How to tell when you've gone too far.

**Obs** · 10-02-2021, 05:34 PM

I thought about posting this in the injuries and Rehab but I guess the lounge is more suitable.

I have always been very introspective even whenever I was out of it and going way too far. Knowing your own Mental Health and admitting it to yourself versus changing it is two different things.

Nothing I can say will change anyone's mental state but I can tell you what it's like going down the slide into absolute nothing and hitting rock bottom.

I have done things I never thought I would do and it was a long journey to the bottom. Everyone out there has a virtue or a moral code and certain lines they won't cross. If you catch yourself Crossing one line or thinking seriously about it I highly recommend you do whatever you have to do to get away from it.
It really doesn't mean much me saying that because lots of people told me that as I was stumbling.

I should have never left the gym I should have never let my work take control. I should have changed my mindset from being that I could take on the world and that I had it together into accepting that I couldn't be 100% in any place in my life. A good friend told me I would rather be 50% or 70% in every aspect of my life then to try to be one hundred percent in any place. He warned me many times to stop trying to live for my business and that was coming from a multi-millionaire that owns many businesses.

Once my work took me out of the gym it was a very short matter of time until my relationship with my girlfriend was over my business started to decline and I was spent. I just didn't give a damn anymore as I got more and more depressed I got more and more alcohol in me and more drugs in me and I chased more women and buried myself in booze and the wrong kind of pussy until I was totally threadbare.

I would go to work and come home at 10 at night to a woman that was pissed off at me and it made me mad so I just pushed her away that much harder. I didn't have to do that to make ends meet I could have turned some people away or put more on my employees. Once you start giving one thing 100% of your attention everything else will fall apart. Pretty soon you won't be able to give any of your attention to anything and you won't care to.

As you decline you may think that no one is feeling the pain with you but I assure you everyone is feeling your mistakes, every single person around you. I think every single closet alcoholic thinks that they are only hurting themselves.

Finding a balance in life means you are mentally healthy. If you can't balance everything with bodybuilding and lifting then you are not mentally healthy or something has to go/change.

If you catch yourself drinking or using drugs as a form of numbing the pain then you don't have very long. If you drink to cut loose and have a good time once in a while or even get plastered once in awhile or Tie one on it's no big deal. If you drink because your mindset is, "okay Fuck this shit," then you got a big problem.

I used the gym to battle depression and keep myself in check with something that I enjoyed as a release. Thinking that I could make it without it was very stupid of me. I knew better and I had even talked about it on here.

The strongest muscle you have is your mind so you better build it before any of your others.

Take a look at your life and the things that are important to you and ask yourself how you can balance them better and more evenly. This is not coming from a great successful person this is coming from someone who has gone down the slide to the bottom. Once you've gone too far you may not have very long to correct it.

**Test Monsterone** · 10-02-2021, 07:53 PM

Welcome back man, you always had some great wisdom and inspiration to share. A lot of us struggle with mental health. I've smoked weed for 20 years and just quit 16 days ago. I hardly have motivation for anything and I've worked out twice in the last couple of weeks with getting appendicitis and just feeling like shit overall. I need to learn to to find purpose outside of my drug of choice, to find excitement in others' company, to enjoy a movie without being high. I also realized steroids have been another outlet for me, a way to mask my darkness. What I'm saying is, don't trade the booze for steroids. Steroids destabilize me mentally... I become jealous, angry, suicidal, you name it. I do best on a moderate TRT dose, that's it. I think you're an extremist, like many of us. It's best to stay in the middle, like your buddy said. The tough part is trying to find the motivation to stay sober when sometimes the emotional pain you feel makes you second guess your sobriety. I try to think of days when I was happy as a kid, when I didn't know about drugs or alcohol... or steroids. I just found happiness in the simple things. It's hard to find that as an adult, at times. Sometimes the best way to cope is to help others struggling and just give them a word of advice. It makes this world more palatable when we share our human emotions and realize that through our struggles, we are more similar than we thought.

**Obs** · 10-02-2021, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by Test Monsterone

Welcome back man, you always had some great wisdom and inspiration to share. A lot of us struggle with mental health. I've smoked weed for 20 years and just quit 16 days ago. I hardly have motivation for anything and I've worked out twice in the last couple of weeks with getting appendicitis and just feeling like shit overall. I need to learn to to find purpose outside of my drug of choice, to find excitement in others' company, to enjoy a movie without being high. I also realized steroids have been another outlet for me, a way to mask my darkness. What I'm saying is, don't trade the booze for steroids. Steroids destabilize me mentally... I become jealous, angry, suicidal, you name it. I do best on a moderate TRT dose, that's it. I think you're an extremist, like many of us. It's best to stay in the middle, like your buddy said. The tough part is trying to find the motivation to stay sober when sometimes the emotional pain you feel makes you second guess your sobriety. I try to think of days when I was happy as a kid, when I didn't know about drugs or alcohol... or steroids. I just found happiness in the simple things. It's hard to find that as an adult, at times. Sometimes the best way to cope is to help others struggling and just give them a word of advice. It makes this world more palatable when we share our human emotions and realize that through our struggles, we are more similar than we thought.

Fixing a mind once it has gone too far has a long process it doesn't change overnight. Finding peace is the hard part during the day it's not as hard as it is at night in the quiet. I have been knocking myself out with anxiety meds at night lately which is better than booze but I wake up in the morning feeling like absolute shit and unmotivated.

I hope your doing good and I hope you keep it on the straight and narrow. And yes I go too far with damn near everything I do as far as any sort of drug goes. Steroids were healthy for me as far as my mindset went it was everything in my life that brought me down.

I stayed on juice not going to the gym and I sustained very well. Once I came off though that was it

**Obs** · 10-02-2021, 08:02 PM

There was a lot of defining breaking points as I descended. I got ran over by my dump truck and it messed me up pretty good. I was right in the middle of a big ass contract taking down phone lines and I had to keep working so I got to wear the cast on my broken wrist for one day and then I cut it off in my garage. I kept working through it hating my job every second and it just got worse and worse.

**Test Monsterone** · 10-02-2021, 08:37 PM

You're right about that - fixing the mind, the spirit, takes longer than any broken bone or bruise. I'll say this - don't expect perfection from yourself. Don't despair if you slip. Always reach toward what you know is right. What I mean about steroids is, the ego can be a son of a bitch. Everything in life has a consequence. If they make you feel that good in one way, they're gonna do an equal negative on you in another way. You may not realize it then. "it's all about moderation..." well that's true. I'm gonna run a cycle here and there, but I'm not trying to compete with anyone anymore. I have an outlet in making music... Every cycle I ran I never touched an instrument. It was all about my ego. How jacked I look, how I impressed so and so, how I can't miss a workout, how I put off other social engagements because I need to lift and eat and sleep. For what? At the end of the day you can get sick and lose it all in a month. I'm looking at life in a different way now... the long term. If juice makes you a better person, so be it. I thought weed made me a better person, only because when I didn't have it I was a mess. I realize that was part of the addiction. If I ever go back to it, it will be in moderation. I need to relearn how to live in moderation, I hope you find what works for you.

**redz** · 10-02-2021, 08:38 PM

I’ve been down the rabbit hole myself, toxic relationship and poisoning myself. Thank for those days are long gone. I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been and nearing my all time best physique. Life is crazy but sometimes there’s only one way to go now it motivates me.

**SampsonandDelilah** · 10-02-2021, 08:59 PM

Man, lots of openness and compassion in here. Bless yourself with the same grace you give others. One day at a time.

I’d start sharing my shit (which I’ve done) but worried one of you would send me a bill.

In all honesty we’re all broken on some level, or just completely emotionally unaware of our own shortcomings. Some of us are just closer to whatever we’re striving for. Doesn’t mean life isn’t waiting to humble you at any second.

I was in the best shape of my life, killer job, beautiful wife, two amazing boys. Then wham, cancer. Now I’m dealing with PTSD, insomnia, anxiety, an explosive temper at times and weaning myself off of every pain pill known to man. I’m better today than I was a year ago that’s for sure, but am no way near where I was in February of 2020.

I can’t help but compare my “then and now” every day. The thing is, then is gone and all I have is now. So now, I’ll do what I can “here and now”…follow me? That’s all any of us can do.

I could make like Led Zeppelin and “Ramble on” (love you Ted Lasso) but I’ll just pipe down for now.

I’m just glad you’re back Obs, glad you’re back too Redz and think the world of you TMO. You’re all an awesome part of my “then” here on the boards and here you are “now”. Ya dig?

How far we’ve come, and how far we have to go. One day at a time

**Obs** · 10-02-2021, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by redz

I’ve been down the rabbit hole myself, toxic relationship and poisoning myself. Thank for those days are long gone. I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been and nearing my all time best physique. Life is crazy but sometimes there’s only one way to go now it motivates me.

I remember you had some serious shit with a couple of chicks one in particular.

**Obs** · 10-02-2021, 10:45 PM

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRTAPm6y/

I seriously thought about making this my business model. It's funny but it's not funny because I think every tree guy on this planet is on drugs.

**AR's King Silabolin** · 10-03-2021, 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by Obs

I thought about posting this in the injuries

I should have never left the gym I should have never let my t it.

U never hit the gym. All u could afford was lifting waterbottles in your livingroom.

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**lovbyts** · 10-03-2021, 06:45 AM

Welcome back and thanks to admin for having an open mind and being understanding.

Its always a good thing to have some self reflection and need to get back on course once in a while. We all have room for improvement, even me.

**charger69** · 10-03-2021, 08:20 AM

It is funny I am reading this today. I just got through reflecting how I am letting the coaches get in my head while officiating football and getting pissed off. When this happens, they are controlling me. I need to control my destiny, not someone else.
In any event, it always seems like I can relate to your experiences.
You have now set your destiny, get in the gym and get it done! No excuses. You know I am going to push you to stay on this path.
Sil has been faithful to you and waiting for your return. LOL
Damn, this post actually got him out of the castle.

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**Obs** · 10-03-2021, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by AR's King Silabolin

U never hit the gym. All u could afford was lifting waterbottles in your livingroom.

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Those were whiskey bottles
https://youtube.com/shorts/h0IwVf6P2y0?feature=share

**Obs** · 10-03-2021, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by charger69

It is funny I am reading this today. I just got through reflecting how I am letting the coaches get in my head while officiating football and getting pissed off. When this happens, they are controlling me. I need to control my destiny, not someone else.
In any event, it always seems like I can relate to your experiences.
You have now set your destiny, get in the gym and get it done! No excuses. You know I am going to push you to stay on this path.
Sil has been faithful to you and waiting for your return. LOL
Damn, this post actually got him out of the castle.

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No charger you need to assert domination on the coaches. Just pretend to be running along the sidelines watching the play and Tackle them.

**charger69** · 10-03-2021, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by Obs

No charger you need to assert domination on the coaches. Just pretend to be running along the sidelines watching the play and Tackle them.

Actually I did accidentally take out a player. I was running down the sidelines after the runner and he was coming back and came out of bounds right in my path. I could not avoid the collision.
I was lucky I saw him so I could put up my hands.

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**charger69** · 10-03-2021, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by Obs

Those were whiskey bottles

Notice the past tense!!!

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**wango** · 10-03-2021, 11:34 AM

Welcome OBS. Man if anyone didn’t experience a meltdown in the past 2 years then they should consider themselves fortunate. We learn and grow & if we can do that, then we are definitely headed in the right direction. The world and the forum is a better place with you around. BTW, Prox says hello.

**Obs** · 10-03-2021, 12:49 PM

Originally Posted by wango

Welcome OBS. Man if anyone didn’t experience a meltdown in the past 2 years then they should consider themselves fortunate. We learn and grow & if we can do that, then we are definitely headed in the right direction. The world and the forum is a better place with you around. BTW, Prox says hello.

Thank you and the feeling is mutual

**Obs** · 10-03-2021, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by charger69

Actually I did accidentally take out a player. I was running down the sidelines after the runner and he was coming back and came out of bounds right in my path. I could not avoid the collision.
I was lucky I saw him so I could put up my hands.

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Are there manslaughter charges or was it considered an act of God?

**charger69** · 10-03-2021, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by Obs

Are there manslaughter charges or was it considered an act of God?

Considered an act of God. Both were Private Christian schools. Drew Breeze’s kids go to Santa Fe Christian. He’s not on the team ( too young)
Santa Fe Christian vs Bishops Christian.

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**SampsonandDelilah** · 10-03-2021, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by charger69

Considered an act of God. Both were Private Christian schools. Drew Breeze’s kids go to Santa Fe Christian. He’s not on the team ( too young)
Santa Fe Christian vs Bishops Christian.

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In Solano Beach?!?! I went to school there in 87 and 88

Crazy. How’s there football team?!

**charger69** · 10-03-2021, 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by SampsonandDelilah

In Solano Beach?!?! I went to school there in 87 and 88

Crazy. How’s there football team?!

They were pretty good. Far from the #1 team in SoCal. They are trying to get Drew Breeze as a Head Coach… so I am told.
We were talking about trying to pick up some of the females and we were told we could only be the Pool boy for these people. We would never be able to afford living in the houses there.
Beautiful place, but expensive. This Christian high school is like $80 k a year.

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**SampsonandDelilah** · 10-03-2021, 04:10 PM

Originally Posted by charger69

They were pretty good. Far from the #1 team in SoCal. They are trying to get Drew Breeze as a Head Coach… so I am told.
We were talking about trying to pick up some of the females and we were told we could only be the Pool boy for these people. We would never be able to afford living in the houses there.
Beautiful place, but expensive. This Christian high school is like $80 k a year.

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Times have changed then…we were far from rich. Lived in a nice house in Del Mar (12th street, not too far from Rustys surf shop). No way it was that much when I was there. It was actually pretty small back then. Solano Beach had all the gangs (I remember Eden Gardens). Oh the 80’s lol

**warchild** · 10-03-2021, 07:26 PM

Originally Posted by SampsonandDelilah

Times have changed then…we were far from rich. Lived in a nice house in Del Mar (12th street, not too far from Rustys surf shop). No way it was that much when I was there. It was actually pretty small back then. Solano Beach had all the gangs (I remember Eden Gardens). Oh the 80’s lol

Fukin crazy I gotta text you!

**SampsonandDelilah** · 10-03-2021, 08:17 PM

Small world brother! Too funny!

I had gone to Earl Warren Junior High before that but the gang activity was so bad back then my mom put me in Santa Fe Christian school. I hated it, didn’t know until now how good I had it.

**Obs** · 10-05-2021, 12:15 AM

So I've got this Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor and he's a really good dude. He used to be extremely rich owned a giant concrete company. He used drugs and alcohol to the point that it caused him to go schizophrenic.

Every single time he answers his phone he says "Jesus loves you every single day with all of his heart"
That's literally how he answers his phone he doesn't say hi he says that.

Anyway he hugs everybody he doesn't shake hands. I found out why is because he sees people that aren't there and he has to make sure you're actually there. I've seen him get a little bit out there one time at an AA meeting because he said there was two people talking at the end of the table and it was rude and there was nobody there and nobody was talking.

It's really amazing to me how someone can be so damn mentally messed up and still have their shit together.

**Test Monsterone** · 10-05-2021, 02:45 AM

Lmfao. That’s awesome. Fuck man. Some of the realest people are out there.

**charger69** · 10-05-2021, 04:33 AM

Originally Posted by Obs

So I've got this Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor and he's a really good dude. He used to be extremely rich owned a giant concrete company. He used drugs and alcohol to the point that it caused him to go schizophrenic.

Every single time he answers his phone he says "Jesus loves you every single day with all of his heart"
That's literally how he answers his phone he doesn't say hi he says that.

Anyway he hugs everybody he doesn't shake hands. I found out why is because he sees people that aren't there and he has to make sure you're actually there. I've seen him get a little bit out there one time at an AA meeting because he said there was two people talking at the end of the table and it was rude and there was nobody there and nobody was talking.

It's really amazing to me how someone can be so damn mentally messed up and still have their shit together.

Let’s just hope he doesn’t see two Obs at the same time. The world is not ready for that yet. LOL

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**< <Samson> >** · 10-05-2021, 08:00 AM

Specially after my intracranial explosion I focus on life balance as much as possible

Money? So - when you never get to enjoy it
Handful of kids? Great - if u work so much that you don’t even get to see em, just support them
Mad swole amazing body - yeah, that’s gonna last

And so on

Enjoying the ride is #1, we all have the same destination - yet, no one wants to reach the finish line

**Kiki** · 10-05-2021, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by < <Samson> >

Enjoying the ride is #1, we all have the same destination - yet, no one wants to reach the finish line

Quotes for truth.

**SampsonandDelilah** · 10-05-2021, 11:02 AM

God bless him, hear stuff like that and think “shit, I don’t have it so bad”.

Roses are red, violets are blue…I’m schizophrenic and so am I

**ReadyOnDeck** · 10-05-2021, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by Obs

I thought about posting this in the injuries and Rehab but I guess the lounge is more suitable.

I have always been very introspective even whenever I was out of it and going way too far. Knowing your own Mental Health and admitting it to yourself versus changing it is two different things.

Nothing I can say will change anyone's mental state but I can tell you what it's like going down the slide into absolute nothing and hitting rock bottom.

I have done things I never thought I would do and it was a long journey to the bottom. Everyone out there has a virtue or a moral code and certain lines they won't cross. If you catch yourself Crossing one line or thinking seriously about it I highly recommend you do whatever you have to do to get away from it.
It really doesn't mean much me saying that because lots of people told me that as I was stumbling.

I should have never left the gym I should have never let my work take control. I should have changed my mindset from being that I could take on the world and that I had it together into accepting that I couldn't be 100% in any place in my life. A good friend told me I would rather be 50% or 70% in every aspect of my life then to try to be one hundred percent in any place. He warned me many times to stop trying to live for my business and that was coming from a multi-millionaire that owns many businesses.

Once my work took me out of the gym it was a very short matter of time until my relationship with my girlfriend was over my business started to decline and I was spent. I just didn't give a damn anymore as I got more and more depressed I got more and more alcohol in me and more drugs in me and I chased more women and buried myself in booze and the wrong kind of pussy until I was totally threadbare.

I would go to work and come home at 10 at night to a woman that was pissed off at me and it made me mad so I just pushed her away that much harder. I didn't have to do that to make ends meet I could have turned some people away or put more on my employees. Once you start giving one thing 100% of your attention everything else will fall apart. Pretty soon you won't be able to give any of your attention to anything and you won't care to.

As you decline you may think that no one is feeling the pain with you but I assure you everyone is feeling your mistakes, every single person around you. I think every single closet alcoholic thinks that they are only hurting themselves.

Finding a balance in life means you are mentally healthy. If you can't balance everything with bodybuilding and lifting then you are not mentally healthy or something has to go/change.

If you catch yourself drinking or using drugs as a form of numbing the pain then you don't have very long. If you drink to cut loose and have a good time once in a while or even get plastered once in awhile or Tie one on it's no big deal. If you drink because your mindset is, "okay Fuck this shit," then you got a big problem.

I used the gym to battle depression and keep myself in check with something that I enjoyed as a release. Thinking that I could make it without it was very stupid of me. I knew better and I had even talked about it on here.

The strongest muscle you have is your mind so you better build it before any of your others.

Take a look at your life and the things that are important to you and ask yourself how you can balance them better and more evenly. This is not coming from a great successful person this is coming from someone who has gone down the slide to the bottom. Once you've gone too far you may not have very long to correct it.

Fucking proper.

**ReadyOnDeck** · 10-05-2021, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by Obs

Fixing a mind once it has gone too far has a long process it doesn't change overnight. Finding peace is the hard part during the day it's not as hard as it is at night in the quiet. I have been knocking myself out with anxiety meds at night lately which is better than booze but I wake up in the morning feeling like absolute shit and unmotivated.

I hope your doing good and I hope you keep it on the straight and narrow. And yes I go too far with damn near everything I do as far as any sort of drug goes. Steroids were healthy for me as far as my mindset went it was everything in my life that brought me down.

I stayed on juice not going to the gym and I sustained very well. Once I came off though that was it

Absolutely truth

**ReadyOnDeck** · 10-05-2021, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by redz

I’ve been down the rabbit hole myself, toxic relationship and poisoning myself. Thank for those days are long gone. I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been and nearing my all time best physique. Life is crazy but sometimes there’s only one way to go now it motivates me.

I'm almost there!!!! Fucking trying. Hard AF. Gotta go through hell just to get to Heaven...

**ReadyOnDeck** · 10-05-2021, 01:15 PM

Originally Posted by AR's King Silabolin

U never hit the gym. All u could afford was lifting waterbottles in your livingroom.

Sent fra min SM-G998B via Tapatalk

Who asked you for the dick head opinion. Clearly youre retarded in the head and/or have the luxury OF ZERO MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES...just piss off this thread.

**ReadyOnDeck** · 10-05-2021, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by Obs

Those were whiskey bottles
https://youtube.com/shorts/h0IwVf6P2y0?feature=share

Dude is a ass fuck. Don't even bother.

**almostgone** · 10-05-2021, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by ReadyOnDeck

Dude is a ass fuck. Don't even bother.

Friendly warning #1.

Ease up on the attitude. They're just giving each other a bit of grief in a fun way. Obs is very capable of taking care of himself if someone is causing him problems.

Remember we're here to cut up and kick back. Just don't take it to an extreme.....as you are doing.

**charger69** · 10-05-2021, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by ReadyOnDeck

Dude is a ass fuck. Don't even bother.

Sil is cool. Sometimes abrasive, but that is just him.

There is a history between Obs and him where they would just throw insults back and forth. It was actually amusing.
I am a little sensitive to having people getting pissed and throwing insults because I have seen good people get kicked off here because it got out of hand . I enjoy hearing different viewpoints. I have made the progress that I have because I listened to all sides.
Let’s all help each other. I assume that we are all here for the same reason. We are all meatheads. LOL

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**ReadyOnDeck** · 10-05-2021, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by almostgone

Friendly warning #1.

Ease up on the attitude. They're just giving each other a bit of grief in a fun way. Obs is very capable of taking care of himself if someone is causing him problems.

Remember we're here to cut up and kick back. Just don't take it to an extreme.....as you are doing.

Copy that. My bad.

Just got a NYC attitude. Everyone’s an asshole.