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  1. #1
    David LoPan's Avatar
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    subside

    I was one misfire away from killing myself tonight. Honestly, if it was not for the simply support and a misfire for a bad round I would not be typing. i might be able to talk about it tomorrow but it was close. I am g;lad I didnt do it.
    Last edited by David LoPan; 12-22-2017 at 01:35 PM.

  2. #2
    Obs
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    I don't mean to jest because it sound serious but...
    There is no future in that business. I have been there myself. I haven't looked at a gun and had that thought in a long time.

    Redirect your thoughts to improvement and forward motion. Sounds dumb but you can brainwash yourself into a constructive/improvement only mindset. I was seconds away before the right frame of mind found me and I came away totally changed and haven't lost that mindset in over two years.

    My fucking world collapsed around me but two years later I get to be thankful it happened, because my entire life has changed.

    First time I can look around and actually say I am happy and blessed. All that shit I lost was just that, shit. Shiny new shit and a bright future took its place.

    The holidays can get anyone down along with all the stress of the day to day life. Keep your dick hard and you mind on improvement. Happiness will find you.

    Thinking about you, Never give up. The shit I have overcame in the past two years is unbelievable. You can do this but the key is your mind, what you focus on, and how strong you drive is to do it.

    Be strong brother.
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  3. #3
    Capebuffalo's Avatar
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    Just remember a bullet never lies. If it didn’t fire it wasn’t meant to.

    You may want to reach out to a professional today and talk with them.

    Glad you are still with us.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by David LoPan View Post
    I was one misfire away from killing myself tonight. Honestly, if it was not for the simply support and a misfire for a bad round I would not be typing. i might be able to talk about it tomorrow but it was close. I am g;lad I didnt do it.
    Let us know what happened mate, very interested
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    Quote Originally Posted by marcus300 View Post
    Let us know what happened mate, very interested
    yes, please brother we are here for you...reading your posts day to day I never heard you complain about anything in your life(or maybe I just missed it) so this was kind of shocking to read this morning...
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  6. #6
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    If you need anything I'll do my very best to help.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ghettoboyd View Post
    yes, please brother we are here for you...reading your posts day to day I never heard you complain about anything in your life(or maybe I just missed it) so this was kind of shocking to read this morning...
    Yes, I agree its very worrying to hear this and kind of got me very interested in exactly what happened.
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  8. #8
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    Im 100% sure everyone is glad you didnt do it mate.

    I imagine it would be worthwhile talking through qith someone even if its not a professional, perhaps a family member or close friend.

    Keep strong mate. Even if you cant reach out to anyone else you have friends on here it is clear.
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  9. #9
    1moreset024 is offline Banned
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    Kinda hard to gather exact scenario from vague oist, but if it what if what others gather is true...

    That is never the answer. You leave lots if people behind, that care.

    If you were all set to go, and that round didn't ignite, then the universe definitely intervened

    How often does a center fire round not go off. Very rarely.

    Reach out talk about things before they consume you.
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  10. #10
    Sh0tsf1red is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Capebuffalo View Post
    Just remember a bullet never lies. If it didn’t fire it wasn’t meant to.

    You may want to reach out to a professional today and talk with them.

    Glad you are still with us.
    Best Denzel movie
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  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1moreset024 View Post
    Kinda hard to gather exact scenario from vague oist, but if it what if what others gather is true...

    That is never the answer. You leave lots if people behind, that care.

    If you were all set to go, and that round didn't ignite, then the universe definitely intervened

    How often does a center fire round not go off. Very rarely.

    Reach out talk about things before they consume you.
    Good post. Always remember that in any given situation you are limited by that moments perspective.

    Sometimes neurochemicals paint a perspective and make it seem that much worse, and medications might not work or make it worse.

    It is almost always a good idea to not make any decisions when your engine is revving at redline... Leave it for another day
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  12. #12
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    I hope you never reach this point again maybe it's time you talked to someone bro.
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  13. #13
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    Fucking good post. 100% agreed.
    Quote Originally Posted by Obspowerstroke View Post
    I don't mean to jest because it sound serious but...
    There is no future in that business. I have been there myself. I haven't looked at a gun and had that thought in a long time.

    Redirect your thoughts to improvement and forward motion. Sounds dumb but you can brainwash yourself into a constructive/improvement only mindset. I was seconds away before the right frame of mind found me and I came away totally changed and haven't lost that mindset in over two years.

    My fucking world collapsed around me but two years later I get to be thankful it happened, because my entire life has changed.

    First time I can look around and actually say I am happy and blessed. All that shit I lost was just that, shit. Shiny new shit and a bright future took its place.

    The holidays can get anyone down along with all the stress of the day to day life. Keep your dick hard and you mind on improvement. Happiness will find you.

    Thinking about you, Never give up. The shit I have overcame in the past two years is unbelievable. You can do this but the key is your mind, what you focus on, and how strong you drive is to do it.

    Be strong brother.
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    Disclaimer-BG is presenting fictitious opinions and does in no way encourage nor condone the use of any illegal substances.
    The information discussed is strictly for entertainment purposes only.


    Everything was impossible until somebody did it!

    I've got 99 problems......but my squat/dead ain't one !!

    It doesnt matter how good looking she is, some where, some one is tired of her shit.

    Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Great place to start researching ! http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-s...-database.html


  14. #14
    BG's Avatar
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    Stay strong

    I know this sounds corny but things truly arenít as bad as it seems, talk to someone who cares about you and give things some time.
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    Disclaimer-BG is presenting fictitious opinions and does in no way encourage nor condone the use of any illegal substances.
    The information discussed is strictly for entertainment purposes only.


    Everything was impossible until somebody did it!

    I've got 99 problems......but my squat/dead ain't one !!

    It doesnt matter how good looking she is, some where, some one is tired of her shit.

    Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Great place to start researching ! http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-s...-database.html


  15. #15
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    A friend of mine took his life a year ago, another friend came to me a few months ago and was having those thoughts.
    I talked to him for hours and the problems he was having were nothing that could not be worked though. He had just been pushed long enough that he had lost focus and prespective on everything. He is doing great now and looking back he cant believe he ever contemplated that path.
    Both my friends were having problems with money,alcohol and relationships.
    Money can be replaced.
    Love can be found again.
    If its substance abuse it can be overcome.
    mental issues can be dealt with and treated.

    None of these things are worth dying over.

    I am not sure what kind of problems you are having but they can be worked through.
    Last edited by diesel101; 12-20-2017 at 11:01 AM.
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  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by diesel101 View Post
    A friend of mine took his life a year ago, another friend came to me a few months ago and was having those thoughts.
    I talked to him for hours and the problems he was having were nothing that could not be worked though. He had just been pushed long enough that he had lost focus and prespective on everything. He is doing great now and looking back he cant believe he ever contemplated that path.
    Both my friends were having problems with money,alcohol and relationships.
    Money can be replaced.
    Love can be found again.
    If its substance abuse it can be overcome.
    mental issues can be dealt with and treated.

    None of these things are worth dying over.

    I am not sure what kind of problems you are having but they can be worked through.

    Great post Diesel!

    Dave, you are valued here. Be strong and you'll get through this.
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  17. #17
    BG's Avatar
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    ^^^^^100%
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    Everything was impossible until somebody did it!

    I've got 99 problems......but my squat/dead ain't one !!

    It doesnt matter how good looking she is, some where, some one is tired of her shit.

    Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Great place to start researching ! http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-s...-database.html


  18. #18
    Capebuffalo's Avatar
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    Check in bud. Let us know you’re ok.
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  19. #19
    Obs
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    Don't feel bad or weird about reaching out either. We are all human and here to help each other. Everyone appreciates you!
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  20. #20
    < <Samson> >'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by diesel101 View Post
    A friend of mine took his life a year ago, another friend came to me a few months ago and was having those thoughts.
    I talked to him for hours and the problems he was having were nothing that could not be worked though. He had just been pushed long enough that he had lost focus and prespective on everything. He is doing great now and looking back he cant believe he ever contemplated that path.
    Both my friends were having problems with money,alcohol and relationships.
    Money can be replaced.
    Love can be found again.
    If its substance abuse it can be overcome.
    mental issues can be dealt with and treated.

    None of these things are worth dying over.

    I am not sure what kind of problems you are having but they can be worked through.
    Sounds damn near like my story - 2 bad I was the friend


    But, now I def see things in a new light
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  21. #21
    bullshark99 is offline Member
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    So many of us can relate. Check in Dave...... take comfort in knowing people do care......
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  22. #22
    bullshark99 is offline Member
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    As Obs said, don't feel weird about it, all of us need a helping hand at one point or another.
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  23. #23
    BG's Avatar
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    Hey DLP let us know how things are going, like everyone said we are here, fell free to pm me
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    Disclaimer-BG is presenting fictitious opinions and does in no way encourage nor condone the use of any illegal substances.
    The information discussed is strictly for entertainment purposes only.


    Everything was impossible until somebody did it!

    I've got 99 problems......but my squat/dead ain't one !!

    It doesnt matter how good looking she is, some where, some one is tired of her shit.

    Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Great place to start researching ! http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-s...-database.html


  24. #24
    David LoPan's Avatar
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    I am sorry and a little ashamed that I posted that here. I have been dealing with depression off and on ever since the TBI I had years ago. I never really talk to anyone about it due to I know what happens in when you get labeled a "risk". I do take medication for it. I did end up talking with my mom, someone called her to tell her what a bad person I was and she called. That pretty much helped me pass throught that risk period. The "risk" part has passed but still really depressed. Have not said 2 words to my wife. I woke up at 0400 yesterday and today and I just got up an hour ago.

    I did have a few drinks and a few beers, I never drink hard liquor. Rum tends to put me in a very jolly mood and I was in a great mood until all the shit happened. I know that alcohol is a depressant and it generally not good for you but I was making daiquiris for my stepdaughter and her friend that was coming over.

    I had been pretty much hanging out by myself, listening to good music I like on YouTube, talking and texting a few old friends. I went where they were to take out some trash my stepdaughter bet that I could not do a full 2 minute plank and I said come on and try to do one on your elbows while i do a real one. She did not make it 30 seconds and I was past the 3 minute mark. She said something about men vs women and I respoded by saying that it was due to her have to much fat and not enough core strenght. She walked over and kicked the ever loving shit our of me out of no where. Never saw if coming and would have been fine but she grazed one of my nuts.

    Then her friend showed up and my daughter was a super bitch to her. I chased her outside and convinced her to come back in. Within a few minutes of her coming back to the wife and stepdaughter started in on me. Wife hit me a number of times, not a big deal, but it was their verbal abuse that got me. Wife knows exactly what to say to really hurt me. I think this is pretty common with all wives. Then they turned on thier cell phones to record me and that really pissed me off.

    They ended up leaving the house and that is when the bad old record player in my head started going off. I am not as successful as others or as I should be. I look like crap due to being sick for so long, out of work due to illness and having trouble getting back to work, etc. Just thought it would just be better for everyone if I let them have the life insurance, the clause has passed, and they could use the money more than having me around.

    I did put the Veterans Crisis line in my wallet so I will have it in case this happens again. Here is the information if it is helpful to anyone. The Veterans Crisis Line connects Veterans in crisis and their families and friends with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline, online chat, or text. Veterans and their loved ones can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

    Sorry if I made anyone here concerned. I love this site. Thank you for you kind words.
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  25. #25
    Capebuffalo's Avatar
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    Don’t think twice about posting here. For me sometimes it’s a lot easier to talk to people I don’t know personally. I feel my friends would judge me or think I’m a failure or weak. So talking to a stranger is easier for me.

    We will talk as much or as little as you want. Just talk if you want to talk. Just try to make it an hour at a time. Then a day. Small victories are still victories.

    I didn’t realize you are a vet. Thank you for your service.
    Funny I just started a thread about Vets.
    Last edited by Capebuffalo; 12-21-2017 at 12:51 PM.
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  26. #26
    diesel101's Avatar
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    DL Thank you for your service and I hope everything gets better for you. If you ever need someone to talk to don't be afraid to PM me and we can talk.
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  27. #27
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    Dang man, just saw this thread. Lost my father in law, who was also a very close friend, earlier this year. I had no idea he was depressed, wished I would've had a chance to talk to him. Like everyone else said, you got a friend here if you need talk.

  28. #28
    Obs
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    Quote Originally Posted by David LoPan View Post
    I am sorry and a little ashamed that I posted that here. I have been dealing with depression off and on ever since the TBI I had years ago. I never really talk to anyone about it due to I know what happens in when you get labeled a "risk". I do take medication for it. I did end up talking with my mom, someone called her to tell her what a bad person I was and she called. That pretty much helped me pass throught that risk period. The "risk" part has passed but still really depressed. Have not said 2 words to my wife. I woke up at 0400 yesterday and today and I just got up an hour ago.

    I did have a few drinks and a few beers, I never drink hard liquor. Rum tends to put me in a very jolly mood and I was in a great mood until all the shit happened. I know that alcohol is a depressant and it generally not good for you but I was making daiquiris for my stepdaughter and her friend that was coming over.

    I had been pretty much hanging out by myself, listening to good music I like on YouTube, talking and texting a few old friends. I went where they were to take out some trash my stepdaughter bet that I could not do a full 2 minute plank and I said come on and try to do one on your elbows while i do a real one. She did not make it 30 seconds and I was past the 3 minute mark. She said something about men vs women and I respoded by saying that it was due to her have to much fat and not enough core strenght. She walked over and kicked the ever loving shit our of me out of no where. Never saw if coming and would have been fine but she grazed one of my nuts.

    Then her friend showed up and my daughter was a super bitch to her. I chased her outside and convinced her to come back in. Within a few minutes of her coming back to the wife and stepdaughter started in on me. Wife hit me a number of times, not a big deal, but it was their verbal abuse that got me. Wife knows exactly what to say to really hurt me. I think this is pretty common with all wives. Then they turned on thier cell phones to record me and that really pissed me off.

    They ended up leaving the house and that is when the bad old record player in my head started going off. I am not as successful as others or as I should be. I look like crap due to being sick for so long, out of work due to illness and having trouble getting back to work, etc. Just thought it would just be better for everyone if I let them have the life insurance, the clause has passed, and they could use the money more than having me around.

    I did put the Veterans Crisis line in my wallet so I will have it in case this happens again. Here is the information if it is helpful to anyone. The Veterans Crisis Line connects Veterans in crisis and their families and friends with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline, online chat, or text. Veterans and their loved ones can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

    Sorry if I made anyone here concerned. I love this site. Thank you for you kind words.
    Glad to hear you are ok/working on it. The is the only place I have found on the internet where there is no dumbass troll that is going to say dumb shit in a time of crisis. We are all iron brothers here and many of us have faced hard things like this.

    It's amazing how family like we are here. No where else on the web are people as real as they are here. Don't feel bad or weird about your post. I doubt I would have been sitting at my kitchen table with a s&w under my chin two years ago if I would have had someone to talk to besides my memories.

    Alone, is not what you want to be in a depressed state. When you get that shitty feeling creeping up,
    Go put on your nicest clothes and gtfo of whatever situation is causing it. Go out and eat at a nice place (not a bar) or else just get moving and busy.

    Both times I have been suicidally depressed I pushed everyone away and pushed myself into a corner. The grace of God is the only reason my mind state changed. I didn't ask for a change it just hit me all at once. At first the change wasn't even healthy because it was just pure hatred. I wasn't sad anymore though so it was a start. I gradually learned
    to control my hatred though and now I am happy.
    Psycologists aliken sadness and hatred in their obsevations based upon self destructive tendancies but they are dead wrong. The hate for what had been done to me gave me a fiery drive.

    The old me is dead, he died at that kitchen table. This new guy is pretty alright.

    Good luck man. I will help if I can.
    Never remain silent.

  29. #29
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    Take a look at the posts. The people on here really care about you. Everyone on here has something in common that may make it easier tfor you to communicate with us.
    Also, thank you for your service!
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  30. #30
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    david , we've chatted in private a lot . I know you like to trade. I'll trade you a bunch of bottles of Tren for that ammo you have.

    next time you feel that way , you'll have zero ammo to resort to, you'll only have tren suspension , shoot that shit instead and then go hit the gym. you'll feel way fucking better !
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  31. #31
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    If you ever think about that again then beware the eventuality of permanent damage. Most of the brain is actually not needed for the vegetative functions to keep going, some just end up severely disfigured and/or paralyzed.
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  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by bizzarro View Post
    If you ever think about that again then beware the eventuality of permanent damage. Most of the brain is actually not needed for the vegetative functions to keep going, some just end up severely disfigured and/or paralyzed.
    Fuking hell bizz your a positive creature

  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by marcus300 View Post
    Fuking hell bizz your a positive creature
    LOL I was just thinking the same thing.
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  34. #34
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    Sorry if that came out as cynical, was just meant to be realist.

    Sent from my GT-I9105P using Tapatalk

  35. #35
    BG's Avatar
    BG
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    DLP don’t be ashamed it’s all good, bring it to us and like Cape said it’s easier to talk to strangers but don’t think we dont care just because we are strangers, we all have are issue, most of us including myself have been there.
    Last edited by BG; 12-22-2017 at 04:27 PM. Reason: forgot dont, fucking posting from phone
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    Disclaimer-BG is presenting fictitious opinions and does in no way encourage nor condone the use of any illegal substances.
    The information discussed is strictly for entertainment purposes only.


    Everything was impossible until somebody did it!

    I've got 99 problems......but my squat/dead ain't one !!

    It doesnt matter how good looking she is, some where, some one is tired of her shit.

    Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Great place to start researching ! http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-s...-database.html


  36. #36
    Obs
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    Quote Originally Posted by BG View Post
    DLP don’t be ashamed it’s all good, bring it to us and like Cape said it’s easier to talk to strangers but don’t think we care.
    ?
    ???????????????? Wah???????????
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  37. #37
    David LoPan's Avatar
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    Fucking women and their bitching fucking spoiled bratty daughter!
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  38. #38
    Obs
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    Quote Originally Posted by David LoPan View Post
    Fucking women and their bitching fucking spoiled bratty daughter!
    I know that feeling!

  39. #39
    David LoPan's Avatar
    David LoPan is offline Knowledgeable Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obspowerstroke View Post
    I know that feeling!
    This shit keeps getting worst. Little shit is 24, you eat like shit, do not take your thyroid meds or your weight loss meds and you bitch cause you're a fat ass and I am the bad one.
    Obs likes this.

  40. #40
    BG's Avatar
    BG
    BG is online now The Real Deal - AR-Platinum Elite- Hall of Famer
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    Quote Originally Posted by David LoPan View Post
    Fucking women and their bitching fucking spoiled bratty daughter!
    Fuck them though, cant let others depict your life, its your life.
    Obs and < <Samson> > like this.

    Disclaimer-BG is presenting fictitious opinions and does in no way encourage nor condone the use of any illegal substances.
    The information discussed is strictly for entertainment purposes only.


    Everything was impossible until somebody did it!

    I've got 99 problems......but my squat/dead ain't one !!

    It doesnt matter how good looking she is, some where, some one is tired of her shit.

    Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Great place to start researching ! http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-s...-database.html


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