Do you feel the need to test yourself?

**Capebuffalo** · 06-15-2018, 08:12 PM

I’ll admit I’ve had a few beers. But am I the only one who has to know what they are made of? It only happens sporadically. But I have to find out if I can handle shit.

The first time was in college. Can I walk into an unfamiliar bar and start a fight alone? Yes I can. Did I walk out unscathed? No. But did I walk out on my own? Yes

Can I jump out of an airplane? Yes. But not the tandem bullshit. Take the 8 hr class and jump untethered. Was I afraid? Yes. Was I too afraid to do it again? No. I stood again in the door with my toes out one hand in one hand out jumped and arched into freefall at 120 miles per hour straight down again.

The Cape Buffalo. It kills more hunters than any other animal in Africa. If it charges will I stand or will I break and run? Let’s add a twist. No bolt action no automatic. Double rifle with iron sights. We got between a cow and her calf. She mock charged and vered off. Safety clicked off but I stood my ground. Later I shot a nice bull. My feet never moved as I shot and reloaded. As he let out his death bellow I felt cheated. He didn’t charge. We didn’t have to go into the long grass to track him. He didn’t test me. He didn’t challenge my fortitude. Cheated.

The feeling has returned tonight. I don’t know why or for what reason it comes. But it is back. I don’t feel alive now until I’m tested. I don’t know what the test will be this time. But I do know I won’t feel whole again until I’m tested. I have to prove something to myself. There have been other things. Is this cliff too high to jump off. Can you get from one moving car into another going down the highway. Will the rope hold your weight. How may times will your body skip jumping out of a boat moving this fast.

I guess my question is ..Am I alone in this need? This desire? This can’t be normal or healthy. I only know I will now have to prove to myself that fear will not control me. Fear will not be a deciding factor in my life. Or will it? Will I freeze? Will I hesitate for that one second? For that split second that may be the difference between life and death. I am overwhelmed again with the need to prove myself. It is a hole that must be filled.

**< <Samson> >** · 06-15-2018, 09:41 PM

In for #1

You're on your own

I'm a pvssy, I don't test shit - I'll kill myself too fast. . . I have done so much dumb shit, it's enough - I have no clue how I am alive after the shit I have done when I was in my teens

**Obs** · 06-15-2018, 10:23 PM

I will be dead just past my peak physique.
Adrenaline is my friend, fear is my bitch, and mediocre is my enemy.

**Obs** · 06-15-2018, 10:27 PM

Play it safe everyone.
That way you will live a long boring ass life and die a peasant death. Your timidness will make you forgotten and lonely before you even start your eternal nap.

I can't take my money to the grave so I will take my adrenaline and hit the dirt with a hard on.

**Capebuffalo** · 06-16-2018, 03:12 PM

Well I guess it’s me and Obs.

**kelkel** · 06-16-2018, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by Obs

I will be dead just past my peak physique.

Then I'm decades late with this being dead thing....

**hammerheart** · 06-16-2018, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by Capebuffalo

I’ll admit I’ve had a few beers. But am I the only one who has to know what they are made of? It only happens sporadically. But I have to find out if I can handle shit.

The first time was in college. Can I walk into an unfamiliar bar and start a fight alone? Yes I can. Did I walk out unscathed? No. But did I walk out on my own? Yes

Can I jump out of an airplane? Yes. But not the tandem bullshit. Take the 8 hr class and jump untethered. Was I afraid? Yes. Was I too afraid to do it again? No. I stood again in the door with my toes out one hand in one hand out jumped and arched into freefall at 120 miles per hour straight down again.

The Cape Buffalo. It kills more hunters than any other animal in Africa. If it charges will I stand or will I break and run? Let’s add a twist. No bolt action no automatic. Double rifle with iron sights. We got between a cow and her calf. She mock charged and vered off. Safety clicked off but I stood my ground. Later I shot a nice bull. My feet never moved as I shot and reloaded. As he let out his death bellow I felt cheated. He didn’t charge. We didn’t have to go into the long grass to track him. He didn’t test me. He didn’t challenge my fortitude. Cheated.

The feeling has returned tonight. I don’t know why or for what reason it comes. But it is back. I don’t feel alive now until I’m tested. I don’t know what the test will be this time. But I do know I won’t feel whole again until I’m tested. I have to prove something to myself. There have been other things. Is this cliff too high to jump off. Can you get from one moving car into another going down the highway. Will the rope hold your weight. How may times will your body skip jumping out of a boat moving this fast.

I guess my question is ..Am I alone in this need? This desire? This can’t be normal or healthy. I only know I will now have to prove to myself that fear will not control me. Fear will not be a deciding factor in my life. Or will it? Will I freeze? Will I hesitate for that one second? For that split second that may be the difference between life and death. I am overwhelmed again with the need to prove myself. It is a hole that must be filled.

That's not challenging yourself, just playing russian roulette with fate, imo.

**HoldMyBeer** · 06-16-2018, 06:45 PM

Originally Posted by Capebuffalo

I’ll admit I’ve had a few beers. But am I the only one who has to know what they are made of? It only happens sporadically. But I have to find out if I can handle shit.

The first time was in college. Can I walk into an unfamiliar bar and start a fight alone? Yes I can. Did I walk out unscathed? No. But did I walk out on my own? Yes

Can I jump out of an airplane? Yes. But not the tandem bullshit. Take the 8 hr class and jump untethered. Was I afraid? Yes. Was I too afraid to do it again? No. I stood again in the door with my toes out one hand in one hand out jumped and arched into freefall at 120 miles per hour straight down again.

The Cape Buffalo. It kills more hunters than any other animal in Africa. If it charges will I stand or will I break and run? Let’s add a twist. No bolt action no automatic. Double rifle with iron sights. We got between a cow and her calf. She mock charged and vered off. Safety clicked off but I stood my ground. Later I shot a nice bull. My feet never moved as I shot and reloaded. As he let out his death bellow I felt cheated. He didn’t charge. We didn’t have to go into the long grass to track him. He didn’t test me. He didn’t challenge my fortitude. Cheated.

The feeling has returned tonight. I don’t know why or for what reason it comes. But it is back. I don’t feel alive now until I’m tested. I don’t know what the test will be this time. But I do know I won’t feel whole again until I’m tested. I have to prove something to myself. There have been other things. Is this cliff too high to jump off. Can you get from one moving car into another going down the highway. Will the rope hold your weight. How may times will your body skip jumping out of a boat moving this fast.

I guess my question is ..Am I alone in this need? This desire? This can’t be normal or healthy. I only know I will now have to prove to myself that fear will not control me. Fear will not be a deciding factor in my life. Or will it? Will I freeze? Will I hesitate for that one second? For that split second that may be the difference between life and death. I am overwhelmed again with the need to prove myself. It is a hole that must be filled.

I envy you, if there is not enough "tests" already in your life, life must be good. I want that

**Obs** · 06-16-2018, 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by hammerheart

That's not challenging yourself, just playing russian roulette with fate, imo.

Originally Posted by HoldMyBeer

I envy you, if there is not enough "tests" already in your life, life must be good. I want that

What is there in life?
Its all one long boring ass slave cycle, scatter your seed, go to your job, go home, toe the line, play nice, do your chores, rinse, lather, and repeat. Then after enough years your kids come visit once a month and bitch that they have to. You are decrepid and in pain constantly. Finally hospice takes over and you suffer in agony for two weeks while your mediocrity comes to an end.

Give me a bullet any day.
If I go out quiet it will be a heart attack or a stroke that suprised me. Otherwise it will just be the final exam of my tests and good times.

Adrenaline junkies have a problem like alcoholism.
When they dont have it they feel like shit and in a haze. Normal life get so boring they will destroy their relationships and life if they dont push the limits.

They are the person you want around I you cut your leg off or are trapped in a burning car though.

Had a great long talk with a two time purple heart army ranger today that is my age. Simply a fascinating human. A for real no shit american badass. I was honored to bug the shit out of him with questions.

He lives in a town full of mediocres that have no clue who lives next to them. He could have left after the first tours and ppl heart but went back because he loved the rush. An ied blew up while he was out the hatch manning a fifty cal and it sent him to medical retirement.

He has lived twice the life in his mid thirties most ever will dream of. He came out alive and mentors vets with ptsd and volunteers his time with wounded warriors. Most wont talk about their ptsd and experiences but he does and saves lives with it. He had the fire to go after what he wanted and he did it.
He didn't play it safe and he will be remembered for the badass he was.

Just another guy addicted to the test.

**KINGKONG** · 06-16-2018, 09:07 PM

Iam just lucky be alive and healthy ..when I was young I lived every day like my last..I look at life different now..

**Obs** · 06-16-2018, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by KINGKONG

Iam just lucky be alive and healthy ..when I was young I lived every day like my last..I look at life different now..

You have a story though.

**Obs** · 06-16-2018, 09:51 PM

**Obs** · 06-16-2018, 10:08 PM

**KINGKONG** · 06-16-2018, 10:23 PM

Originally Posted by Obs

You have a story though.

Yes I do...how you been OB?good to see you man..

**Obs** · 06-16-2018, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by KINGKONG

Yes I do...how you been OB?good to see you man..

Growing and working.
Finally starting to look freakish with a pump on.
This week has been killer! Just too hot for muscle maitenance with the work I do.

How you been hoss?

**Obs** · 06-16-2018, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by KINGKONG

Yes I do...how you been OB?good to see you man..

I would like to see marcus interview you.

**KINGKONG** · 06-16-2018, 11:57 PM

Originally Posted by Obs

I would like to see marcus interview you.

Doing good brother haven’t been on for a few monthes life has been,life.going through a lot of personal shit and rehabbing a rotator cuff injury..

**HoldMyBeer** · 06-17-2018, 06:22 AM

Originally Posted by Obs

Skyler was an annoying bitch though. She complained about his actions and how bad of a person he was 24/7 but had 0 problems turning her head and enjoying the money

**< <Samson> >** · 06-17-2018, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by Obs

Lol

I just finished watching the whole series again on Netflix

But - pretty much, yet somewhere in the middle. Between a hermit crab & WW

I have done enough shit to have me dead or locked up for decades - I am done. . . I am in almost 40 year old retirement.

Happy Father's Day y'all btw

When my son is old enough, I will hopefully still be around & have some very interesting stories to tell.

**Obs** · 06-17-2018, 08:20 AM

Happy fathers day all.

**Obs** · 06-17-2018, 09:08 AM

Just found out I had previous ties to this Ranger's family. His father in law was the mayor of a town I used to live in and a good friend. I did the road clearance trimming for that town. I later trimmed several trees for his father in law and took a few down on several occasions. This is the interesting part....

His father in law had me take down a giant hackberry that had snapped off midways up. He had told me in the past that he had never had any health issues.

I talked to him he said he had a clot and he was scared because they were going to remove it and he had never been in surgery.
"Why now? I don't understand why it has to happen now when I am so busy!"

Dave went to surgery the next day and two days later died instantly when a clot they didn't find broke free. He was 58 years old.

I only found this out because the Ranger said he was going to my old town for fathers day. When he said Daves last name we had a holy shit moment.

I am one of several bids on this tree and he chose mine though it was higher because he said he felt confident I was the guy when we met.

Anyway, you can go at any time so you best make it count. Don't sit back with the timid.

**cousinmuscles** · 06-17-2018, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by Obs

What is there in life?
Its all one long boring ass slave cycle, scatter your seed, go to your job, go home, toe the line, play nice, do your chores, rinse, lather, and repeat. Then after enough years your kids come visit once a month and bitch that they have to. You are decrepid and in pain constantly. Finally hospice takes over and you suffer in agony for two weeks while your mediocrity comes to an end.

Give me a bullet any day.
If I go out quiet it will be a heart attack or a stroke that suprised me. Otherwise it will just be the final exam of my tests and good times.

Adrenaline junkies have a problem like alcoholism.
When they dont have it they feel like shit and in a haze. Normal life get so boring they will destroy their relationships and life if they dont push the limits.

They are the person you want around I you cut your leg off or are trapped in a burning car though.

Had a great long talk with a two time purple heart army ranger today that is my age. Simply a fascinating human. A for real no shit american badass. I was honored to bug the shit out of him with questions.

He lives in a town full of mediocres that have no clue who lives next to them. He could have left after the first tours and ppl heart but went back because he loved the rush. An ied blew up while he was out the hatch manning a fifty cal and it sent him to medical retirement.

He has lived twice the life in his mid thirties most ever will dream of. He came out alive and mentors vets with ptsd and volunteers his time with wounded warriors. Most wont talk about their ptsd and experiences but he does and saves lives with it. He had the fire to go after what he wanted and he did it.
He didn't play it safe and he will be remembered for the badass he was.

Just another guy addicted to the test.

Imagine having your leg stuck somehow under a car, you just got a concussion from the wreck, the car has some flames to it, you can't remember shit, ears ringing, everything is hazy. Then this guy comes with a saw and starts cutting off your leg. A minute later the car goes poof and tilts, your leg that was stuck and now dimbembered is now free. The guy was carrying a saw, can't blame him, he thought it was the right thing to do. You die from the loss of blood a while later anyway. A true LOL story

**PeanutbutterDC** · 06-17-2018, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by cousinmuscles

Imagine having your leg stuck somehow under a car, you just got a concussion from the wreck, the car has some flames to it, you can't remember shit, ears ringing, everything is hazy. Then this guy comes with a saw and starts cutting off your leg. A minute later the car goes poof and tilts, your leg that was stuck and now dimbembered is now free. The guy was carrying a saw, can't blame him, he thought it was the right thing to do. You die from the loss of blood a while later anyway. A true LOL story

Sucks when that happens

**< <Samson> >** · 06-17-2018, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by PeanutbutterDC

Sucks when that happens

That pretty much sums it up

We, the sheeple r such delicate creatures at times - Oh life

**diesel101** · 06-17-2018, 07:45 PM

Testing yourself and flirting with death are two different things in my mind.

Sounds more like an extreme adrenaline junky to me.

**charger69** · 06-17-2018, 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by kelkel

Then I'm decades late with this being dead thing....

Make a comeback!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

**charger69** · 06-17-2018, 08:02 PM

I think it is time for a group hug.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

**Capebuffalo** · 06-17-2018, 08:06 PM

Courage to me is doing something daring, no matter how afraid, insecure, intimidated, alone, unworthy, incapable, ridiculed or whatever other paralyzing emotion you might feel. Courage is taking action…..no matter what. So you’re afraid? Be afraid. Be scared silly to the point you’re trembling and nauseous, but do it anyway!

**Obs** · 06-17-2018, 08:56 PM

Originally Posted by Capebuffalo

Courage to me is doing something daring, no matter how afraid, insecure, intimidated, alone, unworthy, incapable, ridiculed or whatever other paralyzing emotion you might feel. Courage is taking action…..no matter what. So you’re afraid? Be afraid. Be scared silly to the point you’re trembling and nauseous, but do it anyway!

I recommend riding a bull if you haven't. Get a nice chute fighter that likes to kill riders on the ground.

Most guys black out the first few times so a chute fighter is an advanced thing but it is probably half the reason I am the way I am.
Even when your body wants to shut off from the adrenaline you have to think clear or get tore up.

Anyway just a thought for the next adventure.
I need to try skydiving.

**Obs** · 06-17-2018, 09:01 PM

Originally Posted by charger69

I think it is time for a group hug.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think its time for a mouth hug.

**< <Samson> >** · 06-18-2018, 01:06 AM

Not necessary

**almostgone** · 06-18-2018, 02:36 AM

Morning everyone.

. Let's not get too personal with the replies/posts.

**marcus300** · 06-18-2018, 02:57 AM

Originally Posted by almostgone

Morning everyone.

. Let's not get too personal with the replies/posts.

I understand we try and ignore him because of his lack of maturity and PD issues but when he states "give me a bullet any day" come on the guys a fuking fantasies living in backward town he's never been out of. Life is for living not for killing yourself lol

I better stay out of this one lol and leave it to the tuff arsed cowboys lol fuk me.

Its like the board of mental disability's these days

but with respect AG i'll stay out

but we both know

**cousinmuscles** · 06-18-2018, 04:25 AM

Originally Posted by Capebuffalo

I’ll admit I’ve had a few beers. But am I the only one who has to know what they are made of? It only happens sporadically. But I have to find out if I can handle shit.

The first time was in college. Can I walk into an unfamiliar bar and start a fight alone? Yes I can. Did I walk out unscathed? No. But did I walk out on my own? Yes

Can I jump out of an airplane? Yes. But not the tandem bullshit. Take the 8 hr class and jump untethered. Was I afraid? Yes. Was I too afraid to do it again? No. I stood again in the door with my toes out one hand in one hand out jumped and arched into freefall at 120 miles per hour straight down again.

The Cape Buffalo. It kills more hunters than any other animal in Africa. If it charges will I stand or will I break and run? Let’s add a twist. No bolt action no automatic. Double rifle with iron sights. We got between a cow and her calf. She mock charged and vered off. Safety clicked off but I stood my ground. Later I shot a nice bull. My feet never moved as I shot and reloaded. As he let out his death bellow I felt cheated. He didn’t charge. We didn’t have to go into the long grass to track him. He didn’t test me. He didn’t challenge my fortitude. Cheated.

The feeling has returned tonight. I don’t know why or for what reason it comes. But it is back. I don’t feel alive now until I’m tested. I don’t know what the test will be this time. But I do know I won’t feel whole again until I’m tested. I have to prove something to myself. There have been other things. Is this cliff too high to jump off. Can you get from one moving car into another going down the highway. Will the rope hold your weight. How may times will your body skip jumping out of a boat moving this fast.

I guess my question is ..Am I alone in this need? This desire? This can’t be normal or healthy. I only know I will now have to prove to myself that fear will not control me. Fear will not be a deciding factor in my life. Or will it? Will I freeze? Will I hesitate for that one second? For that split second that may be the difference between life and death. I am overwhelmed again with the need to prove myself. It is a hole that must be filled.

I always took this desire out on fighting and lifting. Martial arts didn't bode well with my knees though and I get far too many injuries keeping me away from the gym... I use lifting this way to fuel my soul. In the times of my life where I didn't train, both my body and my brain just weren't good, and my desire and outlook on life was crap. With training goals it's like a shadow counterpart of everything else, the further I go with it, the higher my goals become in life in general and with what I leave behind in this world.

**Obs** · 06-18-2018, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by marcus300

I understand we try and ignore him because of his lack of maturity and PD issues but when he states "give me a bullet any day" come on the guys a fuking fantasies living in backward town he's never been out of. Life is for living not for killing yourself lol

I better stay out of this one lol and leave it to the tuff arsed cowboys lol fuk me.

Its like the board of mental disability's these days

but with respect AG i'll stay out

but we both know

Ya marcus you better stay out of this one because you have no idea what a man is. I hope nothing ever happens to you over there in England that requires you have a set of balls, you will fail, and probably die embarrassingly.

Happy fathers day again. Glad you spent it with your kids.

**Obs** · 06-18-2018, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by marcus300

I don't know where you get your story about my life because I've never told it to anyone in detail about any relationships with my family around here, but let me say I had a wonderful day yesterday but this is besides the point I wouldn't tell anyone the truth about my personal life. If by any chance

I did say something to you have you never heard of psychological reactions to someones personal comments hahaha

dumbarse
The point is your only defence was to try and attack but your attack was meaningless just like your life, it meant nothing to me but what it did say was a lot about how much I hurt you deep down because instead of directing my point you tried to hurt someone like you were hurting by the comment you dumb boy you fell for it again. Dumb and backwards come to mind obs lol

Stop trying to act all hard and tuff all the time it spoils you, maybe in your backward town your just some dumb arse who climbs tress but when you come on here and say stupid dumb comments it makes it worse. In your head you live in a fake world that's obvious and maybe that bullet what you keep on claiming lol lol real hard man saying such things with children and a dysfunctional family. You need to look after them in your disabled way

also, get a sense of humour lol

"What is the most dofficult thing you ever had to do?"

I have read your interview.
Don't back peddle marcus and pretend you meant anything good natiredly or in humor. You are an angry little boy that cant control his internal self hatred.

No biggy, just another time a non staff member would have been suspended for saying what you did. You should go to facebook with the rest of the shit talkers Marcus, you will fit in better there.

**cousinmuscles** · 06-18-2018, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by Obs

"What is the most dofficult thing you ever had to do?"

I have read your interview.
Don't back peddle marcus and pretend you meant anything good natiredly or in humor. You are an angry little boy that cant control his internal self hatred.

No biggy, just another time a non staff member would have been suspended for saying what you did. You should go to facebook with the rest of the shit talkers Marcus, you will fit in better there.

Or you.

**Ernst** · 06-18-2018, 08:14 AM

Well this thread went to hell.

**Obs** · 06-18-2018, 08:33 AM

It is all well.
At least Marcus said what he meant and I hate the filtering on this site. I respect Marcus's opinion and shouldn't have bit back.

**Mooseman33** · 06-18-2018, 09:18 AM

both of you like this place and most members, and most of us like you both, so...
not the filtering so much buddy but the fact none of us want to see it or have it clog up the threads.

You urself say how this place is slow, well, alot of us old men are done with the internet fist fights.

this one ran its course, now lets let it die and we can continue reading about the craziest who want to test themselves.

i think i read cape body slammed a buffalo some where, lets go back to reading that shit.