Would you get the autopsy report?

My ex and I broke up 3.5 years ago. We had known each other for about 7 years. We lived together in Europe and later we lived together stateside with her 2-year-old daughter from her previous marriage.

She took her own life at the age of 33 in April of this year. Quite literally the only information I have about her death is that her death certificate says Suicide. Her family and friends won't reply to messages, and her sister hung up when I called her.

So for me, there's all sorts of questions like:
How did she do it?
Who found her?
Was she in intensive care for a few days?
Did an ambulance take her, or did family throw her in the backseat of the car?
Did she leave a note, or a video?

For 750 US$ I can get the police report and autopsy report complete with photographs.

What would you do in my position?

What benefit would having the police report give you? Seems like a waste of money, send a prayer or a positive thought her families way and be glad you have the memories.

Pardon if I come off as insensitive or rude. I'm not trying to be.

Depends on how bad u wanna kno...depends on if getting the reports answers all the questions u just asked. If it does then yes I would get it..this just me. .I'm the type of person that would want to kno these things...

You do have a point.

I suppose part of me feels "left out" and wants to know what happened. Getting these reports is sort of like one of my last few connections to her.

It's her families time to grieve. I would ask them for details in the far future if you must know, let it rest where they answer you.

Her family hate me. Our break-up was pretty damn nasty, and I did what I could to ruin her afterward.

(OK well I don't know for sure that they hate me)

Sorry to hear about your ex..Let it go turn another page in your life and try to forget all that..like it was said it won't do anything to help you now..it might actually mess with your head..

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Originally Posted by KimboHalfSlice

Her family hate me. Our break-up was pretty damn nasty, and I did what I could to ruin her afterward.

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Which would explain why the family are baring you

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Originally Posted by Euroholic

Which would explain why the family are baring you

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I broke up with her because she kissed a drug dealer on the lips right in front of me, in a room full of people, in a bar in downtown Manhattan, New York City.

Even her sister and father were on my side (or at the very least they thought that my colossal apocalyptic rage was justified).

A year or two afterward I sat in front of a psychiatrist explaining how I wanted to kill her. My rage spilled over when she tried to throw it back at me, even saying "I sincerely think you have a chemical imbalance". That's when I decided to contact her ex and sabotage her divorce, and I still wasn't satisfied after that, I sent her nasty texts, emails, even letters to her family home.

At one point I was drawing coffins and gravestones and writing her name on them, telling people how I would love to watch her hang.

Yes I realise how messed up I was. When I was in rehab, one of the guys sat with me after group therapy and said "If a psychiatrist heard you talking like that, you'd be sectioned", to which I replied "I was sectioned 6 years ago", and he said "I bet you were".

I've come a long way since having those kinds of thoughts and engaging in such nasty behaviour. Now I'm tip-toe'ing around the idea that I may have been a contributor to her suicide.

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My rage spilled over when she tried to throw it back at me, even saying "I sincerely think you have a chemical imbalance"

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By the way it was my ex who said that, not my psychiatrist.

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Originally Posted by KimboHalfSlice

I broke up with her because she kissed a drug dealer on the lips right in front of me, in a room full of people, in a bar in downtown Manhattan, New York City. Even her sister and father were on my side (or at the very least they thought that my colossal apocalyptic rage was justified). A year or two afterward I sat in front of a psychiatrist explaining how I wanted to kill her. My rage spilled over when she tried to throw it back at me, even saying "I sincerely think you have a chemical imbalance". That's when I decided to contact her ex and sabotage her divorce, and I still wasn't satisfied after that, I sent her nasty texts, emails, even letters to her family home. At one point I was drawing coffins and gravestones and writing her name on them, telling people how I would love to watch her hang. Yes I realise how messed up I was. When I was in rehab, one of the guys sat with me after group therapy and said "If a psychiatrist heard you talking like that, you'd be sectioned", to which I replied "I was sectioned 6 years ago", and he said "I bet you were". I've come a long way since having those kinds of thoughts and engaging in such nasty behaviour. Now I'm tip-toe'ing around the idea that I may have been a contributor to her suicide.

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Focus on that last sentence and think

The past is the past, although we should always learn from it.

You are having regrets and "unfinish business" but you need to put in your head that theres nothing you can do about it now, except learning from your past actions and decisions.

Start looking forward, leave the past behind you.

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Originally Posted by RaginCajun

Focus on that last sentence and think

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Learn to live for the future!

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Originally Posted by RaginCajun

Focus on that last sentence and think

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I have no control over how others react to my behaviour.

What I did come have made her miserable. Or, it may have angered her and pushed her forward to deal with her own issues (she was addicted to cocaine).

I may have been a huge contributor to putting her in a state of mind that led to suicide..... or I could have been a huge contributor to her holding on in there as long as she did. I do know that she had threatened suicide several times before we got together (her sister and I spoke about it).

You can't make a person kill themselves. You can try to do so..... you can do some really nasty stuff.... but the ironic thing is that trying to do so might have the exact opposite effect..... you might make them so angry that it drives them to push on.

Of course, if I were to get the police & autopsy report, or if I were to speak to her sister, I might learn that the abuse I dealt to her after our break up had a really really really negative effect on her.

As you can see I'm still dealing with this in my own head. As one person said above, perhaps some things are best left unknown. And I don't have to worry about seeing her friends and family around as we live on different continents. Her daughter won't remember me (she's 5 now).

What I aiming for here is to reach a point where I can look anyone in the eye.

Sounds like the family has good reason to shut you out. Sounds safe to assume that you only made her life worse, though I'm sure there were plenty of things in recent years that pushed her to it.
Now just let it go and try to be a better person to atone for this. Knowing all the gory details won't help, though you could probably dig up a news article online if you want a general idea.

Sounds like guilt is playing with your mind. not all of your answers will come from police report and autopsy.

I think you're right GirlyGymRat..... I think I'm toying with the idea of whether or not I should be feeling guilt.

I helped that girl amount immeasurably in the time we were together.... talked her through so much stuff..... joined her on one of her therapy sessions..... talked to her mother and sister about how things had been for her in the previous years (she had been raped, and also been in an armed robbery, and was going through a divorce).

Everything I did for her, and she goes and kisses a drug dealer on the lips right in front of me. What made things worse that at no point did she seem to realise the GRAVITY of what she had actually done. She made it out like she spilled milk and that I for some reason, at that time and in that place, threw a major fucking tantrum over spilt milk.

She didn't spill milk..... rather she kissed a drug dealer on the lips right in front of me, in a room full of people.

I can't find any news reports at all whatsover. I've tried searching by the area where she died, the date of her death, her birth surname and her married surname. Can't find anything at all. If anyone here on the forum is good at finding that stuff, I could private message you her full name. Anyone?

man i really think you just need to let this be.

I think you will be best to not continue this search.

Wow Mooseman you just come back around or have I just not seen you?

Tried to PM you BG.

Admin still getting my old account up.

Figured will just say here.
Long time ago I was taking to many chemicals.
Always respected you.
We got into it over swift I snd jimmy.

I apologize man, young and stupid I was.
Hope you can see past it.

Moose

....

I'd wanna know

But, damn - all bad

GL man, all this shit sounds damn terrible

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Originally Posted by KimboHalfSlice

I think you're right GirlyGymRat..... I think I'm toying with the idea of whether or not I should be feeling guilt.

I helped that girl amount immeasurably in the time we were together.... talked her through so much stuff..... joined her on one of her therapy sessions..... talked to her mother and sister about how things had been for her in the previous years (she had been raped, and also been in an armed robbery, and was going through a divorce).

Everything I did for her, and she goes and kisses a drug dealer on the lips right in front of me. What made things worse that at no point did she seem to realise the GRAVITY of what she had actually done. She made it out like she spilled milk and that I for some reason, at that time and in that place, threw a major fucking tantrum over spilt milk.

She didn't spill milk..... rather she kissed a drug dealer on the lips right in front of me, in a room full of people.

I can't find any news reports at all whatsover. I've tried searching by the area where she died, the date of her death, her birth surname and her married surname. Can't find anything at all. If anyone here on the forum is good at finding that stuff, I could private message you her full name. Anyone?

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Which country did she die in?

You sound like your in pain do you think this will help or increase your emotional pain?

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Originally Posted by Mooseman33

man i really think you just need to let this be.

I think you will be best to not continue this search.

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There's a moose in the house

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Originally Posted by marcus300

Which country did she die in?

You sound like your in pain do you think this will help or increase your emotional pain?

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She died, and also had her autopsy performed, in the state of New Jersey, USA.

You might be right..... maybe it's better left unknown. I suppose it helps me a little though to know that I can get those reports if I want them.

I wonder if this thread has gone quiet because people are appalled by what I've written?

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Originally Posted by KimboHalfSlice

I wonder if this thread has gone quiet because people are appalled by what I've written?

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Yeah, and because your question has been answered.

I would let go.
Maybe i would talk to her family and ask about the details. It would be good to know.
But i could never pay for it. That is not the way things work around here. But maybe its my country. Only you know whats best for you. No others know how you are thinking. And advices will only be in general.
If you can do this in your country and you are certain this would help your mind, then do it.

Do what makes you happy OP. Never let other people influence your actions. But the answer is never at the bottom of a bottle or at the bottom of columbia's finest. Im starting to realise the more you prolong emotion the harder it resurfaces down the track. Years later even.