Not turning into your father

[EDCG19]

Need to know from some senior members how to stop this cycle. The older guys know what I mean..

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[guitarzan]

Need to know from some senior members how to stop this cycle. The older guys know what I mean..

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Ha, not sure its possible. However, the older I get, the more I realize being like him ain't so bad!

[charger69]

Need to know from some senior members how to stop this cycle. The older guys know what I mean..

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Well it’s probably in your DNA, but as long as you are conscientious about it, you can control what you don’t like.
Sort of like when you are on a. Tren cycle. LOL


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[Obs]

My father is skinny, burnt out, alcoholic, that feels sorry for himself.

I am opposite.
I blame myself when shit goes wrong, but above all I don't let it go wrong by lack of action. Something in my life fucks up it is my fault. Thats called being a man. I have little patience my father has plenty.

Not being someone is easy when self improvement is your goal. Find the flaws and don't allow them.

[Charlie67]

I've never met mine, so I'm likely jaded... but I'm a better father for fear of becoming someone like him.

Breaking the cycle is hard, especially if you're a tight-nit family and geographically close. Its the whole environment Vs DNA thing. I think through the right environment, you make make big changes. If you're hanging around toxic people, or even just people with traits you despise, stop hanging out with those people... I know that's hard, especially with family, but its still true.

I was super lucky to accidentally fall into a group of older guys when I was in my late20's. None of them smoked, they were successful in their own ways, rarely drank, etc. Surround yourself with people you want to be like and do what they do. You'll quickly learn that no one is ever perfect, but they tend to make better decisions and that will teach you to do the same.

Best of luck,
C-

[diesel101]

I hope I can turn out like my father probably one of the best men I know.

[Beetlegeuse]

Face it, our fathers left us a better world than the one we're leaving our kids. If more of us had been like our fathers, America wouldn't have turned into such a shit show.

[Obs]

Face it, our fathers left us a better world than the one we're leaving our kids. If more of us had been like our fathers, America wouldn't have turned into such a shit show.

I really been pondering this lately....

"Grandpa... Tell me bout the good ol days...........

....Lovers fell in love to stay..."

Attachment 174673


Not arguing. I just think every generation is just as much a failure as the last, only in different ways. Today we have a pussy man problem. It existed back in the 50's too though. I am sure of it. I just wasnt there.

Btw... What in the fuck were yall doung in the 70s and 80s? Jaysus chwithe

[BG]

Need to know from some senior members how to stop this cycle. The older guys know what I mean..

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My father was an alcoholic, never came home, left me outside bars for 10 hrs at a time sitting in his truck when I was 8 years old, not even remembering I was out there until he finally came out. He was gone by the time I was 10, mom had to work day and night to pay the bills then she passed when I was 15 and my brother 4 days before my 18th birthday. I fuking hated him , still will barely say hello. I was 19-20 really crazy, drinking, coke in getting arrested for fighting all the time, caught a domestic, a few assaults. I was working for my uncle at the time when he sent me and another guy to work up by the guys house, we got done he invited me over for a beer. Well 7 beers later, smoking, I realized it was 7pm already, I jumped into my work truck, flew to the shop and my uncle was waiting for me, fully pissed off. He fired me and I was walking out said something that changed my life....forever, he said "Your going to be just like your father!" Hit me like a punch from Tyson, blew my mind. By the end of that month I broke up with my girl, moved into a new place, bought a new car and got a new job. That was the end of drinking for me, I still remember the day and how I felt.....never has anything ever hit me like that.

Not sure if your talking about being a loser like your father or just some dumb bad habits, but if its being a loser give yourself a reality check, be honest with yourself. If its just dumb habits.......make sure to say that in your original post so I dont waste my time replying next time.

[Obs]

My father was an alcoholic, never came home, left me outside bars for 10 hrs at a time sitting in his truck when I was 8 years old, not even remembering I was out there until he finally came out. He was gone by the time I was 10, mom had to work day and night to pay the bills then she passed when I was 15 and my brother 4 days before my 18th birthday. I fuking hated him , still will barely say hello. I was 19-20 really crazy, drinking, coke in getting arrested for fighting all the time, caught a domestic, a few assaults. I was working for my uncle at the time when he sent me and another guy to work up by the guys house, we got done he invited me over for a beer. Well 7 beers later, smoking, I realized it was 7pm already, I jumped into my work truck, flew to the shop and my uncle was waiting for me, fully pissed off. He fired me and I was walking out said something that changed my life....forever, he said "Your going to be just like your father!" Hit me like a punch from Tyson, blew my mind. By the end of that month I broke up with my girl, moved into a new place, bought a new car and got a new job. That was the end of drinking for me, I still remember the day and how I felt.....never has anything ever hit me like that.

Not sure if your talking about being a loser like your father or just some dumb bad habits, but if its being a loser give yourself a reality check, be honest with yourself. If its just dumb habits.......make sure to say that in your original post so I dont waste my time replying next time.

Damn man...

[--->>405<<---]

My father was an alcoholic, never came home, left me outside bars for 10 hrs at a time sitting in his truck when I was 8 years old, not even remembering I was out there until he finally came out. He was gone by the time I was 10, mom had to work day and night to pay the bills then she passed when I was 15 and my brother 4 days before my 18th birthday. I fuking hated him , still will barely say hello. I was 19-20 really crazy, drinking, coke in getting arrested for fighting all the time, caught a domestic, a few assaults. I was working for my uncle at the time when he sent me and another guy to work up by the guys house, we got done he invited me over for a beer. Well 7 beers later, smoking, I realized it was 7pm already, I jumped into my work truck, flew to the shop and my uncle was waiting for me, fully pissed off. He fired me and I was walking out said something that changed my life....forever, he said "Your going to be just like your father!" Hit me like a punch from Tyson, blew my mind. By the end of that month I broke up with my girl, moved into a new place, bought a new car and got a new job. That was the end of drinking for me, I still remember the day and how I felt.....never has anything ever hit me like that.

Not sure if your talking about being a loser like your father or just some dumb bad habits, but if its being a loser give yourself a reality check, be honest with yourself. If its just dumb habits.......make sure to say that in your original post so I dont waste my time replying next time.

My father sounds a lot like yours. I actually didn't meet him for the first time until June 6, 2016. He died June 16, 2016.

It was a very surreal experience.

He was literally on his death bed, which is why I flew to Minnesota to meet him.

I gave him a chance to tell me his version of the story. It seemed all he wanted to do was explain to me that my mom really didn't want me and intended to use me to hurt him and raise me to hate him.

That was all bullshit.

Once he was done with his lies, which I think he actually believed was truth, i told him it was time for me to go.. and i left... he didn't want me to leave, and it felt good to me that he wanted me to stay and I was able to leave him like that.

He died 10 days later.

I told him I forgave him for abandoning me and my mom. And i do forgive him... because God enabled me to..

It also became very apparent that life without him in it was actually a HUGE BLESSING!!!

Looking back now it's really interesting how things with him went down. I spent 42 years of my life wondering about him, and often hating him... then I met him and he was dead a week later! So that now I don't have to deal with him ever again...

It's a sad story, but looking at it now it seems that it happened just as it was meant to happen. I have peace.

If u don't want to be like your father, make a list of the traits he possesses that u don't want to imitate and then don't imitate them.

[Kay kay]

To an extent, you are a product of those you surround yourself with. People can easily bring you down without you realizing it and inversely can also raise you up. Be conscious of this.

[EDCG19]

Not sure if your talking about being a loser like your father or just some dumb bad habits, but if its being a loser give yourself a reality check, be honest with yourself. If its just dumb habits.......make sure to say that in your original post so I dont waste my time replying next time.

Well no, this isn't the same as your situation but I have noticed things happening as I get older where I am turning into my father in some ways and this is something I don't want to happen

My dad is basically a paranoid guy (I have been having some of this happen for about a year or so now, and not trying to get any deeper into my paranoia)
My dad has also lost every job he has ever had so for me I have been worried about losing everything, I have allowed some people to get into my mind basically and have been thinking how do i not turn into him but i am already on that path and i guess from reading these responses THERE IS NO STOPPING THIS
Anyway, My dad has some type of paranoia issue and now im noticing i am following his path
I also have his aggression and i may need to find some way to channel this into more positive stuff rather than being paranoid and aggressive

[Charlie67]

My father was an alcoholic, never came home, left me outside bars for 10 hrs at a time sitting in his truck when I was 8 years old, not even remembering I was out there until he finally came out. He was gone by the time I was 10, mom had to work day and night to pay the bills then she passed when I was 15 and my brother 4 days before my 18th birthday. I fuking hated him , still will barely say hello. I was 19-20 really crazy, drinking, coke in getting arrested for fighting all the time, caught a domestic, a few assaults. I was working for my uncle at the time when he sent me and another guy to work up by the guys house, we got done he invited me over for a beer. Well 7 beers later, smoking, I realized it was 7pm already, I jumped into my work truck, flew to the shop and my uncle was waiting for me, fully pissed off. He fired me and I was walking out said something that changed my life....forever, he said "Your going to be just like your father!" Hit me like a punch from Tyson, blew my mind. By the end of that month I broke up with my girl, moved into a new place, bought a new car and got a new job. That was the end of drinking for me, I still remember the day and how I felt.....never has anything ever hit me like that.

Not sure if your talking about being a loser like your father or just some dumb bad habits, but if its being a loser give yourself a reality check, be honest with yourself. If its just dumb habits.......make sure to say that in your original post so I dont waste my time replying next time.

Respect BG.

[Charlie67]

Btw... What in the fuck were yall doung in the 70s and 80s? Jaysus chwithe

Giving out participation trophies and NOT putting limiting titles on our relationships like "marriage", which I guess some people decided was synonymous with "controlling male dominant". And then to emphasize the de-masculation of the era, we created 700 sitcoms that starred a smokin hot smart wife with a fat, dopey, stupid husband who acted like a fvcking fool. And then we began to accept the idea that being a fvcking fool was just fine and that we should be tolerant and understanding of both extremists, and profoundly stupid people, and let them drive the political agenda when maybe we should have just been saying " ya know what Bob, that's just a dumb fucking idea, shut up".

.....uh.... I think.

[Proximal]

Turned partially into him. To not be a d-head father like my dad (and by all reports, my g-father & great-G-father), I chose to not have kids. And no offense to my mom, although she too was a piece of work, had the good fortune to marry an angel and manage to not f things up with her. She reminds me when I start slipping into my father’s tendencies & I snap out of it damn quick.

[Obs]

My father sounds a lot like yours. I actually didn't meet him for the first time until June 6, 2016. He died June 16, 2016.

It was a very surreal experience.

He was literally on his death bed, which is why I flew to Minnesota to meet him.

I gave him a chance to tell me his version of the story. It seemed all he wanted to do was explain to me that my mom really didn't want me and intended to use me to hurt him and raise me to hate him.

That was all bullshit.

Once he was done with his lies, which I think he actually believed was truth, i told him it was time for me to go.. and i left... he didn't want me to leave, and it felt good to me that he wanted me to stay and I was able to leave him like that.

He died 10 days later.

I told him I forgave him for abandoning me and my mom. And i do forgive him... because God enabled me to..

It also became very apparent that life without him in it was actually a HUGE BLESSING!!!

Looking back now it's really interesting how things with him went down. I spent 42 years of my life wondering about him, and often hating him... then I met him and he was dead a week later! So that now I don't have to deal with him ever again...

It's a sad story, but looking at it now it seems that it happened just as it was meant to happen. I have peace.

If u don't want to be like your father, make a list of the traits he possesses that u don't want to imitate and then don't imitate them.

My fathers step dad was mean to him.
My father was married at 15 though and moved out.

One time my father was about 14 or so and his step dad didnt think he was working hard enough so he got a shovel out and hit him in the back. My father vomited and passed out.

My father told me several stories about how cruel he was. When I was finally alloeed to meet my fathers step dad, we called him grandpa. I never could picture Grandpa being mean like that. He was a burnt up old man that was retired.

He passed away when I was 22-23. He died slowly in hospice home care. My father and I were the only two present which seems to be common when people in our family die.

Grandpa said, "I remember how mean I was to you. I remember hitting you in the back with a shovel that day and a lot of other horrible things I did. I don't want you to forgive me. I just want you to know it has haunted me every day for years."

My Dad said, "We dont need to talk about that, the past is done, nothing we can do to change it."
Dad never forgave him.

Another way we differ I suppose. I see dying without absolution a hell of a lot worse punishment than a shovel to the back or hundreds.
I suppose the only time I will ouright lie to someone is on their deathbed seeking closure for their transgressions.

I don't know why I am like that. I just can't think of a worse torture than a lifetime of affliction and never finding any resolve, for even a moment.

[calgarian]

I wouldnt mind turning into my father. He had way to get you to see his point with just 1 sentence. I didnt liked him earlier in my life as he was really hard on me in terms of my education and curfew etc. When He was sick I flew back to see him and I asked him why he was so hard on me? He smiled and said "Do you think you will be that far along in your life if is wasnt for me being hard on you?" That was the last time I had any grudge against him, he was the best person I knew.