Funny people have to tell jokes

In New Hampshire, drinking beers with my buddies on the school hockey team, a dude says to me, "you know any jokes, funnyman."
Back home in Miami,
(GO CANES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
"There was a similar experience a few months months before where it had become apparent that dolts who don't get situational humor have to challenge the guy that makes them feel uncomfortable. Therefore, if one doesn't fit-in, that one tells jokes. Especially if he is already funny. According to Grandpa's behavior, one who fits-in also tells jokes.
Funny thing, Trump cancelled the very long-standing tradition of the President telling jokes at the Whitehouse Press Dinner.
Anyhow,
My favorite joke:
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
An epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits, where as a prostitute with diarrhea...

What is the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches while a peeping Tom . . .

Three nuns and a priest are stranded in the desert. They come across a camel which they ride to look for help. A few days later, the camel falls over and dies. The priest says " Well sisters, this looks like the end. Any last request?"
The first nun says "Well father, I've never had sex before." So the priest has sex with her.
The second nun says " I am also a virgin." So the priest also has sex with her.
The priest then asked the third nun if she has the same request. She says, "Well, not really father, I would just like to know what is between your legs."
The priest says, "Well sister it is a penis, it gives the gift of life."
The last nun then responds, "Well, stick it in the camel and let's get out of here."

Man walks in airport, sees a old Indian with sign that says worlds greatest memory. He asked the Indian what did he have for breakfast on April 12th, 1968, the Indian said eggs. The man rolled his eyes and walked off laughing. Five years later, the man walks into the airport and the same Indian is there. Man walks by, holds his hand up and says "how", being a smartass. The Indian replied, scrambled!

Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for grapes. Bartender says, "this is a bar, don't serve grapes." Duck says, "ok," leaves bar.
Next day, duck walks into same bar and asks for grapes. Bartender says, "Dammit, we don't serve fucking grapes. Next time you come in here and ask for grapes, I'm going to nail your bill to that fucking bar!" Duck says, "ok," leaves bar.
Next day, duck walks into same bar. Duck asks same bartender, "got any nails?' Same bartender says, "this is a fucking bar! There are no damn nails!" Duck says, "ok. ...got any grapes?"

What's the difference between a tribe of genius pygmies and a girl's track team?

One's a bunch of cunning little runts ...

Lmao!

I’ve been using this one and it’s been a hit :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Quester

Three nuns and a priest are stranded in the desert. They come across a camel which they ride to look for help. A few days later, the camel falls over and dies. The priest says " Well sisters, this looks like the end. Any last request?"
The first nun says "Well father, I've never had sex before." So the priest has sex with her.
The second nun says " I am also a virgin." So the priest also has sex with her.
The priest then asked the third nun if she has the same request. She says, "Well, not really father, I would just like to know what is between your legs."
The priest says, "Well sister it is a penis, it gives the gift of life."
The last nun then responds, "Well, stick it in the camel and let's get out of here."

---

When I was a child, I always used to search my parent's drawers and cupboards in the run up to Christmas so I'd know exactly what to expect. Although I never did receive the Vibratron Pleasuremax 3000.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Threepwood

When I was a child, I always used to search my parent's drawers and cupboards in the run up to Christmas so I'd know exactly what to expect. Although I never did receive the Vibratron Pleasuremax 3000.

---

Keep putting it on your list........theres always a chance.

The Sunday School teacher asks her class how you get to heaven. Little Johnny answers, "Feet-first."

Her curiosity piqued, the teacher naively asks Little Johnny why he thinks people go to heaven feet-first.

He says, "Because every time the milkman lays on top of my Mommy, she holds her feet up in the air and screams, 'Oh Jesus, I'm COMING!!!!'"

Attachment 171103

So a man goes to his doctor and says: "Dr I have a problem" When I get up in the morning I fuck my wife. Then I carpool to work with the neighbor's wife and she blows me. Then every time I go into the copy room there is a sexy girl that I fuck there. At lunch, I go to a motel and fuck my bosses wife in the ass because that is how she likes it. Then in the afternoon, the cute little intern come into my office and I fuck her on my desk. I come home from work and my maid ready on her and and knee so I fuck her. Then before I go to sleep I fuck my wife again.

The doctor says to the man: So what exactly is your problem. The man says "Doc, it hurts when I jerk off"

Mother had 3 virgin daughters who were all getting married in quick succession. As the mother was concerned about their first experiences, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words about what transpired.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding The card said nothing but: 'Nescafe'

The mother was puzzled at first… she went to her kitchen and found the Nescafe jar.

It said: 'Good till the last drop'.

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: 'Rothmans'

The mother found her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: 'Extra Long. King Size’

she was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words 'Air New Zealand'

Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.

The ad said: 'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'

Mum fainted...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using Tapatalk