Today's massage - Flacidity not possible

[Fluidic Kimbo]

I'm in my 30's now and I've had enough massages over the years that I don't get too excited by it nowadays.

The most a masseuse will notice with me, when I'm lying face down and then turn over to lay face up, is a small bump, almost like there was a golf ball resting on my groin. Nothing like the tent I used to pitch ten years ago.

So anyway right now I'm in the Canary Islands on holidays. I went for a 90-min Thai massage earlier today. I had already sent WhatsApp messages to the masseuse to make my booking, and I mentioned that I can speak the Lao language (the Northern dialect of Thai), and so she started sending audio msgs to me in Lao, and I sent some back. All clean and polite.

So I arrive at the parlour and I'm greeted by a gorgeous little 5'2" angel smiling at me speaking Lao, and so we had a rapport right away speaking a far away language in a prime European holiday destination. She looked happy and healthy.

So I'm in the massage room and I'm lying naked face down on the table, and she walks in and places a towel over my ass. In usual Thai style she climbs up on the table and is using her knees and elbows to massage me. This was pleasant but didn't result in a total loss of cabin pressure in my pelvic region.

So then it came the time to turn over, and I was only about 10% de-flacidified so I was able to easily hide it by pinching my member between my thighs. Not even the slightest bump, I was the ideal massage client.

Next came the tsunami I wasn't expecting. I'm lying face up on the table with a towel over my groin. She massages my left foot and places it about 2' to the left. Then she massages my right foot and places it 2' to the right.

So now my legs are apart and I'm lying face up. She proceeds to climb up on the table, one hand on each of my shins, and she crawls up between my legs, and moves her hands inch by inch up my shins, my knees, my thighs.

That was it. Complete and utter total loss of flacidity. I wasn't even at 90% or 95% -- I'm talking maximal engorgement. Having her crawl her way up me like that was the end to my flacid protest. The tent I was pitching was so outrageous that it would have been ridculous to even try re-arrange it. I pushed it to the side twice when she was massaging my inner thigh on each side, but I tried to do so quickly and without too much fuss.

I regularly have massages at home in N. Ireland, but even at Thai places in the UK they don't crawl up the front of your body like that.

There wasn't any genital contact but I still left with a similar feeling to having recently had sex -- although I haven't had sex in five years so maybe I'm callibrated differently now.

I asked if she wanted to go for dinner and she seemed enthusiastic. I'm here for another month so we'll see what happens.

[SampsonandDelilah]

Dear Penthouse Forum readers....

You beat me to the punch. Legit was going write that exact same thing. Was like a step back in time...

[Honkey_Kong]

You beat me to the punch. Legit was going write that exact same thing. Was like a step back in time...

People actually read the articles?

[Fluidic Kimbo]

I wanted to go the gym today to do my Sunday ritual of squatting 100kg . . . but get this . . . gyms are closed in the Canary Islands on Sunday. Every one of them.

[SampsonandDelilah]

People actually read the articles?

Penthouse forums was the shit...always the obligatory

“Dear penthouse forum, You’re never going to believe what happened to me”

[Honkey_Kong]

Penthouse forums was the shit...always the obligatory

“Dear penthouse forum, You’re never going to believe what happened to me”

Hahahahaha I always skipped the written articles and went for the pictures. I used to keep my mags and my VHS collection in trunk in my closet until my fvuking mom decided to clean my room one day and found them.

[redz]

No sex in 5 years?!?!!?!

[Fluidic Kimbo]

No sex in 5 years?!?!!?!

Yeah I haven't been chasing it like I used to.

In other news.... I want to get a high-power pellet handgun here on holidays, but I won't be able to bring it back home.... so I might put it in a box for an airsoft gun and mail it home to myself. If they xray it and see a gun then they might just accept that it's an airsoft gun. Worst case scenario it will be siezed by customs and I'll just say that the shop just sent out the wrong gun.

[wango]

Magazines and VHS tapes, holy cow, what a flash back.

Back in the 80’s there were some pretty hot chicks on music vids on MTV as well.

Anyone out there have a Farrah Fawcett poster where her hair looked like it spelled spelled “sex”?

[SampsonandDelilah]

Magazines and VHS tapes, holy cow, what a flash back.

Back in the 80’s there were some pretty hot chicks on music vids on MTV as well.

Anyone out there have a Farrah Fawcett poster where her hair looked like it spelled spelled “sex”?

Of course I did

[Honkey_Kong]

Had that happen to me a time or two in the long long ago. Not a lot worse at that age lol!

She would be like "What the hell are these?"

"Mom, those aren't mine.. I'm holding on to them for a friend."

[lovbyts]

Wow I cant imagine something like that happening to someone getting a Thai massage. Ive only been to Thailand 6 or 7 times, Philippines, OK I lost count. Ive NEVER had an experience like that.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Wow I cant imagine something like that happening to someone getting a Thai massage. Ive only been to Thailand 6 or 7 times, Philippines, OK I lost count. Ive NEVER had an experience like that.

You mean you've never heard of them crawling up the front of your body like that?

[lovbyts]

You mean you've never heard of them crawling up the front of your body like that?

Its called Sarcasm. lol Ive had them crawl up my body like this, LOL.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Its called Sarcasm. lol Ive had them crawl up my body like this, LOL.

It would fuck up my meditation if I went back to that shit.