Wife cheated 3x

**BigPimpin76** · 08-27-2017, 03:37 PM

Sup Bros,
Need some support n advice.
I have found my wife cheating on me for 3 times in 13 years of marriage.
The first 2 x times i found out and I accepted out of Love to work things out!
I just found out 2 weeks ago she cheated on me for the 3 time.
Thing is I never caught her in the act, nor do I have 100 percent proof she has. In each and every time I found out how she cheated was outrageous phone calls to these people.
The third guy was with the father of my step daughter.
Awkward phone calls as well.lets say always around noon. Calls were for maybe for 29 secs. It gave me a sign that these were calls like saying"hey Im here at the spot" kinda calls.
She Always kept things hidden to me, Cause he would never call around the time I was home.
Anyways I confronted him via chat to stop the bullshit. For about 2 weeks he quit calling.
My wife of course would deny everything!!
Thing is I have two kids with her.
It puts me on the spot on what to do.
I love my wife now in a different way yet now at least not a true Love, and the trust is gone, for shure!
Maybe someone can shed some light that I can resonate with.
Thanks in advance

Kind regards from the Beef Department

**yeahbuddy289** · 08-27-2017, 04:07 PM

I can see working through it the first time if you guys loved each other and/or had kids together. But 2-3 times is unforgivable. And if the trust is gone (as it should be) you'll be beating yourself to death trying to make it work. It will be hell for the both of you.
Staying together for the kids isn't always the best course of action. I thinking having two happy parents is much more important than having your parents together.
My parents divorced when I was young and it was tough at first but I'm so glad it happened. If you stay with this woman, you could be missing out on the woman of your dreams man... a woman that would be right for you on many levels and possibly be a very important and wonderful addition to your children's lives.
And by the way I'm sorry this happened to you bro... it's one of the worst things to go through. Hope you make out ok.

**Obs** · 08-27-2017, 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by BigPimpin76

Sup Bros,
Need some support n advice.
I have found my wife cheating on me for 3 times in 13 years of marriage.
The first 2 x times i found out and I accepted out of Love to work things out!
I just found out 2 weeks ago she cheated on me for the 3 time.
Thing is I never caught her in the act, nor do I have 100 percent proof she has. In each and every time I found out how she cheated was outrageous phone calls to these people.
The third guy was with the father of my step daughter.
Awkward phone calls as well.lets say always around noon. Calls were for maybe for 29 secs. It gave me a sign that these were calls like saying"hey Im here at the spot" kinda calls.
She Always kept things hidden to me, Cause he would never call around the time I was home.
Anyways I confronted him via chat to stop the bullshit. For about 2 weeks he quit calling.
My wife of course would deny everything!!
Thing is I have two kids with her.
It puts me on the spot on what to do.
I love my wife now in a different way yet now at least not a true Love, and the trust is gone, for shure!
Maybe someone can shed some light that I can resonate with.
Thanks in advance

Kind regards from the Beef Department

You may love her, she doesn't give a fuck about you. Take her back after she cheats once and you are a cunt.
Never keep a cheater. She would rather stick a knife in your back to get a cheap thrill than do what she promised she would. Get 1500 dollars together, hire a private investigator, get proof, clean out your bank accounts, pretend to sell all your prized posessions to a friend and rent an apartment that can house you and your kids.

Then all at once rain hell down upon her with the divorce papers and evidence of infidelity. Think about any other ways you can fuck her up and let her have it.
She is cold to youand a liar! Be cold yourself, be collected, and quitsettiling for second pick because you are her second third and fourth pick.

I have been where you are. Gtfo asap.

**Shab1864** · 08-27-2017, 04:31 PM

Hey Brother,
If this is the third time, I think before you do anything you should get your ducks in order. Get the proof you need for your divorce so she doesn't get everything. Also get your custody arrangements in order for your kids. GET A LAWYER a keep it on the down low. The same situation happened to me several years back and to be honest she will always cheat. I know it sucks but protect yourself because separating is inevitable. I'm am sorry this has happened to you brother but think smart and don't let on what your doing. Protect yourself and your rights to your kids. Good luck.

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**hollowedzeus** · 08-27-2017, 04:36 PM

Best of luck man. Definetly get to fuck. Take all you have and make sure you keep it. The right woman is still out there. She is not the woman that cheated on you.

**OdinsOtherSon** · 08-27-2017, 05:08 PM

Brother, I've not had any experience in this department, thank God. I can only imagine what you're going through but just wanted to offer my heartfelt sympathy for what you're dealing with and hope you can find an answer that satisfies your needs and your mind. Much respect and support!

**thegodfather** · 08-27-2017, 06:00 PM

End it...the marriage has been over for her for quite some time. We get such a short amount of time on Earth, don't spend it with a slag.

**songdog** · 08-27-2017, 06:17 PM

Been there done that like said above it's over but now the hard part with your kids.You can't keep living like this or you will go crazy you got too move on but only you can decide when that will be.Don't find another to take her place that only ends in misery take your time get your heard on stright and get on with your life while you can.

**bullshark99** · 08-27-2017, 06:32 PM

Hey Big, peace to you man, nobody deserves that, it's the worst kind of pain and betrayal. You got great advice above, please do yourself a service and read what shab wrote several times and take it to heart, I believe he is dead on correct

**Kai Lover** · 08-28-2017, 01:52 AM

Sounds like the mother of your children has an intimacy disorder and might also be a sex addict.

She might be deeply in love with you, but this might be a compulsive behaviour for her (almost like a semi-conscious self-sabotage).

If I were you I would ensure that she do something drastic to discontinue this. For example, I've started seeing a girl in the last few days, but after she told me something from her past, I won't get into a serious relationship with her unless she does a 10-day residential meditation course with me over Xmas & New Year (Vipassana Meditation).

With that said, we all reach a point where we've had enough. Maybe she's gone too far.

**thegodfather** · 08-28-2017, 02:10 AM

I don't know Kai, I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't try to change who someone is. I think your energies are best spent looking for the person who is perfect(for you) just the way that they are. Lol, I've also never met an Irish bird that I could stand for more than 10 minutes...

Originally Posted by Kai Lover

Sounds like the mother of your children has an intimacy disorder and might also be a sex addict.

She might be deeply in love with you, but this might be a compulsive behaviour for her (almost like a semi-conscious self-sabotage).

If I were you I would ensure that she do something drastic to discontinue this. For example, I've started seeing a girl in the last few days, but after she told me something from her past, I won't get into a serious relationship with her unless she does a 10-day residential meditation course with me over Xmas & New Year (Vipassana Meditation).

With that said, we all reach a point where we've had enough. Maybe she's gone too far.

**Kai Lover** · 08-28-2017, 02:19 AM

Originally Posted by thegodfather

I don't know Kai, I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't try to change who someone is. I think your energies are best spent looking for the person who is perfect(for you) just the way that they are. Lol, I've also never met an Irish bird that I could stand for more than 10 minutes...

I really like the girl I'm seeing at the minute. We both write poetry and read each other's notebooks. She does crazy art stuff too, like she covered her bedroom walls and floor with paper, then got naked and covered herself with paint and bounced around the room. But I found out 3 days ago that she tried to kill herself with pills only 6 months ago. My last gf killed herself, don't need that shit. Not gona get into a relationship with a girl who's probably gna poison herself on our 2nd child's 5th birthday. Don't need that shit. So I'm insisting she does 10 days of silence with me (which will drastically reduce her chances of trying to depart again).

**thegodfather** · 08-28-2017, 02:49 AM

At least you know what you're getting yourself into man, informed consent and what not. From my own personal experience, I'll never again date an American woman, or even western european.

Originally Posted by Kai Lover

I really like the girl I'm seeing at the minute. We both write poetry and read each other's notebooks. She does crazy art stuff too, like she covered her bedroom walls and floor with paper, then got naked and covered herself with paint and bounced around the room. But I found out 3 days ago that she tried to kill herself with pills only 6 months ago. My last gf killed herself, don't need that shit. Not gona get into a relationship with a girl who's probably gna poison herself on our 2nd child's 5th birthday. Don't need that shit. So I'm insisting she does 10 days of silence with me (which will drastically reduce her chances of trying to depart again).

**Kai Lover** · 08-28-2017, 02:52 AM

Originally Posted by thegodfather

At least you know what you're getting yourself into man, informed consent and what not. From my own personal experience, I'll never again date an American woman, or even western european.

Let me think about this for a few hours.

**bullshark99** · 08-28-2017, 03:48 AM

Not trying to open a can of worms Kai, but what is 10 days of silence supposed to accomplish???
If she is mentally impaired (sick) don't know how else to put it but anyone that feels self induced death is the answer...... think there is a little more here than a meditation session. Just sayin....

**MuscleScience** · 08-28-2017, 04:26 AM

Man I hate to hear stuff like this. Men always get the bad wrap but when I think about all my family and friends with one exception it's the woman that has been the issue. I can flip that around to in that, all of them that have had problems. They should have never got past the casual dating stage or let alone gone on to marry. Women seem to sense early when something isn't going to work out. Men I think try to see something in a woman that she will never be. Just like they don't make men anymore, they don't make women either. Our whole society is digressing in that regard.

**Kai Lover** · 08-28-2017, 04:27 AM

Originally Posted by bullshark99

Not trying to open a can of worms Kai, but what is 10 days of silence supposed to accomplish???
If she is mentally impaired (sick) don't know how else to put it but anyone that feels self induced death is the answer...... think there is a little more here than a meditation session. Just sayin....

I've done 10 days of silence twice.

Particularly the first time you do it, all your memories and emotional reactions from the past come to the surface level of your mind. It's like your entire life is made into a scrapbook and you spend 10 days flicking through the pages. It can be a painful experience at times, some memories might give you the feeling of an electric shock over every inch of your skin for 2 or 3 seconds. Anxiety will be sky high at some points. Eventually your mind goes perfectly silent.

The way that emotional reactions from your past come to the surface-level of your mind to be released, is similar to the Christian idea of forgiveness.

You can have similar experiences when chanting (I lived in a Hare Krishna temple for a month).

The less of your past your carry around with you, the less likely you are to kill yourself. So I want this new girl to do a 10-day retreat so I don't have to worry about my daughters having nobody to tell them about periods.

**DocToxin8** · 08-28-2017, 06:46 AM

Sorry to hear that Big!

Well, I'm sorta inclined to agree that you should prepare for a divorce and get your affairs in order.
That said, only you know the real deal here. But as you write it sounds as if this is the end of the line.
I've both cheated and been cheated on, and it doesn't have to matter that much at all, BUT, that depends a little.
And if the trust is gone and she's not willing to even admit to it,
(which you believe is a lie)
then I can't really see it ever working.

If one had a talk and said "yeah, that was a bad call." then at least you got something to work with.
I've been in open relationships too and this shit is usually too difficult for most to handle. And that's even when consent was there.

It's not so much that one has sex with anybody else really,
it's when that starts leading to lies and lack of trust.
(and it usually does, excluding going to a swingers party, etc together,
which really isn't what I'd call an open relationship, and even that isn't for the majority)

Nah, from my own experiences I'd say that unless this is just you being paranoid, this is probably the time to start preparing your divorce.
Ofcourse, you can prepare it and then also go to some couple counseling shit,
but that requires honesty and being able to talk.
I think you probably know which solution is best here deep down,
but don't go for a divorce just cause people say "cheating is unforgivable".

Go out and find yourself a girl on the side in the meantime,
you'll feel a lot better, and sometimes it's needed to clear your head.

(Haha, no don't take my advice on that one, I'm divorced!)

**Kai Lover** · 08-28-2017, 07:43 AM

I did one session of couple counselling in 2012. Wasn't bad. Me and a girl sat in a room with a therapist for about an hour taking turns talking. Never should have went near the girl in the first place (she was married) but I learned from it.

**calgarian** · 08-28-2017, 07:46 AM

ok...so you said you are not sure that she cheated. just dont act on it yet, as OBS said hire a PI and make sure that it happened 100% there is no doubt in your mind. Then if she is doing it (and trust me if she is doing it she will keep doing it) then talk to a lawyer and set your priorities straight. its lot easier to use emotions in this situation then your head. I highly encourage you to use your head.

**BigPimpin76** · 08-28-2017, 07:50 AM

Hey Bros, thanks all for your input and support.
Funny thing is that my wife plays being a Christian and the good role model to people. She doesn't come to me as being a sex addict. I think it may be a lack of self worth or Love.
Always seeking attention.
It could of been unresolved business with her ex as well. The guy is also someone that lacks of self worth. He's been jealous about me raising his daughter I have noticed lil things like that. So hit my wife , his Ex, out an Ego Trip.
What bothers the most is you only have that gut feeling inside that she cheated. I found the phone bill with awkward calls etc. And that is It!! She is also acting strange in sole peculiar way where you notice the giveaway.
On the other hand, people say it takes 2 to tango.
Well, fuck No. i have self Love and worth knowing that adultery and fornication in a marriage is a no go!!
I can swear on the bible, be open before GOD and stand Clean!!
Doesn't mean that I don't look at women. In fact women dig me man. I go out with the wifey and women would turn heads and check me out! So I know my worth.
Im gonna let it play swift in regards to a little time. Time never lies, as time passes the Truth always somehow shows.
This happened to me after the second time. I asked deeply to the Lord to show me the truth and show me a better Girl out the.
After a short period of time the Lord sure did show me.
All of a sudddn out of nowhere my kindergarten Love showed up looking for me on Whatsapp!! Random yet a feeling of mutual connection of Love!!
Soulmates!!!!! Wow... yep Bros its out there... Twin Flames its rather called.
Good thing is that she lives in Europe. Which makes things even more interesting.
So, after this third Time... i know the Lord will show me the path and the Truth.
Then again, the feelings towards my wife are Done!!!
But karma is a motherfucker, it will come back and I will wittiness payback from mother Earth.

**Obs** · 08-28-2017, 08:00 AM

God will watch you pick a shitty woman, promise.
Don't put it on God.
It's a person we are talking about, God cant change a persons will or behavior.

It has already been said but stay out of relationships of any kind, you can do it. Wait until its all over and give yourself time to think or you willwind up wit someone you dont belong with. All just my opinion.

**Obs** · 08-28-2017, 08:02 AM

Karma is hippy shit and doesn't exist btw. Seen some shitty people live very happy and some great folks die in agony.

**Kai Lover** · 08-28-2017, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by BigPimpin76

I think it may be a lack of self worth or Love.
Always seeking attention.
It could of been unresolved business with her ex as well. The guy is also someone that lacks of self worth. He's been jealous about me raising his daughter I have noticed lil things like that.

Sounds like she seeks out co-dependent relationships. They have a group for that (Home - CoDA.org).

I've been to other discussion/support groups (NA, SLAA, Polyamory) but never been to CODA. A friend of mine went though. I'd expect it to be similar.

Maybe she needs to attend SLAA and CODA weekly for a month before she'll consider something more drastic (residential rehab, meditation course, temple).

**calgarian** · 08-28-2017, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by BigPimpin76

Hey Bros, thanks all for your input and support.
Funny thing is that my wife plays being a Christian and the good role model to people. She doesn't come to me as being a sex addict. I think it may be a lack of self worth or Love.
Always seeking attention.
It could of been unresolved business with her ex as well. The guy is also someone that lacks of self worth. He's been jealous about me raising his daughter I have noticed lil things like that. So hit my wife , his Ex, out an Ego Trip.
What bothers the most is you only have that gut feeling inside that she cheated. I found the phone bill with awkward calls etc. And that is It!! She is also acting strange in sole peculiar way where you notice the giveaway.
On the other hand, people say it takes 2 to tango.
Well, fuck No. i have self Love and worth knowing that adultery and fornication in a marriage is a no go!!
I can swear on the bible, be open before GOD and stand Clean!!
Doesn't mean that I don't look at women. In fact women dig me man. I go out with the wifey and women would turn heads and check me out! So I know my worth.
Im gonna let it play swift in regards to a little time. Time never lies, as time passes the Truth always somehow shows.
This happened to me after the second time. I asked deeply to the Lord to show me the truth and show me a better Girl out the.
After a short period of time the Lord sure did show me.
All of a sudddn out of nowhere my kindergarten Love showed up looking for me on Whatsapp!! Random yet a feeling of mutual connection of Love!!
Soulmates!!!!! Wow... yep Bros its out there... Twin Flames its rather called.
Good thing is that she lives in Europe. Which makes things even more interesting.
So, after this third Time... i know the Lord will show me the path and the Truth.
Then again, the feelings towards my wife are Done!!!
But karma is a motherfucker, it will come back and I will wittiness payback from mother Earth.

do you want to find out if you are cheated upon? or do you need an excuse to go and meet you kindergarten love? I am confused? again dont put it on God, god gave human being brain and free will what they choose to do is up to them. again resolve the matter at hand. and before you jump on something else make sure your kids are well taken care of. KIDS comes first. PERIOD. so she go fvck around you go to your KG sweetheart and the kids??? screw this shit you are the reason those kids come into this world and it is your duty to take care of them. First find out if you are cheated upon? if you are then get the divorce and take care of kids. Jeez how obvious I can be?

**Mooseman33** · 08-28-2017, 08:47 AM

sorry this is happening man.
Hire a P.I and get proof. Set yourself up for victory as this will become a war if kids are involved.

Kai; you get creepier by the day

**BigPimpin76** · 08-28-2017, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by Mooseman33

sorry this is happening man.
Hire a P.I and get proof. Set yourself up for victory as this will become a war if kids are involved.

Kai; you get creepier by the day

Can One hire a PI after all this has all happened?

**Max562** · 08-28-2017, 10:13 AM

Three strikes you're out bitch...I'm sorry for your grief but it's not worth the heartache or despair to continue on because it will always be in the back your head...bitches are fucking stupid...they think they so fucking slick and they get caught all the time...it's about being on a team and if that bitch ain't on your team fuck her...you're here you together...you don't need her find you a chick that's gonna appreciate you...I know you love her that's why you stuck around...reguardless of what you think she don't love you...again I am truly sorry for what you are going through and my words may be harsh...but bitches like that deserve no quarters...kick her to the curb where she belongs...again I'm sorry for your grief

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**BigPimpin76** · 08-28-2017, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by calgarian

do you want to find out if you are cheated upon? or do you need an excuse to go and meet you kindergarten love? I am confused? again dont put it on God, god gave human being brain and free will what they choose to do is up to them. again resolve the matter at hand. and before you jump on something else make sure your kids are well taken care of. KIDS comes first. PERIOD. so she go fvck around you go to your KG sweetheart and the kids??? screw this shit you are the reason those kids come into this world and it is your duty to take care of them. First find out if you are cheated upon? if you are then get the divorce and take care of kids. Jeez how obvious I can be?

No confusion at all, read what I wrote carefully.
This Girl lives in Europe, I live in Central America.
The least thing as of now is going screwing around. Priorities of course first.... Or are we in Kindergarten

?
Of course I would like to know the Truth. It sucks just wondering about the situation and not having proof.
By what the telephone bill states its so obvious. And she of course swears nothing ever happened, just like the previous 2 encounters.
For sure I will take matters serious with a Lawyer and for now make my steps on the DL.
Fuk that ,there is no fourth time!

**calgarian** · 08-28-2017, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by BigPimpin76

No confusion at all, read what I wrote carefully.
This Girl lives in Europe, I live in Central America.
The least thing as of now is going screwing around. Priorities of course first.... Or are we in Kindergarten

?
Of course I would like to know the Truth. It sucks just wondering about the situation and not having proof.
By what the telephone bill states its so obvious. And she of course swears nothing ever happened, just like the previous 2 encounters.
For sure I will take matters serious with a Lawyer and for now make my steps on the DL.
Fuk that ,there is no fourth time!

I am trying to help you. Get a PI get it confirmed and then walk away with kids....no more suffering.

**BigPimpin76** · 08-28-2017, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by calgarian

I am trying to help you. Get a PI get it confirmed and then walk away with kids....no more suffering.

And I preciate your help!!
As of now when its all done how will a PI help? Unless they keep fukin around...

**Cuz** · 08-28-2017, 11:02 AM

What do YOU want, do want a new life or do you want to try and fix this problem?

BG · 08-28-2017, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by Obspowerstroke

God will watch you pick a shitty woman, promise.
Don't put it on God.
It's a person we are talking about, God cant change a persons will or behavior.

.

Right and wrong. God will let you pick the wrong person, but if you let his will be done in your life he will send you the right person. God can change people, I'm living proof. You just have to invite him into your life and then let his will be done, not ours.

BG · 08-28-2017, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by Mooseman33

sorry this is happening man.
Hire a P.I and get proof. Set yourself up for victory as this will become a war if kids are involved.

Kai; you get creepier by the day

Great post.

**calgarian** · 08-28-2017, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by BigPimpin76

And I preciate your help!!
As of now when its all done how will a PI help? Unless they keep fukin around...

Dont you want to make sure it is happening? or happened? why do you want to walk away just based on a hunch? plus you have no proof. what if she never cheated on you and you walked away? plus it will take the load off of your mind knowing someone is making sure what is she doing instead of you wondering what she is doing or fvcking....

**Mooseman33** · 08-28-2017, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by BigPimpin76

No confusion at all, read what I wrote carefully.
This Girl lives in Europe, I live in Central America.
The least thing as of now is going screwing around. Priorities of course first.... Or are we in Kindergarten

?
Of course I would like to know the Truth. It sucks just wondering about the situation and not having proof.
By what the telephone bill states its so obvious. And she of course swears nothing ever happened, just like the previous 2 encounters.
For sure I will take matters serious with a Lawyer and for now make my steps on the DL.
Fuk that ,there is no fourth time!

so the wife lives in Europe and you are in Central America?

How long have you been apart?

what is the makeup of this relationship?

**BigPimpin76** · 08-28-2017, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by Mooseman33

so the wife lives in Europe and you are in Central America?

How long have you been apart?

what is the makeup of this relationship?

Nooooo.... my kindergarten love lives in Europe.
My wife n I live in Central America

**Mooseman33** · 08-28-2017, 11:54 AM

kindergarten love?

man, there are more problems here.

hire a dam P.I and get proof of what she is doing, then get your kids in court.

**Obs** · 08-28-2017, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by BG

Right and wrong. God will let you pick the wrong person, but if you let his will be done in your life he will send you the right person. God can change people, I'm living proof. You just have to invite him into your life and then let his will be done, not ours.

That was how I meant that. God can intervene in your life and you still get a shit partner though.
We have a preacher in my family that just got out of emissary and got caught cheating on his wife. This same guy used to give me lectures about working during family outings sometimes when we were behind on bills.
I may have worked a little too much but I never betrayed my family like that.
Great thing about God is he is there regardless of the things people do to you.

**Kai Lover** · 08-28-2017, 12:29 PM

I have another idea. If you want to cause as little abrasion as possible, tell her first that the two of you need to go to relationship counselling, meanwhile behind the scenes tell the counselor that you want her to go to CODA and SLAA. Go see the counselor together first, then let her see the counselor by herself. Try get the counselor to tell her to got to CODA and SLAA, and also you try to coax her too.

Also the two of you could do a 10-day silent retreat together (it's free -- Vipassana Meditation). That would be very healing.

I think first and foremost you need to decide whether to treat this as a disciplinarian issue or as a humanitarian issue. Are you going to say that she has a problem and needs help, or are you going to say that she's a little tramp and needs her throat cut? Considering she's the mother of your children, I would try to get her the help she needs.