VitaMix Blender

[JohnnyBreeze]

Hello Everyone,

I hope I am not breaking any rules with this post as I have read through all of the rule stickies and didn't see anything. I'm selling my brand new VitaMix blender. If you know anything about these blenders, they are all around amazing. This is a copy of my craigslist ad with my phone number removed. It's long, but I wanted to make it enjoyable to read. Also, if I am breaking any rules by posting this, I apologize and please have a moderator remove the post. If you're interested, PM me.



For sale is a brand new Vitamix 5300 in the color red. It has the low profile 64oz container, so it can fit under most hanging cabinets with the container on the blender. Included in the sale is a tamper holder (was an extra $25 to buy). The tamper itself is included with the 5300. The price is $310, however I will give an 8% discount if paying in Bitcoin. Online and in stores this model ranges from $350-$400 (without the tamper holder) and most companies are charging tax now. So at the lower end (with tamper holder) it would cost $415 with tax. That leaves you with a Benjamin to responsibly save in your savings account, and $5 to buy a couple power balls. Imagine, this sale could make you a 1%er. Also, my correct phone number is at the end of this post. I don't want robocalls, I have enough of those already.

If you have never owned a Vitamix blender, then prepare yourself to be impressed. Here are a few things from my experience with them.

• They all have 2.2 horsepower motors and can blend anything you throw at them. I used to work at a drilling fluids laboratory and sometimes needed to pulverize the rock cuttings (that come up from the well) as small as possible. My older 5200 model with the dry container, pulverized rock better and quicker than our dedicated $3,000 grinder. After 10 or 15 times, the blades only had a few small nicks here and there. It worked so well that we purchased a Vitamix for the lab and the company reimbursed me for my dry container ($110), even though there was nothing wrong with it. Ha Ha, suckers. To use a quote from the blockbuster hit movie Dodgeball, “If you can catch a wrench, you can catch a dodgeball” well “If you can blend rocks, you can blend a smoothie”

• If you dislike ice chunks in your smoothies, you’ll be extremely happy with this blender. I don’t even remember what an ice chunk in a smoothie feels like. I do remember they are cold and I hated them, but that’s it. This 5300 is an upgrade from the 5200 too, so your ice chunks will disappear faster than the president can send out Tweets.

• I think they are attractive and accentuate your kitchen counter well, especially when you can store the container on it under your cabinets. Not as attractive as Ryan Reynalds, but probably as attractive a Hugh Jackman.

• Vegetables, ugh raw vegetables. Why do they have to be so healthy for you; they’re gross. Well, not in this blender. You can add say, spinach and broccoli with any kind of fruit you like, and the Vitamix blends them so well that you can barely, very barely taste them at all. The sweetness of the fruit completely overpowers the bitterness of the gross vegetables like LSU overpowered Clemson. Except the Vitamix won’t get you in trouble for smoking after unless you forget to turn it off for 10 minutes, and the smoothie gets so hot from the beastly motor that the smoothie starts smoking. That’s the smoothie, not the blender.

• They last forever. I bought my refurbished 5200 in 2009 and it works just as well as the day I bought it. If you’re asking yourself, why is this guy selling his brand new expensive blender when he’s all lovey doevey about his old one. Well, I spent way too much money on myself this Christmas and I don’t want to go into debt like a millennial just out of college.

• They are built like tanks. My 5200 once slipped from my weak, unhealthy hands when I first got it, before my vegetable smoothies made me healthy and strong. I was completely embarrassed when I finished crying after seeing that absolutely nothing happened to it. Come to think of it, I’m still embarrassed about that crying episode, but hey, real men cry too.

• It comes with a really good warranty, 7 years. That’s the time it’s going to take for me to restore my credit after buying the farm last month.

Online this model ranges anywhere from $350-$400, so I’ve priced it as low as I can without declaring Chapter 11. But if you were more frugal than I was and buy this blender, you will not be disappointed. It will last longer than you’ll keep your next two cars and blend better than that blender you have in the back of your cabinets you never use because you hate ice chunks as much as I do.

Since you can never be too careful these day, I’ll only make this transaction at the online exchange safe zone at the ********* police station on University Avenue. If you’re scared of the man, and I am a little too, then we can exchange at any Starbucks within a 15 mile radius from **********. Hell, I’ll also buy you a cup of coffee or Frappuccino and maybe we’ll become best friends. I can ship within Louisiana and possibly within a 400 mile radius of **********. UPS ground to Dallas (390 miles) costs $27. Anything farther would be prohibitively expensive. You would be responsible for shipping costs (I will charge you exactly what I have to pay) and if paying by Paypal or Venmo, the funds would have to be verified in my account before shipping.

Now, for me to be mean. Do not ask to swap me for a gift card or offer to pay one of my bills or any nonsense like that. Cash rules everything around me, C.R.E.A.M. get the money. That’s lyrics from a famous rap song for those of you without broad taste in music genres. I might consider Paypal or Venmo when we meet in person, but we would have to wait until the funds are verified in my account. We can do that over the cup of coffee. Remember, I’m also offering an 8% discount if paying in Bitcoin.

Thanks for your consideration. You can contact me at **************. Call or text, but please be considerate and not contact me after 10:30-11:00pm at night. Not getting enough sleep is unhealthy and I don’t want to negate all the health benefits of my vegetable smoothies.

[< <Samson> >]

I’ll give u a 100 bucks

[Quester]

$150

[JohnnyBreeze]

lol, I'm probably going to end up keeping it. I haven't gotten a single reply from Craigslist or on Facebook Market. I really thought I would have gotten some though. I priced it lower than a refurbished one, and these are really good and popular blenders. What I said about it crushing shale into finer particles than our $3K grinder, was true. Anyway, I'm trying to get my mom to eat better and will just give my old one to her and let this one take it's place. I'll just keep telling myself it makes my kitchen match better than my other black one.

[< <Samson> >]

Throw it on eBay or if you don't live in the boonies, OU




Or - I'll give u 100 bucks < shipped

[David LoPan]

The wife, daughter, and son all have one of those. I use a cheap one that has a magic bullet type of cup so I can make single-serving protein shakes.

[< <Samson> >]

The wife, daughter, and son all have one of those. I use a cheap one that has a magic bullet type of cup so I can make single-serving protein shakes.

My kTec is still money. . . . Love this thing. The VitaMix just isn't counter friendly imo

[JohnnyBreeze]

The only reason I haven't put it on Ebay yet, is that with the Ebay fees, PayPal fees, and shipping cost (especially to someone across country), I would have to price it above the other listings for the same item not to lose a good bit of money. So, it would probably sit or not sell. I already priced it lower than I spent for it and the holder. I'm waiting to see if I get any serious inquiries and considering if it's worth the money I would lose to put it on eBay. I still want my mom to have one, so it's not a huge deal if I have to keep it and give her my old one.

[< <Samson> >]

Aight, 120


I’ll send u a Nigerian check as soon as it arrives