Beat persistent trauma? Help!

[Fiskevatten]

Since I truly love this forum and how it treat most people (myself included), I might as well ask something more personal! (much homo)

I've had issues like many others from before the pubes until after, no need to go in to that.
However, the trauma that has come with it won't f*cking let go, no matter how "strong" I get.

Most people see me as confident and I love to be in the center of attention.
I can lead a conversation with ease and I have no real fear in me.
BUT!
In certain situations like fights (especially), family issues and sex, my heart beat a 1000 beats per sec and I can even start to stutter and sweat.
I'm not scared, I'm not worried and I'm not in any way really uncomfortable, but my damn body react that way anyway.
I have tried to put myself where this happens, I have tried martial arts to spar and I have even run naked in front of 3000 people on a festival, doesn't help.
I think I've tried most.

This Saturday, a f*ckwit followed me with his "gang" and wanted to start a fight with me after a party.
I wasn't scared at all and walked straight to them, which made them eventually ignore me after a few sentences.
I was ready, but my body reacted like I was going to sh*t my pants.
That creates shame, depression and aggression, since this is not how I really feel or acted.

Unfortunately, I haven't met anyone that has been able to help me, and I feel more clever than 99% of the professionals that go "and how did that make you feel?"...
Self-help books and videos hasn't helped so far, but I'm looking for things to try.
So now I reach to you guys!

Does anyone has any input on how I can challenge this retarded body and beat it so I can be who I am? Except "stop being a pussy"?

[EDCG19]

There's no escape from trauma
It follows you throughout your whole life
Only thing you can do is try CBT therapy and change the way you react to a situation

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk

[SocioMachiavelli]

Since I truly love this forum and how it treat most people (myself included), I might as well ask something more personal! (much homo)

I've had issues like many others from before the pubes until after, no need to go in to that.
However, the trauma that has come with it won't f*cking let go, no matter how "strong" I get.

Most people see me as confident and I love to be in the center of attention.
I can lead a conversation with ease and I have no real fear in me.
BUT!
In certain situations like fights (especially), family issues and sex, my heart beat a 1000 beats per sec and I can even start to stutter and sweat.
I'm not scared, I'm not worried and I'm not in any way really uncomfortable, but my damn body react that way anyway.
I have tried to put myself where this happens, I have tried martial arts to spar and I have even run naked in front of 3000 people on a festival, doesn't help.
I think I've tried most.

This Saturday, a f*ckwit followed me with his "gang" and wanted to start a fight with me after a party.
I wasn't scared at all and walked straight to them, which made them eventually ignore me after a few sentences.
I was ready, but my body reacted like I was going to sh*t my pants.
That creates shame, depression and aggression, since this is not how I really feel or acted.

Unfortunately, I haven't met anyone that has been able to help me, and I feel more clever than 99% of the professionals that go "and how did that make you feel?"...
Self-help books and videos hasn't helped so far, but I'm looking for things to try.
So now I reach to you guys!

Does anyone has any input on how I can challenge this retarded body and beat it so I can be who I am? Except "stop being a pussy"?

You need to learn how to breathe properly. This will counteract the physiological response of your sympathetic nervous system e.g. Your heart rate etc ,sweating etc

It's diaphragmatic breathing. I've personally gone from not being able to leave the house in my teens to a student psychiatric nurse. Mindful meditation... These aren't quick fixes and take time. Btw these are tools that are used by many and not anything to do with religion or faith... Although some religions practice them.

But there is no quick fix for this, sure beta blockers may help but they will replace this problem with another

[BG]

Its tough, once your body goes there thats it, it gets an rush of anxiety/adrenaline and copes with it in certain ways, your predisposed. Im sure you can learn to channel it but its hard, its a mind game. You have to keep calm and think it out. If you let it rush all at once you wont be able to control it.

You ever see guys fight then are sorry afterwards or throw a punch then turn into a pussy? Thats because they didnt control it, mma fighters have this down to a science, its crazy. It all comes down to how calm you stay and control the anxiety. I myself love the feeling, but it got me in a lot of trouble so I turned it off, full control, takes a lot to get me there nowadays.

[Fiskevatten]

You need to learn how to breathe properly. This will counteract the physiological response of your parasympathetic nervous system e.g. Your heart rate etc ,sweating etc

It's diaphragmatic breathing. I've personally gone from not being able to leave the house in my teens to a student psychiatric nurse. Mindful meditation... These aren't quick fixes and take time. Btw these are tools that are used by many and not anything to do with religion or faith... Although some religions practice them.

But there is no quick fix for this, sure beta blockers may help but they will replace this problem with another

Thanks a lot guys! Yeah it truly is tough...
I've tried to remove most of the negatives in my life to see of that helps, and I've been in the situations that triggers these feelings over and over.
I even educated me as a high security patrol just to arrest dudes to find some calm in certain situations.
In others words, I try to meet my fearish feelings to beat them, but hasn't helped enough.

People who don't know me can see me as tense and scary apparently, that I'm not relaxed and they can't put the finger on why they don't wanna go to me (I've asked).
Quite the opposite, I'm a damn open teddybear.
Need to fix this somehow so I don't get held back in social environments and so I don't hold myself back as well.

Happy for you! Any advice where I can find these good breathing techniques? Not sure how to focus on that breathing with people knocking on me the same time, since this happens with people close by.

BG - how did you manage to cope with the feelings?

[SocioMachiavelli]

Thanks a lot guys! Yeah it truly is tough...
I've tried to remove most of the negatives in my life to see of that helps, and I've been in the situations that triggers these feelings over and over.
I even educated me as a high security patrol just to arrest dudes to find some calm in certain situations.
In others words, I try to meet my fearish feelings to beat them, but hasn't helped enough.

People who don't know me can see me as tense and scary apparently, that I'm not relaxed and they can't put the finger on why they don't wanna go to me (I've asked).
Quite the opposite, I'm a damn open teddybear.
Need to fix this somehow so I don't get held back in social environments and so I don't hold myself back as well.

Happy for you! Any advice where I can find these good breathing techniques? Not sure how to focus on that breathing with people knocking on me the same time, since this happens with people close by.

BG - how did you manage to cope with the feelings?

I'll try explain a little then provide you with a link for a demonstration. If need be I can provide journal articles that show the science and effectiveness for it as well.

Essentially when you or your body "panic" a chain of physiological reactions occur and simply.... adrenaline starts flowing through the body as the sympathetic nervous system takes over. Your pulse comes up and becomes tachycardic, your pupils dilate.... you begin to sweat, your stomach etc shrinks.... all ready for danger. The key thing here is that your breathing changes.... when some people panic they hyperventilate and this is quite noticeable...in others their breathing changes but is more subtle. If someone begins to breathe faster/hyperventilate the panic/anxiety will be fuelled quicker... if the change is subtle it will take more time.

Obviously you are going to be increasing your oxygen usage and the body will naturally begin to try suck in as much oxygen as possible.... but the problem is this is a mistake. The body relies on a balance of Oxygen and Co2.... so when you try sucking in more oxygen or your breathing changes to get more oxygen you are interfering with the Co2 levels.... This is why people who have panic attacks are told to breathe into a paper bag... because they exhale the oxygen and reinhale the Co2.... and the panic does subside. That's because the co2 deficit has been restored.

As BG mentioned fighters have this mindset down to an art and the key is breathing. Boxers control it when punching, same with MMA guys... they have to manage their nerves..make sure they don't become gassed out too quickly whilst dealing with someone trying to f**k them up.

How do you do this when in these situations? It's practice until it becomes natural. It's the same with driving a car... how do people go from not being able to do one thing in a car at once to changing gear, talking on the phone and overtaking without paying much attention? it's just repetition. So once you have it down.... you will feel the panic/anxiety coming on but be able to control it so it doesn't take over. Obviously this won't cure it and a little bit of adrenaline in these situations is advantageous.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xQJ2O4b5TM

Obviously you won't lay down in these situation like she does in the link. But it's a good demonstration to begin with. Have one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Your chest shouldnt move when breathing in


Essentially when you breathe in.... your stomach should go outwards not inwards and this will allow the diaphragm to expand which allows a deeper breathe. when you exhale the stomach pulls in (like when you are trying to look thinner)

here's another one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB3tSaiEbNY

again when you master it... you will do it naturally and not require the hand placement.

[David LoPan]

Sounds like your adrenal glands kick in hard. Your still a young buck, you will learn to ignore the "fights" and shit like that. But if this is happening during sex then there might be another issue worth talking to a good doctor about. Everyone has that fight or flight responce it just takes time and patience to learn how to contol it if that is the issue. Meditation might help and managing places and times where this occurs.

[Fiskevatten]

I'll try explain a little then provide you with a link for a demonstration. If need be I can provide journal articles that show the science and effectiveness for it as well.

Essentially when you or your body "panic" a chain of physiological reactions occur and simply.... adrenaline starts flowing through the body as the parasympathetic nervous system takes over. Your pulse comes up and becomes tachycardic, your pupils dilate.... you begin to sweat, your stomach etc shrinks.... all ready for danger. The key thing here is that your breathing changes.... when some people panic they hyperventilate and this is quite noticeable...in others their breathing changes but is more subtle. If someone begins to breathe faster/hyperventilate the panic/anxiety will be fuelled quicker... if the change is subtle it will take more time.

Obviously you are going to be increasing your oxygen usage and the body will naturally begin to try suck in as much oxygen as possible.... but the problem is this is a mistake. The body relies on a balance of Oxygen and Co2.... so when you try sucking in more oxygen or your breathing changes to get more oxygen you are interfering with the Co2 levels.... This is why people who have panic attacks are told to breathe into a paper bag... because they exhale the oxygen and reinhale the Co2.... and the panic does subside. That's because the co2 deficit has been restored.

As BG mentioned fighters have this mindset down to an art and the key is breathing. Boxers control it when punching, same with MMA guys... they have to manage their nerves..make sure they don't become gassed out too quickly whilst dealing with someone trying to f**k them up.

How do you do this when in these situations? It's practice until it becomes natural. It's the same with driving a car... how do people go from not being able to do one thing in a car at once to changing gear, talking on the phone and overtaking without paying much attention? it's just repetition. So once you have it down.... you will feel the panic/anxiety coming on but be able to control it so it doesn't take over. Obviously this won't cure it and a little bit of adrenaline in these situations is advantageous.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xQJ2O4b5TM

Obviously you won't lay down in these situation like she does in the link. But it's a good demonstration to begin with. Have one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Your chest shouldnt move when breathing in


Essentially when you breathe in.... your stomach should go outwards not inwards and this will allow the diaphragm to expand which allows a deeper breathe. when you exhale the stomach pulls in (like when you are trying to look thinner)

here's another one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB3tSaiEbNY

again when you master it... you will do it naturally and not require the hand placement.

Much appreciated! I've used that breathing technique when I'm alone and feel stressed, it actually helps a lot. However, I haven't been able to keep it up when the "situations" happen since
I get interrupted and if I force it I get dizzy and/ or start to gasp without the gasp coming if that makes sense..

It's a weird feeling since it can come anytime at anyplace if some sound or situation remind me of what I usually react to.
I can one day feel super secure, then BOM and the day after will be locked in a room almost just because I heard a bang outside.
Don't understand it.

I have saved the videos and will practice each day to set it in motion!
I also think I will return to boxing and try take myself to matches so I can get really uncomfortable, kinda like Eminem in "8 Mile" when he pukes.
Never tried that, fight someone without anger or fear taking over.

David LoPan - Thanks man! I've tried seeking professional help, but they, or I should say most here are worthless for me.
My ex had to wait 8 years to get the help she needed, my country has horrible help for psychological issues unfortunately, we just get pills - which I don't want.
Meditation is something I will try though

[Kimbo Almond]

I'm doing 10 days of silence next month . . . you should try it . . . 10 hours of meditation per day for 10 days straight ... no books, no talking, no TV.

Also.... another thing. . . .
Memories are stored in the hippocampus. But some "fear memories" are stored in the amygdala and can be nearly impossible to assauge. Only thing I've found good for that is meditation as well as SSRI medications.

[Fiskevatten]

Interesting, I didn't know that!
My friends have preached that meditation will be amazing, I'm just a beginner now so I find it more annoying than helpful.
I have a hard time having it quite around me, even when I'm home alone I need TV, PC and Music on all at ones.

As long as I can control it then that will be sufficient for me, now it's just an explosion of feelings that I feel is not me and it put me in bad positions instead of good.
Travel helps me as well, just the feeling of experience and an stress-free environment, but travel cost money which I don't have yet^^

[Kimbo Almond]

My friends have preached that meditation will be amazing, I'm just a beginner now so I find it more annoying than helpful.
I have a hard time having it quite around me, even when I'm home alone I need TV, PC and Music on all at ones.

I always suggest to people to take up chanting before meditation. You can still chant when agitated, but you won't be able to meditate properly when agitated. You need to reach a level of calmness before meditating works well.

[< <Samson> >]

Tough one for sure

Damn near everyone around me fights off anxiety damn near on the daily - myself included


Like mentioned above, breathing is #1. . . The wife almost had to take me to ER because of a panic yesterday - damn near over nothing


But, I'm not going out like that - not if I can help it


We just have to control ourselves < yes, easier said than done, that's for sure

[SocioMachiavelli]

I always suggest to people to take up chanting before meditation. You can still chant when agitated, but you won't be able to meditate properly when agitated. You need to reach a level of calmness before meditating works well.

I do diaphragmatic breathing before meditation,

[Kimbo Almond]

I do diaphragmatic breathing before meditation,

When I go to meditate for a hour, I do 5 - 10 minutes of repeating in my head "This is an in breath, This is an out breath". Then I switch to focusing just on the sensation of my breath as it enters my nose (or mouth if I have a cold) for another 15 mins or so, then for the rest of the time I focus on different parts of my body moving in sequence (feet ankles, shins, knees... up to my head).

Depending how agitated or devestated I feel, I might do an entire hour of just "This is an in breath, This is an out breath". Other times I might do 55mins solid of bodyparts.

I haven't been able to feel my breath entering my nose for a few years now, so basically I just do the first one and the third one.

After I've gotten over my exgf suicide I might be able to feel my breath again.