People affected by another person's addiction

[Fluidic Kimbo]

I had two funerals to go to last year, and four so far this year. Out of those six, two were natural causes (1 x Covid, 1 x Heart Failure). The other four were readily preventable on the day they occurred (2 x heroin ingestion, 1 x alcohol ingestion, 1 x suicide).

So anyway I have another friend now, and I've accepted (or at least I'm trying to accept) that he's going to die this year. About two months ago he needed to go into hospital for an alcohol detox, and so I visited him in hospital, and then when he was discharged, we went to the supermarket and I bought him a load of food. For the past year or two I've been throwing him 5's, 10's and 20's here and there. I brought him to a prayer meeting once too but I don't think he was sold on it.

My friend used to have a good career, but after a miscarriage between him and his partner, the strain was too much on their relationship and it all fell apart. What hit him the hardest though, was a year later he was out in the middle of town and he saw her walk by, and she was heavily pregnant. I can definitely relate to why alcohol became one of his most attractive options.

After his inpatient detox, he swore he never wanted to touch alcohol again. He was convincing, and it was quite believable because I can't imagine the whole experience was very pleasant (although it might have been a break in the monotony of sitting at home alone drinking). I do think he meant what he said when he said it.

Anyway he's back drinking now. About 2 or 3 weeks ago he had to go into hospital with an irregular heartbeat. One of the consequences of him having an irregular heartbeat is that they won't give him his SSRI antidepressant anymore. So they're taking his antidepressant off him now when he needs it the most. And not only that, you should take about 8 weeks to wean off an antidepressant -- you're in for a bad time if you stop it suddenly; some doctors stop it over 2 weeks which is way too quick. In my friend's case though, it's an immediate stop -- no more pills for him.

I've done a lot for my friend, but of course I could always do more. I could get up at 4am every day and go over and clean his house, do his laundry, cook his breakfast. The thing is though, I want to enjoy my life. I'm content with what I've done for him, and now he's on his way out. He'll probably be dead by Christmas. He knows that there's a rehab bed waiting for him if he wants it, and that it's paid for by wealthy businessmen who attend a nearby church. I've tried being blunt with and saying "I think there's a good chance of you dying this year", but I've failed to motivate him to go into rehab.

There's a support group in my locality called "Al Anon" and it's for people who are affected by another person's alcoholism. I'm going tonight for the first time and I'm going to be pretty cold and callous, and just say to the group:

"I'm only here to brace myself for the day my friend dies, because I don't want to be in a situation where I have to take time off work or stop going to the gym; I want to take his death in my stride. So basically I'm going to come here every Monday to gently become more comfortable with my friend's pending death".

[DinAZ]

That is very mature of you to go to Al Anon. If his addiction is impacting your life, it could be a good outlet for you. I have tried 1 on 1 therapy and I never really liked it, but when I got treatment for opioids they required me to go to peer support groups. I wasn't thrilled to do it in the beginning, but I kept attending for over a year after I was no longer required to. We have a need to relate to each other as humans in general, and for something like this it is easier to relate to people who have a similar set of shared experiences.

I've seen people like your friend who keep going for years and then turn their life around, but I've also seen people party less and die from 1 stupid night partying ODing on Tylenol and alcohol (from vikes with Tylenol in them). Who is to know what will happen with your friend; you need to take care of yourself first so it sounds like you have made a healthy decision in going to the meeting.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Just back from my first Al Anon meeting.

Found it very helpful.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

A friend of mine is addicted to casinos. He is a great husband and dad but he spends decent amount of his income to pay back the loans he took. Definitely it has an impact on his family and their wellbeing.

Tell them to move to the UK and to forget about his old debt. You don't need health insurance over here (i.e. health care is free).