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Thread: Hardest thing I have ever had to do.

  1. #1
    bethdoth's Avatar
    bethdoth is online now Knowledgeable Member
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    Hardest thing I have ever had to do.

    I will try to keep this short and to the point. My son was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 6 he is now 32. Ever since his teens he has been not taking care of himself, doing various drugs, barely graduating high school, inconsistent work etc... basically a derelict. Last spring him and his girlfriend started doing meth, they went down hill fast. In August she went into the bedroom, locked the door, put a 38 snub nose to her chin, and pulled the trigger (she missed her brain and blew the front of her face open). He broke down the door, called 911, grabbed a towel to try and stop the bleeding, pulled pieces of her tongue out of her mouth because she was chocking on them ... you get the picture.
    So she ends up surviving and in the hospital for a month. We let him move back home with us. While living with us the past 5 months he has been hording, running the roads all night, sleeping all day, six tickets for various moving violations, basically nothing positive. Last week my wedding ring came up missing and my wife was pissed. She had been hiding the fact from me that he had been stealing all her gold jewelry and that there wasn't much of it left. Then I went and inventoried all my guns and found one of my shotguns missing. That was it we had enough. So I kicked him out. Keep in mind he has no car (very long story), no drivers license, no job, no money, and is a type one diabetic.
    He came back to the house twice the other night using his diabetes as an excuse. I told him to gather up enough stuff for two days and then on Saturday when I am home I want him here getting all his shit out of the house. It was about -5 wind chill that night and he says "Well I have no place to go, no money, and no food" I said I don't care go to the warming shelter on College ave."
    As a parent I could be sentencing him to death, but I hope that he feels the consequences of his actions and the life he created and maybe finally wakes the fuck up!
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  2. #2
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    Wow, that is some story. I'm at a loss of words.

  3. #3
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    Very sad story mate.

    I would of kicked him out the first time he stole, so he is lucky to have you care for him and his girlfriend.

    I really hope he can sort himself out and change his life.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhoag View Post
    I will try to keep this short and to the point. My son was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 6 he is now 32. Ever since his teens he has been not taking care of himself, doing various drugs, barely graduating high school, inconsistent work etc... basically a derelict. Last spring him and his girlfriend started doing meth, they went down hill fast. In August she went into the bedroom, locked the door, put a 38 snub nose to her chin, and pulled the trigger (she missed her brain and blew the front of her face open). He broke down the door, called 911, grabbed a towel to try and stop the bleeding, pulled pieces of her tongue out of her mouth because she was chocking on them ... you get the picture.
    So she ends up surviving and in the hospital for a month. We let him move back home with us. While living with us the past 5 months he has been hording, running the roads all night, sleeping all day, six tickets for various moving violations, basically nothing positive. Last week my wedding ring came up missing and my wife was pissed. She had been hiding the fact from me that he had been stealing all her gold jewelry and that there wasn't much of it left. Then I went and inventoried all my guns and found one of my shotguns missing. That was it we had enough. So I kicked him out. Keep in mind he has no car (very long story), no drivers license, no job, no money, and is a type one diabetic.
    He came back to the house twice the other night using his diabetes as an excuse. I told him to gather up enough stuff for two days and then on Saturday when I am home I want him here getting all his shit out of the house. It was about -5 wind chill that night and he says "Well I have no place to go, no money, and no food" I said I don't care go to the warming shelter on College ave."
    As a parent I could be sentencing him to death, but I hope that he feels the consequences of his actions and the life he created and maybe finally wakes the fuck up!
    Sorry man, I canít image how tough that is for a parent. My parent would literally do anything for me. (and have) Iím from a small town in the mid west and Meth is epidemic there. I had some buddies and family members fall into all that. Lucky enough for my family members they got shipped off to the military. That seemed to straightened them up, but that was only because they recognized they needed to change. I know some argue that drug addiction is not a disease but a choice, and I certainly think thatís the case sometimes. However, there has got to be some element of truth to that for some people. No way someone would want to put themselves through the self torture that ensues living like that. Unless they were mentally ill to some extent.

    I think you did the right thing, I know with my family. My cousins parents would always bail them out or rescue them from the situation. Finally they took the tough love approach and cut off their life lines. Itís hard to say, but helping someone like that is really enabling them. Their consequences are paid back by their family members and not them. I hope for his sake and your families he figures out what he needs to do to change things. Best wishes.
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  5. #5
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    I am sorry that you are going through this. I will be praying for you and your family. I can say I have a cousin that has DM1 and got into meth and stole from her parents after getting out of a few rehabs. They ended up having to put her in jail for stealing and B&E. They found the pawn tickets that way and she wnt to jail. It was the best thing they did for her and them both. Meals and insulin were provided and I beleive she did 9 or 10 months. When she got out she the last time she finally changed her life.

    It must be very hard for your and your wife.
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    Thanks for the support. it is very hard when it's your son. I never thought to go look for the pawn tickets in old room. He is still denying that he took the stuff, but he is the only other person in our house other than his friends when we aren't home.

  7. #7
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    I think you did the right thing too. He's at a point in life that only he can make the change for a better life. As long as you are willing to help him live his life that way, it would be too easy for him to choose to continue going down that path. Best of wishes to you and your family

  8. #8
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    Super tough situation. Eventually you would have had to do it so the question was just how far you were willing to let it go, he wasn’t going to change and most likely never will. It will take something huge to happen and if his girlfriend blowing her face off didn’t do It I’m not sure if anything will. At this point you can’t be guilty and let it affect your life. I I know easier said than done but it’s just what you have to do, just like kicking him out. You can still try to help, but you have to it from a distance or he will just keep screwing you over.

    Good luck I feel for you, I see this a lot here on Long Island because of the heroine epidemic here.



    Quote Originally Posted by rhoag View Post
    I will try to keep this short and to the point. My son was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 6 he is now 32. Ever since his teens he has been not taking care of himself, doing various drugs, barely graduating high school, inconsistent work etc... basically a derelict. Last spring him and his girlfriend started doing meth, they went down hill fast. In August she went into the bedroom, locked the door, put a 38 snub nose to her chin, and pulled the trigger (she missed her brain and blew the front of her face open). He broke down the door, called 911, grabbed a towel to try and stop the bleeding, pulled pieces of her tongue out of her mouth because she was chocking on them ... you get the picture.
    So she ends up surviving and in the hospital for a month. We let him move back home with us. While living with us the past 5 months he has been hording, running the roads all night, sleeping all day, six tickets for various moving violations, basically nothing positive. Last week my wedding ring came up missing and my wife was pissed. She had been hiding the fact from me that he had been stealing all her gold jewelry and that there wasn't much of it left. Then I went and inventoried all my guns and found one of my shotguns missing. That was it we had enough. So I kicked him out. Keep in mind he has no car (very long story), no drivers license, no job, no money, and is a type one diabetic.
    He came back to the house twice the other night using his diabetes as an excuse. I told him to gather up enough stuff for two days and then on Saturday when I am home I want him here getting all his shit out of the house. It was about -5 wind chill that night and he says "Well I have no place to go, no money, and no food" I said I don't care go to the warming shelter on College ave."
    As a parent I could be sentencing him to death, but I hope that he feels the consequences of his actions and the life he created and maybe finally wakes the fuck up!
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  9. #9
    Clove1234 is offline Associate Member
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    Very sorry to hear this, my dad is going through a similar situation with my sister. I know its a very tough situation. I’m from the Midwest and heroin is a huge problem where I’m from. Wish you the best

  10. #10
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    Sorry to hear but props to you for making that decision. I am of the philosophy that the best lessons hurt bad and do not only teach you what you did wrong, but also what you didn't do to avoid doing wrong, that's how I learn things myself.

  11. #11
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    Very very hard thing to do, as a father I can understand how hard this could be, but. You and your wife have very good reason for this, I understand that, again it makes it no easier.

  12. #12
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    Brother, be strong - this kind of shit can break a man @ n e age


    You will have try your hardest to what you think is right. There is no "one" certain way - There aren't many souls(if any) I would wish this upon


    I have one son, still young - I hope & try my best ever day. . . . Some days it really does feel like my best is just not good enough. . . But, it's all I have & most I can give. . . .





    You sound like a very credible person who is trying every which way humanly possible - Some things just can't be fixed





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  13. #13
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    I won't bore you with my war stories that have given me some experience in this arena. Your doing your best. Enabling just promotes death on installment plan. Alcohol and diabetes is not good. God willing he will hit a bottom that makes him surrender. Pray he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. Recovery is possible many can. Given the will to surrender. Best wishes for you & your family.

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  14. #14
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    Thats why they call it tough love. I hope/pray it all works out for you and your family.

  15. #15
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    Man, meth is one hell of a drug. Sounds like he hasn't quit the habit and the reprecussions have been devastating...


    from my perspective, the best chance for you to help your son is to get him help and cleaned up. 100% off the drugs first, then everything else will become less and less...

    Whatever happens, don't beat yourself up about the situation.

  16. #16
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    UPDATE: After 2 weeks of couch jumping, not knowing where his next meal would come from and living in filth, he begged his mother to come back home. So on Monday night he came back home. I had strict rules written up and printed for all three of us and we sat down and went through the rules. I let him know one screw up and you are homeless again. So his legs were both swollen, he couldn't stay awake and had sever leg pain (type one diabetic). When I asked him why he felt he could stay awake he said "I don't know". Yesterday I left work early and went home. One of the rules was random drug testing. I have a drug test that checks for 4 different drugs, he was positive for meth. Ya when you are awake for days doing meth your body shuts down when you come off. So I took him to the ER and found the social worker, who was great. She helped me and talked to him. Long story short after he was medically fine I took him willingly to a drug rehab and mental health facility and checked him in. It's only a 12 day program, but hey maybe it's a start on the road to a better life.
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  17. #17
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    Best of luck for him mate. Hopefully on the path to recovery
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhoag View Post
    UPDATE: After 2 weeks of couch jumping, not knowing where his next meal would come from and living in filth, he begged his mother to come back home. So on Monday night he came back home. I had strict rules written up and printed for all three of us and we sat down and went through the rules. I let him know one screw up and you are homeless again. So his legs were both swollen, he couldn't stay awake and had sever leg pain (type one diabetic). When I asked him why he felt he could stay awake he said "I don't know". Yesterday I left work early and went home. One of the rules was random drug testing. I have a drug test that checks for 4 different drugs, he was positive for meth. Ya when you are awake for days doing meth your body shuts down when you come off. So I took him to the ER and found the social worker, who was great. She helped me and talked to him. Long story short after he was medically fine I took him willingly to a drug rehab and mental health facility and checked him in. It's only a 12 day program, but hey maybe it's a start on the road to a better life.
    What would kids do without loving parents? My prayers for your family.
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  19. #19
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    I would have done the same thing bro there isn't a thing you can do for a meth user.My son did that I sent him money one time to help him.Well his X let me know the truth and he came clean.He did some jail time has 2 felonies and a couple other convictions now he is out of jail he lives with his junkie mother another story.Keep your head up.
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