is. Ive dated girls who were virgins and never forced anyone and I have been much further than most and when a girl said stop I stopped. I have also been the 1st and with girls who have been forced, date rape or whatever you want to call it. IMO it's not always rape but not always 100% consensual. Ive also been with girls with many past partners. None of the past matters if someone wants it behind them, only the present and future.
    The guy has a point,cuz she lied!! Imagine"i only once had sex with him,even i was dating him still after that,but we never had sex again" yeah right..
    OP,if it bothers you now that she is not virgin,it will bother you forever,cuz you're in love with this girl.But,remember that,if the girl is virgin to you,doesn't mean she will be perfect! If you really love her that much,forgive her(if there's smth to forgive,cuz she didn't cheat on you) and leave the past behind,cuz it will bring you only trouble! So enjoy your relationship!

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrFreshmaker View Post
    The guy has a point,cuz she lied!! Imagine"i only once had sex with him,even i was dating him still after that,but we never had sex again" yeah right..
    OP,if it bothers you now that she is not virgin,it will bother you forever,cuz you're in love with this girl.But,remember that,if the girl is virgin to you,doesn't mean she will be perfect! If you really love her that much,forgive her(if there's smth to forgive,cuz she didn't cheat on you) and leave the past behind,cuz it will bring you only trouble! So enjoy your relationship!
    Girls are different animals and especially in that part of the world where having sex even once can and many times is a life changer. Remember the culture is VERY different and what is good for the goose is not good for the gander.

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    Hi. Leave the past were it belongs. Now that you know, where do u go!!?!! It's a dead end IMO.

    Focus on the now. All things will become clearer with time.

    I hope you don't mind my sharing when I read your post, following adjectives jumped off the page....clingy. insecure. Immature.

    Where's your confidence? Find it. women gravitate to confidence.
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  10. #10
    bigdil511 is offline Associate Member
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    You asked her, she told you she was raped and you question her honesty? Dude that's a really fvcked up attitude it was probably extremely hard for her to tell you that. Most women feel extreme shame when they are raped and blame themselves. How about you man the fvck up and be supportive and try and help her in any way you can.

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    I know see OP is from India. Well that changes things. We (not from India) maynot be able to advise our member.

    Women aren't treated as equals and her virginity is held in higher regard then men. Soooo why is anyone surprised that she lied??? You should be celebrating that she told you the truth!

    But if you can't find forgiveness in your heart, walk away. The relationship will never blossom and it will save her from a lifetime of being shamed by the husband who claims to love her.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.BB
    Who cares if not virgin, actually virgins are the worse in bed lol .
    ^^^ Truth!!!

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    Ur trippin' if u want to get rid of this woman keep it up.... No woman worth anything would put up with that behavior for long!

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    This is your second question around this girl. First the hand holding and now the virginity issue.

    1. If she was forced to have sex previously SHE is the victim and asking her what she did about it is NOT the right way to go. Realize that most people date before marriage, even in this part of the world and most are not virgins at marriage.
    2. Taking your other thread into account you will need to grow some serious self-confidence. Doubting everything a woman has to say at all times and being suspicious some extremely detrimental and not a way to move forward. All issues to are raising are about you and your perception. Realize that the world, rarely, revolves around you and most things simply happen without regards or due to anything you had any involvement in.
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    Quote Originally Posted by tarmyg View Post
    This is your second question around this girl. First the hand holding and now the virginity issue.

    1. If she was forced to have sex previously SHE is the victim and asking her what she did about it is NOT the right way to go. Realize that most people date before marriage, even in this part of the world and most are not virgins at marriage.
    2. Taking your other thread into account you will need to grow some serious self-confidence. Doubting everything a woman has to say at all times and being suspicious some extremely detrimental and not a way to move forward. All issues to are raising are about you and your perception. Realize that the world, rarely, revolves around you and most things simply happen without regards or due to anything you had any involvement in.
    I hadn't gotten around to checking yet but I figured it was the same guy. Maybe it's time he post a picture of her. She sound like she might be a keeping and I may be in the market soon.
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    She lied because she was hurt before, and hurt deeply. Do you really want to reopen that kind of hurt? Let her be, support her, encourage her to love again, and show her how a real man treats a woman. If she loves you, and you love her in return, tell her you will never make her feel that way again, and then show her you are true to your word.

    Love is trust my friend, and if you love her, then trust her.
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    Quote Originally Posted by novastepp
    She lied because she was hurt before, and hurt deeply. Do you really want to reopen that kind of hurt? Let her be, support her, encourage her to love again, and show her how a real man treats a woman. If she loves you, and you love her in return, tell her you will never make her feel that way again, and then show her you are true to your word. Love is trust my friend, and if you love her, then trust her.
    Trust?How you can trust someone that bleeds for 5-6 days and doesn't die?! Lol
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrFreshmaker View Post
    Trust?How you can trust someone that bleeds for 5-6 days and doesn't die?! Lol
    I cant argue that point....

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    I don't think any woman would be happy about this post.

    Think about if she seeneeds this dude. She was serially assaulted and then tells u her secret! What dI'd u do? Tell a open forum about it and how your pissed she has had sex before.

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    OP: you have serious issues and handle problem like a jealous little 13 year old. You are the only one here with emotional baggage. Just break up for her sake, because you're clearly not ready for an adult relationship without parental chaperones.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrFreshmaker View Post
    Trust?How you can trust someone that bleeds for 5-6 days and doesn't die?! Lol
    Ok, let's keep a lid on the sexism (even if you were joking).

  22. #22
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    Thought about this one for a bit. I agree with the posts above except that one bout not dying.

    You seem like you may not be ready for the dating world.
    Also I fee as if I'm being trolled a bit

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    Quote Originally Posted by noon
    Thought about this one for a bit. I agree with the posts above except that one bout not dying. You seem like you may not be ready for the dating world. Also I fee as if I'm being trolled a bit
    I get this same feeling.

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    I don't know what's worse this situation or the holding hands incident.
    Sounds like you got a real wild one!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonaparte
    OP: you have serious issues and handle problem like a jealous little 13 year old. You are the only one here with emotional baggage. Just break up for her sake, because you're clearly not ready for an adult relationship without parental chaperones.
    Exactly.

  26. #26
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    Sounds like you have confidence issues to me and your digging up her past.

    Use a penis pump man! Your missing out "big" time - get that thing pumped to fvck and you wont give a sh1t about her past

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    Quote Originally Posted by joebailey1271 View Post
    past is the past, who cares, grow up and be a man, I have a feeling u have a low self esteem, next question I bet u ask her is if your better in bed. Just forget all that stuff in the past, its nothing to worry about, plus it will not change a thing other than drive her crazy and make her dump you. So drop it, don't ask another question about it unless she brings it up, makes you look weak and worried.
    I have made the mistake of asking about her past. I think I won't be able to get over it and breaking up is the only solution. And the next time I get into a relationship I am never gonna ask about a girl's past. Never ever. Lesson learnt.

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    aesthetics_sexy is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonaparte View Post
    OP: you have serious issues and handle problem like a jealous little 13 year old. You are the only one here with emotional baggage. Just break up for her sake, because you're clearly not ready for an adult relationship without parental chaperones.
    Yes man breaking up is the only solution. I did the mistake of asking about her past. Never gonna repeat this mistake again in my future relationships

  29. #29
    aesthetics_sexy is offline Junior Member
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    Do all of you guys ask about your girl friend's past?

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by aesthetics_sexy
    Do all of you guys ask about your girl friend's past?
    Boys ask. Men don't.
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    Quote Originally Posted by aesthetics_sexy View Post
    Do all of you guys ask about your girl friend's past?
    No
    I would be to scared they would ask about mine.
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    joebailey1271 is offline Associate Member
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    Now op dont just jump too breaking up, give it a minute. Take a few days and think things over. When your young stuff like that seems to matter, when you get older/wiser you will know it does not matter in the grand scheme of things.

  33. #33
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    Let it be...on the past...really doesn't matter...u can't control what someone e had done before they met u.

    Side note is this the same guy (op) with the issue of his girlfriend "cheating" on him by talkin closely with his friend?

  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTaxMan View Post
    Sounds like you have confidence issues to me and your digging up her past.

    Use a penis pump man! Your missing out "big" time - get that thing pumped to fvck and you wont give a sh1t about her past
    lol

    Quote Originally Posted by GirlyGymRat View Post

    Boys ask. Men don't.
    Wwoah!! I've asked before ggr lol...
    Curiosity is in us all

  35. #35
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    Gives u an idea of the tye of person seeing... that is if they are honest about it

  36. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlyGymRat
    Boys ask. Men don't.
    I've been married for 13 years to my high school girlfriend, if we weren't together I would never ask. I really wouldn't want to know, what good could come of it ? Hopefully this guy grows up and his girlfriend comes to her senses.

  37. #37
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    Well.... I wouldn't ask but I sure as shit wouldn't want to date someone that fvcked 20 other guys lol. My fiancÚs brothers all told me about her lol. She was very conservative..... And she was the same way when we began talking. She didn't give it up quick.

    Idunno about you guys but if I found out she was the center of a bukake video I'd be fvckin distraught haha
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hazard View Post
    Well.... I wouldn't ask but I sure as shit wouldn't want to date someone that fvcked 20 other guys lol. My fiancÚs brothers all told me about her lol. She was very conservative..... And she was the same way when we began talking. She didn't give it up quick.

    Idunno about you guys but if I found out she was the center of a bukake video I'd be fvckin distraught haha
    i learnt a new word today��

  39. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by aesthetics_sexy View Post
    Yes man breaking up is the only solution. I did the mistake of asking about her past. Never gonna repeat this mistake again in my future relationships
    Quote Originally Posted by aesthetics_sexy View Post
    Do all of you guys ask about your girl friend's past?
    Best answer below.
    Quote Originally Posted by GirlyGymRat View Post
    Boys ask. Men don't.
    Quote Originally Posted by joebailey1271 View Post
    Now op dont just jump too breaking up, give it a minute. Take a few days and think things over. When your young stuff like that seems to matter, when you get older/wiser you will know it does not matter in the grand scheme of things.
    No, I think the OP has the right idea. it's probably what is best for her so she can find someone who does not have so many insecurity issues.

  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigdil511 View Post
    I've been married for 13 years to my high school girlfriend, if we weren't together I would never ask. I really wouldn't want to know, what good could come of it ? Hopefully this guy grows up and his girlfriend comes to her senses.
    I plan to do the same thing. She graduates next year.

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