Deep talk: The dilemma of choosing one girl over many? or man?

[Fiskevatten]

So with a whiskey in my hand I felt I had to write some stuff out and see if I can get any clarity on the issue I am having.
I start a little deep just to give some background as to a possible why, and then cut to the chase.
And don't feel sorry reading this, I am in fact a happy guy these days and very few know about my past.

There is a lot of talk about inequality worldwide and usually it's the men who are as*holes in most of the discussions, but
in my case it has always been different.
Besides family (since that contains a lot of love as well), I was abused by my female teachers in my school (slapped, spanked, pulled hair,
bullied) etc. I was and have been for many years been bullied by men and women, but the women hit harder since I wanted a
relationship. My dads new wife mentally abused me and my sisters for many years, and I was per definition raped
(she did me when I was to drunk to do anything to stop it) as my virginity. I was fired from my all female work since a female
felt threated of me wanting to make improvements for diagnosed kids (group home). From that it has just been one after the other (women)
that has felt the need to show power in all kinds of ways.
Of the 4 exes I have had, 3 has cheated on me with my friends during our relationship, one stayed true.

Reason why I am telling this is that it's important to understand the issue goes both ways (I saw another post here of a woman
harrassing a member at work). I truly do not despise women and I truly do NOT want anyone to ever do that regardless of history,
I strongly believe there are good people and bad people, being an A-hole is not based on gender.
However, we are different.
Please keep it civil as there are wonderful women in the world, and men can be horrible as we all know as well.

Now since I have had these instances happen to me, it has caused scars and made me almost incapable of having a relationship.
When I find "damaged" women I fall in love, but when I find good women I do not.
I also cling to memories which hinders me from moving on fully, and talking or trying physically hasn't helped so far, but I am
trying all that I can.

Right now I have found someone great, but as soon as she leaves I feel I need a new one. However, I don't since I feel I
am cheating on her (but we are not in a relationship), so I am stuck in crossroads inable to have a relationship and inable
to play around.
This affects my personal life as well since I am watching adult more, crave more attention and think more of being with
everyone, but I know inside that it's a "quickfix" and will hurt me so I still hold on.

I am not sure how to formulate my question, but do anyone of you have any similar experiences or advice that can
help me understand that I am at least walking the right path for a quality not quantity life?

[Fluidic Kimbo]

People who are in pain deep down are attracted to people whom they perceive to be in pain deep down. And they become disinterested in people who are happy, it's almost like they feel that happy people aren't 'real' and so they can't connect.

People who are happy deep down get a bad feeling around people who are messed up ... they know to keep a distant and not to get too close.

This is something I have to watch in myself. I was in Germany two months ago and I noticed one girl had old fully-healed scars all over her arms ... she must have been cutting herself daily for a few years, all up her upper arms too. I was drawn to her even though there was a quiet voice in the back of my mind saying, "This isn't the basis for a relationship".


Ultimately we should choose and pursue a partner based on how well we interact in them, how our personalities and behavioural traits are compatible, but of course there are other pluses that draw us in. I mean if I see a girl run 5k in less than 20mins then she'll have more of my attention than her identical twin who came in at 27 minutes. Unless the 27-minute twin watches serial-killer documentaries or wants to go to a comic con in Japan .

When I find "damaged" women I fall in love, but when I find good women I do not.

Some people are all for using their conscious mind to solve their emotional and psychological maladies, they read self-help books and talk to therapists. Personally though I always stop myself from analysing and trying to solve my emotional problems -- I don't let myself think about those things. I let my unconscious mind handle all that shit, primarily through meditation.

And so if I were you I would not get a pen and paper out and start writing my thesis about why I'm attracted to train wrecks and dislike trains that come on time. I'm not saying that you definitely won't have success in doing what I wouldn't do, but I certainly wouldn't go down that road, as overthinking leads to self-consciousness and paranoia, then you start scratching your arms and grinding your teeth.

Whatever it is deep down in the depths of your soul that spurs your attraction toward pain, well the best way to treat it is to focus on other things to make yourself a more well-rounded person. This could mean starting yoga, or joining a Bible study, or going paragliding or scubadiving, or giving up whiskey, or taking up photography, whatever can keep your keen interest. And don't forget sport too, the likes of airsoft and shooting clay pigeons are therapies unto themselves.

I've spent a fair amount of my time in places of worship, and I lived in a temple on an island for a month. One thing I think I've learned is that the mind doesn't like to be forced.

If you try to make a nicer life for yourself and seek inner peace then it will naturally rattle those impurities deeper down, and your interests and attractions and repulsions will change.

[XnavyHMCS]

Ugh...

Troll much...???

Gents, it's gotta be a SLOW day @ the forum for this shit to come up...??? Or, is this a 2nd FK account...???

*** DELETED THAT, IN AN EFFORT TO NOT GET BANNED ***

By the way, just a bit of humor...

I had a bit of difficulty following along the "byway" of your post... Although, I have watched numerous pornos about being "raped by the step mom... Guess I am just jealous...

Wish you the best bro...

Also, I am down with the numerous marriages thing... I am the king of failed marriages...

[Swilderbeast]

Firstly do you mind telling me how old you are? No real reason I guess just curiosity on my part.

As for your history with women there’s not much I can say other than it sounds like you’ve just run across a lot of bad apples. Makes me wonder where are you meeting these women? Might be a part of the issue, maybe, I don’t know just speculating. I promise you they aren’t all that way. For advice going forward I’d say you need to start volunteering somewhere locally. First off it’ll give you a sense of fulfillment and hopefully get you around woman who are natural caregivers, generally those types will spend their time giving back. Maybe change your outlook on women.

As for the relationship or non relationship you are in I can say you’re not alone in that regards. I myself am in sort of close to the same thing. (Y’all are about to see a basket full of red flags here lol) the girl I’m with is still married and still living in the house with her husband. They live in separate rooms and she spends most of her weekend evenings in to early mornings at my apartment. I’ve been very upfront with her from the beginning, she says she wants out of that married and home but not necessarily ready to jump right in to the next relationship. I’ve stated I’m ready to start building a life with someone and growing together so if that’s not something she’s in to then we need to split. We continue forward both walking this line of give and take, I play it day by day but I do have a timeline of when I will cut it off completely if I don’t see progress. But that’s the way I view it, not sure if that helps. For me it’s being completely open and honest of what I want but still having my “out” or timeline of when to say “nope, I gave it my best and it’s not going the direction I need it too” but that’s me I won’t live in “hope”

[Fiskevatten]

People who are in pain deep down are attracted to people whom they perceive to be in pain deep down. And they become disinterested in people who are happy, it's almost like they feel that happy people aren't 'real' and so they can't connect.

People who are happy deep down get a bad feeling around people who are messed up ... they know to keep a distant and not to get too close.

This is something I have to watch in myself. I was in Germany two months ago and I noticed one girl had old fully-healed scars all over her arms ... she must have been cutting herself daily for a few years, all up her upper arms too. I was drawn to her even though there was a quiet voice in the back of my mind saying, "This isn't the basis for a relationship".


Ultimately we should choose and pursue a partner based on how well we interact in them, how our personalities and behavioural traits are compatible, but of course there are other pluses that draw us in. I mean if I see a girl run 5k in less than 20mins then she'll have more of my attention than her identical twin who came in at 27 minutes. Unless the 27-minute twin watches serial-killer documentaries or wants to go to a comic con in Japan .



Some people are all for using their conscious mind to solve their emotional and psychological maladies, they read self-help books and talk to therapists. Personally though I always stop myself from analysing and trying to solve my emotional problems -- I don't let myself think about those things. I let my unconscious mind handle all that shit, primarily through meditation.

And so if I were you I would not get a pen and paper out and start writing my thesis about why I'm attracted to train wrecks and dislike trains that come on time. I'm not saying that you definitely won't have success in doing what I wouldn't do, but I certainly wouldn't go down that road, as overthinking leads to self-consciousness and paranoia, then you start scratching your arms and grinding your teeth.

Whatever it is deep down in the depths of your soul that spurs your attraction toward pain, well the best way to treat it is to focus on other things to make yourself a more well-rounded person. This could mean starting yoga, or joining a Bible study, or going paragliding or scubadiving, or giving up whiskey, or taking up photography, whatever can keep your keen interest. And don't forget sport too, the likes of airsoft and shooting clay pigeons are therapies unto themselves.

I've spent a fair amount of my time in places of worship, and I lived in a temple on an island for a month. One thing I think I've learned is that the mind doesn't like to be forced.

If you try to make a nicer life for yourself and seek inner peace then it will naturally rattle those impurities deeper down, and your interests and attractions and repulsions will change.

This "as overthinking leads to self-consciousness and paranoia, then you start scratching your arms and grinding your teeth." is spot on to my history. I became a very analytic person learning and listening to pain
from myself and others. This in turn made me first find fault in every girl at a younger age to give myself a reason to not go for it, and then it turned to building scenarios in the most crazy way. I could
get a look from a random person and it turned out to a gang war in Manhattan 2 minutes later in my mind, was ridiculous.
Luckily I managed to work on that together with removing myself from people who leech and stay close to people who share.

On the question of my age I am 34 now, so I do myself believe that I have time, but in the same time I want a family and these 50 50 (inability to make decisions) is taking over. It's old wounds that
refuses to heal. In this case I don't feel pain, just no ability to wholeheartedly open up and let someone in of the opposite gender. Volunteering is something I do and love. I find a lot of quality in life
itself, it's just my love life that is taking a turn and while I can ignore it and let time do it's thing, I feel that it's what my mind is focusing on 90% of the day.

Honesty is truly a great path, right now I just have the issue deciding what to do with the girl in that honesty. I told her day one that I am not ready and that my heart is closed, but I want to try.
She wants a relationship and just wait for the words, which in turn pushes me and hurt her of course.

I really do appreciate the sharing guys! I had a rant evening and no one to really talk to, so it felt good just emptying the mind a little.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

About 10 - 15 years ago I had to take a break from Thai boxing for a year because my left knee was tweaking. I don't know if was a tendon problem or a ligament problem or whatever, but I was out of training for about a year.

My knee only began to get better when I got into weightlifting and did squats and built up the muscle around the joint (my first cycle of Sustanon certainly helped). I'd say 9 out of 10 joint problems can be solved by just building up the muscle around the joint.

The human mind is similar. If you have a weak point, well you can focus on trying to fix that weak point. An alternative strategy though is to focus on all the surroundings. Loads of people have overcome a past trauma -- not by focusing on the trauma itself -- but by trying to improve all the other things and make themselves a more well-rounded person. This could mean taking up a new musical instrument, or a new sport, or a new religion. Meditation seems to work for a lot of people, or chanting. Or Bible study.

Obviously some people do get better by focusing on the problem itself; I mean that strategy doesn't always fail. But you won't find me ever focus on an emotional problem, I wouldn't run the risk of going into analysis-overload and ending up insomniac and paranoid. Instead I'll write poetry, learn to play the harp, go paragliding... enjoy my life.

Not to sound like a choir boy here, but fornication isn't a fantastic way of life. It causes too much bullshit. I'd rather go without for a while and then put effort into keeping the right person.

[JaneDoe]

Feminism shit destroyed modern day women, unfortunately you won't find more conservative women like your mother from the "" 70's!


I know what you're talking about, there is a completely new world "it's called the modern world of feminism and gynocentrism".

In this new world, Western men prostrated themselves before their vaginas, lost masculinity and freedom of expression for fear of being called "macho oppressor".


These women today use their sensuality for a better social position in the job market, harassing men without consent. Because without a guy saying something he's gay in the opinion of other guy!

Well the advice I give you is just fuck these women, eat them then ditch them! These days you don't even find a virgin and holy girl of God. Forget about this idea of ​​a long-term relationship. Today's women are not the same as in the past, society has changed

[Swilderbeast]

Feminism shit destroyed modern day women, unfortunately you won't find more conservative women like your mother from the "" 70's!


I know what you're talking about, there is a completely new world "it's called the modern world of feminism and gynocentrism".

In this new world, Western men prostrated themselves before their vaginas, lost masculinity and freedom of expression for fear of being called "macho oppressor".


These women today use their sensuality for a better social position in the job market, harassing men without consent. Because without a guy saying something he's gay in the opinion of other guy!

Well the advice I give you is just fuck these women, eat them then ditch them! These days you don't even find a virgin and holy girl of God. Forget about this idea of ​​a long-term relationship. Today's women are not the same as in the past, society has changed

I respectfully have to take the opposite view point of this here. Why does a woman have to be considered conservative or a woman of god to be seen as a potential partner? Talking from my own experience (and I’m assuming the vast majority of men) I could very well be considered a “male whore” from my mid teens up until my early 30s. I slept with almost every woman I met, I lost count at some point in my 20s and really could care less the number. In my defense I was always very upfront and clear what my intentions were. Never leading someone on to believe I wanted anything more. That being said I’ve met woman who have stopped me in my tracks and I thought of no other woman while we date. I’m big on monogamy in a relationship but when not in one I’m out to fuck no bones about it lol. I guess my questions are why do we expect woman to not have the same life styles? Why should they not use what god gave them to get what they want? It’s human nature to use what god gave you to better yourself in society.

[Test Monsterone]

Don't know, I could never be with a woman who had a lot of partners, because I didn't have a lot of partners. I had girlfriends. If a woman has had a lot of partners, that just tells me she's unstable, easy, low-value, etc. I don't want to be with a woman who I think anyone could get, or that if I take her out she could easily fuck anyone at the place... wtf would that be?

[Test Monsterone]

Fisk, if you do choose a man, at least you'll know she'll never cheat on you.

[Swilderbeast]

Don't know, I could never be with a woman who had a lot of partners, because I didn't have a lot of partners. I had girlfriends. If a woman has had a lot of partners, that just tells me she's unstable, easy, low-value, etc. I don't want to be with a woman who I think anyone could get, or that if I take her out she could easily fuck anyone at the place... wtf would that be?

That’s a personal choice and I don’t judge based on that being a requirement for you to date. I guess my question is I don’t see how one can say because someone has had sex with multiple people while not exclusive with someone, that they would inherently be predisposed to cheat once in a committed relationship. I think that is connecting dots that don’t necessarily have any relation to each other. One would in essence be judging level of commitment based on a time in their life they are not in a commitment.

[JaneDoe]

Men and women are the same, both can have many partners:


Reality,


women get pregnant and we men don't.

[Test Monsterone]

That’s a personal choice and I don’t judge based on that being a requirement for you to date. I guess my question is I don’t see how one can say because someone has had sex with multiple people while not exclusive with someone, that they would inherently be predisposed to cheat once in a committed relationship. I think that is connecting dots that don’t necessarily have any relation to each other. One would in essence be judging level of commitment based on a time in their life they are not in a commitment.

Inertia. An object moving in a given direction has the tendency to keep moving in that direction (that’s what I remember from school anyhow). If you are used to a certain lifestyle it will be hard to change trajectory. Men and women are not the same. Women are more selective with their partners because they produce 1 egg per month, can get pregnant, and they must choose wisely to ensure the survival of their offspring. Evolution. Men have a drive to impregnate multiple women in order to ensure the passing of their genes to offspring. Women enjoy sex, but most women settle with one man once they find one they desire, whereas men would still fuck other, even less attractive females, if there were no consequences. If a woman behaves like a man and has indiscriminate sex and doesn’t choose a partner for long-term commitment, that’s a red flag for most men. My mom wasn’t like that. My grandmothers weren’t like that. None of the women in my family were like that, therefore I don’t want that.

[Swilderbeast]

Inertia. An object moving in a given direction has the tendency to keep moving in that direction (that’s what I remember from school anyhow). If you are used to a certain lifestyle it will be hard to change trajectory. Men and women are not the same. Women are more selective with their partners because they produce 1 egg per month, can get pregnant, and they must choose wisely to ensure the survival of their offspring. Evolution. Men have a drive to impregnate multiple women in order to ensure the passing of their genes to offspring. Women enjoy sex, but most women settle with one man once they find one they desire, whereas men would still fuck other, even less attractive females, if there were no consequences. If a woman behaves like a man and has indiscriminate sex and doesn’t choose a partner for long-term commitment, that’s a red flag for most men. My mom wasn’t like that. My grandmothers weren’t like that. None of the women in my family were like that, therefore I don’t want that.

I like the analogy with inertia I get what you are saying but inertia does not apply to human decision making abilities. So I argue that you are making too broad of a statement regarding all women or even men in this case with that analogy.

As for boiling down men and womens desires for sexual gratification to evolutionary principals completely disregards “choice”. Women can have sex because it feels good and because they enjoy it. To say a woman only has sex to reproduce then why have sex once they’ve chosen to stop having kids? If a woman has her tubes tied does she stop desiring sex? Or after a hysterectomy? No absolutely not.

I don’t disagree most men would find that to be a red flag. I personally believe that’s more based on ego than rational thinking. It’s fair to question if someone would stay true in a monogamous relationship but whether someone has a lot of partners or not is not a predisposition to how likely they are to cheat. Imagine you flip a coin 100 times and it lands in heads 100 times, the next time you flip that coin your chances of it landing on tails is still 50%. I say that to say this, you should give someone the chance to prove themselves and not judge a book by it’s cover.

[Swilderbeast]

Men and women are the same, both can have many partners:


Reality,


women get pregnant and we men don't.

I’m not entirely sure how this is a debatable argument?

Getting pregnant generally increases a woman’s libido. If you are saying once they have a kid it’ll slow down their sex drive is like saying child support will slow down a guys sex drive.

[Honkey_Kong]

Don't know, I could never be with a woman who had a lot of partners, because I didn't have a lot of partners. I had girlfriends. If a woman has had a lot of partners, that just tells me she's unstable, easy, low-value, etc. I don't want to be with a woman who I think anyone could get, or that if I take her out she could easily fuck anyone at the place... wtf would that be?

Nobody wants to boldly go where everybody else has already gone before. Really, I think a loose bitch is just as bad as a "male-ho." Society creates this double standard, but that doesn't mean it's right. It just means that society's values are all fucked up.

[Iranon]

Feminism shit destroyed modern day women, unfortunately you won't find more conservative women like your mother from the "" 70's!


I know what you're talking about, there is a completely new world "it's called the modern world of feminism and gynocentrism".

In this new world, Western men prostrated themselves before their vaginas, lost masculinity and freedom of expression for fear of being called "macho oppressor".


These women today use their sensuality for a better social position in the job market, harassing men without consent. Because without a guy saying something he's gay in the opinion of other guy!

Well the advice I give you is just fuck these women, eat them then ditch them! These days you don't even find a virgin and holy girl of God. Forget about this idea of ​​a long-term relationship. Today's women are not the same as in the past, society has changed

Great points and advice.

[JaneDoe]

I’m not entirely sure how this is a debatable argument?

Getting pregnant generally increases a woman’s libido. If you are saying once they have a kid it’ll slow down their sex drive is like saying child support will slow down a guys sex drive.

I did not say that! What I mean is that only guys who haven't had a good masculine character defined by a father will accept to take on another guy's kids! This is crazy to me, apart from the fact that the guy who gets into this can be forced to pay a social-affective pension, where you are obliged to pay alimony because, according to the law, the child created an affective bond with you !

We only fuck single mothers, nothing else!

[JaneDoe]

I would definitely go to court with all my resources if I happened to have a child and separate myself from the mother, to have custody of the child unilaterally 100% of the custody! This alimony clowning is a joke, because the woman spread her legs! So the responsibility is also the woman's! In my opinion, alimony should be as the name says "food" only food for the support of the children!

[Swilderbeast]

I did not say that! What I mean is that only guys who haven't had a good masculine character defined by a father will accept to take on another guy's kids! This is crazy to me, apart from the fact that the guy who gets into this can be forced to pay a social-affective pension, where you are obliged to pay alimony because, according to the law, the child created an affective bond with you !

We only fuck single mothers, nothing else!

I whole heartedly disagree but I do want to thank you for taking the time to engage with me

[Test Monsterone]

I like the analogy with inertia I get what you are saying but inertia does not apply to human decision making abilities. So I argue that you are making too broad of a statement regarding all women or even men in this case with that analogy.

As for boiling down men and womens desires for sexual gratification to evolutionary principals completely disregards “choice”. Women can have sex because it feels good and because they enjoy it. To say a woman only has sex to reproduce then why have sex once they’ve chosen to stop having kids? If a woman has her tubes tied does she stop desiring sex? Or after a hysterectomy? No absolutely not.

I don’t disagree most men would find that to be a red flag. I personally believe that’s more based on ego than rational thinking. It’s fair to question if someone would stay true in a monogamous relationship but whether someone has a lot of partners or not is not a predisposition to how likely they are to cheat. Imagine you flip a coin 100 times and it lands in heads 100 times, the next time you flip that coin your chances of it landing on tails is still 50%. I say that to say this, you should give someone the chance to prove themselves and not judge a book by it’s cover.

Sure, there is choice. Would you not agree that most human behavior is driven by survival mechanisms developed through evolution? Is love not an emotion developed to bond a couple in order to ensure survival of offspring?

Why would a woman stop having kids after she has had one? Wouldn’t evolution dictate that the more offspring are produced, the higher the chances of one of those offspring surviving to sexual maturity? Tying of tubes did not exist during our evolution, so I’m not sure what you mean with that. Sexuality is an instinct, an incentive to procreate for the survival of our species; but so is monogamy, love, etc. Did you know that once children are born, prolactin is said to increase in fathers, which makes them more likely to stay and home and help take care of the kids?

So when it comes to choice, it is always going to be tied to sexual evolution in some way. For most women, those who engage in frequent sex with multiple partners often have a history of sexual trauma, lack of a strong father figure in their early development, etc. I’m 35 and have met some promiscuous women in my life and have not met one who did not exhibit some other issues or who was a balanced and mentally healthy person. I’m sure they exist, I just haven’t met one.

[Swilderbeast]

Sure, there is choice. Would you not agree that most human behavior is driven by survival mechanisms developed through evolution? Is love not an emotion developed to bond a couple in order to ensure survival of offspring?

Why would a woman stop having kids after she has had one? Wouldn’t evolution dictate that the more offspring are produced, the higher the chances of one of those offspring surviving to sexual maturity? Tying of tubes did not exist during our evolution, so I’m not sure what you mean with that. Sexuality is an instinct, an incentive to procreate for the survival of our species; but so is monogamy, love, etc. Did you know that once children are born, prolactin is said to increase in fathers, which makes them more likely to stay and home and help take care of the kids?

So when it comes to choice, it is always going to be tied to sexual evolution in some way. For most women, those who engage in frequent sex with multiple partners often have a history of sexual trauma, lack of a strong father figure in their early development, etc. I’m 35 and have met some promiscuous women in my life and have not met one who did not exhibit some other issues or who was a balanced and mentally healthy person. I’m sure they exist, I just haven’t met one.

Do I believe human nature is derived from evolution?
Yes and No
Yes - in terms of fight or flight responses, a quick flash in the corner of your eye sets your mind to react, etc
No - I believe our declining population (I’m speaking in terms of people living in our country not counting immigration. When 2 people get together and have 1-2 children our population is not gaining) goes to show social pressures, economic pressures and new norms can drastically change what could be considered basic evolutionary learned traits.

Is love an emotion?
No - love is a principal not an emotion. A look at recent psychology studies will back this up. Love is something our society has developed in to a norm. Love is a choice, a choice to get up everyday and dedicate your life to that person you choose to spend your life with and to not do anything that would harm what you 2 have built. Your own words in a previous posts says “men are predisposed to spread their seed indiscriminately while woman choose selectively who impregnates them due to evolution” how can this statement and “love” exist in an evolutionary viewpoint?

Kids surviving to sexual maturity?
No - with the advancement of modern medicine this is not a norm in our society anymore. The chances of a birth not making it to sexual maturity is almost zero. This is why you don’t see woman having 5.6.7.8 kids anymore. This shows how societal changes can effect evolutionary traits. I don’t disagree that there was a time that was true but not anymore.

Tube tying - I was referencing this comment of yours “ Women are more selective with their partners because they produce 1 egg per month, can get pregnant, and they must choose wisely to ensure the survival of their offspring.” if this is why women have sex then why would a woman have sex following having their tubes tied?

And I disagree with nothing in your final paragraph. But still stand by my outlook “I’d rather someone prove me wrong, then judge them based on actions taken when they weren’t in a position to be”

[Test Monsterone]

Do I believe human nature is derived from evolution?
Yes and No
Yes - in terms of fight or flight responses, a quick flash in the corner of your eye sets your mind to react, etc
No - I believe our declining population (I’m speaking in terms of people living in our country not counting immigration. When 2 people get together and have 1-2 children our population is not gaining) goes to show social pressures, economic pressures and new norms can drastically change what could be considered basic evolutionary learned traits.

Again, you're using modern advancements in science and technology (condoms, birth control, knowledge about reproduction, etc.) to counter my statements that are simply saying that human sexual behavior is determined by evolution. Making a conscious decision to get on birth control, use a condom, get an abortion, pull out, or simply not engage in sexual behavior is a choice (as you say), but that doesn't negate the innate instinct to procreate. The reason we have libido is purely for procreation, from an evolutionary standpoint. The fact that we have a developed cortex that allows us to hack that biological mechanism for purposes of pleasure is a different topic.


Is love an emotion?
No - love is a principal not an emotion. A look at recent psychology studies will back this up. Love is something our society has developed in to a norm. Love is a choice, a choice to get up everyday and dedicate your life to that person you choose to spend your life with and to not do anything that would harm what you 2 have built. Your own words in a previous posts says “men are predisposed to spread their seed indiscriminately while woman choose selectively who impregnates them due to evolution” how can this statement and “love” exist in an evolutionary viewpoint?

This depends on how you define love. If you look at it as the butterfly feelings, the feelings of longing, adoration, missing someone... these are all emotions. Love has been studied and has been proven to be a series of chemical reactions, much like addiction. The changes in neurotransmitters in our brains lead to feelings/emotions/and love. The way you defined love is, as you say, a conscious choice, but this isn't how society views love or the way science views love. To explain my statement, have you ever heard of the "honeymoon" stage? This is usually a period of 6 months to 2 years when a couple are in the infancy of their relationship. In ancient times, this would be the time when the woman became pregnant, and the chemical reaction of love would serve to foster a co-parenting of the child to ensure it's survival. Once the child is born, the innate love (not a choice) is partially transferred to the newborn, where the parents instinctually feel the need to protect and care for the baby. This isn't a choice. Maybe a few people don't have these instincts, but these people are not the norm and if the world were like them, our species would cease to exist.


Kids surviving to sexual maturity?
No - with the advancement of modern medicine this is not a norm in our society anymore. The chances of a birth not making it to sexual maturity is almost zero. This is why you don’t see woman having 5.6.7.8 kids anymore. This shows how societal changes can effect evolutionary traits. I don’t disagree that there was a time that was true but not anymore.

"This shows how societal changes can effect evolutionary traits." No, societal changes do not affect evolutionary traits, they affect human behavior. You cannot change evolutionary traits, you are using the term incorrectly.

Tube tying - I was referencing this comment of yours “ Women are more selective with their partners because they produce 1 egg per month, can get pregnant, and they must choose wisely to ensure the survival of their offspring.” if this is why women have sex then why would a woman have sex following having their tubes tied?

Again, having the tubes tied is a modern advancement in medicine. This has nothing to do with evolution. This is a choice some women make. It doesn't negate evolution or the instincts we have evolved. There were no thousands/millions of years of women getting their tubes tied to lead to a decrease in sexual desire following the tying of the tubes... this is a very recent advancement. You can't use a recent advancement to explain why women continue engaging in sex after getting their tubes tied, taking birth control, etc.

Again, humans have sexual desires because it leads to procreation. A woman continues to have sex after the birth of the first child because children often died of diseases early on and only a few offspring survived (true of every animal species). A man and woman bond during the honeymoon stage of a relationship because it ensures the safety of the woman and offspring. That is what we call "love." Bonding may or may not continue after this stage (choice). Historically, in hierarchical societies (which they all were) not all men got to procreate, so the instinct of men to procreate when given the opportunity is, again, evolutionary. The evolutionary instinct of women was to pick a stable mate who would care for and provide for the woman and child. Men, and males of most species, do not normally care for offspring that are not their own. In order to keep a male to care for her and the offspring, a female must show some level of loyalty to him in order for him to stay (this is why female promiscuity is not normal). The fact that in modern times people go to bars and pick up drunk girls that are enamored with false ideals of masculinity and attraction, is an aberration from evolutionary norms. This is a phase some people go through, but is not evolutionary or conducive to the progression of society. Just because you did it doesn't mean it's the norm or that the laws of human attraction and procreation don't exist. It is a hack on those laws for selfish pleasure-seeking and ego feeding.

And I disagree with nothing in your final paragraph. But still stand by my outlook “I’d rather someone prove me wrong, then judge them based on actions taken when they weren’t in a position to be”

Nobody seeks to prove you wrong. Everyone is different. You chose to live the life you wanted for those reasons. We are talking about society and human nature as it relates to evolution, not your particular life decisions.

[Swilderbeast]

Do I believe human nature is derived from evolution?
Yes and No
Yes - in terms of fight or flight responses, a quick flash in the corner of your eye sets your mind to react, etc
No - I believe our declining population (I’m speaking in terms of people living in our country not counting immigration. When 2 people get together and have 1-2 children our population is not gaining) goes to show social pressures, economic pressures and new norms can drastically change what could be considered basic evolutionary learned traits.

Again, you're using modern advancements in science and technology (condoms, birth control, knowledge about reproduction, etc.) to counter my statements that are simply saying that human sexual behavior is determined by evolution. Making a conscious decision to get on birth control, use a condom, get an abortion, pull out, or simply not engage in sexual behavior is a choice (as you say), but that doesn't negate the innate instinct to procreate. The reason we have libido is purely for procreation, from an evolutionary standpoint. The fact that we have a developed cortex that allows us to hack that biological mechanism for purposes of pleasure is a different topic.


Is love an emotion?
No - love is a principal not an emotion. A look at recent psychology studies will back this up. Love is something our society has developed in to a norm. Love is a choice, a choice to get up everyday and dedicate your life to that person you choose to spend your life with and to not do anything that would harm what you 2 have built. Your own words in a previous posts says “men are predisposed to spread their seed indiscriminately while woman choose selectively who impregnates them due to evolution” how can this statement and “love” exist in an evolutionary viewpoint?

This depends on how you define love. If you look at it as the butterfly feelings, the feelings of longing, adoration, missing someone... these are all emotions. Love has been studied and has been proven to be a series of chemical reactions, much like addiction. The changes in neurotransmitters in our brains lead to feelings/emotions/and love. The way you defined love is, as you say, a conscious choice, but this isn't how society views love or the way science views love. To explain my statement, have you ever heard of the "honeymoon" stage? This is usually a period of 6 months to 2 years when a couple are in the infancy of their relationship. In ancient times, this would be the time when the woman became pregnant, and the chemical reaction of love would serve to foster a co-parenting of the child to ensure it's survival. Once the child is born, the innate love (not a choice) is partially transferred to the newborn, where the parents instinctually feel the need to protect and care for the baby. This isn't a choice. Maybe a few people don't have these instincts, but these people are not the norm and if the world were like them, our species would cease to exist.


Kids surviving to sexual maturity?
No - with the advancement of modern medicine this is not a norm in our society anymore. The chances of a birth not making it to sexual maturity is almost zero. This is why you don’t see woman having 5.6.7.8 kids anymore. This shows how societal changes can effect evolutionary traits. I don’t disagree that there was a time that was true but not anymore.

"This shows how societal changes can effect evolutionary traits." No, societal changes do not affect evolutionary traits, they affect human behavior. You cannot change evolutionary traits, you are using the term incorrectly.

Tube tying - I was referencing this comment of yours “ Women are more selective with their partners because they produce 1 egg per month, can get pregnant, and they must choose wisely to ensure the survival of their offspring.” if this is why women have sex then why would a woman have sex following having their tubes tied?

Again, having the tubes tied is a modern advancement in medicine. This has nothing to do with evolution. This is a choice some women make. It doesn't negate evolution or the instincts we have evolved. There were no thousands/millions of years of women getting their tubes tied to lead to a decrease in sexual desire following the tying of the tubes... this is a very recent advancement. You can't use a recent advancement to explain why women continue engaging in sex after getting their tubes tied, taking birth control, etc.

Again, humans have sexual desires because it leads to procreation. A woman continues to have sex after the birth of the first child because children often died of diseases early on and only a few offspring survived (true of every animal species). A man and woman bond during the honeymoon stage of a relationship because it ensures the safety of the woman and offspring. That is what we call "love." Bonding may or may not continue after this stage (choice). Historically, in hierarchical societies (which they all were) not all men got to procreate, so the instinct of men to procreate when given the opportunity is, again, evolutionary. The evolutionary instinct of women was to pick a stable mate who would care for and provide for the woman and child. Men, and males of most species, do not normally care for offspring that are not their own. In order to keep a male to care for her and the offspring, a female must show some level of loyalty to him in order for him to stay (this is why female promiscuity is not normal). The fact that in modern times people go to bars and pick up drunk girls that are enamored with false ideals of masculinity and attraction, is an aberration from evolutionary norms. This is a phase some people go through, but is not evolutionary or conducive to the progression of society. Just because you did it doesn't mean it's the norm or that the laws of human attraction and procreation don't exist. It is a hack on those laws for selfish pleasure-seeking and ego feeding.

And I disagree with nothing in your final paragraph. But still stand by my outlook “I’d rather someone prove me wrong, then judge them based on actions taken when they weren’t in a position to be”

Nobody seeks to prove you wrong. Everyone is different. You chose to live the life you wanted for those reasons. We are talking about society and human nature as it relates to evolution, not your particular life decisions.

I don’t disagree with the majority of what you’re saying. I believe we’ve hit a point where we’re splitting hairs, yes there are evolutionary traits but they are overcome by the change in environments and what can be done today. I’m not arguing there was a time and place when everything you say WAS TRUE. In todays society and in todays world IMO it is not.

You are probably correct about me using terminologies wrong. I’ve never claimed to be the smartest person around, hell I graduated high school by the skin of my teeth. But that does not mean I don’t have the wherewithal to see a duck and say “hey that’s a duck”. Somethings are just evidently clear. As for the entire debate we’ve shifted from the main topic which was choosing one girl over many. To which my whole point is one can not be judged based on decisions they made when not in a committed relationship.

[JaneDoe]

As much as you don't agree with me I wish you good luck with women!

[JaneDoe]

Maybe somewhere in this world there's a girl that's right for all of us, I haven't found her yet, let's live!

[Swilderbeast]

Maybe somewhere in this world there's a girl that's right for all of us, I haven't found her yet, let's live!

There’s 7.8 Billion people in the world, the odds should be in good favor………or at least I hope so for my own sake lol

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Maybe somewhere in this world there's a girl that's right for all of us, I haven't found her yet, let's live!

I've heard great things about homosexuality as a way of life.

[JaneDoe]

I've heard great things about homosexuality as a way of life.

Do you have any hatred towards gays? I'm not gay but I respect them.

[JaneDoe]

I've heard great things about homosexuality as a way of life.

Are you thinking about becoming a homosexual? That's right? I always knew you work your ass! Kkk

[JaneDoe]

I remember reading you here on the forum that you were after 2 tall Germans and a Pole when you stayed in a hotel in Germany! haha.

Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kjkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

[Honkey_Kong]

Are you thinking about becoming a homosexual? That's right? I always knew you work your ass! Kkk

He's given up on trying to find a willing woman.

[JaneDoe]

He's given up on trying to find a willing woman.

Yes now he will only get hairy men! Lmao