Take it or leave it

[Obs]

I have been through some pretty not nice stuff.
Starvation, divorce, felonies, 100% exhaustion, 120+ hour work weeks, shot at, beat by small groups, smashed, burnt, hated, and I "embraced the suck" as capebuffalo would say.

I see a lot of younger guys that are suffering through hell they create in their own minds.

The worst pain you can endure is yourself. Desire is the cause of all suffering.

For this reason I swear to you, no pain can be wrought on a man like that from the woman he loves. There is a gap in understanding between man and woman where women dont see just how bad they can hurt the man that loves them above all others.

Pride, strength, dignity, honor and will can be stripped in a few words, from this woman.

Once a man has been drug through it to the point he gives up, he will either be no more or never become so attached to a persin again.

Selfishness is not simply the lack of care for anyone but yourself. Selfishness can easily become the fact that you depend on someone for your own happiness.

If every action a person makes dictates your future, you need to reconsider who is the selfish one.

If you invest so much of yourself into another living breathing human that you cant function unless they do "x" then you are lost my friend.

You aren't even you!
You becane someone else!
You are not living your life, you are living someone elses life.

I lived someone elses life for a decade nearly before the facade ended.

You gotta wake up and smell the coffee. They just arent that into you. If they were, you wouldn't feel the need to be so wrapped up in them. They would be pretty much exactly what you expect and lower maitenance.

I hope someone can understand this.

My Gf is so wrapped up in me its crazy but I give it back. It's a terrible care we have for each other. If anything I have neglected her, which I didnt think was possible.

Yes we still argue and even fight, but I already know the outcome... Rough drunken sex and a million promises from both that we cant live without the other.

I hope some giys can understand though, if it's your first year together and you are already fighting, run away cuz one or both of you is a crazy sum bich.

I have recently watched some very gifted people who could accomplish anything they set their mind to, get dragged down by an unequal partner.

Once your heart has been truly fucked with and destroyed, it will never forget that feeling and you will never attach yourself to someone so selfishly again.

Its like being reborn into a darker world.

Embrace the suck and you do you.

You can live without anyone, I promise, I have done it.

[Proximal]

Leaving this Obs.

I don't see the connection between "the suck" & relationships.

The suck is an easy concept.You simply conquer and master it. Relationships, neither.

[Obs]

Leaving this Obs.

I don't see the connection between "the suck" & relationships.

The suck is an easy concept.You simply conquer and master it. Relationships, neither.

My point was guys are embracing the suck when they shouldnt have to. If it sucks in the manner I suggested there is a one way relationship that should not be.

[almostgone]

I'll have to say I was relatively lucky when I met my wife. Yes, she drives me crazy at times, but it's a short trip there anyway.

We've survived thick and thin for 27+ years( I think. I never can remember the number of years, just the date of the anniversary).

Some of the most unhappy people I know are the ones that stay married for the children's sake. I give them respect and admiration for toughing it out for their children, but man they live a hard life to do so.

On the other hand, I also understand that at times a separation/divorce is better when the environment is so toxic that hurts the children.

Totally agree life sucks to a degree on any level, but personally, I've always felt life wasn't meant to be too easy. Again, that's just a personal belief.

[Proximal]

My point was guys are embracing the suck when they shouldnt have to. If it sucks in the manner I suggested there is a one way relationship that should not be.

OK, understand this point and agree.

It’s me then, I’m dumbfounded that individuals allow themselves to be in situations that are so obviously toxic.

[Obs]

OK, understand this point and agree.

It’s me then, I’m dumbfounded that individuals allow themselves to be in situations that are so obviously toxic.

Love blinds you.
People keep going back to the same crap and they try and hold things together, (like I did) that simply will never work.

Relationships are a difficult thing but especially at first, if it isn't peaceful and easy feeling then get the hell out before you acquire baggage together.

If someone continues forward thinking that the other will change for the better over time, they will be doomed to suffer worse when it is finally over.

Perhaps they will be blind enough to sacrifice every dream and throw a house and five kids into the mix for the day of dissolvement.

If your mate spends more days arguing and angry at you than calm and loving, LEAVE.

Possibly give them a second chance a year down the road but most likely you will have moved on and found someone else.

Working on a relationship takes two.
Most times only one is ever working on it.
The other just plays mind games and cares only about themself.

Also will add, the first time they cut down your hobby or dream, warn them to take it or leave it.
If someone wants you to be someone else they dont love you.

Trying to think of any hobby I have ever cut down a partner for having and focusing on....

Nah, never happened.
Anything I did I got cut down for though.

My gf started to try that with lifting and I straight up told her. "Make me choose and you will go, I am not living your life for you."

She understands this well now but complains about me not being around when work is heavy.
I got her into lifting now so that has changed and she is making huuuuge progress.

[Proximal]

Yep, agree with your points.

Also, took me a while to get the take it or leave it title - get it now.

[Obs]

Yep, agree with your points.

Also, took me a while to get the take it or leave it title - get it now.

Sorry.
This post was a little out of order. Started things I never finished the point of.
I was tired as hell.

[Proximal]

Sorry.
This post was a little out of order. Started things I never finished the point of.
I was tired as hell.

No problem at all. You’re very philosophical & in cases like this, your ideas are densely packed. It’s a lot to take in, at least for me as I don’t have the quickest of intellects.

[Obs]

No problem at all. You’re very philosophical & in cases like this, your ideas are densely packed. It’s a lot to take in, at least for me as I don’t have the quickest of intellects.

I disagree.
I am betting you have a high IQ and eould smash most intellect tests much faster than myself

[Proximal]

I disagree.
I am betting you have a high IQ and eould smash most intellect tests much faster than myself

TY, but I actually have mild learning disabilities. Also there is a delay on processing information.

I only succeeded in school (or in anything for that matter) is because I was willing to outwork the next person.

[Obs]

TY, but I actually have mild learning disabilities. Also there is a delay on processing information.

I only succeeded in school (or in anything for that matter) is because I was willing to outwork the next person.

They thought einstein was unteachable.

Learning for geniuses is supposedly harder because they dont see information the same as lower intellects try to translate.

[Obs]

Shit...
I cant begin to wrap my mind around this new common core horse shit.

[Couchlockd]

OBS, has helped me through some very very rough times.

When someone knows the exact things you're going through, such as him. The conversation is worth it's weight in gold and then some.

He's saved me lots of strife in my head
.for this I am greatful.

[Proximal]

They thought einstein was unteachable.

Learning for geniuses is supposedly harder because they dont see information the same as lower intellects try to translate.

Well all I know is learning FROM geniuses is a lot harder, because they cannot break information down unto manageable ideas. One of the reasons the kids genuinely tell me that I actually teach them well, is that I teach in a way that I would want to learn it.

I honestly tell them over and over, that if I could succeed academically, then they can. They just have to be ready to put the work in.

[Proximal]

Shit...
I cant begin to wrap my mind around this new common core horse shit.

Almost every other year, there is something new that is going to revolutionize learning. As you say, it is horse-shit.

[Proximal]

OBS, has helped me through some very very rough times.

When someone knows the exact things you're going through, such as him. The conversation is worth it's weight in gold and then some.

He's saved me lots of strife in my head
.for this I am greatful.

I am sure. I hope you didn’t think I was implying anything else.

And all of the sudden, where the fuck are the like buttons?

[Couchlockd]

I am sure. I hope you didn’t think I was implying anything else.

And all of the sudden, where the fuck are the like buttons?

No man, didn't take anything you said negative.

You and me have a 100% good rapport.

[Proximal]

No man, didn't take anything you said negative.

You and me have a 100% good rapport.

Cool. TY.

[Obs]

OBS, has helped me through some very very rough times.

When someone knows the exact things you're going through, such as him. The conversation is worth it's weight in gold and then some.

He's saved me lots of strife in my head
.for this I am greatful.

You are one of the reasons I made this.
I hope I help someone.
I like to think most people in my shoes would have killed themselves around the time I split with my ex wife.
Just too much shit went along as baggage and I was painted into a corner until I broke the fucking walls down and cut them all out of my life while I sorted my affairs and waged my war.

Its at least a very beautiful life sometimes now.
I fucking never had a single day like this until I ditched all the bullshit.

You have helped me a million times similarly

[Obs]

A million times couch

[Mooseman33]

i never log on over the weekend, yet tonight I do and find something that fits perfectly.

this shit is real, very real.

Great post OBS.

[Obs]

i never log on over the weekend, yet tonight I do and find something that fits perfectly.

this shit is real, very real.

Great post OBS.

Thanks moose.
I know you been going through some shit too.
You been here before though so I bet you are getting numb to it.

[Obs]

People think nothing could be worse than a break up with the person they love.

It can be much much worse and the longer you limp it along the worse you will see.

You two better worship each other at the beginning and never argue about shit.
Otherwise you are gonna be strangling each other over toothpaste brands in ten years.

AG mentioned people who "stay together for the kids".

I hear that a lot.
Dint make me fucking laugh.
You are staying together because of selfish interest and financial woes that would ensue.

I was brainwashed into thinking this was normal and its a good part of the reason shit went as far as it did in my case. That shit is passed to the next generation who recieves the expectancy that its ok to hate one another under the same roof. They will probably wind up in a shit relationship because of it.

Sorry but if my gf started being a cunt to me every day I will tolerate it about a month and hit the road.
That would suck. I wiuld get past it though.
Been through worse.

It sounds cold but its not. Its real life and I dont live others lives. I dont want her living mine either.

[almostgone]

I am sure. I hope you didn’t think I was implying anything else.

And all of the sudden, where the fuck are the like buttons?

Sometimes you have to refresh the page for them to show, Prox. If you're like me and live in a cellular dead zone, my phone grabs whichever tower depending on which way the wind blows, logs me out, and the likes disappear. Then it's a matter of logging back in.

If it's any consolation, my satellite radio drops out as I'm going up my driveway.

[Kimbo Almond]

I would have grown old with my last girlfriend and raised her daughter...... But all of that evaporated when she kissed another man on the lips in front of me. I don't know if I ever would have really let go of her and given myself to another woman if she hadn't died.

Now I'm putting extensive thought into which woman I want to be with next.

[Obs]

I would have grown old with my last girlfriend and raised her daughter...... But all of that evaporated when she kissed another man on the lips in front of me. I don't know if I ever would have really let go of her and given myself to another woman if she hadn't died.

Now I'm putting extensive thought into which woman I want to be with next.

Nope.
She would have left you regardless.
You like playing mind games because you feel beat down in real life and act out here.

You are a victim of your own vaginitis.
Grow some balls and stop with your type D personality shit, living off the spent actions of others.

[Obs]

Sometimes you have to refresh the page for them to show, Prox. If you're like me and live in a cellular dead zone, my phone grabs whichever tower depending on which way the wind blows, logs me out, and the likes disappear. Then it's a matter of logging back in.

If it's any consolation, my satellite radio drops out as I'm going up my driveway.

If you post and someone (or multiple people) posts while you are posting... There will be no like button for that post(s) until the page is refreshed.

[Couchlockd]

I never have like button issues.

I don't use Tapatalk no more though.

[Obs]

Here is a simple test for you.

If your lady asks you to do something such as go to the store and you are dead tired; what will happen if you say "No I am beat, not right now."

Will she get pissed off and stomp around ranting and raving?

This doesn't apply to lazy types that don't participate at home or do anything other than tend a recliner at home. Guys like that dont need to be in a relationship any more than a woman that can't bear to not have every demand immediately catered to.

[Fiskevatten]

Women possess a horrible amount of power over men, much more than either of us genders realize. They have always been my nemesis and I still have a long way
to go until I can really feel "safe" around them if that makes sense.

I always watch politics and social structures that talk about protecting these fragile creatures and empower them in every way, make them feel special.
We men have it so easy and they have it so hard - and you're not a man if you don't admit that and follow that cause...
My life-story has always had the woman as the bully, as the manipulative, as the abuser, as the player and as the dominator - just in many different bodies.
Can't live with them or without them - but I'm trying as many others do.
Yes - I have it too easy and I create my own problems.

I think the pointer a few post back are VERY important!
- Depend on someone for your own happiness.
- Staying married for kids sake.
- Invest more of yourself than you have so the you is spent and turn to something/ someone else.
Added:
- Fixing relationship by taking bigger steps e.g. "having kids to patch a hole".
- Not daring to leave and start over, cuz even abuse is starting to feel "secure".
- Convince yourself that big issues are small, or will pass in time with just love.
- Feel pity and that your other half can't survive without you.

The list goes on and on as most of us know. I do agree that selfishness is the root cause in most if not all if these. I read an article that there isn't a single human behavior towards another human that
can't be attached to a selfish behavior, which is a very sad thought for moral believers.

I think, and this is my thought - Society is destroying normal human behavior by over-analyzing and placing selfish shitty rules on everything. We've had it too easy, with too much free time and for too long now, atleast in the western countries. Remember that we are social animals with the need to follow someone or something, and most still follow the loud few that makes sense for the time being. So if we give kids who are low on self-esteem and ready to be molded a ton of information on how a person should act, be, think, and then regularly change that in the same time as we pull that kid 15 different ways - ofc that kid is gonna be f'cked in some way.

This is something I believe can be seen in today's relationships. We don't believe we are worth jack sh*t, but most of us still need to be acknowledged, validated, loved and/or follow someone. A relationship
usually provide you with most of those, even if it's selfish in the end. Most also don't know who they are, what they want or where they gonna go - except again for the selfish needs (validated etc..) above and the natural need
to bring offspring, which again relationships provide in some degree.
Even if a relationship is an illusion of an answer to you - it's still some form of bickering light in the fog that you follow as long as you can.

You either need to have gone through hell and managed to climb back up to not be scared of that fog, or brough up to this world believing in yourself enough to find your own
path through that same fog.
Most see the pain or loosing someone as the worst because they haven't been through worse, and that illusion of an answer was all they had - we hate the unknowing fog.
Loosing someone you love is like loosing a family member to death if your involved enough, because they will never return.
You can ofc be lucky that the bickering light is the love of your life, but with 50% divorce rate in Sweden I highly doubt it if the feeling isn't pure from scratch both ways.

We need to toughen up ourselves and our kids, all this freedom, security and morality created by ideas are breaking society and future relationships before they've even begun.
You shall live for others, not for yourself is what I see.

Sorry for a lot of text, holiday^^

[Obs]

Very well put fiskevatten.

Its funny how even religions have totally morphed to accept the idea that a person is to live others lives for them.

Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Even monogamy was developed from originally multiple wives being normal in christianity.

I am a christian.
The indoctrinations added over time have turned into a world belief that a woman runs the show.
People make jokes about their wives wearing the pants etc.

Excuse me if I don't chuckle.

1 corinthians 11:8-12

8 For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.

9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.

11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

12 For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.


^^^^feminists read this as the bible saying man is better than the woman.
It is establishing roles of equal value with the leadership placed upon the man.


Proverbs 31:10-31

*This is a badass woman and the man that would be worthy of her would have to be equally badass.*


10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

[almostgone]

Here is a simple test for you.

If your lady asks you to do something such as go to the store and you are dead tired; what will happen if you say "No I am beat, not right now."

Will she get pissed off and stomp around ranting and raving?

This doesn't apply to lazy types that don't participate at home or do anything other than tend a recliner at home. Guys like that dont need to be in a relationship any more than a woman that can't bear to not have every demand immediately catered to.

Nah, Mrs. AG isn't like that at all. She may be disappointed if it were something like one of family's many, many notoriously agonizing (for me) events, but she wouldn't throw a tantrum.

Actually, it scares her if I say am beat down and burnt out....some nonsense about my heart crapping out or something.

Honestly, if we ever hit the lottery, we would enjoy just spending time together tinkering around out in the yard, etc. Not to say we wouldn't enjoy researching and doing charitable projects, but we just kind of "click". She likes country music... I like metal, the heavier the better, but we coexist just fine.

We both love mastiffs ( yes, we will have more in the future; still getting over putting the big boy down a couple of years ago), but we just have fun together.

She likes scary movies, I like documentaries and history, but it all works out

[Obs]

Nah, Mrs. AG isn't like that at all. She may be disappointed if it were something like one of family's many, many notoriously agonizing (for me) events, but she wouldn't throw a tantrum.

Actually, it scares her if I say am beat down and burnt out....some nonsense about my heart crapping out or something.

Honestly, if we ever hit the lottery, we would enjoy just spending time together tinkering around out in the yard, etc. Not to say we wouldn't enjoy researching and doing charitable projects, but we just kind of "click". She likes country music... I like metal, the heavier the better, but we coexist just fine.

We both love mastiffs ( yes, we will have more in the future; still getting over putting the big boy down a couple of years ago), but we just have fun together.

She likes scary movies, I like documentaries and history, but it all works out

You two sound very similar to me and mine.
You got a great one.

[almostgone]

You two sound very similar to me and mine.
You got a great one.

Yes sir, she's a lucky woman and I'm a wonderful man.

..and it sounds like you have a good as well, Obs!!

[Proximal]

Nah, Mrs. AG isn't like that at all. She may be disappointed if it were something like one of family's many, many notoriously agonizing (for me) events, but she wouldn't throw a tantrum.

Actually, it scares her if I say am beat down and burnt out....some nonsense about my heart crapping out or something.

Honestly, if we ever hit the lottery, we would enjoy just spending time together tinkering around out in the yard, etc. Not to say we wouldn't enjoy researching and doing charitable projects, but we just kind of "click". She likes country music... I like metal, the heavier the better, but we coexist just fine.

We both love mastiffs ( yes, we will have more in the future; still getting over putting the big boy down a couple of years ago), but we just have fun together.

She likes scary movies, I like documentaries and history, but it all works out

You are a lucky & fortunate couple.

You 2 sound a lot like myself and my wife.

I (the wife and I) feel blessed. We are each far from perfect, but the ability to sacrifice and empathize with each other; to give of ourselves because you know that in time the other will do the same; to be completely honest & communicate with complete transparency has been something that has evolved through the many years.

We had bumps in the road, we were separated, yet our love & friendship never waned.

It's a bit spooky, because now we are to the point that we are planning for our deaths & what we will be doing if and when.

Man, it's been a ride.

Mf'r - this is a steroid forum & to have post exchanges like these is a thing of beauty.

[Obs]

Yes sir, she's a lucky woman and I'm a wonderful man.

..and it sounds like you have a good as well, Obs!!

There is somethin in yours and mine and prox's women thars the same... They are all not selfish and try as hard as you do. They are understanding and considerate. They meet in the middle.


This in itself takes a long time to find and I would wager 80% of relationships are and were 100% shit from the start because one of the two does not fit those priciples. One becomes a tool for the other.
Their servant rather than their partner.

Today its usually the guy getting used.